Originally posted by: Sakmen
Ho mainu dio na wafawaan, mainu dhokha de do
Dhokhe vich bada hi swaad hunda ae
Jehda dil ton nibhaave ohnu puche koi na
Jehda tod da ae dil ohi yaad hunda aee
(Translation:
Don't give me loyalty, give me betrayal
Betrayal has a taste of it's own
Nobody remembers the one who gives his heart to the relationship
But the one who breaks the heart is always remembered)
Coincidentally, this was the first song that played in my car this morning and I couldn't help but relate it to Shiva's current situation. He has been in this relationship with all his heart since day one. He has always considered it to be for life.. and now that he was beginning to have feelings towards Raavi, that too was all heart and soul. We can say that he is fully loyal towards this marriage.
But today after reading her diary, he feels betrayed, not by raavi but by his own emotions.. he suddenly feels that he has no right to feel the way he has been recently feeling for her.. kyuki 'Raavi toh tujhe milegi hi nahi'. My heart breaks at the unworthy feeling that has emerged in him.. the guy who was so confident and comfortable in his skin is now thinking that he's not deserving the woman in his life for whom he has this new found longing.. I can so relate to his emotions, been there.
Reading Dev's name in her diary shouldn't have come as a shocker to him because he very well knew about her past and madness for Dev, but that would have been the case if he had read the diary just randomly.
But in today's scenario, first he heard the comparison between Dev and him from Sneha which didn't go well with him and made him drink. And now that he came to his room to his sleeping wife, holding the diary in one hand. She probably fell asleep writing in it or reading it. The diary kept so close to her still having her and Dev's name so romantically and him as the evil of their story, made him feel that even after all the betrayal and heartbreak that Dev gave her, she still remembers him and hasn't removed him from her thoughts whereas him being 100% into this marriage and trying to mould himself for it, stands nowhere.
That is maybe one of the reasons he says in the precap ki jab tujhe bola tha jaane ko kyu nahi gayi ab chali jaa....
This heartbreak comes as a speed breaker in Shiva's fast growing feelings for Raavi, and it's a much needed one for a smooth ride ahead called life.
Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing...
Elizabeth Gilbert