OK, this was supposed to be a Dhara crackfic, but ended up being a crackfic. Point.
Fair warning folks, I've never done anything of this sort before, so read and review! Constructive criticism will always be appreciated.
Disclaimer This is a purely fun exercise. It's not intended to hurt anyone's sentiments. I have nothing against the actors or the characters. It's just that Dhara feels a little OTT to me these days.
The day of the park and the rock kaand
As Dhara sat and cried in her room waiting for Gaumbi to come and console her like he always did, she came to a decision. Enough was enough. She had always thought that Shiva's and Raavi's marriage working out would mean plan A: society and Maa both praising her choice of bahu for their house, and if it didn't, then plan B: atleast she would have two people whose whole world revolved around her right beside her. For all that she had done for this family, she deserved atleast this much, didn't she?
But today, Shiva had gone against her words!!! He had refused to apologise to Raavi even on her say so. His bhabhi maa's!! And Dhara was no fool you see... Gaumbi had told her all about how Shiva felt that he didn't deserve Raavi, that it wasn't in Raavi's best interest, and that that was why he wouldn't apologise despite knowing he made a mistake. But Raavi coming back was good for Dhara!! Why couldn't he see that his bhabhi maa was suffering with only that kaamchor Rishita to help her around the house?!! Plan A had failed, and plan B had been completely scrapped.
But no!!! Raavi's mental well being and happiness had become more important than his bhabhi maa for Shiva, more than his pregnant bhabhi maa! So as she heard Gaumbi calling out for her, finally the man was home to pay some attention to her, as she started crying noisily, she decided that that was that, Shiva and Raavi weren't getting back together. It was time for plan C. That way, both of them would pay the most attention to her, and all would be the way it ought to be.
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The day of the baingan sabzi kaand
Nothing was right with her life anymore. Nothing!!! She had been right, like always!!! She had known that Raavi coming back probably wasn't good for anyone, it would upset the balance of things in their house. But then she'd realised that Raavi had come back solely for her and had thought perhaps plan B was making a comeback.
But no, first Raavi had taken over her kitchen, her kitchen, that she'd ruled over for 10 years!!! She had always made sure to rearrange things every so often so that her Bacchas and her husband would always remember her, the stomach was truly the way to a man's heart. She'd made sure to scare her baccha's into believing that outside food was a complete no no, and then she'd made all their favorites at least once a week to make sure they never had room to complain.
Still, as long as Raavi thought Dhara was the most important to her, she might have forgiven the temporary loss of her kitchen. But today had proved to her that plan B was still as scrapped as it was. You see, it had been a stressful day for her.
First, she had seen Kanta Kaki's bahu chasing her husband about the street with a jhadoo, screaming that he'd strayed away the moment she'd become busy with their children, once her looks had gone. Dhara had prayed for her baby Tara, yes, but that was because society had become a pain with the taunts about her childlessness. But she wasn't going to give up her glowing skin and perfect figure for anyone, not even for her Tara. After all if Dhara lost her chamak, then how would her little Tara chamak?!!
Then she had come home to see Raavi and Shiva romancing over haldi of all things!!! Dhara knew better than anyone that Shiva loved living in between the smell of masalas at their store, but truly, was there no such thing as class? And the more worrying fact was that if their romancing requirements were as simple as haldi, then she couldn't let Raavi in the kitchen at all!!! But things were still okay then, because Dhara had found out that Raavi was making baingan for dinner. After seeing that, Shiva would personally make sure that Raavi never entered the kitchen again. Her rasoi raajya would continue unchallenged, and she would still have both her bacha's to herself.
But now, as she watched Gaumbi happily lick the remnants of the sabzi from his hands, she knew it was all a lost cause. It was no use depending on men for anything, they were all as nikamma as the next. The fools hadn't even realised it was baingan!!! Still, she waited patiently for Shiva to say something, but the gadheda had the gall to ask for a second serving, which a blushing Raavi immediately provided. Meal finally finished, Gaumbi turned towards Raavi from where he was washing his hand by the kyaa, "Vaise Raavi, aaj tune kaunsi sabzi banaai, bahut acchi ti". Raavi dropped the spoon in her hand, looking guiltily at Krish. "Arrey Gaumbi main bolta hoon na, vaise bhi bohot mushkil se chup chaap baitha tha main itne der se!!!", after a dramatic pause, he continued without noticing the look of panic on Raavi's face, "Yeh to baingan ki sabzi hain!!!"
As Dhara watched Raavi shut her eyes tightly in preparation for the bomb that was about to blast, her eyes settled on Shiva as he stared at his wife in wide eyed wonder, as if she'd hung the moon and the stars in his night dark sky. Dhara knew that look and it's meaning well. Phuski bomb it was then. "Sacchi Raavi, mujhe to bata hi nahin chala. Tujhe patha hain? Aaj tak maine Dhara ki haath ka baingan bhi nahin khaaya hain, utni acchi banaai thi tune!". Well, on second thoughts, a bomb was blasting today, and it wasn't phuski either.
For the crime of adding insult to injury, Mr. Pandya number 1 would be sentenced to sleeping on the couch for the duration of her pregnancy. The man kept annoyingly hugging her like she was some teddy bear anyways, good riddance. Dhara needed her beauty sleep to maintain her chamak.
She was shocked out of mentally sentencing her husband by Maa's boisterous laughter. After a few minutes of laughing, unaffected by the stares her children were throwing her way, Suman asked Krish to wheel her to her room...
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The same day
Suman knew exactly what Dhara was feeling. It was why she was so happy about things after all! No matter what mistakes that Prafulla kaagdi had made in her life, Raavi had never counted amongst them. Thankfully. Or she really wouldn't ever let that girl set foot in her rasoi.
That bhagodi ki beti had taken over her kitchen as soon as she'd gotten married into the family, and in her ghamand, had assumed that the same would not happen to her. Maarkundi ghai that her youngest bahu was, she had some how managed to turn the tables on her eldest bahu. All without even realising it.
And her foolish son, Gaumbi, gem that he was, he hadn't realised how pissed his pregnant wife was at him, or what the consequences of his actions were!!! Seeing the jalkukdi expression on Dhara's face, Suman simply hadn't been able to control her laughter, no matter how much of a maniac she seemed for it. And anyways, Suman knew the maniac look suited her well. She was a creature made to frighten the wits out of people, who cared if it was betas or bahus she was scaring?
Finally, after so many years, fate had forcefully pulled the claws that bhagodi ki beti had set in her Shiva's mind. That Raavi was a much better alternative, and she was too frightened of Suman to ever threaten her position as maha saas. Well, Krish and she were going to have a good gossip session tonight, she thought, then practiced her evil laugh in front of the mirror with her saasuma BGM playing in the background. What?!!! Practice makes perfect after all!!!
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Two weeks later- day of the court hearing
Shiva was so happy that he trembled all over as he walked out of the court that day. As of today, he and Raavi were officially back together. All thanks to that Maami of all people. Upon seeing her laadli bacchi willingly taking all the housework upon her head, Maami had gotten pissed enough to corner him at their store and rant about how sad her daughter had been because of his rejection of her, and how dare he and his family treat her the way they did?!!! But, Shiva had stopped really hearing her once she'd conveyed the most important part, main uska hona chahti thi, usse apna banana chahti thi, Raavi had said that.
He'd spent another week of creepily staring at her whenever he could, because he had to convey interest first, before he'd cornered her in the aangan as she made her bed to sleep in. He had confronted her, with his smoldering eyes switched on, his husky voice too because Raavi always blushed to it (which was super cute, she really was adorable, wasn't she?), and his night time ganji on (no matter how hard she tried to hide it, he knew she had a thing for his biceps).
The dobi had blabbered. Mission patao Mrs Raavi Pandya had been an astounding success.
But then the dobi had requested that they keep their decision a secret, as she wanted to surprise the family. The downside of not being able to share a room with his successfully pataoed wife apart, he understood her point. He'd spent a week sleeping by the door and practicing his creepy stares and seduction via biceps routine. Today though, the shock on the faces of his family had been worth it. Dhara bhabhi was still catatonic, Maa had done her manic laughter routine to perfection (of course he knew about it, who did you think watched her practice and provided suggestions? Badass mothers were the best!), Dev and Rishita were as confused as ever, Krish was in gossip heaven, and Gaumbi had his goofball smile on his face.
He still hadn't seen Raavi though. Maami had engulfed her in a hug, wailing to baba Somnath that he had taken back the little akkal he'd temporarily offered her laadli. Although Raavi was his, he wouldn't risk his ears even to save her from her Maasi's atrocious screeching. She'd better get used to it anyways. He just hoped that Raavi would extricate herself by tonight, because he had to try out his seduction with beards routine, and today was the day.
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That night
Dhara had been craving attention from someone after the flop of all her plans today. Her rasoi raajya had become a thing of the past, and anyways, kaka had always been the true king of the store (he wasn't even affected by Dhara's amazing makhan lagaofy skills!!! The gall!!)
So she had faked nausea and had Gaumbi bring her up to the terrace for fresh air. After all, nights under the open sky had always ensured she'd gotten some in the past, and perhaps it was the inspiration her scaredy husband needed to see past his Tara tinted eyesight. Hormones were a very real thing, you see.
But now she regretted it.
Because on the terrace were a grinning Shiva and a giggling Raavi. And Shiva seemed to be rubbing at Raavi's cheeks with his beard. Truly, someone really needed to give that boy a lesson on classy romance!!!
But as she watched Shiva freeze as Raavi kissed his cheeks, she had a disheartening realisation, all of her plans had flopped!!!! That was it!!! It was time for Krish to get married, and Dhara was going to personally ensure that the girl loved her the most. After all, she deserved it, didn't she?
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How was it? I had sooooo much fun writing this🤣!! Also, I finally got around to making an index....
https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/topic/5250199#158824143
PS baccha party, I'm tagging you lot because you really wanted this, and that's what inspired me to write this down. Tell me if I missed someone, kay?
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