Guys this is my first attempt to write an OS. I don't know how it is and was having cold feet. Thanks to Pri to encourage me to post this. Let me me how you all find it
Karma- it was something Raavi always believed in. Hence she tried her best to forgive and move on because price will be due but it is not hers to extract. She apologised as soon as she realised her mistake because realization of the mistake reduced its magnitude to some extent but still there is price to pay.
What had she done to deserve being humiliated at the altar? She had tried to be nice to everyone in fact so why did she give this price?
Today I hurt Rishita by blurting out that she did not want the room either. I did not mean to accuse. Why am I such a dobi and blabbermouth? It is a curse honestly. Anyway despite saying sorry, I knew I have hurt her and there will be price to pay- Rishita will herself extract it no doubt this time.
However the words that hurt me more- Tum toh aisi nahi thi Raavi
Aisi hi thi woh bachpan se tune aaj jana- if the previous words hurt, these words felt like a dagger slicing through me. What did he mean I kept misunderstanding people ?
As Raavi roamed in the market buying things that Dhara di had told her too, her diary entry kept playing in her mind. It was good- it kept her distracted from the constant whispers that followed her, the rejected bride. She maintained her cheerful facade and ignored to the best of her ability while her mind kept replaying everything.
Did Shiva get hurt by her words? But he called her so many names too and nothing is new - why is he suddenly affected? Or was he always affected ? It was easier to keep up appearances of not caring when she wasn't family. Was this why he became so upset when she mimicked him wearing the shirt because he felt she mocked him? But she always felt that this was all in good fun. If he was so hurt, how many times had she hurt him in the past? Raavi gasped. She knew Shiva was a good man; he had his anger issues but his heart was in the right place. Hurting him throughout the years- she can't even count. Maybe she did deserve what fate did to her she thought with a bitter smile. It pained her to think that she hurt him so much- she also misunderstood him in the marriage and kidnapping accusing him and hurting him more.
Raavi found her feet taking her to Maasima's place. She was the mother figure to Raavi though evil to the world. And now Raavi needed the solace. But what she heard pulled the ground below her feet. Her maasi ma was telling Anita di to stop this madness- late night sneaking into Pandya house, pouring water on cement ; Gautam is married for God's sake. Raavi left before they saw her. Why ? Why is her family like this? She found it difficult to disentangle herself from Maami ki behen ki beti; now she has to disentangle from Anita as well. Why are both of them hell bent in hurting the Pandyas ?
She reached home and called out the family members informing them that it was Anita. Shiva lost his temper- you and your whole family have become the bane of our existence. Dev and Krish looked at her coldly too.
Rishita said- you were accusing me because of my father; should I accuse you of helping your sister ?
Dhara and Gautam asked Rishita to stop at the same time. Suman told all of them to stop and told Raavi that her family was not welcome here anymore. Raavi nodded her head meekly.
The three brothers and Rishita continued to remain distant with her. Raavi accepted their frigid behavior because her mayka left her with no other option. Shiva's words were curt to her but this time Raavi made it a point to not say anything that might hurt him. She would not commit the same mistakes again- she would not hurt Shiva. Especially when he was trying not to hurt her by staying away from her to protect her from his temper. She did try to tell him that she wasn't involved in anything. Shiva stopped her saying he knew that but she is the thread binding maami and Anita to them. Raavi had no reply to this.
Gradually things started returning to normal but Raavi remained quieter than her normal version. Her blabbermouth had to be controlled anyway. She was really losing hope about her future- she will always be the thread joining them to maami and Anita. Shiva will never be able to accept her. She will never have the passionate and all consuming love she craved for. With each passing day she spiralled deeper into hopelessness. And it made her see everything in a different light- she did not deserve this family; she did not deserve Shiva. Heck none of Dev, Shiva or Krish had wanted her to come this house. Only Dhara di had maybe. As time passed her beliefs became more strengthened- she was unwanted and undeserving.
Here Shiva had calmed down with time and he missed the Raavi he knew- this quiet version reminded him too much of her in the one week after their marriage; one week after her suicide attempt. Shiva was getting worried in fact seeing her silent- it was like she was hiding all her emotions this time. Then she used to atleast cry but now there was nothing- as if she had no hope to cling on to. Wait, did that mean she had had hopes from him then? Of course, she had hence she was so angry and hurt when she felt he had left her at the altar. What Shiva missed the most was fighting with her- this Raavi just agreed to what he said. She seemed to be sinking. He loved her - he loved her with everything he had. He did not deserve her- he was the one who stole her happiness.
Maami came to Pandya house but was stopped in the aangan by Suman- where did she think she was going? She was not welcome here. They know what she and Anita had done. Maami tried to justify and pulled in Raavi in all of it. Raavi sided with the family asking maami to go back- Raavi can meet her later if needed. Raavi had supported Pandyas over her maasi publicly - she did not shield her and talk in private. Shiva and Maami were both shocked. Shiva felt he saw traces of his Raavi but maami saw red.
"Of course you would side with them. An orphan like you- I was the one who raised you. I should have left you. You were left at the altar- you are unwanted even in this family. You taking their side would change that? No. Neither Shiva nor this family will accept you."
Raavi had flinched back at the first words. Maami's words were the nail in the coffin. She was and will remain unwanted by all. Here Shiva thought Raavi would give it back to her Maasi but he saw Raavi flinch at the word orphan and moved towards her protectively. He was scared to see the look of acceptance cross her face. No . There was no way Raavi believed that she was unwanted. Yet her face was an open book to him right now. His heart squeezed painfully in his chest as he held her trembling hand. He shouted at Maami to stop all the while gently squeezing Raavi's hand to ground her. He knew he had to handle Raavi. His family can handle maami. He looked at Gombi who nodded his head reassuringly. Shiva pulled Raavi along to their room.
He closed the door and took her in his arms. She did not hug him back. She whispered," I don't deserve this Shiva. I don't deserve any happiness.Maasi is right. I am unwanted. I am the girl who hurt you with her words- the only thread joining you to Maami and Anita. Maami ki behen ki beti. I am the girl rejected at her own wedding- the one who was to be married to your brother. You can never accept me or be happy with me.You deserve better. Let me go."
Shiva's hold on her tightened as he heard her whispers. He was engulfed so much in his own insecurities that he didn't see Raavi drowning in her grief. Raavi felt unwanted. The irony. Here he thought she deserved the world and here she thought she deserves nothing. She is broken. It pained him. He hugged her closer. With all his love, he would heal her- he would bring back his Raavi.
"Raavi you deserve all the happiness. I am not letting you go anywhere. You are my wife. I don't care about your past. Your present and future is with me and me alone. You hurt me ? Never intentionally unlike me. I promise you Raavi you will not be hurt because of Maami and Anita. I promise you that you will be find your happiness with me and you will never be alone."
As Raavi looked at Shiva's face with his eyes shining with love, a tiny spark of hope flared in her chest that brought life back to her eyes. She hugged him back leaning on him trusting him to handle her. Shiva stroked her hair thinking this is the start; he had a long way to go before he finds her again but find her he would .
Thank you reading patiently.
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Naagin 7
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