VashmAy SS - Deceptions (Chapter 7 Page 4) - Page 2

Hey everyone!

Thank you for such a warm response on the cover and concept of this short story! As promised, Saturday is here and so is Chapter 1! Hope you all enjoy reading it!

She clutched the ends of the countertop; shoulders hunched and lips parted in breath. She slowly lifted her gaze to meet her reflection in the mirror, a starking contrast to her imbalanced mental state. The silver band on her wrist clanked against the washbasin as she turned the tap off, and her eyes investigated for any unwanted presence. Every brown doored cubicle behind her was empty, much to her relief. Taking a deep breath, she straightened, in an attempt to grasp some of the confidence her professional persona radiated. She had donned a black pencil skirt that skidded just below her knees, paired with a light turquoise shirt with its sleeves rolled up to her elbows. The front of her hair had been twisted into braids, leaving the rest of her jet black locks loose that reached her waist. She’d worn hoops on her ears, and black pumps to match the bold fashion trend she loved.

And yet a tear slipped past her kohled eye, meeting the oxidized nose ring before marring her cheek.

She shut her eyes, forcing herself to prepare for the hurdles ahead. It wouldn’t be easy, she knew. Every challenge that one decision brought to her, she had been warned about. Every wound she pierced herself with, she had been given two months to heal.

But it wasn’t enough. When it came to him, nothing was ever enough.

Her lips quivered and her heart sped. Just the thought of him threw her out of control. How was she to face him, to work with him again? She shuddered at all the possibilities she wanted to avoid with every bit of her being. She couldn’t bare open her soul to him anymore. She had to guard her heart from an impending stampede; a ruckus one look from him could cause. These past two months, she had acted indifferently, impervious to the constant heartache she refused to surrender to. Forget anger, she couldn’t even utter his name out loud anymore.

“Vashma?” She turned her head at the familiar voice. A girl emerged through the door of the women’s washroom; a girl completely opposite in every way possible. She wore a peach colored cotton kurta with denim jeans, her brown hair meticulously braided to one side. She had donned a little black bindi on her forehead, her wrists adorned with bangles and a simple wristwatch. Her brows arched in worry at seeing her best friend’s condition.

“Are you okay?”

“Absolutely, Amrit. What was to happen to me?” Vashma shrugged callously.

Amrit Singh walked up to her best friend, taking one hand in hers, “You don’t have to pretend in front of me, Vashma.”

A lump formed in her throat but she swallowed, “I’m not pretending. I was just freshening up before heading over to the airport to pick up a colleague.”

Her nonchalant tone could not convince Amrit, “Freshening up or wiping your tears, Vashma?”

“Why would I cry? It’s not like I’m reuniting with someone of my own. You’ve got that spot safe, dear sister.” Vashma rested her hands on Amrit’s shoulders.

“I can talk to our bosses, Vashma. We could send someone else and you--”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle, Amrit.” Vashma argued fiercely.

“But--”

“He’s just a senior colleague, nothing more.” Vashma turned to face the mirror once more, fixing the invisible creases on her shirt.

“You fell in love with him, Vashma.” Amrit reminded bluntly, a tone she rarely used.

A pair of kohl rimmed eyes shot at Amrit in attack before softening as Vashma scoffed, “Love? Please, Amrit. It was an infatuation, just physical attraction on my part. After all, he is the infamous handsome hunk in this office.” Vashma finished with an edge of bitterness as she shuffled with the silver bangle on her wrist.

“Yeah, ‘cause that explains why you’ve still kept this kada.” Amrit raised her voice.

“How does it matter?! We’ve both moved on, Amrit!” Vashma lashed out with equal fervor.

“No.” Her best friend faltered in her step as she hysterically shook her head.

“You’re still where you were two months ago. And he doesn’t even realize what he’s moved on from.”

----------

The security guard knew better than to initiate small talk when he saw a fuming Vashma Baig stomp out of ‘The Amritsar Reporter’ office. The car driver assigned for her ride particularly steered clear of her as she demanded for the keys to the SUV. She stepped in, revved the engine, and sped in the direction of Sri Guru Ram Das Ji International Airport.

To say that Vashma was angry was an understatement.

Because she was furious. Furious at her best friend for reminding her of days she wished to forget. For calling her a coward who couldn’t move past that one incident. She didn’t want to fight with her best friend. She was furious at the man who caused her this misery, for immediately abandoning her on a two month reporting mission on a raging sting operation. But most of all, she was furious at herself. For not being able to forget the man, for not being able to hate him. Tears began to prick her eyes once again, but she bit them back. She wasn’t going to succumb to something that didn’t matter to her.

Vashma Baig was not weak.

And so she devised a plan. She would keep physical contact to a minimum. She wouldn’t entertain personal questions; about her family or his, about food cravings and movie releases. She would keep it professional, and would expect the same from him. They’d talk about work, and only if required. Nothing more.

With newfound determination, she parked in one of the allocated spots before turning off the engine. She took a deep breath, reiterating the things she said to herself minutes ago. She could do this, she could face him cordially. With that, she stepped out and made her way to the Arrivals gate. Each tap of her heel added tenacity to her gait and she held her head high in confidence. She stood by the railings, preparing a formal welcome speech in her mind. She’d ask safe questions like how the reporting mission turned out and whether he encountered any difficulties. Not personal, only professional. Of course. This should be enough of a conversation on their way back to the car. And then she’d turn on the radio to fill in the silence. Perfect. She was prepared.

She sighed to herself when she noticed her heart pick up beat. Goosebumps erupted on the skin of her forearm and her lips parted breathlessly. Anticipation overpowered every other emotion and she was suddenly floundered with joy. Two months of unknown longing had finally reached its end. A smile helplessly made its way across her lips as her gaze breached past the sliding doors ahead of her. Her breath hitched.

There he was.

Faded denim jeans and a crisp dark orange linen shirt with the first two buttons open, hiding behind his signature black jacket. His hair tousled to one side like always, his stubble a little more profound and a pair of aviator sunglasses on the bridge of his nose despite it being a little after 5:30 PM. Typical.

He spotted her just as she was trying to calm her frazzled nerves and erratic heart. A jubilant smile etched onto his face, his perfect white teeth on display as he ran towards her, his suitcase following suit. She wasn’t given a single second to process the surge of emotion when he engulfed her in a tight hug. Her fingers hesitated for a whole three seconds before wrapping them around his torso, feeling every muscle with unmatched nervousness. His cologne filled her senses; a combination of something woody and musky and uniquely him. Her soul finally found its home as her lips inevitably curved upwards. She hid her face in the crook of his shoulder, holding onto the proximity for another few seconds when she realized.

She was supposed to be wiser than this.

And so she tersely pulled back and cleared her throat. Confusion passed his face before settling on a simple grin.

“Welcome back, Uday Sahani.” His name uttered from her lips for the first time in two months. His smile widened, oblivious to the emotional turmoil in her heart. “How have you been, Vashma Baig?”

His annoying habit of calling her by her full name hadn’t deterred.

She nodded slightly, “All good.”

“I’m happy about that.” When she raised an eyebrow in question, he explained, “You were oddly disturbed by your friend’s tragic one-sided love story when I left. And we haven’t spoken since.”

I gulped in realization. “It’s not odd. Friends tend to feel each other’s pain.”

“I thought Amrit was your best friend.”

“Yeah, so?”

“You never told me about this anonymous friend of yours.” He pressed.

She dodged the hint, “I don’t tell you everything, Uday.”

“Correction. You don’t anymore.” His eyes bored into hers, his head hovering over hers. The intensity of their stare made her uncomfortable.

She cleared her throat, “I think we should leave. You’ve got to report to your boss and I’ve got pending work to do.”

She turned on her heel, expecting him to take her lead. What she hadn’t expected was his hand around her wrist, stopping her from moving any further. She felt her skin sizzle beneath his touch as she tried her hardest to compose herself. “Wait, I forgot to introduce you to someone.”

Vashma had barely turned to face him when he turned his head in the direction of a slender girl, much like a model. Her chestnut colored hair bobbed with every step and she walked as if running up a ramp walk. She had on her arm a designer handbag that perfectly went with her sleeveless top and skirt.

“This is Trisha, my girlfriend.”

And the world stopped.

Vashma stood rooted in her spot, breathlessly heaving in this piece of information. Trisha fluttered her fake eyelashes at her before pecking her boyfriend on the cheek. He probably leaned in to take things further and Vashma looked away, feeling out of place. Her cheeks burned and her hands fisted into balls as she tried to contain herself. She felt something crumble within her, something that told her how wrong all of this was.

She needed to get out.

“Nice to meet you, Trisha. I’m Vashma Baig.” She reached out for a formal handshake, a similarly fake smile plastered onto her face.

Vashma turned to her colleague, “I really think we should head back.”

“Yeah sure, let’s go.” He placed his hand on his girlfriend’s waist when it clicked.

“She’s coming with us?!” Vashma hadn’t intended to shriek.

Uday shrugged, passing an obvious look between them, “She’s with me, where else would she go?”

Obviously his girlfriend would accompany him, Vashma chided to herself. Obviously they’d occupy the back seat, making the entire journey a lot more awkward than it already was.

“I’m not your driver. And this is a company car, not for personal rides.” I snapped.

Uday moved forward, blocking Trisha in the way, “What the hell, Vashma?! Why are you being this way?” He gritted through his teeth.

“I was told to pick up my senior colleague, not his random girlfriend as well.” She lashed back in hushed tones.

“How does that even matter?! We’re friends, Vashma.”

“It matters to me, Uday. And had you been my friend, it would have mattered to you too!” He looked taken aback for a second, wondering what he had done to receive her wrath. But before he could question or retaliate in response, Trisha intervened.

“Uday, it’s okay.” She brought one arm to his shoulder, as if marking her territory on him. Vashma passed a death stare before looking away.

“I’ll just take a cab to your house and see you once you’re done for the day.” She whispered something else in his ear that made him chuckle before wrapping his arm around her waist in response.

Unable to stand their public display of affection any longer, Vashma walked back to the car, stepped into the driver’s seat and turned the volume of the music player to maximum. The beats of whatever song was playing did nothing to calm her nerves but instead, made her imagine all that Uday might be talking to Trisha about. It took another three minutes and thirty-eight seconds; yes, she counted, for him to return, load his luggage and occupy the seat next to hers. Wordlessly, she ignited the engine and started driving.

Five minutes later, she annoyingly spat, “Stop staring at me like that.”

“I’m trying to figure out what’s wrong with you.” He perched one elbow against the window.

“I’m absolutely fine.” She lied.

He caught onto it, “Lies. If you were actually fine, you wouldn’t have acted the way you did with Trisha.”

Vashma gripped onto the steering wheel, “I don’t find anything wrong in it.”

“Did you not like her, or what?” Uday asked.

“I didn’t know you were bringing home a girlfriend.”

“I thought we weren’t sharing everything with each other anymore.”

She cast a glare in his direction, “What is this, revenge?”

He instantly softened, “No. I just--just didn’t get the time, okay?”

“Really?” Her voice dripped with sarcasm. “Or were you too busy deciding how long she’ll be in for. A week, two weeks max? You generally get bored after that.”

“For God’s sake, what’s with the roast session, Vashma?!” He twisted his fingers through his hair in perplexion.

“Nothing.” She murmured.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.

“Are Aunty and Uncle okay?”

“Yes.”

“Did something happen at work?”

“No.”

“Did someone say something to you?”

“No.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No.”

“Did you have lunch?”

“What?”

“You generally get grumpy without food.” He shrugged innocently.

“I’m fine, Uday.”

“No you’re not! Something is going on in that head of yours that you’re unwilling to share. What’s wrong?” He repeated, irking her further.

Vashma pulled onto the brakes, jerking the car to an immediate stop. She shut her eyes, thinking of ways to put a halt to his interrogation session. But how could she blame him for something he didn’t know about?

“Look Uday, everything is fine. Nothing is wrong.”

“Why am I not convinced?” He shifted in his seat to properly face her.

She diverted her attention outside the window, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation, all in vain.

“Vashma?”

“Why do you care, Uday?!” She lashed out loud, flailing her arms about.

A moment of silence settled between them and she started regretting her outburst.

He passed an incredulous expression, “Are you seriously asking me that?”

When she refused to answer, he continued, “I care because you’re my friend, Vashma! We were fine until a week before I left when you started avoiding me. You’re still pushing me away and I hate not knowing what’s hurting you so much!”

She sat astounded at his confession. Guilt settled deep into the pit of her stomach. Vashma had been so engrossed in normalizing her miseries that she had forgotten how oblivious he was to all of this. How much he valued the very friendship she now wanted to pretend as nonexistent.

“I’m not hurt.” She meekly rebutted, tearing her gaze away from him.

“Try saying that while looking me in the eye.” When she couldn’t, he hysterically proved his point, “See? I don’t know what’s wrong between us, but I want to. Because right now, it feels like you hate to even have me around.”

“Uday…” She tried to rummage for an excuse.

But he knew her too well from the six months they had started working together,

“Only the truth, Vashma.”

“Okay fine, you got me. I’m really tired and so done with all this work.” He swiveled the back of her chair and scooted his chair towards hers.

With their desks just across one another, this had become their usual tactic of talking to each other. Or in most cases, distracting each other from work.

“Told you so. This sincere and dedicated employee personality doesn’t suit you.” He received a playful smack on the arm in response. Once their chuckles quietened, he asked, “Why don’t you take a break?”

“I can’t afford a break, I’ve got too much to do. A presentation to edit, interview questions to prepare, and the list goes on.”

“Why don’t you ask the boss to halve your workload.”

She mocked his question before reminding, “You’ve got a secured position as a senior reporter. They love you. I need to make my place in this firm and the kind of attitude you’re suggesting…” She pushed her finger into his chest, before whispering up to him, “...is not helpful.”

He held onto her finger, and her heart began to thump in her chest as she unknowingly fluttered her eyelashes; an antic he absolutely adored on her.

“Why don’t you take a break from your part-time Kathak classes?” He pointed out. Ever since she found out about a teaching opportunity at a dance academy on the other side of the city a few months ago, she had decided to balance work and passion together. It wasn’t an easy task, to say the least.

“I could say the same to you about your Hockey coaching job.” She smirked and he brought one hand to the back of his neck sheepishly.

He had been a fan of the sport for as long as he could remember. While he couldn’t turn it into his career, he found another way to pursue his passion by tutoring the local kids. They both understood each other’s passions better than their own, and so supported each other whenever they could. Vashma and Uday could only manage to teach at night; thrice a week. So they eventually started sharing rides, dinners and a lot more incidents with one another. Managing the workload had gotten more difficult and an eight-hour sleep had become a distant dream.

But the joy in following their passion and the contentment they felt at the end of the day was worth every hurdle.

“I’m sure you can take a thirty minute break at least.” He proposed again.

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion, “What exactly do you have in mind?”

“The guys have arranged a bonfire outside. We’re playing truth or dare.” His eyes glinted.

“Interesting.” She mused over the offer, tapping her finger on her chin.

“What’s taking you so long? Afraid?”

That one word pulled her out of thought. She tugged on his collar challengingly, bringing them closer than she’d only ever imagined. A smirk played on his lips as she answered, “Vashma Baig is never afraid.”

“So you’re up for it?” He raised one brow, extending one hand out to her.

She placed her hand in his warm yet rough palm, “You’re on.”

----------

The minute Vashma made her way to the empty ground behind their office building, she heard an eruption of cheers from the rest of their team. When she recognized the applauds to be directed towards Uday and found him to be smiling boisterously, Vashma connected the dots.

“All of this was a dare?” She shook her head in disbelief at the absurdity of the situation.

“Randheer is to be blamed for this.” Uday pointed ahead, where her other senior colleague chortled, flashing his teeth behind his pencil styled moustache.

“You all are impossible!” Vashma chided while rolling her eyes.

“We just can’t stay without you, Vashma!” Randheer praised as she made her way to the spot beside Amrit. Uday followed suit, occupying the seat next to Randheer and diagonal to the girls.

While all fifteen of them at their workplace; comprising of junior and senior reporters and journalists, were friendly with one another, Vashma, Amrit, Uday and Randheer had developed a closer bond with each other. Perhaps it was their common interests, or the fact that their ancestors all hailed from Lahore prior to the partition, but all four of them were grateful nonetheless. While Vashma and Amrit were junior reporters, Uday and Randheer had been in the company for longer; thus holding senior reporter positions.

The game resumed, and each one in turn was asked either for a truth or given a dare. Dares had been playful while truths kept within the territory of friendliness. Everyone had had a long hard day so an argument or further drama was the last thing they needed.

Vashma’s turn came soon enough and with the ongoing physical and mental exertion, she decided to go for the truth. Across the bonfire sat her colleague Rajat who asked a question she least anticipated, “Are you and Uday ever gonna admit you’re dating?”

Vashma drew in a breath and immediately looked to her left for guidance; from the one person who knew her deepest secret. Amrit’s brows arched in concern, but her eyes held a tinge of hope and a silent smile made its way on her face. Vashma instantly shied away, unable to hide the color tainting her cheeks. She could no longer deny the truth her best friend pointed out repeatedly.

Vashma liked Uday.

She liked him a lot. Perhaps had fallen in love with him too. It wasn’t an instant feeling, but more of a gradual realization. She realized it when his touch began to stir something inside her. She noticed it when his annoying habits started to seem rather adorable; when its absence made her heart yearn. She felt it when his personal defeats saddened her, when his happiness radiated through her as well. He wasn’t just a handsome colleague that attracted the attention of the entire female population. He was so much more, meant so much more to her.

She had admitted to herself, but couldn’t find the courage to tell him. For the first time she felt at a loss of words, for the first time she felt unusually coy around him. Maybe this was the perfect chance to indirectly hint at her feelings. If he knew of her feelings for him, Uday might be more open to sharing his own. Boys were like that; always hiding from feelings of love.

She had finally mustered the courage to answer Rajat’s question, her heart jittery and fingers trembling when she heard a familiar series of laughs. She found it to be Uday, and she felt unwanted dejection flood her insides.

“Dude Rajat, what kinda stupid question is this?” He placed his can of beer to one side amidst his chuckles.

Vashma’s smile visibly slackened. Did he not feel what she felt for him? It’s when she reminded herself; perhaps this was just his defense mechanism kicking in. Perhaps he wanted to share his feelings with her first before announcing it to the entire world.

“Why don’t we let Vashma answer?” Rajat defended with a playful grin as his gaze shifted to Vashma again.

Before Vashma could say anything Uday stopped her chain of thoughts, “Oye, Vashma is like a sister to me! No way can we ever be dating?!”

Wait, what?

Her heart instantly squeezed and she shut her eyes to avoid any embarrassment. The sound of a thousand glass pieces shattering and piercing through her skin echoed in her ears, along with his words. How could she have been so foolish to misunderstand his gestures? How could she interpret his care and attention for love? How could she have fallen for someone who would never look at her as more than a friend, more than a sister?! Vashma shuddered at the thought, somewhat disgusted at herself for mistaking a relationship so pure for something else. She scolded herself for giving into her heart’s wishes, for falling for the one guy on this planet who’d never see her the same way.

She felt Amrit’s hand squeeze her own in consolation which made her want to cry. But Vashma couldn’t, she had to be strong for herself.

And so she opened her eyes to reality, prepared to ridicule Rajat for his absurd question, “Exactly what I was about to say! Rajat, you overthink too much!” Her tone wavered no matter how hard Vashma tried, and she was forced to look away.

She felt her eyes pool with an emotion she wanted to part with, while her heart clenched in the first signs of heartbreak. It’s when she caught Randheer’s gaze on her, and a look of fear crossed her features. He knew, she realized. For his eyes widened in sympathy and lips parted to call out to his best friend. She instantly shook her head, her lips curving inwards as she stopped the tears from falling. Uday couldn’t know what a fool she had made of herself for wanting anything more than friendship. Randheer wanted to interject, but one pleading look from Amrit made him slump against his resolve.

Uday settled into his seat next to Randheer again, and sensed something amiss. When he looked at Vashma and spotted the faint remnants of tears, he grew concerned. Their eyes met and he raised his brows, asking if she was alright. She simply nodded, plastering a smile on her face while her soul crumbled. And yet something in his heart ticked, alerting Uday that she was hiding something.

He couldn’t brush off the feeling that something bad had happened. Something that was about to steal his closest friend away. And in that moment, he was ready to do anything to stop the damage.

If only he could know the truth.

“You told him?” Amrit asked with urgency as she pulled her best friend to a secluded corner of their office.

Vashma lowered her lids, “He asked for the truth.” She reiterated the argument she had with Uday on their way back.

Amrit pointed out, “You’ve never been able to lie to him.”

“So I hid the truth.” Vashma bitterly spoke. “I dodged the question. It’s better for us to stay professional with each other.”

Amrit tilted her head to one side in empathy, “You two had been so close.”

“And yet not close enough. We’ll never be that close ever again.” Vashma leaned against the wall.

“You don’t know that for sure--”

“But I do, Amrit! He has a girlfriend!” She burst out, a tear slipping down her cheek.

“She’s perfect. The kind of girl every guy wishes for. He was so enchanted by her and I felt so out of place! I felt like I didn’t belong in his life anymore!” Her voice cracked.

Amrit wrapped her arm around her best friend and Vashma leaned into her hug, “I was so stupid to even think of sharing a future with Uday.”

“You weren’t stupid, Vashma. You were in love.” Tears trickled down Amrit’s face at seeing her best friend so devastated.

“I don’t know how I thought Uday and I could...we have too many differences between us for love to survive.” Vashma clung onto Amrit’s arm as she slumped to the floor.

Their biggest difference was in their names. No matter how far society had progressed, a Hindu-Muslim relationship was still something people were wary of, for more reasons than one. Plus, he didn’t love her, no matter how much she wanted to believe otherwise.

And so she shook her head in determination, “I need to get out of this place, Amrit. I can’t loathe myself any longer. He moved on, and it’s time I do too.”

When she retreated to face her best friend, Amrit asked, “What do you want to do?”

“I want to find love. In someone who isn’t Uday Sahani.”

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Let me know what you all think of it in the comments section below! 😃

The weekend is here, and so is the second chapter of this story!

Uday knew something was amiss the minute Vashma refused to meet his eye. His brows furrowed in confusion when she discreetly wiped a tear off her cheek, wondering what had hurt her all of a sudden. They were only playing a game, and he hadn’t said anything wrong by interrupting Rajat, right? Vashma was like a sister to him, no matter how much his heart refused to accept. Yes, they hung out more often than not. Yes, he shared every secret with her. Yes, he cared about her and it made a difference to him whether she was happy or not. But good friends felt that way too; it didn’t insinuate love. He shuddered at the possibility. She was eight years younger than him. The differences between them were far and few in between, but they were enough to raise eyebrows. Friendship was a familiar territory, a safe zone. And it was friendship that he sensed was in danger.

She had randomly disappeared into thin air. But he knew where he’d find her. And so he ran up to the terrace.

He found her peering beyond the parapet, her arms outstretched, her hair flying with the wind. She kept her hair loose; just the front of it tied up around her head in complicated braids. She wore a peach colored tee and paired it with denims. She had her back faced to him and yet he couldn’t help himself from admiring. Vashma was the strongest girl he knew. She wasn’t as girly as those wannabe girls, all hungry for attention. She didn’t bother about keeping up with the latest fashion trends; her traditional nose ring remained a constant with every outfit she donned. She stood for what she deemed right, like a fierce lioness. He had seldom seen her cry; so watching her weaken today made his heart ache in some uncanny way.

Uday slowly walked up to her and stood beside Vashma. She seemed lost in thought, and yet he could trace the faint marks of her tears. His hands begged to caress her face, to provide whatever solace he could, but his mind stopped him. It wouldn’t be appropriate. And so he settled for clearing his throat in an attempt to make himself known to her.

She immediately straightened and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, “Uday! I didn’t realize you were here.”

He calmly shrugged in understanding, “That’s ‘cause you were busy thinking about something else.”

“How’d you know I was here?” She asked with a frown.

He grinned mischievously before tugging her at the shoulder, “It’s our escape place. When I couldn’t find you at the bonfire, I knew you’d be here.”

She only nodded, shifting her gaze to the open sky above her.

“You’re upset.” He couldn’t help himself from asking.

“I’m fine.” She negated instantly.

She wasn’t fine, he could tell from the coldness in her tone. And so he asked, “Are you offended by what Rajat said? It was a silly, stupid question and he shouldn’t have--”

“Uday.” She interrupted his rant with a hand on his arm, “I’m not upset about Rajat.”

“But you are upset.” He noted. She sighed in response, slowly turning to him. Vashma had never been able to lie to Uday for some unknown reason. Today, it felt like a curse.

“I am, but it’s nothing to worry about.” She tried deflecting.

He gently rested his hands on her shoulders, “You were crying, Vashma. Something is troubling you and I want to know what it is.”

“Why?”

“Because I hate seeing you hurt. You deserve happiness and nothing less.” His words tugged at her heart, making her swallow a lump in her throat.

Why was he like this, all soft and gentle and loving when he considered her nothing more than a friend? Why did he make it so difficult for her to get over him, Vashma thought to herself.

She knew he wasn’t going to relent until he got answers, so she formed a story in her head.

“It’s my friend, actually.” Her voice had already started to quiver. Vashma cursed herself and took a deep breath.

“Amrit?” He questioned.

“No, another friend of mine. You don’t know her.” Vashma turned to clutch the ledge of the parapet.

“If she’s hurt you, I don’t even want to know her.” He chastised with emotion, startling her. But then his tone turned snarky, “But if she hasn’t and she’s single, you can give me her number.”

She rolled her eyes at the comment. Uday Sahani was the ultimate flirt; something she found both adoring and annoying about him. It hurt her right now, for the man standing in front of him, who found every woman attractive, looked at her as only a sister.

How pathetic was that?!

“Look, if you’re going to be annoying about it, I don’t even wanna talk.” She turned to leave when she felt a hand wrap around her wrist. She stuttered in her breath as he apologized with decency, “Oye, I’m sorry Vashma. I’ll behave, I promise.”

He spoke with so much innocence, her heart melted. She tried to remain indifferent as she walked up to the edge of the terrace again.

“So this girl, your friend…” He resumed.

Vashma heaved a sigh before continuing, “She likes this guy she knows. She really likes this guy. She’s probably in love with him.” Her voice cracked at the end and she hoped Uday hadn’t taken notice.

“Does the guy know?” He asked, perching his elbows on the ledge.

She shook her head, still not meeting his eye, “Before she could tell him about her feelings, she found out that he doesn’t feel that way. He’s never seen her more than a friend.” A tear slipped past the corner of her eye and then another. Her voice wavered and her resolve crumbled as Vashma tried so hard to stay strong.

Stupid emotions, always getting in the way.

He instantly straightened and without thought took her in his arms, “Hey. It’s okay…” He didn’t know why or how a strong-willed girl like Vashma had gotten so affected by a friend’s heartbreak. But he knew how loyal she was to her friends, how much they mattered to her. Perhaps this was what she needed right now; some consolation from a friend. And he would give it to her, no question.

Vashma wrapped her arms around his waist, soaking in the comfort and warmth he always gave. She spoke between tears, “And now my friend wants advice on what to do and I’ve got no clue on what to say to her.”

She buried her face in his chest, indirectly confessing her feelings to the one person she was no longer allowed to. He didn’t feel that way towards her, Vashma had realized tonight. And she didn’t want to burden him with guilt or make him uncomfortable by telling him.

She felt his hands caress her back, soothing her insides. And so she closed her eyes in peace, feeling every sensation of being close in his proximity that she wouldn’t be able to after this day. He started humming a tune of a song she absolutely disliked, and swayed her in a childlike motion, bringing a smile to her face. She gently punched him in the chest, evoking a lighthearted chuckle from him. When Vashma quietened and slowly tried to retreat, he kept his arms locked around her waist. She raised her head to meet his eye, her arms still in place around his torso as well.

She quietly sniffed as he began to speak, “You wanna hear my advice?”

How ironic was the fact that she was seeking advice from the one person who unknowingly broke her heart. Regardless, she nodded in affirmation, eager to hear his thoughts.

“I feel sorry for your friend.” He started.

“Sorry?” Vashma grew irked by his sympathy. It wasn’t like falling in love was a disease.

“I’m sorry that she fell in love with a guy who doesn’t love her back. It shouldn’t be that way. Love should be complete; like the way they show in movies.” He explained.

She marveled at his interpretation of love, and grimaced at its grim reality.

“Well, such is life.” She breathed with a dejected sigh.

“Which is why I don’t like indulging in complicated emotions like love.” He spoke with distaste, and her heart fell deeper into the pit of her stomach.

“My friend didn’t think of that.” Vashma reminded him.

He bent his head once more, meeting her eye, “It’s not her fault she fell in love.”

“It isn’t?”

He only shook his head, pushing a strand of her behind her ear. Her earlobe tingled with sensation as she flinched nervously. Uday instantly retreated, wondering whether he had breached their friendship territory. He settled for holding her hands as he spoke, “I think she should move on. She should try to find her happiness elsewhere.”

“It’s not easy, y’know?”

“You say it as if you know. Oye Vashma, have you fallen in love before?” His brows furrowed in attention.

She giggled mirthlessly, “Nope. I haven’t been that fortunate.”

“You’ll find love soon.” Uday promised with a determined smile.

Vashma tilted her head to one side, “Oh yeah? And how are you so sure?”

“Because you’re made for love. No one can resist loving someone as beautiful and warm hearted as you.” Her breath hitched at his words while his orbs bored into hers. The intensity was too strong, too much to handle.

Her mind reminded her of their topic of discussion. “And my friend?” She barely whispered.

“There’s so much more to life than a one-sided love story. She can’t bind the guy in love when he doesn’t love her back, it won’t be fair. She’ll have to move on.” He suggested.

“It’s not that easy.” Her knees wobbled and vision blurred.

“I know. But it’s the right thing to do. It’s time to move on.” He resolved. She nodded, absorbing all that information.

It was then that she whispered, “I know.”

Biting back tears, Vashma turned to leave; leave Uday and the future she had hoped to live behind. But she wavered in her step, unable to distance herself from him. She had to tell him, there was no other option.

Vashma turned on her heel where Uday stood, a few steps away but eyes stagnant in her direction.

“Uday…” She began softly, her hands trembling and heart clenching, “You’re one in a million.”

His eyes softened, basking in the warmth as he replied, “Wouldn’t have been without you, Vashma!”

“Uday! You’re one in a million!” His boss praised his recent reports on the Delhi investigation, breaking his reverie.

From the corner of his eye, he watched Vashma’s eyes sparkle with pride as the entire team clapped for him in the office conference room. She stood only meters across him, but he hadn’t felt farther apart from her. The second his eyes met hers, the sparkle turned austere. Uday drew out a frustrated breath, desperate in need of the reason behind her peculiar behavior today.

“Thank you, Sir. Wouldn’t have been without your guidance.” He politely thanked, remembering similar words being said to Vashma two months ago.

His boss began to pass out new instructions to everyone and Uday zoned out yet again. He absentmindedly nodded at whatever his superior was saying; too involved with thoughts of Vashma to focus on the task at hand.

Randheer caught notice of that and frowned in confusion. Uday seemed distraught and aloof; similar to Vashma. His eyes shifted to the other end of the room, where he found Vashma staring at nothing in particular, her arms crossed over her chest. Randheer wondered if they had gotten into a fight again. Fights weren’t a problem between Uday and Vashma, because they normally patched up minutes after their argument. They were never able to stay upset at one another for longer than a few minutes. Something about their odd behavior towards one another told Randheer that this wasn’t a normal fight. That this was going to go on for a while now and that it would probably result in something neither of them would’ve wanted.

----------

Uday walked up to Vashma’s office desk, determined to make things work. Today had been exceptionally horrible, solely because Vashma refused to talk to him. After their heated dispute in the car, she effectively ignored him every minute of the three hours spent at work. It was a little after eight in the evening and everyone had nearly cleared out of the office for the day. Vashma had been pushing binders and files into her work bag when he spotted her.

She was the first to notice this time, “Uday.”

He tried to keep his emotions in control, “Yeah, it’s me.”

Vashma could sense the tension in his voice but remained cool, “What brings you here?”

Uday wanted to rant at her for pretending as if nothing happened between them. “Our argument.”

She brushed off the matter with a wave of hand, resuming her work at clearing her desk, “It was just a silly fight, Uday. I’ve forgotten about it, I think you should too.”

He would have, had he not sensed something off this time. “You never answered my question. You never gave me the truth, Vashma.”

“And I have my reasons, Uday. Stop going after something that doesn’t concern you!” She burst out in annoyance.

“Anything to do with you concerns me, Vashma!” He slammed with equal fervor.

“Why, Uday?! It’s not like I’m your girlfriend!” She flailed her arms in exasperation, wanting to get out more than anything else.

Uday immediately quietened at her question, not knowing how to respond. It was as if all his senses had gone numb, like his brain had frozen while his heart pounded loudly in his chest. Vashma saw all signs of color drain from his face and realization settled deep within her. She hadn’t meant to scream at him like that, she hadn’t wanted to bare open her heart in front of him. It’s why she wanted to keep her distance, to keep things professional between them. Because Vashma did not like regretting, and this was something she knew she’d regret.

Before Uday could compose himself and say something to her, he heard a familiar sound emanate from her phone and grew alarmed. His eyes widened and something crushed within him when he recognized the source of the notification.

“You’re on Tinder?!” He hadn’t meant for his question to come out as more of an accusation, but Uday couldn’t be bothered right now.

Vashma stiffened at his words and forced herself to relax. She hadn’t committed a sin. She could handle this, as well as his series of questions.

So she picked up her phone and casually giggled, “Yeah, Amrit installed it on my phone today.”

“Why?” His next question was instant.

Vashma met his eye, watching them darken with an emotion she had rarely seen before. “I told her I wanted to try dating. She said this was the perfect way.”

She felt his hand grip her arm as he pulled her to him, “You can’t date.” He strictly commanded.

Vashma freed herself from his clutch with equal force as she bit back, “You can’t tell me what to do!”

Uday’s heart deflated and he stuttered, “Why are you doing this to me?”

Her gaze softened at his vulnerability and she took a deep breath before turning indifferent to him. “Not everything I do revolves around you, Uday. I’m doing this for myself.”

She couldn’t hide herself from his burning gaze, no matter how much she fiddled with her files and belongings. “You were never too keen on dating, Vashma. You wanted to establish your career first.”

She shut her eyes and cursed herself for sharing every single thing with him. Over the course of their friendship, she had shared her career aspirations with him. She wanted to strengthen herself as a reporter and earn sufficient money for her family and her dreams. She wanted to open her own dance studio. She didn’t have time for dating, she’d told him. And now, Vashma hated that he knew her better than herself.

“Yeah well, priorities change.” She shrugged nonchalantly.

“I didn’t know two months would change you so much, Vashma.”

She rolled her eyes,“Stop being so dramatic, Uday.”

“Stop pretending, Vashma.” He lashed back.

“I’m not pretending! But it would be nice of you to at least be a little supportive!” She finally raised her head to meet her eye.

“Support what?! This stupid dating mission you’re on?!”

“If I finally want to spend some time and share my life with someone, you should be happy.”

“But you already have someone to do all of that with, Vashma. I’m here for you.”

“No. You’ve found someone else, Uday. You’ve found Trisha.” Her voice cracked at the mention of his girlfriend.

His face dawned in realization, his next allegation prepared to hit her with full force, “Is this what this is about? Me and Trisha? Are you jealous, Vashma?!”

The ache was no less than a punch in the face. Vashma stared at him in bewilderment, absolutely shocked beyond words. Jealousy, that’s what the burning sensation was when she saw his girlfriend in Uday’s arms. But he couldn’t have known, it wasn’t possible. Because if Uday could’ve identified her feelings today, he definitely wouldn’t have been oblivious to her feelings for him all along.

This was just a way to provoke her, she knew.

And so she took a deep breath, “Like I’ve said before, Uday. The world doesn’t revolve around you. My decisions do not revolve around you. I want to date for my happiness. I want someone I can share my days with, someone I can go home to.”

“You think that’s what guys look for when they join Tinder?” He scoffed.

“I know what I’m looking for. And I know how to differentiate between people, Uday.” With that she prepared to leave, slipping her work bag over her right shoulder.

His hands balled into fists as he looked for ways to stop her and to stop the feeling that had started to create havoc within him.

“Most of them are only after a physical relationship, Vashma.”

She turned at her words and watched his gaze turn lethal, “I’m not naive, Uday. And I never objected to a physical relationship.”

All signs of color left his face as he forced himself away from the suggestions her words carried. “I thought you wanted love.”

Two months ago, she believed in it. Her heart jittered at the thought of experiencing this feeling, her eyes anticipated the presence of the man who made her feel this way. But now, she didn’t care. Vashma didn’t blame Uday for not reciprocating the feeling, but only herself for feeling this way. It was time she moved on from the overrated emotion that gave her nothing but sorrow.

“Love is only a deception that ends with heartbreak. I’d rather stay away from that than get ruined by it.”

And with that she left, leaving him with more questions than answers.

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Let me know what you all think of it in the comments section below! :)

A longer chapter for you all! Do read and review! 😃

Vashma walked into the office when she spotted Uday with his head between his hands on his desk. His shoulders had hunched in desperation and she understood that he had been tensed. What she didn’t know was the reason behind his worry. How would she, when she had effectively managed to ignore him for the past few days?

Vashma felt guilt seep through her at the thought of abandoning her closest friend for her own woes. Now that she looked back, all of this had been her doing. He had tried to initiate any sort of conversation, even small talk, with her. But Vashma had only shut him out when in reality she was only trying to protect her heart from further damage. Enough had been enough. Vashma would stand up and be the friend he needed from her right now. Hopefully, she’d be able to push her feelings for him away once she found someone new.

And so she kept her satchel on her desk and turned to walk up to him. They still sat across each other, their desks facing in opposite directions. Vashma cleared her throat, drawing his attention, “Hi.”

Nothing could have been more awkward than this. But then again, when had Vashma imagined things with Uday to get awkward.

“Hey.” He answered casually and she noticed a few more signs of worry. The circles under his eyes had deepened and his hair looked messier than normal.

“You okay?”

“You care?!” He snapped. She deserved this, of course she did. Nothing could justify the cold shoulder she gave Uday; especially since he knew nothing about her emotional turmoil.

Vashma softly replied, “Of course I do. You’re my friend.”

He looked at her with an incredulous expression and scoffed, “Didn’t seem like we were friends when you were giving me the silent treatment all this while.”

“I’m sorry I was--”

“Too involved in yourself? Save it, Vashma.”

She grew irked at his meanness, “I said I’m sorry, Uday. I’m trying to fix things but I can’t if you won’t let me!” Vashma’s eyes instantly widened in realization as she understood the irony of her statement. Uday had indirectly put her into place by pushing her in his shoes.

He stood up and coldly said, “When I tried, you pushed me away, Vashma. What made you think I’d open up to you anymore?”

He pushed away his chair and made his way to the cafeteria. Her heart thumped in her chest at the thought of losing him forever. Vashma shuddered. She couldn’t lose Uday. She wouldn’t. And so she followed suit, determined to fix things between them.

“Uday…” She called out as he turned a deaf ear to her. She grabbed his wrist and swirled him around to meet his eye, “I said I’m sorry!”

When he raised an eyebrow challengingly she gave in, “Okay fine, I was jealous.”

Uday’s expression was a mix of shock and amazement before settling on a mischievous smirk. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and tilted his head to one side, urging her to continue.

“Things had been confusing between us when you left for Delhi and then you came back looking so happy and in love with your new girlfriend. I thought I’d lose you to Trisha.” she meekly mumbled, her gaze shifting elsewhere yet her voice carrying a tone of resentment.

His eyes softened and a silent sigh escaped him. Uday took two steps towards her and lifted her face towards him with a gentle hand on her chin. “And here I thought I had already lost you.”

Her orbs never wavered from him when he felt at a loss for words. Uday took a deep breath and clutched her hands in his own, “You’ll never lose me to anyone, Vashma. What you and I have is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced with anyone.”

Her heart picked up beat. Vashma couldn’t stop herself from wondering whether he was about to confess his feelings for her. Whether he too felt similarly, whether her feelings were finally being reciprocated.

But then he continued with, “You’re my closest friend. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone in the world.”

She briefly nodded, accepting the reality. She was his best friend. He may have been more to her, but it would be pointless to continue hoping. But she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him either. If friendship is all what he seeked for, friendship is all she’d give to him.

And so she smiled, “You won’t get anyone like me either.” Vashma giggled after that, her heart finally at relief to know that she hadn’t severed her ties with the one person that mattered to her the most.

“I’m not looking for one.” He shook his head with admiration in his eyes. “I don’t know how long my relationship with Trisha will last, but I can’t lose you, Vashma.” She sensed a tinge of fear in his voice which he tried so hard to hide.

She covered his hand with her own, “You won’t, ever. I’ll always be the friend you need me to be, Uday.” Vashma promised to him, and more to herself.

She walked past him to get a cup of coffee of her own, “So what’s up with you and Trisha?”

“Eh.” He merely shrugged. “We’ve only been going out for a few weeks but she seems serious now.”

“Oh God don’t tell me you’re still scared of commitments.” Vashma rolled her eyes as she stirred sugar into her coffee.

He walked around the counter and rested his elbows on the countertop, “Oye at least I’ve always been honest about it. When we met, I told Trisha I was looking for fun. Something casual. She said she was too. And now all of a sudden, she wants to move ahead in our relationship. I don’t get you girls.” He huffed in annoyance.

“Oye, not all girls are like that.” She defended immediately.

He raised a brow, “Oh really? Do you not expect the guy to understand what you’re feeling without saying it yourself?”

Vashma’s breath hitched in her throat at indirect attack. Hadn’t she expected the same thing from him?

She shook herself from these thoughts and reasoned, “Only when we trust the guy enough. Unsaid words have a special meaning in our hearts.” She passed a distant smile. “But then we realize that everything needs to be spelled out to you guys.” She rolled her eyes and chuckled at his grumpy face.

“It’s better to avoid misunderstandings than to start unnecessary fights.” He argued.

“So that’s what it is. You both got into a fight.” She concluded with a smirk of victory on her face.

“What happened?” Vashma probed.

He finally relented, “She says I love my work too much. That I talk about it for so long that it bores her to death. According to her, I should have a life beyond it.”

“I thought you were a romantic guy who knew his way around girls.” She mocked him with a raised brow.

He straightened and pushed the collar of his sky blue shirt upwards, the top two buttons open as usual as he boasted, “Oh, I still know how to keep girls satisfied. It’s the ‘talk’ and sweet conversations they want afterwards that I can’t be bothered about.”

Her cheeks flushed bright red as she understood the crude meaning behind his words. Of course he was discussing the physical aspect of their relationship. She shut her eyes in an attempt to brush off his insinuations playing visuals in her head. She wanted to get over him, not imagine what he would be like between the sheets.

Vashma cleared her throat, stirring with her coffee still, “Maybe you’re too self-absorbed to notice that girls don’t just want...that. Trisha might not be as interested in your work life as you are.”

“What else am I supposed to talk about?” He shrieked incredulously, drawing up a goofy expression as to how absurd the concept of a cheesy romantic conversation was to him.

Before she could put forth a few obvious suggestions, she heard his best friend’s voice peek out from the distance, “How would you know if you willingly choose to be here on a half day?”

Randheer wrapped an arm around his best friend’s shoulder as Amrit followed suit, mimicking his pose with Vashma.

Uday was quick to catch notice, “How long have you both been sneaking in on our conversation?”

Amrit chirped in before chiding, “Long enough to realize you know nothing about what to say to girls. Seriously, Uday?!” She gave a pointed look.

Uday merely shrugged, “Oye, it’s Vashma. And it’s not like she’s oblivious to any of this.”

Amrit was about to retaliate when her best friend intervened, “You know what, he’s right, Amrit. It’s not like I’m a virgin. And talking to him makes me certain on what I’m NOT looking for in a potential boyfriend.”

His face fell and her smirk widened to a sly grin. Vashma loved teasing Uday and today she felt as if she had hit a sixer. She felt more like her old self, the version she had lost two months ago.

Randheer hooted in her favor and Uday continued to frown but Vashma could see through his grumpy face to the smile his lips were trying so hard to hide. She felt the beginnings of red tinge her cheek but ignored it for the need for normalcy.

Walking around the cafeteria counter up to him, she gently patted his cheek, the stubble on his face tickling her palm, “Aw, how bad was that burn?”

A smirk made its way onto his face and the lightest feelings of dread began in the pit of her stomach. His hand wrapped around hers as he detached it from his cheek, “Oh, not as bad as the burn you’ll be feeling when you come up to me complaining about how none of the boys on Tinder meet your fairytale description.”

Both his hands coffined around one of hers, the proximity between them creating havoc in her heart. She tilted her head back to meet his eye, delving into the deeper, darker recesses of his black orbs, completely enchanted.

She wanted to agree with him. That no man would ever compare to him. That no man would ever hold the power to care for her, to love her, to hurt her as much as Uday. Vashma wanted to confess her feelings to him, just once, without caring about the consequences. She probably would’ve if she’d been certain that he felt even an ounce of what she felt for him. But he didn’t. He had made it perfectly clear that night at the bonfire. Vashma needed someone to look at her the way a man would look at a woman. And so she had finally taken matters in her hand and made plans with Amrit.

“Which is why we’re going shopping. To avoid a situation like this.” Amrit revealed, leaning ahead of the counter.

“How is that going to help?” Randheer queried cluelessly.

“We’ll give Vashma a classy makeover. The good guys won’t be able to resist her.” Amrit explained excitedly.

“Neither will the horny ones.” Uday muttered under his breath, but it was loud enough for Vashma to hear.

She narrowed her eyes and defended, “I won’t be dressing promiscuously, Uday. Maybe a fashion change could do me some good.” She shrugged, diverting her attention to Amrit as she went on about all the brands they could visit at a nearby mall.

Uday couldn’t brush off the nagging feeling churning in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t like the fact that Vashma was changing so much, as if she was drifting further away from him. He never adjusted well to change, and she had been his rock all along. But now it felt as if she didn’t want to be his rock anymore. Despite their patchup, things felt different between them. He felt queasy inside. But he’d fix things. She’d finally broken the silence between them and offered the friendship he’d been longing for. Now he’d give her a friendship she’ll never be able to forget.

----------

He hated shopping.

It killed his brain cells. It was a waste of time. It was a never ending process. And yet here he was, carrying multiple shopping bags in both his hands as he walked alongside his best friend. When he found his friend groaning in a similar state, he didn’t waste a second to retort, “This is all your fault!”

Randheer stopped in his steps and looked in his direction, “Yeah, right.”

“You just had to be the perfect boyfriend material for Amrit.” Uday scoffed.

Randheer retaliated with equal force, “At least I care about her. You’re not even being a right friend for Vashma.”

Uday faltered in his step, visibly taken aback. “What do you mean?”

“Let it be. You’re too involved in your own life to realize what others are going through.” Randheer brushed off with disinterest.

The rest of the world, he probably didn’t care about. But there was one person he cared more than he wanted to.

“Has she told you anything?” Uday turned attentive.

His best friend scornfully questioned, “Oh, so you do take notice?”

“You think I don’t?! I’ve been noticing it since that night at the bonfire two months ago, Randheer! You don’t think I’d be hurt knowing she’s hiding something from me that’s causing her so much pain?!” Uday lashed out, absolutely distraught, the vein in his neck on the verge of popping.

Randheer dropped his share of shopping bags to the floor and placed both his hands on his best friend’s shoulders. He could understand how anxious Uday was, living in oblivion. But there were certain things Randheer couldn’t say to him. It wasn’t his place. He couldn’t enlighten his best friend with the reality Vashma had been trying so desperately to hide. But he could guide Uday in fixing their friendship.

“Look, I don’t know what’s troubling Vashma. But I know that you’re the only one who can fix this.”

Uday’s forehead crinkled into a frown, “What do you mean?”

Randheer sighed before confessing, “Amrit wasn’t the one who suggested this makeover. This was Vashma’s idea.”

Uday’s eyes widened in surprise. Vashma had never been fond of fashion makeovers as she had always felt comfortable in her own skin. She never seeked societal validation.

“The girl who was always so confident of herself is in self-doubt right now. She’s nervous about the whole dating plan, no matter how hard she tries to hide. She’s slipping away from herself, Uday.”

All air drew out from his lungs as he felt at a loss of words. Something had happened that had crumbled so much that she no longer trusted herself. All this while he had noticed something amiss, but him being his stupid self failed to realize how she was slowly slipping into a shell what she was. She hadn’t been interacting as usual for the past few days, always lost in thought. Her silences had begun to irritate him so much that he forgot to consider that he might be the one lacking.

“Amrit has been trying to talk to her, but she refuses to open up.” Uday drew out a long breath at Randheer’s words. Of course Vashma didn’t. She didn’t like being vulnerable, he knew.

“Maybe she might open up to you?” Randheer suggested.

Uday barely murmured back, “She didn’t share her insecurities with her best friend. What makes you think she’ll open up to me?”

“Why do you think she can never lie to you?”

Uday didn’t want a question in return for a question; it confused him even more. But his friend simply patted him on the back, took hold of the shopping bags and walked ahead, calling out to Amrit. Randheer’s words rang in his ears and once again he couldn’t help feeling he was the reason behind Vashma’s miseries.

----------

“Amrit, could you come here for a second?” Vashma called out from one of the changing rooms, only to receive silence from the other end.

She called out to her friend once again, only to get the same response. Holding the front of her dress in place, she peeked out from the maroon changing room curtains not to find Amrit but Uday instead.

“Um...Randheer wanted to show something to Amrit on the other side of the store so…”

He left the end of the sentence dangling midway and she nodded. Draping the curtains again, she leaned against the adjacent wall. She shut her eyes and reconsidered her options. There was a chance Amrit could take a while to return. And Vashma had been trying so many different dresses for the past forty-five minutes that she was fed up. She wanted to get this over with, but call it her inexperience for taking this long but she absolutely had no clue on what would look good on her. She had always dressed in formal shirts and pants, maybe skirts on days she was exceptionally happy. But never in party dresses. Perhaps this was why she couldn’t attract attention from the opposite gender.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her frazzled nerves. She could ask Uday for help. She didn’t have to be such a prude about this, it wasn’t like she was living in 1947. She could keep her emotions in check. And Vashma didn’t have to worry about Uday, knowing he would never feel anything more for her.

“Um, Uday?” She finally asked, peeking out the curtains again.

“Yeah?” He looked up from his phone.

“Could you help me out with this?” Vashma asked, pointing to her navy blue dress.

He nodded, standing up from the bench and slipping his phone in his back pocket. She drew away from the curtain, turning towards the mirror. He pushed the drapes to one side and entered the confined space within four walls. Uday finally looked up to meet her eye in the mirror and his heart skipped a beat. She had donned a bodycon dress that ended just above her knees. He couldn’t find the words to compliment her beauty.

Navy blue. His favorite color.

“Could you hook this?” She lifted two crossover straps attached to the neck of the dress with buttons at the end.

He barely nodded, taking the straps from her hands without making any contact. And yet their matching kadas clinked against one another, drawing their attention to the close proximity. She gulped nervously, deviating her attention elsewhere as she blinked rapidly to calm her racing heart. It wasn’t until Uday brushed her waist long hair to one side that his mouth went dry. The dress had a low back. The way the dress perfectly hugged her curves ignited a heat that settled low within him.

Vashma could feel his warm breath on her bare shoulder and she gulped a breath. The knuckles of his hands slowly brushed past the nape of her neck as he buttoned the straps, his touch leaving behind tingling sensations on her skin. She couldn’t dare face him through the mirror, afraid she’d get too caught up with what she’d see. Instead, she fisted her hands and shut her eyes, clinging onto the moment she’d only had the right to dream of now.

Uday couldn’t breathe, no matter how hard to act indifferent to the proximity. Vashma’s aura had always enchanted him, but today it captivated his soul. Her uneven breathing echoed in his ears, the strands of her hair tickling his knuckles. He had finished buttoning her dress, but couldn’t step away from her. So his hand lingered on her back, sliding down the newly revealed expanse of skin. It felt so soft that he couldn’t help himself. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been intimate with women before. But just a single touch with Vashma Baig set his heart alight.

His touch left a trail of fire in its wake that completely consumed her. Her knees began to wobble, her breathing grew shallow and Vashma inevitably leaned into his touch. Her sigh mingled with his as she allowed herself to feel. Feel his fingers stir goosebumps on her back. Feel the scent of his cologne rub off on her skin. Feel his breath fan her earlobe, feel her heart beginning to drum in her chest.

He soon whispered, “Done.”

How could a simple word ignite such foreign emotions within her?

Vashma opened her eyes and barely croaked in response, “Thanks.” She finally grabbed hold of herself and took one step ahead. Her body and heart expressed resentment at the sudden distance, but her mind knew it was the right thing to do.

“So…” She cleared her throat, hoping the tension between them would dissipate, “How do I look?”

“Stunning.” He whispered in a daze. Vashma turned to him and raised an eyebrow and Uday came out of his trance. Scratching the top of his brows, he sheepishly repeated, “You look stunning.”

Walking up to her, he continued, “But you don’t look you.”

Her brows crinkled in confusion as she bombarded him with questions, “Is it the dress? Of course not, it has to be me. Is it my hair? Or this nose ring that just stands out? I think I should start following a few makeup tutorials on YouTube or--”

“Shh.” He hushed her, taking her face in his hands. She looked so innocent, her eyes lined with kohl and her bottom lip in between her teeth.

“You’re perfect when you’re you. You don’t need to change for anyone.”

For a moment Vashma allowed herself to delve deeper into his irises, but refused to lean into his touch. She couldn’t fall vulnerable again, she couldn’t let herself hope through his deceptions again. His words only insinuated friendship, nothing more.

And so she scoffed, lowering her lids, “Only you’d say that.”

He frowned, fearing she was misunderstanding him, “Huh?”

She met his eye again, “Only someone who looks at his friend as a sister would say that.”

His hands slumped back to his sides and Uday grew mum at her words as his mind played the events at the bonfire again. Was this what she was upset about? Was this why she was doubting herself? He’d only told everyone that to protect their friendship. He didn’t want to cross the line, but here it felt as if keeping away from it was worse.

Vashma noticed the ongoing confusion on his face and decided to rectify the meaning behind her words. She hadn’t meant for him to know that she hadn’t gotten over the bonfire incident, she hadn’t wanted to accuse him like this. But with him around, nothing went as per her plans.

“What I mean is, I chose this makeover because I wanted to look desirable.”

He immediately defended, “You already do.”

“That’s not true.” She shook her head.

“How are you so sure?”

“I couldn’t look attractive enough to you.”

----------

She hadn’t given him a chance to respond when she asked him to leave so that she could get dressed. Those four minutes had been nothing short of hell for him. Uday didn’t know how to react to that. But he knew silence wasn’t the answer. And neither was leaving their conversation unended, something he knew she’d most probably do.

Vashma exited the cubicle with her navy blue dress over her arm and stole one glance at Uday’s determined expression. Gulping nervously, she walked away, eager for some distance right now. She grimaced slightly as she felt him follow behind her. He wasn’t going to relent until he got answers, she knew.

“Vashma, we need to clear a few things out.” He came up to her, blocking her way.

“There’s nothing to clarify, Uday.” She refused to meet his eye but couldn’t help feeling the wrath of his scornful gaze.

“You might not want to, but I do. I need to.” He pressed, clutching her by her arms.

She looked away as he continued, “Whatever I said that night was to respect our friendship, Vashma.”

“I know.”

“You don’t need to seek validation from anyone. Not me. Not any other guy. You’re beautiful because you don’t care what others think. You’re beautiful because you don’t let judgments get to you.” He asserted with force, his words so sincere and genuine.

“And you’re by far the most attractive woman I’ve ever come across.”

His words made her breath hitch as her eyes widened to meet his. Her heart leaped into her hand, the words still echoing in her head.

“You’re ly--”

“I’ve never been able to lie to you.” His words soothed her like a gentle caress as realization dawned upon her.

“If what you say is true…” She looked at her shivering fingers again as she braced the question with quivering lips, “...then how come you’re with someone like Trisha?”

Vashma didn’t know whether she wanted to hear the answer the second she put forth this question. He wasn’t one to sugarcoat things, and she wasn’t sure her heart was prepared for the brutal truth.

So she kept her eyes fixated on her fingers as she waited for him to break the silence.

“Because someone like you deserves to fall in love. And I’m not made for love.”

“Correction. You don’t want to fall in love.”

Vashma interrupted, taking in another spoonful of the double chocolate truffle pastry he had balanced on his hand. Uday looked away with a grumpy face, irked at being caught before digging into the box himself. After a long tiring day at work, followed by their respective tutoring sessions, Vashma and Uday sat atop his car under the night breeze, munching on the delightful treat she had brought for them.

“Same difference.” He muttered under his breath, audible enough to Vashma.

She narrowed her eyes at him at his cynical attitude. She knew the reason behind it. He had never experienced unconditional love. His mother had abandoned him the day he was born. His father never recovered from his wife’s loss to shower his own son with any love. Despite living in a joint family, Uday earned love the hard way. Amidst the busy schedules of all his elders, love came with a price. Good grades, a decent college degree, a well paying job. The standard of expectations went higher with each passing year. When Uday had callously confessed all of this to Vashma one night, she had felt remorse for her friend. No matter how hard he pretended to remain indifferent to his past, she could see how cruel life had been to him. How he hadn’t known what love was; the kind that only gave and wanted nothing in return.

“You haven’t experienced genuine love before.” She noted.

“And you have?” He questioned immediately.

Vashma shook her head, “I haven’t, but I want to. One day I’m sure I will.”

Uday frowned as he asked, “Wait, but haven’t you already?”

“Already what?”

“Fallen in love?”

“How can you say that?” She shifted in her seat to face him.

“Well…” He began, clearing his throat, “...you’ve been with quite a few guys, right?”

“In that case, you must’ve fallen in love a thousand times.” She smirked at him and amusedly watched him redden a little.

Vashma chortled lightly, because watching Uday Sahani the flirt become so shy in a second was a rare sight.

“I may have acted upon lust, but I’ve never fallen in love.” She admitted, serious again.

The loose strands of her hair brushed across her face from the light breeze that had cut through the humidity, much to her relief.

He watched her push those strands behind her ears, the tops of her earlobes turning pink. It was a peculiar characteristic, but amusing nonetheless. Her ears reddened whenever she was anxious about something. Uday wondered what had caused her anxiety today, for it was only them talking.

“How are you so sure?” He asked, his voice just above a whisper.

Uday genuinely wanted to know. Despite all that he’d been through, he couldn’t stop the prying curiosity at times from wondering what it felt like to be loved. What it felt like to fall in love, and not just in lust.

“Because their absence never made my heart ache.” She hymned absentmindedly, her vision fixated at the oblivious horizon ahead of them.

Uday pondered upon her words, his eyebrows furrowing in response. He had certainly never fallen in love, for he barely remembered the name of the last girl he was with, forget remembering the kind of feelings she evoked in him. It wasn’t like he was being unfair to all the women he had been with. The desires had been mutual, and so had the decision of keeping no strings attached between them. It was purely physical, nothing more. He’d never miss any of his ex-girlfriends.

But he’d certainly miss Vashma.

Uday shuddered at the thought. He didn’t realize how the term ‘girlfriend’ instantly formed an image of his closest friend in his head. In the few weeks he had known her, he had begun to admire her. Their similarities were too many to ignore. He couldn’t imagine spending a single day without annoying her. He couldn’t comprehend a single day at work without her daily dosage of stupid memes. Uday looked forward to their conversations close to the middle of the night, as together they drove past the city to their respective homes. He couldn’t imagine going through a day without speaking to her.

Is that what she was talking about? Is that what she hoped to find through love?

Uday instantly freed himself of these thoughts with a quick shake of head. He didn’t want to think of the one emotion he barely believed in.

“Is that what love does to people?” He cynically proposed, but Vashma caught onto the slight tinge of hope in his voice.

“It’s what all those romance novels say, so it might be true.” She shrugged.

Uday scoffed at that, “Who’d waste time believing in fiction?”

“Those who potentially hate reality.” She offered, her voice edged with a taunt.

He stiffened at her remark and she let out a sigh. Vashma hadn’t wanted to hurt him, but facing the problem head-on was sometimes the only solution. Uday had been avoiding this topic ever since he first confessed to it and it hurt her to see him in pain. It was as if his mind and heart were in constant battle; trying to decide whether to give in or resist. She didn’t want him to resist. She wanted him to give in and experience the joys of love. Of loving someone and getting the same in return.

“You can’t just shut your emotions off, Uday.” She reasoned, tilting her head to one side.

“Maybe I won’t the day I find love in ‘the someone’ you talk about with so much conviction.”

He answered, letting dejection spread through her.

“You’ve found that someone, Uday. You’ve found Trisha. You are made for love.”

The dejection still remained, like a faint lull in the background. Perhaps it didn’t hurt as much as it did when Vashma first experienced it. Perhaps she had grown accustomed to it.

Uday wanted to say something, anything to retaliate against her theory. His heart immediately denied her words, giving out red signals about it being absolutely false. But before he could he felt an object vibrate in his back pocket. He hoped to ignore it, but the rings were so persistent he pulled out his phone in exasperation.

“It’s Trisha.”

She merely nodded, “It’s okay, take it.”

Uday seemed reluctant, his hand gripping on the phone in an attempt to release some frustration. There was so much more to say to Vashma but it felt like the longer they conversed, the further away he found himself from her.

He couldn’t lose her.

When she noticed his inner turmoil reflect on his face, Vashma decided to reassure, “We’re okay, Uday. I’m not letting go of a friend like you, so you’ve got to deal with me.” She playfully mocked.

He passed a sincere smile that tugged the strings of her heart, “I don’t want to be let go of either.”

She nodded quietly as he turned around and put an end to his incessant ringtone by answering the phone.

Vashma took a deep breath, letting go of the part of her that had fallen for this man. And yet her lips quivered and tears pricked at the corner of her eyes.

His absence still made her heart ache.

.....................

Hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter! Do let me know of your thoughts through your comments. 😃