Chapter 1
Her marriage had truly been the most unfortunate part of her life. Bound in the shackles of this bond, that would be more aptly called a cage at a mere age of eighteen, had she even sensed an inkling of what laid out in her future, she would have refused Vanraj shah at the first chance she got. On the day of marriage, they hadn't even reached home after the rituals, and he had instructed her to forgo her remaining education and start handling the household, by staying at home. She had been rather taken aback by the blatant chameleon-like behaviour of her newly wedded husband. After all, they had agreed that she would be allowed to continue her education before consenting to the marriage. On reaching home, on the first day itself, they had a massive row on the same issue. Oh who was she kidding..... rather than an arguement, it had been more of a one - sided show of aggression from him. He had yelled and screamed, and when she still persisted in her decision, he had hurled things here and there in a fit of anger. For the first time in her life, she had known true fear. She had stood up to him, yet, rather than succumbing, which he couldn't tolerate - rather than her going to the college.
"Main tumse shaadi hi nahi karna chahta tha," he had accused. He had then asked her to go and live in the store room, and not enter his room, until she dropped out. She had remained firm though. Her grandmother-in-law had supported her firmly in those times. She had taken one look at Anu's fearful face and had asked her to live in her room rather than Vanraj's, until things got better.
Anu had been taught that being devoted to the husband and his family was the duty of a lady. Somehow, she couldn't even gather up an ounce of respect, let alone love for this man. In fact, all she could feel for him, dare she say it - was hate and disgust. Instigated further by his mother, he kept on trying to find new issues to taunt and upset her, to create new obstacles for her. She avoided him like plague and prayed for freedom from him.
Everyday had become a torture for her. College had become her safe haven, so had her new job to suppprt her education, as an assisstant teacher at the Let's Groove Dance Academy. It was a well-known institute and had branches and outlets in most of the major cities in the country.
Same taunts, yelling and screaming occuring everyday, although he was cunning enough to shut up in front of his grandmother. His pride, ego made him spiteful towards her. She never stepped into his room, her self-respect stopped her. Her resentment towards this family had only grown. Besides, the slimy feeling of disgust, of wrongness, that threatened to choke her at even the thought of being in his vicinity was enough to make her stay away. The two months after her marriage had been hellish, even with her grandmother-in-law standing in firm support of her. Bapuji was always a mute spectator, Dolly being dependent on her brother couldn't say anything, Baa and her son always taunted and tormented her with vicious words. Anu had a sinking feeling that this would have escalated much further, if she had not gotten the support she was getting.
Anu had become used to putting up a mask of happiness to hide away the underlying bitter sorrow, that threatened to overwhelm her, especially when she was all alone. Her mind flitted to a particular incident that occurred about a week ago.
(Trigger Warning: Suicidal thoughts)
She was all alone at a table in a corner of the cultural room, working on a banner design for a dance competition. Markers, cutters, paper rolls and other stationery lay scattered on the table. She picked up the sharp cutter lying on the table. The verbal vitriol from the morning echoed in her ears.
'Tumhara upyog hi kya hai yahan!!?' (What is the use of you here!!!)
'Kaisi ladki mili hai, na dhang ki bahu hai, na patni. Arre mar kyon nahi jaati??! Hume bhi chutkara, tumhe bhi.' (What a girl this is, neither a good daughter-in-law, nor a good wife!! Why don't you die??! Both of us will be free.)
'Kismat phut gayi hai meri iske wajah se...' (My life has become a misfortune due to her)
'Chod de na college vagera... kya karne wali hai iska? Tu iske layak to hai nahi, sambhalna to rasoi aur parivar ko hi hai!!' (Leave college!! What are you going to do of it?? You don't even deserve this. Anyways, you are only going to take care of household and family!!)
'Aise sanskaar diye hai isse..... dekho to kaise matak matak ke bhatakti hai...' (What type of teachings have been given to her.... look how she wanders and runs here and there...)
These were still mild compared to the other ones. The cutter lying on the table looked so inviting. One cut deep enough, it would be an end to all her misery, her troubles.... Her fingers held the blade, as she contemplated the unthinkable. One move.... it was so easy.... She raised her other wrist and made a move to commit the deed, when firm hands caught hold of both her wrists. Twisting the chair around to face the person, she met the severe, intense gaze of a boy who seemed familiar, yet she couldn't exactly recognise him. He had a tall, broad physique, chiseled jawline, adam's apple bobbing as he gulped, but his posture was strung with tension. The stony, carefully expressionless mask was given away by his passionate stare. There was a kind of tensed, worried desperation held in his eyes. A deep sorrow glinted in them, as they flitted over to her mangalsutra. The almost tangible silence stretching between them was broken by him.
"Yeh tum kya karne jaa rahi thi?" (Just what do you think you were doing?) He asked, with a controlled, feigned softness in his voice.
"Kya? Kuch bhi toh nahi..." (What? Nothing at all...) came the nervous reply.
"Acchi tarah se tum jaanti ho main kis baare mein baat kar raha tha." (You know very well what I am refering to.) His anxious worry over her suicidal tendencies, her lack of sense of self-preservation was quickly heightening, gaining a rather furious, angry nature to it. What would have happened if he had been too late??
"Aapse matlab?" (Why do you care?) What did he even know??! And why did he care!!?
That was the moment when he completely, utterly lost it. His facade of calmness shattered. He furiously pulled her up by her upper arms, close to him. Any closer, and she would be enclosed in his embrace. His grip had tightened considerably, enough to leave marks on her arms. It was as though he didn't know his own strength.
"Mujhse matlab??! Mujhse matlab!! Haan, mujhe fark padta hai. Tumhe nahi pata main iss wakt kya feel kar raha hoon. Tum jaanti ho tum kya karne jaa rahi thi? Jarasa bhi andazaa hai, ki agar main kuch pal der se aata toh kya ho jaata?" (What do I care??! What do I care!! Yes, I do care. You don't know what I am feeling right now. Do you even realise what you were abou to do? Are you aware, what would've happened had I been even a moment late?)
His voice had dropped down a few decibels, sounding wrathful. She had expected him to yell, but his lowered baritone, barely above a whisper, seemed even more dangerous than what it would've sounded, had he yelled. Gathering courage, she gave him a shove in a bid to move away and exit the room. He refused to relinquish her arm.
"Socha hai, jo tumse pyaar karte hai, un logon ka kya haal ho jayega? Tum apne pareshani se bhaag rahi ho, Anu, jo thik nahi hai. Tumhe apne liye ladna hoga. Jo apne liye ladte hai, Kanhaji hamesha unke saath hote hain." (Did you think of what will happen to those who love you? You are running away from your problems,Anu, which is not right. You have to fight for yourself. Kanhaji always helps those who help themselves.) The horrific reality of what she had been about to do began to set in. Faces flashed before her eyes.... her mother, brother, friends, grandmother-in-law, everyone...
"Sorry, sorry, sorry..."
"Vaada karo, phir kabhi aisi harkat nahi karogi. Aur college ke counselor ko consult karogi." (Promise me, you will never try this again. And you will consult the college counseler.)
She nodded and twisted her arm, trying to get him to release it.
"Anu, please...."
"Haan.....Thik hai. Vaada raha." (Alright... Yes. I promise.)
"Dekhna, nahi poora karogi to mujhe pata chal hi jayega." (See, if you don't, I will know about it.)
Hesitantly, he released her arm.
"Suniye..." (Listen...)
"Hmmm...?"
"Thank you."
"Koi baat nahi." (Never mind)
In all this, she was so lost, that she didn't notice until later - this boy had addressed her by the nickname, his behaviour had been quite intimate, as though he had known her since a long time, as though he were her lover.
That can't be, he was simply being kind, showing humanity..... he must have just been horrified at her actions, besides she was already married (albeit unhappily) and there were several other better girls - she later justified, never knowing that this belief of hers would be later suitably corrected.
It had taught her a lesson. It was that day, that she had decided to free herself from that sham of a marriage, to get a divorce as soon as possible to her. It wasn't an option now, but it will be, someday. There was no point in continuing this way, even if divorce was frowned upon by society. It may be very difficult to battle the problems, agitation, grief that had been served to her, but she wouldn't give up. Little did she know, that her saviour was the boy who was irrevocably in love with her since a long time.
AN: please tell me if I need to mark this as mature...
Avatar and Signatures Shop
Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Doon
7