The English language is abundant with words and phrases to describe Kairav's disposition, but 'sly as a fox' would never be one of them. He spent his entire life trying to meet the insurmountable expectations of Kartik and Naira's son. He tried his hardest to fill the gaps left in his parent's absence - be the son Manish yearned for, the brother his mom dreamt for Akshu and the father that Aarohi desperately needed. Kairav never felt further away from his purpose than when he had to be clandestine.
'I'm doing this for Akshu,' he repeated as he snuck away from his family, hoping to relive the guilt pounding in his chest. Abhimanyu was waiting for him down the street and insisted no one knew about their meeting, especially Akshu. For Akshu.
Meanwhile, Abhimanyu was at a loss for what to do. He felt like pacing back and forth or smashing something, but he had to settle for collapsing on the nearest bench. It was barely 9 am, and yet, he felt as depleted as a surgeon does after back-to-back surgeries. Akshu-Aarohi-Akshu-Aarohi, these sisters played him like a tennis ball. He couldn't understand them.
Kairav was barely within sight when Abhimanyu roared. "Kaise karti ho tum Kairav? Kaise?"
Kairav pitied Abhimanyu when he heard Abhimanyu's voice croaked with frustration at the end. He knew precisely how Abhimanyu felt, for this was the turmoil he had lived in since Sirat Mumma and Papa's death. Overwhelmed with trauma, anger, and grief, the two sisters led him to madness.
"Abhimanyu," Kairav tried to calm his brother-in-law to no avail as Abhimanyu's rant went on. "These sisters are beyond me. Forget Aarohi; she's not my concern but Akshu? What was that today? She was hysterical, manic, and for what? Aarohi leaving the house informed and safely? What would've happened to Aarohi? Nothing. The chances of her coming back unharmed were minimal, at best."
If Kairav could be a synonym for any word, it would be patient. He said, "don't stop on my account. I know there's more on your mind, so say it, ask me whatever you want." If Abhimanyu wanted to take it all out on him, Kairav wouldn't mind. He'd rather endure this than let Akshu see her beloved in this aggravated state. She'd blame herself if she saw Abhimanyu like this.
"Is this my fault? Was I unreasonable in my conditions? Was it my terms that tore Akshu to shreds?"
"Unreasonable? No, unfair, probably. Unjust to all the potential victims of their hit-and-run. Lenient? Definitely. I knew you loved my sister like crazy but forgiving them both for such a crime was beyond my wildest imagination."
"Then, what was that?"
"You asked Akshu to leave her sister behind, and you're right to do so; she's forsaken your feelings multiple times for Aaru. But Akshu can't leave anyone behind. She just can't. My Akshu has only known loss in her life - first Maa, then Papa and Sirat Mumma, and then Aaru."
"Aarohi is still here; how could she lose her? How could she lose Aarohi when she'd come back to her after the wedding?"
"When Sirat Mumma died, Aaru stopped being Akshu's sister. Aaru's hatred wasn't as bad as her indifference. She turned the other way whenever Akshu came into sight. Aaru hote hua bhi nahi thi. After a decade, Akshu finally heard Aaru call out to her and now, she sees Aaru leaving her again, and she couldn't handle it. It wasn't your fault. It's just who they've become. They're tethered in a way no one can understand or tolerate, but taking them apart would destroy whatever hope they have left—especially Akshu." Kairav didn't know when his tremor came back, but he was grateful for Abhimanyu's firm grip on his hand, stilling his anxiety.
"Kairav, Aarohi doesn't love Akshu the same way-"
"I know," Kairav interrupted. "My Aaru is covered in thorns; every time Akshu tries to pull her close, she'll bleed. You're not the only one who sees it. We do all. Aaru put those thorns there, but we let them thrive, and so did Akshu. Unintentionally, of course. Just slightly, but still. Akshu didn't realize that it'll wither and suffocate if you overwater a flower. Itni achi hai meri Akshu."
"Itni bholi hai Akshu."
"Bholi nahi hai, bas umeed ki bhaari hai. Uss umeed ki wajah se zindagi usse hara nahi paye. That hope granted her a partner like you. She's hopeful she'll keep it all - her love and her sister. Just don't take that hope away from her."
Moments went by. Kairav tried to compose himself to go home without Vansh bhaiya suspecting another breakdown. Bhaiya was the only one who knew about Kairav's anxiety. Or he was until Abhimanyu joined him on the battlefield of Akshu's hope versus Aarohi's thorns. Abhimanyu pondered over Kairav's words, trying to imagine his future, watching his wife lose herself to Aarohi.
"What about you, Kairav?" Abhimanyu's words paralyzed Kairav in his step. Kairav was about to head back home when Abhimanyu called out to him. "You've spent your entire life tossed between your sisters and your responsibilities, but have you ever thought about yourself? Have you ever seen yourself for who you are? You're more than just a brother, a father, or a son, Kairav."
"You let me pour my heart out to you, Kairav, without a complaint. Let me return the favour," Abhimanyu added.
Kairav didn't know how to respond. How could he describe what he's hidden all these years? He's buried his trauma so deep he wouldn't know where to look for it. How could he explain what he felt wasn't existential loneliness because "there was nothing existential about it?" What he felt came from his family. It came from years of being unseen.
An excerpt of Lindsay C Gibson's book, "Adult Children of Emotionally immature parents," inspired the last few lines from this one-shot (in bold). The part in quotations was verbatim what she wrote, so thank you, Lindsay, for articulating those emotions so well.
I'd love to hear everyone's feedback in the comments.
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
Debate Mansion
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