Hey! So I get everyone’s points re: Vanraj and the general conversations I’ve seen happen over a few threads lately about whitewashing. After today’s episode especially, I wanted to share my two cents on the matter.
I agree that a lot of the journey needed to reach this point hasn’t been done, so this stability between Anu/Vanraj isn’t earned. It sucks that they haven’t had him really apologise or own up to what he was doing for years except maybe the occasional “I held you back”. He did apologise in the hospital for his behaviour re:Anuj, and his desperation to hold on to her emotionally for himself and his family. But it’s still evidently not enough.
But I think there are some positive things worth noting:
1) I don’t think they are claiming to be friends. Either one of them. Vanraj himself says friends/enemies, together/apart etc. He’s a bit too glossy about it. But I think it’s more of an acknowledgment that - we are in each others lives, for the kids or whatever other things like family and the Mukku connection. It’s weird And it’s a fact of their life. I think this does reflect a lot of post-relationship dynamics. They usually still have entanglements.
2) If there is any “moral” point that the writers are trying to make, it is that - if you hold on to anger it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die (Anu even said that recently for something). It’s cliche. But true. Her whole thing is that she does try and look past the emotions of the moment and look more long term or objectively to some extent. Especially when it comes To giving people a chance. I mean that’s a key element to her character. It made her a doormat to her family/husband’s abuse, but it’s evolved beyond that. The show is evidently framing this as a key virtue of her - think of Anuj’s “I’m proud of this idiot” line. Even beyond her own pain, she is thinking about the overall happiness of everything. Her whole Karele ka achaar thing was about that.
3) I also think there were 2 really important moments in their conversation today where she also pointed out to him that he needs to hold his horses. He’s no hero of her story, neither is he perfect. In fact far from it. Her emphasising how proud she was of her own journey was good. She referred to all the pain she went through herself to follow her path.
4) Also it’s still evident that Vanraj is still an a**hole (I don’t know the policy of swearing of IF?). He’s treating Kavya like crap. The whole thing of “he’s not Ghatiya” is just about him not being a creep who hits on every woman. Which is somewhat reflective of everything till now. He’s not had multiple affairs. He fell in love with another woman, who wasn’t his wife. Cheated on his wife for her, for a long time, and was a dick about it. And now, is a dick to his new wife. If you think about it, he’s not being whitewashed of his behaviour patterns. He’s still doing it - dismissing and being rude to his wife. It’s still so annoyingly wrong. Actually, other characters are excusing his behaviour. Which, lets be honest, is a reality of how men are treated. So many times, men are excused by their own wives, mothers and children, and especially professionally, for bad behaviour. I don’t think we are supposed to start celebrating him. I think the writers, either intentionally or unintentionally are demonstrating the reality of how people behave.
I think that all of this is encompassed in the song that plays as they depart that conversation today. To settle all their shikayaten from each other. Anu’s are valid. We can see that. But I’m sure to people like Vanraj, and there are plenty of people like him, his behaviour is also justified by his logic. It is toxic to Anu, and to Vanraj (even if we don’t care) to continue getting pulled back into the emotion of those past things. That’s how Anu keeps enabling bad behaviour and Vanraj continued to be himself.
Of course all of this doesn’t discount that this redemption or settling arch didn’t happen properly. Vanraj hasn’t earned his peace. It is also true that most of those obstacles Anu mentioned were due to him and his enabling family etc etc. But Anupama has earned her peace. She’s got her new life in place, and is trying to imagine a future with a new person. So I get why from that perspective, the makers just want to move on with it.
I mean I hope this doesn’t lead to them actually being friends. However I can see why they have shown these things. Even superficially. In real life, breakups, divorce and even the breakdown of toxic relationships are ugly. But what do you do when the dust settles? Especially about the threads that still connect those people to each other…
Once you are away from it all and have healed to the point that you are strong enough to be a bit more objective… what do you do with the past? I guess you have the option of:
1) continuing to allow it (which would be like Anu staying with the Shah’s and still yielding to the family’s nonsense)
or ideally… one of the following two:
2) move on and more away from it and leave it behind (like Vanraj expected Anu to leave the family, house etc behind to rebuilt completely separately - something even Mukku mentioned as the “norm”)
Or…
3) slowly let go of old pain and gradually transform those relationship patterns (like Anu has actually been doing).
In actual life, her way is super hard, and requires a lot more effort than a tv show can show. But it’s not impossible. It also requires an immense about of compassion and wisdom to do based on self-respect. This is most evident in Baa’s treatment of Anupamaa (asking her to rest when she comes from a long day of work and drink water before starting on decor etc). Of course there are situations where it’s not safe and there are other serious concerns, but at least in Anupama-land that’s not the case.
Do i have problems with how they are going about it. Yes.
Do I wish Vanraj had actually earned his newfound positive experiences. Yes.
Am I overthinking this. Hell yes! 😂😂😂
Cricket
Health and Fitness
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