Dear Shahs,
We regret to inform you that your lifetime subscription to Anupama has been indefinitely suspended.
You’ve free trialed it for way too long and we shall not be allowing any further extensions.
Kindly refrain from applying cheap and illogical tactics to regain membership. It is a punishable offence to obtain it illegally.
Our records show arrears of twenty six years and we shall not entertain your bullshit any longer.
To get out of jail (definitely not free) we require you to pay a heavy penalty of remorse. You are required to zip your filthy mouths and disappear from Anupama’s life until summoned.
You are free to appeal the decision but we are not obliged to any consideration or leniency.
Enough already!
Kind regards
Highly annoyed audience