Let's start at the end - A ShiVi SS ft. Pandya parivaar [Complete]

Hello,

I got this idea from EDT 85 from majoni03 here. Obviously not too sure what makers are going to make of the whole situation. I haven't watched all the episodes leading up to the current situation, but I have been following the updates, discussions(slightly) and have watched a few clips on social media.

Updates will be sporadic at best unless the writing bug insists on being more present, then you might get quick updates.

As per usual, the normal spiel:

A) No intention to copy anyone's work, if it is yay for being awesome

B) let me know and I'll read and acknowledge

PS: This was called expiry date but with what's going through my head this might be more suited.

PPS: I'm not a lawyer, nor do I reside in India so I'm not sure what the divorce rulings would entail. This is merely for the purpose of the fic.

Prologue

He climbed down the steps to get to the ground floor, seventeen steps to be precise. If anyone had asked him this question earlier, he wouldn't have been able to reply, after all who ever remembered something as mundane as counting steps. But today he counted them, those seventeen steps were the hurdle to freeing her from him. He had known from the start that it wouldn't be easy to remove themselves from this relationship, but it was part of the process and they would have to do it.

They had just finished the first motion and the court had recommended them living together for the mandatory six months cooling period. He had known before stepping into the building that despite its age showing on the exterior, held some of the most authoritative figures in Somnath; those representatives of justice that were unable to show bias. Therefore the decision they had made would have to be followed by law, the only reprieve being the leeway of being interpreted in a way that would accommodate both their initial decisions.

***

She felt as though even fate was conspiring against letting them live their life on their own terms. She could hear masimaa mumbling under her breath about how unjust the court was; could they not see how sad Raavi was? Wasn't it better for everyone involved that they separated immediately? Raavi agreed and for the first time, wanted to break rules and not follow the decree that had been set down by the judge. Even keeping her ego aside, there was no benefit in her living with Shiva; it would accomplish nothing and only make things harder for the rest of the family later.

The brightness blinded her slightly after walking through the dimly lit corridor and as her eyes adjusted to the sunlight, she saw that he was waiting outside the building, her breath hitched as she captured a snapshot of the way he looked. The sun was setting and the backlight provided the perfect backdrop for the reflective contemplation on his face. He looked up at her, the mask clicking into place one piece at a time, till the only expression she saw was indifference.

"I'll come pick you up tomorrow. You can spend the night with your family." And he rode off not waiting for her to form a reply.

Month one

She had been awake since before dawn, having packed and unpacked twice, before finally placing all the things she would need for the next six months in a suitcase and putting the rest of her things away in the cupboard at her Masimaa's house. Sitting on the ledge of the window, she looked out at the quiet lane, the only things moving were the ever present pigeons and the three stray dogs that had forever resided on their street.

As the sun rose, so did the noise, first the quiet ringing of the milkman on his bicycle, sending a call to the households of his arrival, the workers coming to clean the streets, talking to each other as they moved from one end to the other, the shopkeepers whose business required them to open up early and the office goers who had far to travel. Then came the sounds of the temple bells tolling at regular intervals as each devotee walked in, the autos starting up for the beginning of a new work day and the general bustle of people waking up. She heard Kanchan kaki call out to Chintu to finish his milk before the bus got there and saw Kamla masi run out to give Nilesh masa his lunch. The shy kiss on his cheek wasn't missed by her, but she averted her gaze back from the end of the street, to give them the privacy they seeked. That's when she saw him; he had just gotten off an auto and spoke to the driver, before nodding and walking up to the house.

He hadn't looked up, so she took one final look at the man she thought she knew, the man who made her question everything about her life, and locked away all her feelings she had to still resolve. Turning she walked downstairs with her suitcase even as the doorbell rang.

***

He hadn't slept. The decree running through his mind had made him restless and he had spent the majority of the night on the terrace. He looked at the stars, hoping that the universe would give him a sign on what he should do, but the stars twinkled quietly providing nothing else but a soothing distraction from his agitated thoughts.

As the sky changed its hues, he watched the fading light of the twinkling stars and sighed, taking a deep breath knowing that despite his reservations, the people sleeping below would be ecstatic to have Raavi back in their midst. For the first time in a long time, Shiva was ready and waiting outside the house before the first stirrings. He heard Dhara bhabhi in the kitchen getting breakfast ready, Gaumbi doing his pooja and maa calling for her chai. Then he heard Dev calling out to Krish to wake up and use the bathroom so Rishita could use it after; it seemed as though no one missed him, no one had bothered calling out to him or go looking for him and just as the thought crossed his mind, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Krish squeezed his shoulder and sat beside him,

"I'm sorry for the other day Shiva. I was angry at you. I still am but I can see this is hurting you as much as it is us. I might be the youngest but I'll try and understand. You should go pick up Raavi bhabhi before everyone leaves for their day; it might appease them enough to listen eventually."

Who knew his youngest brother would be this smart. It was an understatement to say they always took him lightly, but he could see an ally in the brother that had always followed him without a question.

Dusting the seat of his pants, he waved down an auto and started off to his maami's house. On reaching her street he stopped the auto and asked the driver to wait so they could go back, nodding when the driver told him the meter would be running. Walking up to the door, his face automatically set in a look of distaste for the side of his family he never really liked, he rang the bell and as he waited he heard the footsteps on the stairs.

****

He drank in her appearance as she opened the door and even though he'd seen her the previous afternoon, his eyes roved from hair to toe making sure that she was fine. No one would ever find out the concern he had for her; he had made sure of it, hiding his feelings behind a facade of obnoxious arrogance.

She watched as he looked at her, distaste evident in his eyes, but it didn't seem for her. She saw him visibly relaxing even though his expression never changed and that confused her. The questions had started running through her mind again and the unease that she had calmed was slowly making its way back into her heart.

Were they really doing the right thing?

The same thought flitted through both their minds, watching the face of the other, almost challenging, wanting the other to give in first. Mama, unknowingly broke the contest,

“Shiva, accha hua tu aagaya. We have been waiting for you to come. This is good, both of you need to spend time together to understand that relationships can’t just be broken. I want you both to try to stay together happily and understand one another.”

“Raavi, Dikri, I know how hard this is for you, but please, for your mausapa give this relationship one more chance.” he gave Raavi a hug as though he was doing her bidaai once more and Raavi felt the tears pooling in her eyes. Blinking, she gave him a watery smile and nodded.

“Chal. The auto is waiting. I’ll take the bag.” he walked off, holding her suitcase, once again not waiting for a reply, but stopped as soon as he got outside the door, still in her line of sight. It dawned on her that he was giving her some privacy with her family and a thought of wonder flitted through; he does care.

The ten minute rickshaw ride felt like years, the silence hurting her ears; oh it was a noisy outside world, the beeping of horns, the people chattering, tradesmen selling wares, but his silence blocked that noise out and all she could hear was the thump of her heart and their breaths alternating.

His family was waiting, Aarti in hand, excited faces shining through the sombre situation. Rishita pulled her forward and Dhara did her Aarti, then she was engulfed in hugs and questions and swept away leaving him at the door with her bag next to his leg. Krish turned back and gave him a quick wave over. He was getting angry at himself, how could he not bring himself to feel anything? Why did he feel nothing at their disappointment; their questioning gaze?

***

Krish didn't know what to make of the situation. To say that Raavi bhabhi was back would be a literal truth, but the bubbly cheerful girl he knew was nowhere to be seen and with his ever tongue in cheek brother lost in the same darkness, Krish felt helpless at what he'd observed for the past three weeks.

Neither Shiva nor Raavi spoke in more than monosyllables to each other; Raavi who was forever talkative had a subdued air about her, quietly doing the work she'd been given, spending the rest of her free time at the Somnath public library studying for her masters. Shiva was no better, the family was still distant with him and he had stopped making an effort to talk to anyone; he was spending longer hours at the shop, timing it so he would arrive when everyone was getting ready for bed. He had become self sufficient, serving himself dinner and washing up after himself and then he would disappear once all the lights were out.

Krish hadn't seen him going to the room even once since Raavi bhabhi had come back and it had pricked his curiosity as to where he would go every night. So after observing them for three weeks, he waited till all had gone quiet and then followed Shiva. It shouldn't have come as a surprise, he was on the terrace, sitting on the cot they used to dry spices in the summer heat, looking out at the night sky.

"What are you doing here Shiva? Shouldn't you be downstairs; in your room? Is this where you've been sleeping all this time? I thought I told you I was there for you. At least trust me enough to tell me the truth."

"I wish I was sleeping." Shiva mumbled and the continued in a louder voice, "I thought I'd give that Chipkali some space and after all the court didn't specify the proximity of our staying together. Being in the same house is close enough. She wants nothing to do with me, so even if I want to do something about it, I won't."

"And what do you want to do about it?"

"What I want has never been important. We just need to get through this six months and then Raavi will go and find someone else whom she prefers. Let's go to sleep." ending the conversation, he pushed Krish towards the stairs.

Sitting on the cot once more, Shiva pulled the chain around his heart a little tighter and hoped that today sleep would not elude him.

Month Two

Dev watched as Raavi made dinner with Rishita; rather taught Rishita how to make the thepla and sukhi aloo sabzi. She had always been like that; helpful, patient and kind since he could remember and yet he also remembered how her personality changed every time Shiva was in the vicinity, she became more stubborn, impatient with him, almost childlike, but there was a freeing aura around her that he had never seen at any other time.

He remembered the conversation he had with Shiva before the divorce, when confusion clouded Shiva's mind and to date he stood by those words; he was never meant for Raavi, she had always been more affected by Shiva but neither recognised it. It made him wonder how Raavi would react if he brought up the same conversation with her. However, he had lost that opportunity, because though they had become friends again, the comfort they had was long gone.

Looking back at the scene in front of him, he saw Raavi scolding Rishita, as one would a sister, as she'd without thought almost touched the hot karai. Walking back to the aangan he sat on the jhula waiting for everyone to make their way to the kitchen for dinner, knowing that his younger brother wasn't going to be home for dinner today either. Six weeks ago Raavi had come home and his already quiet younger brother had become even more silent.

He wondered if anyone else was as affected by Shiva's recent personality change. It was as though everyone seemed to have forgotten that Shiva was a part of the family. The only person he had seen talking to him was Krish, who made it a point to talk to him at various times of the day, whispering and nodding, before walking off. It should have been him that Shiva felt more comfortable with, but just as Raavi's comfort with him had diminished, so had Shiva's willingness to talk to him. He would always be on Shiva's side, because whether they knew it or not Shiva and Raavi were on the same side.

***

Raavi smiled as she cleared up the mess that Rishita had made whilst making the thepla; she knew she would have finished it a lot quicker and with a lot less mess, but seeing the proud look on Rishita's face when she finally got it round and cooked perfectly, was worth the extra half an hour in the kitchen. She had been so determined not to get involved in family matters, but it was hard not to; not when all she had ever dreamt of was being a part of it.

She had plated some of the sabzi and thepla separately, knowing that he would like dinner tonight. She stopped midway holding onto the dish she was going to use to cover the food, why did she even care? She was only here for just over four months and then they would go their separate ways. He had been serving himself for the past month and half and he would continue to do so, but she knew it was his favourite and she had done what came automatically, making sure he got the biggest portion of his favourite food.

"I won't tell anyone."

Raavi looked guilty as she turned around to his voice. She saw Krish standing there, watching her with the plate. Hastily she put it down and wiped her hands on the towel hanging near the sink.

"It's nothing. I thought I'd remove food for Kaki because she might be hungry. Anyways, everyone will be coming to eat soon so I'd better set the table."

"It's for maa. Give it to me, I'll take it to her. She was complaining earlier how she was tired so it might be better if she eats in the room."

"No.. Wait, I'll make a hot plate for kaki. Leave this one." She pulled it away just as Krish reached for it, placing it in the fridge and then plating another dish for Krish to take.

"It's okay Raavi bhabhi, I won't tell."

She could feel her cheeks warming up, knowing that Krish knew what she was doing but she also knew her story would never have a proper ending let alone a happy one; despite that, she felt as she did when she was younger, satisfied that Shiva would get to eat what he loved the most.

***

Shiva was starving. He had missed lunch as they had gotten a delayed delivery with their regular delivery and off loading, cross checking and putting away all the stock had taken up most of his free time between serving customers. He was at the shop alone on the day, it being Dev's day off and Gautam having gone to meet the contractors for the new branch they were opening in Junagadh. He had prioritised the work at the shop, the subconscious fear from his youth of the shop being taken away, not letting him rest till it was all done, meaning food had taken a back seat.

He washed up before walking through the darkened house and into the kitchen. Necessity had taught him to be quiet, not wanting to bother anyone so late at night, he silently moved the lids of the vessels to find whatever had been cooked that day. Finding them all empty, he turned to leave, convincing himself that water would be enough for dinner tonight. He heard her before he saw her and stilled; the soft tinkling of her payals making her presence known,

"I'd put some food aside for you. It's in the fridge. Sit and I'll warm it and bring it for you."

Surprised, he followed her instructions without uttering a single word, watching her face for any expression that would give away what she was thinking, but it was in vain. A few minutes later, she placed the plate in front of him and with a bid good night she walked to the room.

He stared at the just vacated spot, wondering if it was a figment of his imagination; Raavi had spoken to him, willingly, without distaste or argument and served him food. He started eating, still lost in thought on what had just happened so he didn't notice the shadow outside the kitchen, watching to make sure that he ate his fill before making his way up on the terrace to sleep.

***

Raavi tugged on the edge of her dupatta, wondering if she should go up and speak to Shiva about the letter she had received from her lawyer. Hadn't she gone to the kitchen precisely for that when she heard him walking in? But seeing his crestfallen face when he found the pots empty had cleared all other thoughts from her head. Deciding it was for the best and she would speak to him about it the next day, she lay down on the bed, facing his side as though he was still there and closed her eyes hoping she would sleep past the three hours she got every night.

Month Three

It had been raining earlier that day, leaving a cooling breeze in its wake. Obliviously to the cold, Shiva leant against his bike waiting for that one face to come in line of his sight, that was etched deep in his subconscious; one that he knew he no longer disliked, but was still the bane of his existence. He listened with one ear, to the flitting conversation around him of dinner plans, assignments and college gossip, his mind going back to the more interesting conversation from over three weeks ago.

***

She had cornered him early in the morning, just outside the bathroom, when he’d come out from having a bath. Being awake so early had its advantages, getting bathed before anyone woke up meant he had been slacking with getting dressed inside the bathroom, instead he walked out with just his tracks on and a towel, drying his hair; the hitch in her breath was what caught his attention first before she looked at him gaze steeled, not backing away at the mild anger he had set on his face.

“I need to speak to you Shiva. It’s urgent; and necessary. I have received a letter from my lawyer, the court has finally allocated a couples counsellor and the date of our first session is in two days. Did you get one? I'm sure you did. I'll meet you there as I have a lecture finishing an hour before that. Please don't be late."

"Okay."

He had waited for twenty minutes for her to arrive that day, before going in at the allocated time. At least he wouldn't be blamed for anything this time round.

***

For the first time in her profession, Yashasvi Pandit had counselled a couple with only one half of the couple present. She had read the court case notes and it had intrigued her, that two people who had known each other since they were toddlers, yet despised each other to the extent that they couldn't even give their marriage four months before calling it quits. Curiosity made her want to find out what exactly had happened, so she had been looking forward to meeting with them.

"Hi, umm I'm Shiva… Shiva Pandya. I'm not sure where Raavi is, she said she'd be here from college on time."

"It's okay. Let us get started and she can join us when she gets here."

He nodded, silently, waiting for her to continue,

"So, Shiva, you've known Raavi for how long exactly?"

"She's my mami ki behen ki beti, her parents passed away when she was only a baby. I remember her from when I was a small child."

"Okay, so why did you get married to her?"

"My bhabhi asked me to."

"Can you elaborate?"

"She was supposed to get married to my brother. He loved someone else, she tried to commit suicide. My bhabhi asked me to marry her, so I did."

"And your feelings for her? What have they been since you were young? And after you got married?"

"I have always disliked her. She irritates me. And she always wanted to marry my brother."

He became silent again; thoughtful, looking at the painting she had hung behind her chair. It was one of her favourites, if you looked closely at the burst of colour, it was symmetrical but when not focusing there was utter chaos. She waited patiently, knowing eventually mostly everyone spoke up. When he didn't she gently prompted him,

"Do you still dislike her?"

"I can't."

"Do you want to tell me why?"

He paused again, glancing at the painting once more. She could see the swirling thoughts as his eyes looked over her, then he blinked and all those thoughts were reined in and he looked composed before he replied,

"She's different from what I had thought of her. She was always this bubbly personality, always willing to help everyone. But before me she acted differently, so I guess what I had always seen made her seem shallow and superficial. Then I started observing her everyday after we got married; everyday she had a determination on her face, then she would gather herself and live the day trying to forget the feelings she had for my brother. Her birthday was when I realised she had won that battle, she was genuinely happy to be friends with him and to see me, I guess."

"You like her don't you?"

"What difference does that make? Her friends made me realise that what she wants is very different from what I am. The only thing I regret is the way I chose to end things. The bitterness has seeped into all my relations and hers too."

Yashasvi was surprised. This was not what she was expecting, usually in the divorce cases she handled for court there was always incompatibility or infidelity and in some extreme cases, abuse. Never had she seen a divorce for the betterment of a spouse. Now that she knew one side of the story, she wanted to know the other before making a plan on how to tackle this couple.

He looked drained so she moved on to lighter topics, finding out more about him generally. Raavi hadn't turned up, so they had booked in the next session, which due to time constraints was not for another three weeks.

***

"Why are you here? I told you I wouldn't forget and I'd come straight there."

"Yes, like you did last time. I don't trust you to remember so I thought it's better that we go together. Come on, get on the bike; I haven't got all day."

She huffed as she followed the rude instructions, wondering if there ever would be a time when he would speak to her properly. Holding onto her bag and the back of the bike, she maintained a palm width distance between them, making sure she didn't touch him anywhere. She had the best of intentions, till someone cut in front of them and he swerved to avoid hitting them, causing her to fall forward into him; he was warm and so very firm.

Her breath caught in her throat, even as she felt her heart beating like a piston. She scooted closer as he started the bike again, wanting to savour the warmth that radiated off him, wishing she could place her arms around him and let it seep into her bones.

She didn't have much time to think through that errant thought because they pulled up to the counsellor office a few minutes later. They walked in side by side and sat on opposite sofas in the waiting room, waiting to be called in.

She was young; and very very pretty was the first thought that went through Raavi's mind when Yashasvi stepped out to call them. Shiva gave her a smile, making Raavi question what exactly happened in the previous session. She felt the first lick of jealousy in her stomach and tamped it down, walking quickly to catch up with Shiva.

The action was not lost on Yashasvi, who had been observing them from her office. She knew the court mandate required both Shiva and Raavi to be present for the sessions, but she wanted to speak to Raavi alone,

"Shiva, actually can you please wait outside for a while. I wanted to speak with Raavi on her own, if that's okay with her of course?"

"Yes… I guess so. So long as Shiva doesn't have a problem with it?"

"Go ahead. I'll wait here." he said, resuming his previous seat.

Raavi walked in looking at the office interior, wondering why she'd been asked inside on her own and made herself comfortable on the sofa placed in front of the chair.

"I just wanted to have a quick chat with you alone, since I had a chance to speak to Shiva on his own last week. I have a few questions to ask you, so, let's get started?"

"How long have you known Shiva for?"

"For as long as I can remember. He's always been a part of my life, rather his family has and by default so has he."

"Hmm, why did you marry him?"

"Because mausapa was unwell and he wanted me to. His whole family betrayed me...us, because they knew I wanted to marry Dev and that he had a girlfriend but no one thought it important to tell me. If mausapa hadn't fallen sick, I would never have married Shiva."

"Do you regret it? Marrying him?"

"I am tired of the sham. This marriage has been nothing short of a disaster since the wedding day. It would have been better for everyone that this relationship never happened, but we're rectifying it now; and as soon as this probationary period is over, we'll go back to our pre-wedding lives."

"Are you telling me you have no feelings for Shiva at all? After all these years? And with the change in your relationship?"

"I never liked him before our wedding, heck even immediately after the wedding. We'd always been at odds with each other; I remember telling him we're like oil and water, they never mix… But I got to see the real him, not much and not often and I started liking that Shiva. Unfortunately I cannot live my whole life with glimpses of what could be...Also he really hurt my feelings with what he said about me."

"Do you think you could have ever loved him? If he hadn't hurt you?"

"What does it matter. My feelings will never be important to him and I don't know what his feelings are. At least earlier on I knew where I stood in his life, now I don't know if I even have a place, even one of hatred."

They were so alike, yet so different and she knew exactly what she needed to do. She geared up for the roller-coaster ride she was about to experience, she asked Raavi to have a drink of water as she called Shiva in.

***

They rode home in what had become a common occurrence for them; silence. He noticed the stark contrast to their life earlier, which was filled with constant chatter from her and sharp responses from him. Was it as simple as Dr. Yashasvi had made it sound? He would try his best, if for no other reason than to get back some semblance of normalcy in both their lives, because the truth was, he hated her quietness.

Month Four

Shiva was the first to notice the secret glances between Gautam and Dhara. At first, they were subtle that had he not been watching them as Gautam gave him instructions for the new shop construction, he would have been oblivious. Wondering what was happening, he decided to observe them before asking them about it.

There were small hints, a wink, when he thought noone was looking, Dhara raising her eyebrows and once he'd even almost walked in on them hugging in the kitchen. Had it been Dev who had caught them, he knew there would be endless teasing but that went against his entire being, so he continued watching and wondering. It was only four days later, when he had to drop the bori he was carrying and run to prevent Dhara from fainting to the floor, did he find out what was happening.

He was going to be a kaka. After years of mindless gossip in town, harsh words and endless tears, Gautam and Dhara were finally pregnant. They were waiting for the blood test results to come in before telling the rest of the family as they didn't want any disappointments. Finally something positive was happening, a sign that everything would eventually be okay; they would be okay.

It had caught him by surprise when they had willingly shared the news with him. Their relationship was still restrained but after months of being angry with him for the steps he had taken, they had slowly reverted to treating him the way they used to; with love and familial authority. The ache of regret that had dulled and become a constant occurrence had diminished with their slow acceptance, making him realise how much their disappointment in him had actually hurt him.

***

She was studying for a test and had taken to pacing the length of the room. Each time she turned, she explained a new titbit of information to herself. Looking at her textbook to make sure she had her facts right, she walked into the warm wall she associated with the man in her life, who caused her many sleepless nights. Looking up from her book, all the information she had understood and remembered flew out of her mind; he was smiling and what a bewitching smile it was, it lit up his eyes and his changed features had her enthralled. He was beautiful.

"What are you looking at?"

"You.You look so happy. What happened?"

His smile dimmed slightly and as he turned back towards the door, saddening her that he would not share his happiness with her, till she heard the door click. Looking back at him, she was most surprised when he picked her up and twirled her around,

"I am so happy today. Really happy. I'm going to be a kaka. Dhara bhabhi is pregnant. I'm excited and I can't wait till we can tell everyone."

Her grip tightened on his shoulders and realising what he had done, he slowed down, coming to a stop. As he lowered his arms to put her down, she was conscious of the heat that trailed down her body at every point of contact and the fire within lit a little stronger when he didn't move away.

"Congratulations Shiva! That is great news. Let me go see Dhara di and Gaumbi to wish them."

Even as she loosened her hands from behind his neck, where they had subconsciously ended up, he pulled her into him just a little more,

"Ae ghadheri, are you trying to get me killed? Bhabhi and Gaumbi told me not to tell anyone, but remember what Yashasvi had said, we need to communicate, so I'm telling you. Don't. Tell. Anyone."

"It's so exciting though. I need to make sure that Dhara di isn't exerting herself.. Maybe Rishita and I can split some of the more exerting work. But if she doesn't tell anyone then how will I convince her to let us do the work." pacing again her jumbled thoughts poured out of her mouth a mile a minute and her textbook hung loosely from her fingers all but forgotten.

The book fell out of her hand bringing her back to the present and she noticed that he had left the room. She picked the book and sat on the bed, then thought back to the instance he had given her the news and how close they were. A shiver ran down her spine and the faintest tinge of pink appeared on her cheeks.

***

Yashasvi sat down after dinner with the journals all her patients had dropped off. She had made it a point getting them to write their innermost thoughts; ones they didn't want to share with anyone present, random thoughts, those that they thought of but couldn't say and sometimes even those that they didn't wish to discuss with her. She normally read them to gain insight on how to help them further and would usually make reams of notes to bring up during the next session. After an hour of reading and making notes, she came upon Raavi and Shiva’s journals.

Stretching she freshened her pot of tea and sat back down. Their entries were always interesting and gave her the insight of what could be. She had previously seen some very creative name calling and complaints in the journals; as of yet, she barely had any notes on their journal entries, since they followed the same pattern as the journals in the three sessions they had had so far.

She opened up Shiva’s first and sipping the warm peppermint tea, she started reading the messy entries:

This mami ki behen ki beti is going to be the death of me. How can one be so ignorant of their surroundings? Normally when it's someone else, it's like she has eyes all around her head, but when it comes to taking care of herself she's so negligent. She would have gotten hurt if I hadn't pulled the shelf back. I can't even scold her like I used to because she just gives me the look and asks me what right I have….At least she's safe. This time. But after the divorce I won't be there.

***

I had to drop her to college today. She was running late because she was trying to finish all the work at home. I don't understand why she cares so much when she's only got a couple of months left in the house. She's going to leave so everyone needs to get used to it.

***

We've been talking everyday recently. It's nice. The fights are still there but it reminds me of when we got along, the simpler times; happier times, before Sneha and her other friends showed me what our reality is.

***

Dhara bhabhi is pregnant and I knew that chipkali would be just as excited, which is why I told her. I held her in my arms after four months. Four months of wanting her, wanting to touch her, hold her. It was so difficult letting her go. What if I had leant forward instead of letting her go? Would we be in a different situation by now?

***

She is beautiful. Inside and out. What I feel for her cannot be watered down by calling it love. But she can never find out.

***

Interesting. She wondered what had brought about the last entry, from a couple of days ago. He hadn't written anything else apart from those twenty five words and she wanted to know what he had been thinking about. He was an enigma. His deep thoughts were only understood by him, but she wanted to know what made him the way he was. Sighing, because she knew some mysteries remain unsolved, she picked up Raavi's journal:

Shiva dropped me to college and I didn't have to sit away from him. Holding on to him tight brought back those feelings. The warm butterflies in my stomach. Till I saw those first years looking at him. How dare they? He's my Shiva, even if only for the next two months.

***

Pagal! Ghadedha! How could he tell me the good news and then expect me to keep quiet about it? Oh how my stomach aches. Hopefully writing it down will appease the need to tell someone. I want to talk to Dhara di and Gaumbi, but I have to wait, otherwise that bhootnath is going to make my ears bleed. She's pregnant! I'm going to be a masi. Kaki. No, I won't be able to be a kaki. Shiva's wife will be. Wife. Why does this make me feel uneasy?

***

This work is so hard, I'm struggling to manage both college and the housework. I know it's only short term but it is so difficult. But I won't let Dhara di do the difficult work. She needs to take care. I hope my results are good. They come out next week. Oh God please don't let me fail like I did my marriage. Well the way we did.

***

I watched him at the shop today. There was a truck outside and he was offloading the goods. I never noticed how hard he worked. He is always working. I remember Rishita laughing at him when we had gone to the haveli and I was angry about it. Ashamed that he was doing manual work. Not now, not anymore. It is with pride that he does such work and I am proud; of him. He's easy on the eyes too. I want to see more. But so do others. I never knew how many girls, no women, stopped to look at Shiva as they neared the shop.

***

There were a couple more entries about college and her studies, that she quickly read and then turned to her legal pad; and thought, then thought some more Raavi's thoughts though more clear than Shiva's still left her scratching her head. She wasn't as deep as Shiva but her thoughts held just as much mystery as his did. Her tea had gotten cold and the bitter taste brought her out of her thoughts. They were unique and didn't conform to any of her methods of counselling.

She knew it was normal to have couples such as them, but they were rare and far in between. If only she could find a way to get them to talk to each other about their feelings instead of the superficial things that they discussed when they came in. She would have to think of something else before they came in after the weekend.

***

Dhara had a suspicion that Shiva had told Raavi. It had been a week since he had found out and ever since then, every time she tried doing anything Raavi appeared like a ghost taking over the work. She felt like a thief in her own house, checking round corners before attempting to do any work.

She loved Raavi to pieces and Shiva had always had a special place in her heart, which was why, she had begged for him to get married to her and then she prayed to every supreme being to keep them together. Her prayers did not have any fruition and that was a disappointment since she had seen the compatibility they had.

At least if nothing else, her pregnancy had managed to get them to be civil to each other. She looked at the mandir and sent out a small prayer as she was prone to the past four months, that Shiva and Raavi don't go ahead with the divorce.

***

Gautam saw Shiva smiling as he put away some stock on the shelves. There was something light about his demeanour that made Gautam relax. He knew his brother would be okay. After all he had seen the glances that passed between Raavi and Shiva when they thought the other wasn't looking.

Month Five

Rishita looked over the balcony for what felt like the umpteenth time. They had washed all the bed sheets in the house and obviously she had been delegated the task to hang them out. She bit back the complaint that was on her lips, that none of the three brothers did any housework, but deep down she knew that if there was anything, they would jump to it at the drop of a hat.

At least she had some entertainment; as she’d wrung out the water from the first pillowcase, before snapping it to dry and leaning over the terrace railing to place it on the clothesline running next to it, she noticed Shiva and Raavi. Curious, she watched as Shiva sat on the cot near the entrance, a table placed in front of him with what looked like the book work for the store, whilst Raavi sat with her books on the jhula, right across the aangan.

Neither seemed to be too interested in doing the work they had sat down with. Instead, she watched as Raavi looked up at Shiva, almost got up to say something and then shaking her head, sat back down glancing at her books again. Shiva looked everywhere else around the house except at Raavi, only taking quick peeks when he thought she wasn’t looking.

Rishita had noticed the secretive glances for a couple of weeks now, which had gotten more pronounced right after their last counselling session. They had walked in looking at each other awkwardly, not quite meeting the eyes of any of the family. Raavi had excused herself that evening citing a migraine and Shiva had gone to the store after tea, making excuses about some stock take he had forgotten to do.

As she had worked her way round the first corner, Rishita noticed that both were now openly staring at the other, not even pretending that they were doing work. A small giggle escaped and she quickly covered her mouth not wanting to interrupt whatever was happening downstairs. As she reached into the bucket for another sheet, still watching her younger in-laws, she felt a tug and had to look back to see why the sheet wasn't moving. Dev was standing next to her, holding onto the end of the sheet she had just picked up.

Helping her, he whispered,

“Why were you giggling? What was so funny?”

“ Look. Down there. Shiva and Raavi have been having a staring contest for the past ten minutes. It is so cute.”

Leaning over, Dev watched what Rishita had just described and a smile formed on his face.

“No one can tell that they are getting divorced. I know I stood by Raavi all those months ago, but even then they were always so involved in each other that they never noticed anything else. Why are they getting divorced?”

“I’m not sure either. I told Shiva about this months ago. It was always about them and I know he doesn’t believe it, but the intensity of Raavi’s feelings for Shiva in the past few months is more than she has ever felt for me in the past ten years. If that isn’t an indication for him, then I don't know what is.”

Dev hugged Rishita from the back and they both looked down again,

“Have some faith. The counselling is obviously working; remember how they weren’t even looking at each other, let alone talking..”

“And now they still don’t talk to each other much, but they are always looking at each other.” she finished for him, moving back to finish the task at hand. But that might not be enough, she silently added as she walked up the other side. Her view was now that of Raavi’s face and noticing the blush spread across her face, she crossed her fingers that they would work things out soon.

***

Raavi read the same paragraph about markets for the tenth time, but her mind was preoccupied with the man that sat across the aangan. Every time she had looked up from reading the paragraph, she stopped on his face and any thought of how the markets were regulated went out of the window; instead she worked on controlling her breath that seemed to get stuck every time she saw him.

She could see the frustration on his face. He had just torn off another page from the legal pad he used to write down stock re-orders; as he crumpled the page, his other hand moved through his hair and he let out a frustrated sigh. It was by no means loud and if she hadn’t been looking at him, it would have gone unheard. Eyes meeting, he held her gaze for what felt like eternity, until he glanced at her book, shifting her attention back to the unwanted distraction.

She blamed Dr. Yashasvi for this; she was happy being oblivious to her feelings for him and vice versa. No doubt she’d written down her thoughts but to say even a fraction in front of Shiva was something that she had never intended to do and that was exactly what had happened at the previous session.

***

“We are nearing the end of these sessions and I am glad we’ve made some progress; you’re both friendlier towards each other compared to five months ago. Obviously we’ll have one more session, where I’ll talk to you individually before submitting my report to the court. In the end though, it’s ultimately your decision on what you want to do with your marriage."

Looking down at her notes, Yashasvi continued, "However, for today’s session, we are going to try something different. I want both of you to write down your feelings about the other person presently and then you’ll read them out for the other. What you decide to do with this information is entirely up to you. I’ll leave you for a while together in case you wish to talk to each other after.”

They had sat at opposite ends of the sofa and turning away from each other they tried to pen down their thoughts. As Shiva glanced at her hunched back, he saw her tapping the pen against the paper, the constant beat matching his thumping heart. Looking back at the journal in his hand, he decided he would write down what he felt.

The tapping was soothing her frazzled mind, giving her something to focus on. Breaking the taps down into counts of eight, she evened out her breath and as she calmed down, she slowed the taps and put pen to paper, writing what had been in her heart for the past few weeks.

The time they had spent after talking about what they had written had purged all the feelings that they had for each other and a new understanding had formed; they had finally let go of the shackles of their marriage and had become just them; Shiva and Raavi.

Month Six

She had been restless for a week now. Their time together was almost up and the conversation with Yashasvi from earlier in the week rang in her ears as she readied herself for bed.

"So Raavi, these six months you've spent with Shiva, have your feelings for him changed? I remember you said that you wanted to get out of this sham wedding and back to your pre marital life, does that still hold true? Even after the last session we had?"

"I don't know how I feel, I'm more confused than I ever was...he's different, he isn't the same Shiva from six months ago, this Shiva is known but a stranger at the same time. He's become more subdued, we talk a lot about the family, my college, the store… but it's never personal. About him. Me. Us. What happened here last time seems to be the elephant in the room that we don't want to address."

"The both of you will have to address it at some stage. It isn't going to disappear and the unknown will always leave you with unsatisfied curiosity. As for him changing isn't that what you wanted? I've read your journal and I remember at the start you'd spoken of how Shiva always fought with you, never spoke to you gently; it irritated you. Why are you unsure?"

"He did. Don't get me wrong, this side of Shiva is nice, it was the side that I only had brief glances of, but it cannot be the only part. It's not who he is and that was always my issue; I wanted the whole Shiva, the soft, gentle and caring one, but also the one that argued, teased and cajoled to get his way and that Shiva is lost. I can't live with one or the other, because somewhere along the line I started accepting that a Shiva that has all aspects of himself is the only one I want in my life. I had a one-sided love… no…Like...and look where that brought me; now I want him all or none at all, because I am willing to be heartbroken but not loved by someone broken from inside."

"But have you told him that? That's what you want?"

"No."

The finality of the word and her refusal to speak of it any longer had shortened the discussion with Yashasvi.

"Talk to him. You might find that what you're looking for has been waiting all along."

Needless to say, that statement had left her internally debating on her next step.

***

Yashasvi had to laugh at the irony, she had thought they were the same but different, but the joke was on her. It had taken her six months to realise that both of them were exactly the same. They loved each other, that much was very clear; to everyone but each other. Their want for keeping the other happy had blinded them to what would be a powerful and all consuming relationship.

Hadn't Shiva said exactly the same thing to her the previous day when she'd asked him about his feelings for Raavi after these six months?

"The like I had for her has long surpassed that and moved to love, but I can't live with someone who has forgotten how to smile, to be carefree; she was always like a butterfly, fluttering in her own world where everything was rosy and right and now she's become a shadow of the person she was. And I want Raavi, my dobi, who doesn't think before speaking, forgives and forgets, laughs with everyone when they're happy and cries in their sadness, the one who finds something good about everyone, the one who is strong and brave where it counts. Because that's the Raavi I fell in love with and she will only be her true self if she leaves me. So I will watch over her from a distance and find my happiness in hers."

At least he had said he would think about telling Raavi about his feelings. She hoped he did, otherwise her opinion would rock the boat in court, but she couldn't recommend a divorce for what was obviously meant to be.

***

He paced outside his bedroom… their bedroom, wanting to talk to her. It felt as though they had been playing hide n seek for the past month. A wave of regret passed through him, wondering if he'd made everything worse, by telling her how he felt. Hadn't he made up his mind that he would divorce her and let her pick someone more suited? That one moment of weakness had a cascading effect on everything they had worked towards.

He had wanted them to leave as friends, because anything less was not feasible and anything more was not possible; till that session. And now his heart battled with his mind after months of acceptance of what was to be, it wanted more. If only he had held strong for the last few days, but the uneasiness that left him feeling as though something was wrong wasn't letting him rest, which was why he paced outside their room, in the middle of the night.

Hand raised against the door, he convinced himself that it was a good idea, he knocked on the door, pushing it ajar as his knuckles rapped against the wood. She sat on the bed, staring into space, the only light coming from the candles she had lit on the dresser. Her emotions were hidden beneath the shadows that danced around her face. Not wanting to soil the mood she had set, one that matched his feelings, he called out to her in a voice that was foreign to his ears too,

"Raavi?... Are you okay?"

Her gaze cleared and she looked at him, surprised that he was standing there.

"I knocked, but the door was open, so I came in… I wanted to talk to you. Is it okay if I sit down?"

She folded her legs to her chest, making space for him to sit.

Taking that as assent, he sat down next to her, facing the wall, to avoid losing the little self control he had over himself he continued,

"Remember you wanted us to start again as strangers? And I told you our history together wouldn't allow it? Today I wanted to ask you if we could start again as friends? Our divorce hearing is in three days and the thought of losing you completely scares me. At least if we're friends I will still be a part of your life even if it is in the periphery."

He focused on the flickering candle flame, trying to untangle the web of thoughts in his mind. Inhaling deeply he continued,

"What I wrote was true. I never hated you. At least not since we got married. Hate is such a strong word and my feelings for you were never at that end of the spectrum. You were never my favorite, but I always noticed the love everyone else had for you so I knew you weren't that bad. In fact you surprised me with the way you dealt with our situation and though I made it difficult, you stood strong against your nemesis; me. But you also supported me and for that I will be eternally grateful."

They sat in silence for a while, he had so much more he wanted to share, a purging of his soul, to show his repentance and to ask for her forgiveness but her silence made him falter and as his strength deserted him all his courage allowed him to say was,

"I'm sorry Raavi. I am so sorry for what I did. I never meant it and I hope you can forgive me for it one day. Everything I said that day was uttered in anger and the regret will stay forever because it has led us to this."

Before he could move to walk out of the room, he heard the one word that gave him confidence.

"Stay."

He resumed his position, waiting with bated breath for her to say something, but as he had, she watched the flame as though it held the answers she seeked from the universe. They watched the wax pool on the dish she placed under the candle, the only sound breaking the stillness of the night was their breath in synchrony and at last there was a sense of calm that washed over them both.

"Shiva, will you answer just one question of mine?"

"Hmmm"

"What do you want from us?"

Of every possible scenario that had run through his head in that split second, this wasn't one. How could he answer that? Could he ever bare his soul to that extent? Would she… no he would not insult her, thinking of her that way. He answered simply, hoping she would understand,

"Us."

The one worded answer erased all signs of uncertainty that she had festered since they got married. He had told her at the brink of death that he would never leave her alone and though she had believed him then, his actions later insinuated that it had been a lie.

And the words tumbled out of her on their own accord, just stopping short of a confession,

"Shiva, I don't want to lose you. It scares me like it scares you, not being in your life is impossible for me to imagine. You have hurt me so much, you crushed the part of me that I had painstakingly put together after my dreams of marrying Dev shattered and even knowing now that I never loved him, I had to build up the fortitude to dream again. Those dreams were more precious than the ones I held in my heart for ten years and they too have slipped away. I no longer have the will to dream, so for now forgiveness is all I can afford and a promise that whenever you need me I will be by your side. In your team."

"That is more than I deserve Raavi. And I promise you this, just as you'll be by my side, I'll always be on yours."

He saw her smile then, softly, wistfully, fingers playing with the hem of the bedspread that she had pulled up when she curled her legs.

"You know Shiva I always wanted acceptance from you. I can't believe it took a marriage and divorce to bring that about. So typical of my life, just as I start to move ahead, I'm taken backwards to be given what I lost hopes of getting, your acceptance, this family, this home… " You, she added silently.

"Have you ever wondered, what would have happened to our relationship had this divorce not happened?" she continued.

"It would have eventually ended this way. Our personalities and history wouldn't have given us any other option, if not now, it would have happened later on. The only good thing to come out of this is our relationship isn't as bitter as it would have been if it was in the future, which has given us a better chance of being cordial."

"So you think there was no chance of us falling in love?"

"We might have, but it would have been a flashing burn; quick to ignite and quicker to douse. You're very attractive and a physical relationship can only last so long. The way we were before the divorce, I can't picture us in anything but that. What do you think?"

" Hmmm… I agree, it makes sense. Maybe we would have worked towards a more emotional bond eventually?"

"Maybe, if we learnt to control our own volatility. Leave the could haves, should haves… What are we going to say in court? Are we getting a divorce still?"

"It's for the best. We should." Please say no. She sent a silent plea.

"I guess you're right. We should."

The candles had burnt low, almost doused and he only noticed how late it had gotten when her head lolled as she tried staying awake. Helping her lie down, he covered her with the blanket, tucking her hair behind her ear, he blew out the flames as he walked out. Snuggling into the pillows, she heard the faintest of whispers as though part of a dream,

"I'll always love you. Forever."

***

Suman watched as her son waited patiently on the jhula for his wife to come out of the room. They were going to the court for the divorce hearing. She felt helpless as a mother that she wasn't able to help her children. She had watched them for the past six months and had noticed the change in them.

After the anger had simmered and died down, regret had washed over them in waves and they had made their way out of that. Then came the penance, it wasn't as long or as difficult as some, but for the members of Pandya niwas, it felt as though Shiva and Raavi had been burning in that fire for eternity. The acceptance of penance paved the path for desire, which had always been an undercurrent in their lives, but stripping the layers away had left no other outlet for the feelings that they had tried to hide and in the quiet unsaid days, it became more evident.

She had seen, just as Krish had, Gautam had and also Rishita and Dev. In fact she had seen more than anyone else in the family, she had seen the concern on her face initially, when the whole family had distanced him from themselves, her eyes seeking him whenever they were all together to make sure he was okay. She had seen her worry when he would warm up food for himself. The one time when Kanta had come home and had spoken about Raavi taking off her mangalsutra after the divorce, she noticed her clench it tight in her hand, pain visible in her eyes.

She had watched silently as her son hurt with the pain of what he had put her through, she also saw the care, when he'd come to check up on Raavi in the middle of the night and the way he would find excuses to stay at home so he could drop her to college.

And she had seen the love; the love that had grown for each other, the want to spend time together and the desire of claiming the other as theirs. Looking to the skies, she prayed that they would resolve this before the judge made a decision, because she had seen a reflection of the love to come when they had gotten married. Hadn't she told Krish that if Shiva was fire, Raavi was the water that would sooth it down to a manageable level. They were always meant to be.

Raavi walked out to find the whole family waiting for her, she had brought her suitcase out with her having decided that the most practical solution was to leave with mami once the divorce was finalised. Hugging everyone, she seeked blessings from Suman, touching her feet one last time with Shiva by her side.

"May you get what you wish for." Suman blessed them, giving them a knowing look, even as they glanced at each other; watching and waiting.

As they rode in the rickshaw, Shiva gave Raavi a folded sheet. She looked at him in silent question,

"It's what I had written the other day. I wanted you to have it so it reminds you that I'm always there."

She opened it up to read the words he had read aloud

Raavi I'm sorry. Sorry that I misjudged you and said things that should never have even crossed my mind, let alone said, but I cannot take them back and can only regret.

I like you, as Raavi, as mami ki behen ki beti, as chipkali or the hundred other words I might call you. You made a place in my family, in my life, in my house and even though I said you would never be a part of it, I can't pinpoint exactly when you became such an integral part of it. Of me. I cannot imagine a life without you. But you might. Just know that no matter what you will always have me behind you, being what you need at any point in life.

She knew that, she remembered him saying that to her and she had wondered what he had meant all those weeks ago, surprised that there was more she looked at him for affirmation before she continued reading.

I love you. It's taken me a long time to accept my feelings for you. You became important when I took you off the noose, it frightened me that you could have been gone from this world; it worried me, that you had taken such a drastic step for our negligence, that our carelessness had led to that, so when I agreed to marry you, I hated that you were bound to us. Our fights gave me an outlet for that pent up anger.

But I felt protective of you from then on, promising that the only anger you would feel was mine, because no matter what, you dealt with my anger in anger and that was better than the lifeless doll you were for those moments before we got married. The anger in me decreased as I watched you battle everyday with yourself, with fate and with me until all that was left in its place was wonder, of a strong, beautiful woman who had unknowingly become the centre of my world.

When you stopped responding in the ruins, my heart stopped too, thinking I had failed in keeping you safe. That was when I knew that I loved you, more than myself, more than anyone. Then I hurt you and hurt you again, knowingly, which made it even worse and for that a lifetime of penance might not be enough.

I was going to tell you, on the night of the reception, but I never gathered the courage and then your friends made me realise that you do deserve better and not just because of the way I dress, or speak but because you deserve the best.

And now that we are getting a divorce, it has made me realise that the love I felt for you then was like a drop in the ocean of feelings I have for you now. You have become that part of me where losing you is losing myself but I don't know how to save me. Save us. So I'm going to let you go because my love for you will not let me hold you back.

The wetness from her eyes was blurring the words, but she didn't need to reread them. Her heart had stopped where he'd written he loved her. Turning to him she hit his arm. Hard.

"Pagal! Ghadheda! What were you thinking? You're saying all this now? When we're almost at the court. How am I supposed to react to this? And you've made me cry. Now I'll look horrible in public. Oh you're so lucky that I love you too." she said, hugging him.

"I tried to. That night when we spoke. But I couldn't. And I chickened out giving you this since our counselling session. I didn't know how you would react."

They had reached the court and lugging her bag up the stairs, holding hands with fingers entwined, they stepped into the courtroom to cancel the proceedings.

***

She hummed as she put all the things in the bag. Checking and rechecking that she had packed everything she turned around to find him there. The frustration on his face was evident, he detested being here, in her masi's house and the only reason he had come was because she wanted to get the rest of her belongings.

"I'm not coming back here, make sure you take everything."

"Haan baba. I will. I'm just making sure I haven't left anything."

Gathering the last of her trinkets she stopped to look out the window at the familiar scene one last time,

"Six months ago, I remember not knowing how I felt about you when I saw you coming to the house. Today I do. It makes me so happy. Take me home Shiva!"

They were greeted with flowers raining on them, everyone talking at the same time. They celebrated into the evening as the sun set, everyone wound down, conversation slowing after dinner and then they began to retire to their rooms, Suman leaving first, the Dhara who was getting tired quicker in the later stages of her pregnancy with Gautam helping her upstairs. Rishita freshened up and walked to her room with a new book she'd bought and Dev citing work excused himself. Krish had exams coming up so he sat to study now that it was quiet. Shiva tugged at Raavi's hand dragging her to their room, not wanting to lose even a single moment with her.

Epilogue

It had been a week since she'd come back, as his wife still and though their feelings had changed, they were still adapting to them. They shared awkward glances when everyone was present but alone the same look started getting heated with desire, they enjoyed long silences between even longer conversations and the accidental touches had become essential.

***

Raavi asked Shiva to freshen up as she finished the last of the tidying up in the kitchen and that she would join him shortly in the room. Turning off all the lights and checking to make sure everything was shut, she walked to their room and paused at the door. She found him reading the torn page that she'd left for him on the bed. Sitting next to him quietly her fingers ghosted over his hand before she placed it next to his.

***

I forgive you Shiva. For everything you've said and done, I forgive you because I am tired of fighting, arguing, blaming and hating. I want to end this in a way that the bitterness at the start of this divorce ceases and we can start afresh as friends; now after all these months I can no longer hate you.

***

Because I'm falling in love with you. I don't know when it started or how you became a necessity, like breathing. Was it always like this? The days before we got married blur together and I'm trying so hard to remember why I disliked you so much; it was never hate. The more I think about it, the more I feel that I got defensive because you were so rude to me, but even then when it was just me, your thoughts would filter through all the other thoughts, your opinions though unwanted, mattered the most.

You were always there for me, defending me, protecting me and you were the one that brought out a different side in me. I learnt how to defend myself, to speak up for what I believe. I am drawn to you, constantly, but instead of acting on it, I chose to close myself from you and stamp out any attraction I felt towards you. But putting distance between us didn't stop me from falling in love with your mind, your soul.

The words I uttered when I was at my lowest and defeated were "I wanted all of Shiva." Not a kind and soft Shiva nor an angry and withdrawn Shiva, you in all your forms and moods because I've fallen for all of them and having one without the others, is loving only a part of the person that you are.

There are so many things I want to share with you but after our talk, I don't think I have the right, but I write it here anyway because if I ask for you hard enough the universe might just give you to me.

***

His eyes roved over the words, though she knew he had finished reading what she had written. He pulled her onto his lap, her head in the crook of his neck, she felt the tickle of his pulse even as her hand travelled across his chest and around to hold on to him. His arm automatically wrapping around her waist, he placed a kiss on her nose.

"I love you. You gave me all your feelings, so I could do no less. You know of the first part. I told you that when as we sat in the counselling room. The rest I'd written after we talked here that night. You were never meant to read it since we decided on getting the divorce but now it's yours to keep. This will always be what I come back to, no matter how much we argue, fight or even get angry, this is my point of no return."

He remained quiet and she contemplated on asking him questions but let it go when she noticed his grip tighten ever so slightly around her waist, pulling her even closer, she took in his scent and closed her eyes finally relaxing from the tiring day.

She was home. With him. Forever.