I am done [Abortion track- A OS] - Page 3

Originally posted by: yogakshema

Wowww! This was absolutely amazing.

There can't be enough words to describe how wonderfully this was written.

You gave a completely different picture on the abortion track.

Initially while reading, I thought Pallavi would give it back to them but did not imagine Raghav entering the scene. Raghav telling them especially Sanki Buddha what he has lost was superb.

Pallavi, in a single line, expressed that she was done with the Deshmukhs. I wouldn't even want to call them her family cause they never were. She was indirectly only a money-making machine to them is what I feel.

Pallavi walking out with Raghav was ❤️.

Can't wait to read more.

Glad you liked it! Thanks ❤

Originally posted by: masin

Very well written! 👏

Pallavi's exasperation was portrayed beautifully. The way she finally gave up took me back to that scene in the show and what I wished should've taken place at that time.

What stood out to me the most is the way Raghav shielded her and spoke for her. He didn't have to, he could've just caught her, steadied her, and been on his way, but he gave words to her feelings and Raghav's words are foolproof! Hamesha point ki baat karta hai, he doesn't derail, he doesn't go on tangents, he simply speaks from his head and heart without giving a thought to how his words will be perceived. (Forehead kiss was the cherry on top! He's just so unafraid and expressive, both verbally and physically!)

I love the way he didn't sing her praises, but he literally gave them all facts to ponder over. Who will be their breadwinner now? Who will look after them now? It puts in to perspective what the Deshmukhs really wanted from Pallavi all along and why they're suddenly afraid to lose her.

Raghav's urge to have the last word is SO true to the RR in the show. You captured that nuance perfectly in the last two paragraphs. VD ko thank you bhi bol diya, Pallavi ko izzat bhi de di, and the way they walked off into their horizon - uff, Raghav killed too many birds with one stone to count! ❤️

I'm looking forward to see what else you write inspired by the previous tracks. The show had so much potential back then and it's so nostalgic to revisit those scenes and read what could've/would've/should've been.

P.S. I lose my mind at the way you describe his scent! It's perfect!

Bilkul sahi kaha! I think that is his best quality and one of the major reasons why I like him so much. Uski dil ki baat zubaan pe humesha!

Arre ek dhil se kayi nishaan maarna adat hain RR ki.. yaad nhi kya bolta hain woh.. I'm born smart!!?

Hehehe... somehow thats how I imagine he might smell... 😋😋😋😚😚😚

Originally posted by: Monster08

This is too good.

Thanks for reading

Originally posted by: AnushkhaA

Thanks a lot! Im glad u enjoyed it! Thats the point actually... she becomes independent, comes to an equal standing with Raghav, irritates the hell outta him and makes him fall for her... hard. 😂😂😂

Exactly you got it ki Mujhe kya chahiye 😂

Isliye toh I said ki make this os into ff 😍

This is a satisfyingly dramatic story; I liked how Raghav did all the talking while poor disillusioned Pallavi just rested in his arms. The characters were a little different than the way I see them (for example, you have Sharada being weak before Vijay, Raghav thinking of himself as Pallavi's mentor, and Pallavi trusting Raghav to take her away), but I enjoyed them anyway.

I hope you don't mind my pointing out two things that bothered me in your story: Amruta being slapped and Raghav saying of Pallavi that "she would die before letting any man touch her." I was more affected by the scene on the show: Amruta as a scared child, who trusted her mother to take care of her unwanted pregnancy, was being beaten by Sulochana and protected by Pallavi. A slap for Amruta is not justifiable - she didn't frame Pallavi and she has the right to control her own reproductive life and not admit it. As for Pallavi, it is she, not Raghav, who gets to decide whether she lets any man touch her. No need to "die before" anything (but I'm all for Raghav thinking she might "kill before" letting him touch her), and if she makes an exception for the right man, it's her life.

Originally posted by: BrhannadaArmour

This is a satisfyingly dramatic story; I liked how Raghav did all the talking while poor disillusioned Pallavi just rested in his arms. The characters were a little different than the way I see them (for example, you have Sharada being weak before Vijay, Raghav thinking of himself as Pallavi's mentor, and Pallavi trusting Raghav to take her away), but I enjoyed them anyway.

I hope you don't mind my pointing out two things that bothered me in your story: Amruta being slapped and Raghav saying of Pallavi that "she would die before letting any man touch her." I was more affected by the scene on the show: Amruta as a scared child, who trusted her mother to take care of her unwanted pregnancy, was being beaten by Sulochana and protected by Pallavi. A slap for Amruta is not justifiable - she didn't frame Pallavi and she has the right to control her own reproductive life and not admit it. As for Pallavi, it is she, not Raghav, who gets to decide whether she lets any man touch her. No need to "die before" anything (but I'm all for Raghav thinking she might "kill before" letting him touch her), and if she makes an exception for the right man, it's her life.

You are seriously in the wrong fd dude. Its an itv show. Its supposed to be dramatic.

And as for Pallavi being weak it doesn't stand a point with my reasoning. Its not being weak or strong. Its her being tired. She doesn't want to fight or explain herself. Raghav talking for her is because he wants to. Pallavi letting him hold her is because she already is in love with him, she trusts him and he is only one who has been teaching her to hold her own because he is genuinely concerned for her.

Pallavi definitely has the right to decide whom she wants to let her touch. Raghav is drawing out his own assumption from whatever he has seen. You are forgetting Raghav Rao is a testosterone driven man, his impulsiveness and tendency to judge people immediately is a character trait (flaw if we are brutally honest) and never ever have I mentioned that he is perfect or he is right. He is doing what he believes is right.

Pallavi is in shock, she is hurt and right now all she wants is to get away. And having a long drawn out conversation with her 'parents' will drain her out completely which she doesn't want. So she lets him do what he is doing right now. That is how I have written this.

Do not judge the traits of the characters just on the basis of one scene.

And big revelation! Its an AU [Alternate Universe] so Raghav doesn't think he is mentoring her. He is mentoring her. This is not canon. And nowhere have I mentioned who got slapped. You all just assumed its Amruta.

Read properly.

Sharda must have said something I agree. Im sorry for not spending time on that. I was lazy. Lol. But it was mainly focused on Raghav and Pallavi. But maybe I should have written something better for Sharda. I concur.

Lastly. Dude its a fanfiction. Don't read too much into it. It's written for fun. I didn't even spend so much time analyzing it. Its not even proof read.

Thanks for the constructive criticism though. Appreciate it. I hope some of your disappointment must have been removed.

PS: I have noticed through your posts you have a pet peeve against Raghav. Is that true? 🤔

And you personally think Vijay Deshmukh is mostly not at fault at whatever he does.

PPS: Please don't take offense at anything I said. Its a healthy debate.

AnushkhaA, I do find "die before letting any man touch her" to be a disappointing hyperbole from your fictional Raghav, but you have every right to rewrite the characters as you see fit. If you don't want to tell us who got slapped for Amruta getting an abortion, that's your mystique. Please note: I sincerely wrote "satisfyingly dramatic story" and "I liked how Raghav did all the talking." If you want me to judge the characters' traits from more than one scene, please write as much as you wish, but I am going to understand your characters based on whatever I read.

Now, going on a tangent to reply to your PS:

I am entertained by the faults in Raghav's character, and I enjoy seeing him in tragic or introspective situations. If I have a "peeve" as you put it, it's when other characters pretend that Raghav's misdeeds never happened, or when they give him credit for what Pallavi accomplishes in spite of his working against her.

Vijay Deshmukh is responsible for whatever the creative team makes him do. He used to be a sympathetic character, complementary to Sharada, and now he's a spoilsport. If I'm reading the forum rules correctly, insulting names for characters such as VD (venereal disease?) and Sanki are not acceptable, but since they're the norm here, I guess my using the character's real name comes across as biased.

Fun fact: Pallavi called Raghav "Sanki" from the jilebī scene onwards, long before Raghav started to use this insult for Vijay.

I started a thread that is a score card for all the times Vijay and Raghav have offended each other. Everyone may feel free to comment there.

I don't think Vijay was right to throw Pallavi out, or to ask Raghav to drink his foot-wash, but I felt more sympathy for Vijay than for Raghav in those scenes because it took a lot for Vijay to become so hateful. Is Vijay supposed to forget that Raghav said, "Your daughter is at my feet with the other girls who chase me?" Vijay suffered a heart attack after Raghav showed him obscene photographs and said, "That's your daughter next to me," and rattled off the pet names that Pallavi allegedly used to convince him to sell the shop. Vijay's son spent a night in jail for crimes that Raghav directed him to commit. I don't expect Vijay to get over these injuries, any more than I expect Raghav to get over the memory of his father lapping up tea like a dog.

If anyone disagrees with me, I am not taking offense at all. Bhinna-rucir hi lokaḥ.

wow this is beautiful 👏 Please write more.

Translate the last statement plz. Im not marathi or telegu.

Bhinna-rucir hi lokaḥ means, people have different tastes. It's Saṃskṛta, from Kālidāsa's Raghuvaṃśa: "Neither was he unattractive, nor was she unable to see clearly; people have different tastes."