A different perspective about Dhara - Page 3

Originally posted by: Transference

I think the show's basic premise is based on sacrifice, which gives birth to more silence and tears.

Let's go back to not only Dhara but Gaumbi too. He is the same man who couldn't open his mouth to reveal to his mother that he had married Dhara; he is the same man who was comfortably sleeping on a bed with his brothers while his newly wedded wife was sitting on the floor in the verandah. He is the same man who was okay and agreed to his wife’s decision of not having kids and keeping quiet when everyone found fault with her.

He is the same man who gave in to the worry of his brother's lives without giving an iota of thought about Raavi and how bad her life will be with a constantly constipated and spineless Dev.

Dev is a monumental disappointment in the name of a man. He couldn't stand up for his love, went on leading another girl despite several warnings from his brother.

Dhara bears the brunt, and guess what, she gets bashed too. I wouldn't say I like her ways. Especially, her umbilical cords with the grown-up men. It's toxic and puts any person who will enter their Lives insecure and not okay with being a shadow of the woman her man worships.

Imagine a girl comparing a man to her jijaji? Will that work?

She has been the decision-maker, but we should back off and allow them to breathe. Her kitchen authority is also another lousy writing.

Trust me; such men never grow up from the Anchal of other mothers, and women as wives in such families have a tough time. Dhara’s life, sacrifices and love would be appreciated and NOT benchmarked for comparison.

Rishita is a brat and self-centred, but at least the girl had the guts to fight with the world for a man who couldn't even stand up for her! Had I been in Rishita’s place, I would had said f**ck off and go live with your family for all I care and would have never married such coward.

I was appalled at Gaumbi’s reaction when she broke into the wedding.

Coming to Shiva, I think he is so there for Dhara that his individuality is wholly neglected. His emotional outbursts are very lonely. He expresses only when hugging or lonely.

I don't see any point in hitting grown-up men at all! Shiva being a worse case as he gets hit so badly that too in front of his wife. No matter how frustrated she is with everyone, Raavi or Shiva don't deserve this.

Dhara didn't allow Raavi or Gaumbi to hit him, but he beats him. That's humiliation. Maybe Raavi has seen them from childhood, Rishita hasn't.

Dhara needs to breathe and stop being in the middle of everything. This is what happens when mothers don't teach emotional independence to people. It's easy to latch on to a caregiver, but it's so unhealthy to stay like that forever.

P.S- Loved your thoughts in the post

I agree with everything you've said! Parents mollycoddling their children, then overnight getting them married and expecting to accept and move on, and then again berating them in public and treating them as children needs to stop! There is a difference between sacrifice and compromise. An unappreciated sacrifice (Shiva's) is bound to tear that person apart. While, a misjudged compromise (Raavi's) needs time, care and patience for acceptance, without this the said compromise will grow into a tree of misunderstandings and anger.

I've seen some growth in Gaumbi post leap. But Dhara, dear god her methods and attitude will push people away especially ones who loved and respected her most (Shiva, Raavi, maybe Krish too post beatings)

Pandya family disregarding Raavi's emotions has always been frustrating for me. I need Shiva to be super-protective of his naive innocent wife (especially from his bhabhi's emotional blackmailing; not going to happen but a girl can dream) And now they're doing the same with Shiva. He's gonna be broken.

Dhara definitely needs to stop interfering between spouses. They're not just your children now. They are grown up adults who have some responsibility towards their wives. She should not be their priority all the time. I hope Dev, Shiva and Dhara learn this soon. Priorities do shift after marriage just like a girl's priorities shift, a guy's priority should also shift. Dhara has to step back and let Shiva and Dev focus on their spouses too.

Had I been in Rishita's place, I would've done the same as you.

My heart hurts for Shiva. He is such a realistic character. We all might have met someone who shared similarities with Shiva. Loving anything or any person blindly is harmful. And right now, Shiva loves Dhara blindly which is going to cause him pain. There has to be certain degree of fine line here. Loving Dhara to the point of worshiping her as god is wrong. She is a human and she has her flaws. He has to see them in her. Accept that she can be wrong too. Only then, Shiva will stop looking at himself from her point of view and other people's point of view and accept who he really is as a person. I hope Raavi helps him in accepting himself. He is wonderful with all his imperfections.

Originally posted by: Leoqueen

I agree with everything you've said! Parents mollycoddling their children, then overnight getting them married and expecting to accept and move on, and then again berating them in public and treating them as children needs to stop! There is a difference between sacrifice and compromise. An unappreciated sacrifice (Shiva's) is bound to tear that person apart. While, a misjudged compromise (Raavi's) needs time, care and patience for acceptance, without this the said compromise will grow into a tree of Misunderstandings and anger.

I've seen some growth in Gaumbi post leap. But Dhara, dear god her methods and attitude will push people away especially ones who loved and respected her most (Shiva, Raavi, maybe Krish too post beatings)

Pandya family disregarding Raavi's emotions has always been frustrating for me. I need Shiva to be super-protective of his naive innocent wife (especially from his bhabhi's emotional blackmailing; not going to happen but a girl can dream) And now they're doing the same with Shiva. He's gonna be broken.

Dhara definitely needs to stop interfering between spouses. They're not just your children now. They are grown up adults who have some responsibility towards their wives. She should not be their priority all the time. I hope Dev, Shiva and Dhara learn this soon. Priorities do shift after marriage just like a girl's priorities shift, a guy's priority should also shift. Dhara has to step back and let Shiva and Dev focus on their spouses too.

Had I been in Rishita's place, I would've done the same as you.

My heart hurts for Shiva. He is such a realistic character. We all might have met someone who shared similarities with Shiva. Loving anything or any person blindly is harmful. And right now, Shiva loves Dhara blindly which is going to cause him pain. There has to be certain degree of fine line here. Loving Dhara to the point of worshiping her as god is wrong. She is a human and she has her flaws. He has to see them in her. Accept that she can be wrong too. Only then, Shiva will stop looking at himself from her point of view and other people's point of view and accept who he really is as a person. I hope Raavi helps him in accepting himself. He is wonderful with all his imperfections.

All points are bang on!

I have problems with Shiva being so blind in the love of family too. Rishita was begging Dev standing in front of a bike. I wouldn't say I liked a word of whatever Dev told to her. She was being punished for her father’s deeds. I agree, Rishita, maybe the vamp they believe her to be, but she was the woman he loved for two years and then promised her marriage. It was convenient for him to insult her—no wonder she gets insecure at the drop of a hat.

Dev can't stand her family because they insulted her Bhabhi and hit her while Rishita is expected to love her family from day one despite knowing that they were getting Dev married to someone else.

More than anything, Dev should be bashed by Rishita left, right and centre.

I wouldn't say I like Dhara when she cries as she believes everything in the world is her responsibility.

ITV, it's high time to make people understand that there should not be any interference from parental figures and siblings when husband-wife speak to each other. Dhara has raised clueless over protected men. They don't respect any women.

Originally posted by: Transference

All points are bang on!

I have problems with Shiva being so blind in the love of family too. Rishita was begging Dev standing in front of a bike. I wouldn't say I liked a word of whatever Dev told to her. She was being punished for her father’s deeds. I agree, Rishita, maybe the vamp they believe her to be, but she was the woman he loved for two years and then promised her marriage. It was convenient for him to insult her—no wonder she gets insecure at the drop of a hat.

Dev can't stand her family because they insulted her Bhabhi and hit her while Rishita is expected to love her family from day one despite knowing that they were getting Dev married to someone else.

More than anything, Dev should be bashed by Rishita left, right and centre.

I wouldn't say I like Dhara when she cries as she believes everything in the world is her responsibility.

ITV, it's high time to make people understand that there should not be any interference from parental figures and siblings when husband-wife speak to each other. Dhara has raised clueless over protected men. They don't respect any women.

Just popping in to say that WOW, it feels so damn validating to see someone who shares my exact same thoughts! Thank you for that!

Originally posted by: Transference

I think the show's basic premise is based on sacrifice, which gives birth to more silence and tears.

Let's go back to not only Dhara but Gaumbi too. He is the same man who couldn't open his mouth to reveal to his mother that he had married Dhara; he is the same man who was comfortably sleeping on a bed with his brothers while his newly wedded wife was sitting on the floor in the verandah. He is the same man who was okay and agreed to his wife’s decision of not having kids and keeping quiet when everyone found fault with her.

He is the same man who gave in to the worry of his brother's lives without giving an iota of thought about Raavi and how bad her life will be with a constantly constipated and spineless Dev.

Dev is a monumental disappointment in the name of a man. He couldn't stand up for his love, went on leading another girl despite several warnings from his brother.

Dhara bears the brunt, and guess what, she gets bashed too. I wouldn't say I like her ways. Especially, her umbilical cords with the grown-up men. It's toxic and puts any person who will enter their Lives insecure and not okay with being a shadow of the woman her man worships.

Imagine a girl comparing a man to her jijaji? Will that work?

She has been the decision-maker, but we should back off and allow them to breathe. Her kitchen authority is also another lousy writing.

Trust me; such men never grow up from the Anchal of other mothers, and women as wives in such families have a tough time. Dhara’s life, sacrifices and love would be appreciated and NOT benchmarked for comparison.

Rishita is a brat and self-centred, but at least the girl had the guts to fight with the world for a man who couldn't even stand up for her! Had I been in Rishita’s place, I would had said f**ck off and go live with your family for all I care and would have never married such coward.

I was appalled at Gaumbi’s reaction when she broke into the wedding.

Coming to Shiva, I think he is so there for Dhara that his individuality is wholly neglected. His emotional outbursts are very lonely. He expresses only when hugging or lonely.

I don't see any point in hitting grown-up men at all! Shiva being a worse case as he gets hit so badly that too in front of his wife. No matter how frustrated she is with everyone, Raavi or Shiva don't deserve this.

Dhara didn't allow Raavi or Gaumbi to hit him, but she beats him. That's humiliation. Maybe Raavi has seen them from childhood, Rishita hasn't.

Dhara needs to breathe and stop being in the middle of everything. This is what happens when mothers don't teach emotional independence to people. It's easy to latch on to a caregiver, but it's so unhealthy to stay like that forever.

P.S- Loved your thoughts in the post

I wish I could like the original and this post over and over.

I am so happy that someone pointed out the flaws in Dhara, Gautam and Suman's (and her husband) parenting.

There has been a lot of Dev bashing on this forum and while he deserves it, the blame also lies on his parenting and how he saw things play out in his surroundings. He did not just become the way he is all by himself. And therefore seeing Gautam act like an actual sensible adult this week has been so surprising for me.

Originally posted by: Khoobsurat123

Actually I too feel she is so overdramatic and too much like ITV Rotlu bahu. Means we acknowledge about her sacrifices for the family and she love those three as her children. But is'nt it viceversa those three love her more than anything in this world. They have no idea that she can't be mother for their sake. Still they always stand with her. Shiva agreed to marry a girl for her sake. I mean if she is really angry she can beat them inside the room atleast no one watching (Specially Shiva he is grown up and married now).

I don't think Suman is telling her to get out of her house(as per the promo people speculate this thing). But I really want her to point out this thing and even a scolding is better. If she would ever try to even touch Dev like this(Because for me he actually deserves it) I am pretty sure Rishita will be fire. I do like her character a lot for this way. Rishita always take stand for Dev. And really really wish if not this time in future even Raavi took stand for Shiva opposing her if she tries to repeat same nautanki.

Yes, someone needs to take a stand for Shiva, rightfully. What he did required a scolding not a beating. It actually feels like Dhara is blasting off all her frustrations from Raavi, Rishita and Dev on Shiva. Shiva's prank is not the cause of her pressure cooker situation. It is Dev's cowardliness that led to this consequences. A mother loves all her children and treat them equally. But Dhara's biased behavior towards Dev and such callous reaction towards Shiva is incorrect. Dhara should definitely get a proper scolding from Suman. All the family drama is getting too much for Dhara so I feel she should just back off for some time, be disappointed with Shiva for his own actions and not to use him as a punching bag aka a result of everyone's frustrations. I think her disappointment would've definitely helped Shiva to understand the situation and never stretch a prank, that could've worked out well. With this humiliation, it's going to break Shiva, increase his insecurities and cause blatant disrespect from Rishita and Mami, god forbid Raavi too.

Originally posted by: journalgirl321

Just popping in to say that WOW, it feels so damn validating to see someone who shares my exact same thoughts! Thank you for that!

Hey 🤗

How have you been?

Have I seen you around much?

I believe most of us echo similar thoughts.

Originally posted by: aquaHP

I wish I could like the original and this post over and over.

I am so happy that someone pointed out the flaws in Dhara, Gautam and Suman's (and her husband) parenting.

There has been a lot of Dev bashing on this forum, and while he deserves it, the blame also lies on his parenting and how he saw things play out in his surroundings. He did not just become the way he is all by himself. And therefore seeing Gautam act like an actual sensible adult this week has been so surprising for me.

Hey, as a society, we are at a cusp of change in demographics and a thought process. The ageing Boomers and the early millennials serve as a generation connection that didn't question toxicity in families.

There are so many things that have changed in the world, and the ‘elder worshipping syndrome’ is being challenged. A toxic mother, an overburdening father, a lazy sibling; all this and more are being pointed out in the real world these days.

When such a cusp happens, a show like Pandya store evokes responses that can range from anger to love and disbelief.

I think ITV needs to evolve from the trope of ‘elders can't be wrong.’ Another challenge that these brothers face is that of considering anyone apart from their cocoon of warmth as an outsider.

If you go back, Shiva’s flashbacks belong to their cocoon being happy without the new women in their lives. It creates contrast in a viewer's mind, again putting women like Dhara on a pedestal.

Trust me; I have seen women like Raavi, who is timid and give in as second fiddle to Dhara like women. The level of toxicity of love for Dhara will never allow Raavi to blossom as an individual.

I bet the falling in love process shall happen in the form - ‘ Oh look! The girl loves my family and is just like my Dhara Bhabhi.’

Don't you think that's problematic? loving someone and viewing people from each other’s lens is strange.

Individuality might seem like a curse to many people and such families, but it's essential to live a life that doesn't make you a sacrificing machine.

Dhara hasn't lived enough. It's high time we get the messaging right. Women and their sacrifices shouldn't be glorified. It's a whole underlying dynamic of systematic patriarchy!

I would love it if one day Dhara looks back at herself and says that I haven't lived enough.

I can go on and on. It's high time Gaumbi takes her out for vacations and let the couples bond together than playing Cards. Marriages are fragile institutions, given the circumstances they have been through.

A lot can be done differently!

I have a problem with the ‘rich modern girl being the vamp’ trope too. Rich, independent people, are not monsters, and non-ambitious aren't always the ideal prototype for ‘bahu material’ in real lives.

Not digressing much, I’d say- Gaura may be sacrificial but not demi-gods. Let's not hero-worship them.