Arpita - at the end of the cliff (for 18+)

** tagging this as 18+ comment -- not because it is risque but because it covers some serious themes. 

so I was waiting to comment till I watch yesterday's episode even though I had thoughts as I wanted to watch for myself before I react. unlike many I actually enjoyed it!! I do think that if they had written it over several episodes and added more layers, it would have been more impactful but I still was moved. yes, people I am in the minority who liked the finale of arpita - sundar arc!!! 

Arpita getting flustered and thinking of taking the extreme step is understandable -- it happened because of aunty blue's taunts and it wasn't a single event but rather a series of taunts that has led her to this step. while some may think what is the big deal about a taunt, we all have our lows. when we are down and vulnerable, words have just as much power to punch and cause scars as physical blows. 🤕😭🥀

there is a reason why the government issues psych advice whenever board exams arrive -- what is the top advice? be kind to your children and be careful with your words. speaking encouraging words is the government advice. why? because of pressure and worry of faiture and dissapointment, many children think of taking the extreme step. they are afraid to come home. they are afraid that their parents will reject them because they didn't do well. they are not confident in themselves. 

every year, there are children that run away from home at this time because they are afraid. one of my aunts is a teacher and she shared that in the first year of teaching, a child run away from her school. he was in 9th standard and doing average to poor. when the teacher told him to get the signature on the report card, he left school and didn't go home. my aunt retires this year and this child was neither found and nor has he returned home. after he went missing, the parents felt bad for pressuring him and taunting him over his poor marks. but it was too little, too late. words have the power to drive our loved ones way. 😢

lest you think that this is just children, lets look at the statistics involving suicide -- there were more people who died from suicide in 2020 than from covid. yes, that is the official stats from the national crime bureau. we all know that many suicides are covered up by the family and so, the number is likely more. 

what are some of the reasons? financial debt, exam pressure, love failure, relationship problems. I watched a news programme about this and the experts revealed that unlike the west where suicide happens more because of mental illness, in our part of the world, it happens more because of situations. this means it is far more impulsive and emotional driven. it is a moment of weakness where one feels completely worthless, defeated and useless. 

for me, the most shocking part of the statistics is that we have a huge number of housewives take their lives and no one knows why. 🤯 we don't have research to understand why young women are taking their life. is it in-laws problems? is it problem with abusive husband? are they just unhappy stuck at home? what is going on? we don't know. 😧 

so, lets not dismiss taunts as just taunts. maybe these families are not being physically abusive but words over a period of time can also cause someone to break down. while I agree that we can't be fake and it is unrealistic to expect people to be politically correct, we also need to be aware that when we are vulnerable and down, words can hurt us. and it can happen to any of us. we can't be strong all the time right? if we are continiously told that we are worthless, won't we start believing it and feeling that we are? as women, we are told in so many ways that we are burden to the family and we are worthless -- is that not a problem? 

now on to the drama itself -- I actually did like the scenes and I understood what was going on. one thing that has always bothered me about aunty blue's taunts is the silence from narmada and aryan. because narmada gives too much respect to the whole elder dynamic, she doesn't challenge or say that aunty blue's words are baseless. by keeping quiet, they make those words true. if they had taken arpita aside and told her to ignore those useless words, it would have made a difference. by assuming that arpita was fine, they didn't realize that aunty blue was amputating her spirit one blow at a time. they should have put a stop to aunty blue's continued taunts from the start that arpita being a widow is a jinx. 

now you might think why would arpita react so negatively to aryan's defense -- well what is he talking about is the old arpita. the current arpita is a shadow of her former self and by talking about the old arpita, he reminds her in a painful way on how much she has lost. it is difficult to understand that pain unless you have a past and present that is so different. it can be financial losses, relationship problems or maybe just a break in career. if you have faced a situation of  being nowhere where you thought you will be, you will know the pain -- it is heartbreaking, embarassing and humiliating. you will be able to understand why arpita runs on hearing him praise her -- she is no longer that person and the person she is now feels utterly defeated, uselss and lost. she is without purpose and feels a lack of connect. 

look at what she says:

"I am the eldest but I have become a burden.....

everyone is fighting but I can't fight for myself....

aryan and imlie are fighting because of me....

I am not able to understand myself...."

her mind is all over the place and she is not able to have control over emotions or have clear thoughts. she feels that she is a burden and she doesn't contribute anything to the family or to the world. she is frustrated that she is not able to speak up or fight for herself. that makes her feel even more powerless and in pain. she is worried that she is the cause of disharmony. she also feels powerless that her mind is confused. those are scary, overwhelming negative thoughts that can cause a person to feel like they don't matter. that is the tipping point. 

many were confused on what poison she was trying to consume -- those were pills. most likely they were some sort of psych related drugs she had been taking after depression and losing arvind. perhaps some anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds. aryan had mentioned that after arvind's death, she collapsed and fell apart. so it has been a long difficult journey for her to become normal. aunty blue's taunts that she is worthless made her retreat back into that wounded shell she barely came out of and reach for those pills she used to take. 

now let me come to sundar -- while I had to laugh at imlie's fangirling, this part of the scene did move me. 

what does he say:

"I know you don't need me. I carry no value for you. I know you don't want to live me with but Ms Arpita, you must live. may be away from me as someone else's, but you must live. because without you, my life would be meaningless"

what is he saying -- he understands that he is not a match and he is okay with it. but he is asking her to live because she is precious, she is worth something. he is telling her that she matters and she is important. those are the words she needed to hear to get out of that dark negative cloud. to know that she may be a shadow of herself but she still matters to someone who has no need to care about her. she still is precious to someone who does not need to care just because she is family. she matters. and so his love grounds her emotionally and brings her to her senses. 

now, looking at aryan -- he finally gets that while sundar is nowhere a good financial match, he is what arpita needs. the current arpita is a vulnerable broken bird and she needs a gentle soul who will treasure her for who she is now and not look at who she was earlier. that is why she responds to sundar with love. it is as if two broken birds are able to sing together. 

in some ways, aryan is taking on the financial comfort for his sister but he is okay with as long as she is safe. his words to sundar are "you will protect and love my sister" -- what does she need protection from? the dark thoughts that she is no one and she is worthless. she needs emotional protection and aryan recognizes that sundar is able to provide that. so his sorry to sundar is not a sorry for devaluing sundar but for not recognizing what sundar is bringing to the table. 

we have been all chatting that the surpita arc was randomly shoved on to us viewers and many were not convinced by arpita's sudden feelings. but look at what she tells narmada -- "I was quiet because I didn't understand what was right or wong. I was not able to make any decision." in some ways, arpita was saying that she was still not clear headed and so unable to understand herself. 

while we could have gotten a better written surpita arc by showing us more scenes of arpita getting close to sundar, getting confused etc, I was satisfied with the resolution of this romance -- for me, atleast it packed an emotional punch and it made sense. 🤷

i read ur post n its so beautiful n made me cry. believe me. i lost 2 ppl to suicide in this life. both who i think were v strong but all ppl who try to b strong n make peace with life situation r not protected from thought of suicide. sometime v dont knw why person who spoke n laugh just 2 hour ago suddenly kill self. for me in this track the ffwd n not building surpita love story ws problem like u say but they wr doing so much rush that in arylie wedding they lose chance to give surpita some scenes so anyway i didnt say one word abt arpita trying to kill ydy in epi cos i know it happens in one moment only. even to best ppl who u cnt imagine. i lost one cousin like this n the pain of losing that cousin not gone from ym heart still it is nw 18 yrs since she did suicide. i still feel she will come n tell her fav dialog, life is nthing if u cant fight. but then why she didnt fight i dont know. second person who i lost not directly but close friend father who had problem with his wife went n jump in front of train 14 yrs back.. so thnx for making this post cos not all ppl who suddenly kill self r weak always but things make them weak. all hv their weak thing inside n if someon keep on poking it, person do lose their mind. n arpita is strong but she hv botle up her feeling n is alone tht is right, i still dont think sundar is right person n she going toface hard time with sundar greedy mother now but may be sundar n arpita story will b parallel nw n v see some good scene. but thnx for this post. ❤️

Great post. It was so fact paced that you blink and miss the point.

Unfortunately I'm busy till Tuesday to get into detailed discussions, I'll catch up later if possible❤️

It's funny how it is coming from me a person who just got remembered what I did when I was in class 7 and 8. My left wrist still has scars, i never felt like there was a need to suicide but used to cut my wrist with the paperknife that was available to me. My parents indeed took it away when they came to know me being such a self harming person.

Taunts how can I forget this thing, i was that fat bulky girl in class with a big face, huge cheeks, small eyes and a piggy nose. It's not like I don't have it now, I still have them😆 But that time my classmates never called me with my name. 2011 and 12 was that time even a stranger would call me haathi or piggy nose. And if I used to react they would be like why so sensitive you look like one. My first crush was at that time and he rejected me for my looks. When I was in 11 and 12 that time every time my eyes would meet with a guy, he used to look at me and always smile. He kept on looking so much that my friends told me he likes you maybe but then he got a beautiful gf who was from our class and he still kept o looking at me and smile. One day I asked him directly that you don't talk with me why you keep smiling and guess what his reply was? YOUR FACE IS TOO FUNNY TO LOOK AT LIKE SOME CARTOON... I was like huh you were just entertaining yourself. Till 9 and 10 I was able to control myself and got over my depression. Once I was over that I became a very cheerful person and always vocalize my emotions

Every time I liked a guy I faced with rejection, why not my appearance isn't like the one who is thought to be a gf material. Ended up with 7 rejections and college life was funny. Every guy was in very comfortable zone with me and all were like Buddy you the best but still never considered me anything with the possibility of being a girlfriend. They seem to have a fear that I might like them and ruin the relationship we have so always used to ask me do you have any one you like only to be safe enough that they are not the one. I had a crush in a guy and yeah he is the 7th one that rejected me but was kind enough to never get awkward with me. We became kind of good friends too. I used to take his name every time they would question me. He helped me by saying it's okay to take his name whenever any of my guy friends ask who I like.

But indeed depression is a huge thing, I seem like the most cheerful person in the group but I am also the one why has cutting marks in my wrist. Every time I start going to that zone I remind myself I had once been there and how it felt. I ended up stopping myself from pushing anymore. I am enough for myself.

Being Alone doesn't mean Lonely for me anymore 

And I am living the best life for myself

Sorry I always end up sharing my not so interesting stories in your posts as they kind of trigger me and I can't stop telling stories from my life☯️

awww, hugs princess

thanks for sharing and I hope you remember your loved ones through the happy memories ❤️

while I understand why people feel frustrated with surprita arc, mostly I feel it is down to the shatabi speed and lack of story building. but otherwise, this scene itself was done really well and I wanted to post a different view -- it is important to talk about these issues because in our part of the world, taking the extreme step is more situation based. that is a whole different dynamic than someone struggling with mental illness. even experts are saying that because it is more situation based, the government and society need to look at solutions from a different perspective.  how do we deal with financial debt? with exam pressure? with failed relationships? with failure in general? how do we teach our children resilience? how do we be resilient? I think those are important things to consider and discuss because all of us can have moments where we lose our minds and we feel utterly worthless. it can be disheartening to live in a society so focused on success and our roles, when you fall behind your peers. 

so yea, I didn't have much expectations for the episode as most of the arc was so rushed but Iiked how they handled this scene. at least to me, it was handled with enough sensitivity. 

beautiful post

u said right, we might not aware nor we can guess y n how someone ends his or her life. is it easy or not but there is some reason?

life is not easy n every mind has a different way to deal with it

some can see life is beautiful despite all hardships

some can see the opposite 

but mental stress is responsible for taking the drastic step

some people don't get the mental health n knowingly unknowingly hurt other persons...

Taunt is not a good thing but unfortunately, people nowadays more giving this to others without caring how it will shape other person n their mind... 

but here the problem is no build-up n adding super-fast track so we are all guessing trying to decode the situation.

hope now CVs will explore 

thanks for sharing miuni ❤️; you are a very brave person even if you don't realize it. takes courage to share your vulnerability, insecurities and not so nice parts of our life even if online. certainly not easy but I want to encourage you that you never know how your words may be encouraging others to look ahead and try. 

not to be too religious but I believe that God created everyone with a purpose and plan. so there is no such person who is ugly in God's eyes. there is a reason for the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" - if we look at the old black and white movies, the actresses were so bulky/normal looking. they were quite heavy in the hips and had arms. none of those size zero physique. but yet, our cinema tastes have changed and will those actresses be now powerful. standards of beauty change all the time. 

don't feel bad about being rejected and being friendzoned. it happens to more of us than you know. it is just that something people don't admit -- basically everyone gets rejected at some point or the other. in a way it is good because it makes us appreciate love. otherwise, we would take it for granted no? lots of love and cheer for your personal life. fighting!! 😘😘

Originally posted by: KrishnaSourav

beautiful post

u said right, we might not aware nor we can guess y n how someone ends his or her life. is it easy or not but there is some reason?

life is not easy n every mind has a different way to deal with it

some can see life is beautiful despite all hardships

some can see the opposite 

but mental stress is responsible for taking the drastic step

some people don't get the mental health n knowingly unknowingly hurt other persons...

Taunt is not a good thing but unfortunately, people nowadays more giving this to others without caring how it will shape other person n their mind... 

but here the problem is no build-up n adding super-fast track so we are all guessing trying to decode the situation.

hope now CVs will explore 

thank you; yea, taunts these days really bad with social media. people have no filter or common decency and react very strangely. even for something like a drama character, they can't handle a different view and instead will attack with name calling or taunts. it is one reason I don't want to be on platforms like twitter. I rather prefer forum like this one where we have rules and we consider the importance of discussion and talking nicely to each other even if we disagree. 

but yea, this arc could have been so much better-written. they haven't clearly shown the love between arpita and sundar -- I think it is a pity because it clearly has the potential to be something really emotional and great for viewers. I hope going forward, the CVs will be more sensitive and not be in some hurry. not sure why they were even rushing so much like a 100m race. 🤷

Thanks for the tag, I read it in a hurry. You make some good points will be back soon. 

It is such a beautiful post. Everything you have written is just ❤️

I do wish that had "shown" it better so everything you pointed out would have translated on screen and that would have made it one of the best episodes but sadly with mental health they do such a hash job... Which is why most of us (including me) were super pissed with her. 

I loved the imagery you invoked of a broken bird. That she needs to be treated with gentleness and love. Love it 

(on a side note, I'm not sure if sundar will be able to be the person for her. Bec while he is gentle with her can he be strong with the world??..... which he would need to be to protect her from backlash. 

I can imagine someone like aryan who can be infinitely sensitive but super tough. More than a love story i would have loved had they used this track to show us more brother sister bonding) 

But thank you for this post. You write wonderfully