pandya niwaas ki anokhi kahaaniyan || notice - page fifteen - Page 5

Trigger Warning: Suicide attempt

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noise

Raavi’s toes flexed around the cobbled perimeter and her fingers clutched the fabric of her kurta. The wind that blew through her hair was much colder now. She wondered if the still water located at the pit of the well was just as cold or more.

When Raavi ran out of the Haveli, it was for the sole purpose of getting away from all the noise her so-called family had been creating. She didn’t know she would end up here but she found it fitting somehow. It was miles away from the Haveli and it offered a simple and clear solution to all her problems.

It wasn’t the first time Shiva and Maami had gotten into a fight over the stupid kangan and Raavi knew it certainly wasn’t the last. Then there were Rishita’s taunts over everything that existed underneath the sun, Dhara’s incessant crying and her wanting everyone to become a big happy family overnight...

The weight of it all made Raavi’s head go light and sway forward.

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks.

She just wanted it all to stop. The screaming, the shouting, the yelling; the heavy expectations to be something that she’s not; to be happy when she wasn’t.

A few minutes of peace and quiet, that’s all she needed.

She looked deeper into the well.

Her fingers uncurled around her kurta. She closed her eyes, took one deep breath, then jumped.

Thick water washed into her nostrils and she felt herself be weighed down by some floating debris and mud. Her lungs burned from the lack of oxygen but it didn’t bother her.

As she had predicted, there was no noise down here.

It was perfect.

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“RAAVI!”

Shiva looked over his shoulder and squinted up at the terrace. Anita was staring off into the distance with her eyes blown wide in shock, and her hand extended as if she was reaching out for someone.

Maami pushed Shiva aside and yelled so that Anita could hear her. “Anita, kya hua Raavi ko?”

“Raavi ne kue mein chalaang laga li.” She shouted back.

A cold dread ran down Shiva’s spine. He looked in the direction that Anita had been pointing to earlier. There was a well there far off in the distance but they hadn’t used it for years. Shiva thought they had boarded it up. Did they forget to do so?

“Meri Raavi.” It was the last thing Shiva heard his Maama say before he bolted from the spot towards the well.

His legs and the sides of his stomach burned as he ran but he didn’t care. All he could think about was reaching Raavi before it was too late.

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Raavi spluttered as she coughed up dirty water. When the brightness from the sun momentarily blinded her, she turned her body. She inhaled and was overwhelmed by the scent of dirt and grass. Her lungs burned and this time she didn’t like the feeling of it one bit.

“Pagal ho gayi hai kya!” Shiva yelled.

Raavi turned in his direction and glared at him. “Tu ne mujhe bachaya kyun!”

“Toh tu kya chahti hai? Tere marne ke chakkar mein hum sab jail chale jaye? Tu ne socha bhi hai ki tu aisa karegi toh teri family ka kya hoga?” He continued to yell.

Her initial hurt at his words got washed away by her laugh. She glanced up at the sky and reflected over his chosen words: teri family. How could she forget? Shiva never was and never would be her family.

In the far distance she heard several voices yelling out her name. All that noise that she had been desperately trying to escape from was about to rush back at her in full force.

“Has kyun rahi hai?” Shiva bit out.

“Iss baar toh bacha liya. Agli baar kya karega?” Her cool demeanor froze him in his spot.

It was good. She needed him to stay just like that so that he didn’t interfere with her next attempt.

“Raavi! Meri bachi, tu theek toh hai na?” Her Mausi captured her in a tight hug and showered kisses upon her head.

“Tu ne abhi kya kaha?” Shiva asked, still in a daze.

“Wahi jo tu ne suna.” She replied, staring him dead in the eye.

She felt Anita hug her from her other side. Raavi supposed she should have felt the love and comfort from the two women. After all, they were her family but she didn’t feel anything. All her mind could think of was how perfect the solitude in the well was.

She was lifted up by Anita and her aunt and was led back to the Haveli. Raavi looked over her shoulder at the well with a saddened heart. Just a few more minutes and she could have had the peace that she was seeking.

But no worries. If not the well, she was certain she could find something else to make the world go quiet.

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Shiva stared at Raavi’s retreating back. He shivered, not from the cold water that had been collecting at the bottom of the well, but rather from Raavi’s chilling words. The serene smile on her face, the dead gaze in her eyes, the sheer look of determination to get what she wanted - it was all too much.

He glanced at the well. He could board it up like it should have been but that wouldn’t be the solution to Raavi’s problem. She would simply find another way to end her life.

Shiva clutched at his hair and stared at the ground.

This shouldn’t have happened.

Dev ditching Raavi at the wedding altar, Raavi’s repeated attempts to kill herself, him marrying Raavi - none of it.

He wasn’t equipped to deal with any of this. He didn’t know the first thing about being married let alone being a husband to a suicidal woman.

Agli baar kya karega?

What would he do? Would she try something while he’s at work? Sleeping? Would he even reach her in time?

His heart pounded fast against his ribcage.

What if the next time he does find her dead? Then what?

Feeling light headed, Shiva laid down against the ground. He stared at the cobble stones that made up the well and began counting them one by one. He hoped it would help with all the noise that was running through his head.