HABIT
Purvi pretended to be asleep. It drained her out a lot these days, but what choice did she have? She was always torn between trying to bask in the warm of his fingers caress her cheeks and swatting off his hands and telling him to leave her alone. But just like yesterday, and the day before that, all she can do was to stay still. To her, it was as if even her breathing would disturb that undescribed moment that passes between them every night. And so, she waits… her eyes closed. She hears those footsteps again, never faltering in their phase growing closer by the minute. She waits… her eyes closed and holding her breath.
Every night, Vir woke up from his bed with a start and his face glistening with sweat. Today was no different, the remnants of that dream, no, his memories of the Wedding Day sprang into his consciousness and deprived his sleep. He took a look at the clock nearby, it was 1pm, exactly on point, just like the last several weeks. He slowly sat up on the bed and glanced on his wife, sleeping with not a care on the world, oblivious to her husband’s inner turmoil. Then again, no one knew of his inner demons, only one. And she is sleeping on the other side of the hallway in the Servants Quarter. He knows only she can cure him of the restlessness, of his guilt and desperation. He made up his mind, despite objections from his other self to take a peek at the girl whom he needed to see badly. It was important to make sure he saw her safe. He pulled Sakshi's hands away from him and set them down on the bed. He stood up taking care to not wake her up and then trudged slowly towards Purvi's quarter as if his legs were on auto pilot. He could never break himself away from doing it. Lamp lights dimly illuminated the silhouette swathed in a blanket, just a head peeking out facing the other side. She seemed fast asleep to him. With great care, he sat down near the edge of the cot and glanced at her. Her face was serene, not marred by her own blood, tinged red on the skin. Vir felt peaceful, knowing that she is safe. He could never stand to lose her; irrespective of the quagmire of feelings he always experienced near her and being with her. He shook his head as if to dispel something and moved a little closer, wanting to trail his fingers along her face. He slowly bent down and cupped her cheeks gazing longingly, for some reason wishing she were awake to see him and react, but thankful to god at the same time she isn’t. He knew he doesn’t have the strength to answer her questioning eyes and words. Not now.
Tears kept springing from his eyes. He was so close to losing her that fateful day. And till now, every minute he thanks god in an attempt to express all the gratefulness he had in the depths of his soul. Just to see her breathing now,just to see her with him, it calmed him and his existence like no other. He pecked a kiss on Purvi’s forehead, silently crying into the night. He started talking, just like he always did, to her as if it is some ritual of sort to express all that he has been wanting to say out loud but never mustered enough to do it for real.
“ I know you are probably listening, back then and now. I don’t know why Fate has entwined our lives together and gave me your responsibility and now you have become my everything.I don’t know how I'll be able to mend this havoc created in our lives. But I’ll make sure I carry out all the duties I have towards you and I’ll never leave you and go because I love you more than anything. I never wanted to get married and I wanted you to leave so that you can fulfill your dreams,but now I realize I never wanted you to leave at all; just that I have become someone else-I am no more Sakshi's Virendra.M to apni bawri k mukhi hu,mere pe sirf tera haq h bawri.Your existence slapping that undeniable truth right onto my face. I can never forgive myself for all that I did to you bawri,for the all pain you are going through.My heart has broken into pieces on seeing you like this.I am so much trapped bawri that I am not able to understand what to do.Ek taraf pyaar h aur ek taraf zimmedari.But,I swear I'll not let anyone harm you.All I could do now is just take care of you.And I swear on my life that I will do it until death does us apart.”
Vir caressed her face again and rested his forehead on tops of hers, slowly kissing her like it was the last time he would get a chance to do such a thing. He got up and walked back to his room, unaware that all this time, from the very start, Purvi had heard what he had said and done. The only thing he understood was a sense of tranquility after completing his ritual or habit of sorts.
Purvi opened her eyes once she felt Vir retreat from her room and she got up from the bed and called out his name.Vir turned back,he was shocked that she wasn't asleep the whole time while he was talking to her.They share an intense eyelock,tears springing from their eyes and he rushed immediately unable to control his emotions and hugged her.But,she was hesitant to hug him back as she felt that she don't have a right on him anymore.But,the poor girl needed support,someone who can console her,who can cure her,who can make her smile who is none other than than his Mukhiji.He made her hug him back which symbolised that he wanted that only she should have a right on him.That was an indeed an intense hug,both cried heavily,consoled each other,became each other's strength-which symbolised that they will be together no what matter what,no one can drift them apart,they will emerge back even more strongly.
"Mukhiji hum some m bhi apko chodke k jaane k sapne m nahi soch sakte.Apke saath hamara rishta saat janam k liye jud gaya h.Hum apse bahut bahut pyaar karte h aur apke saath k liye hum sab kuch bardaasht karenge yahi pe rehke.Bas hum itna janna chahate the ki ap kya chahate h.Apne y sab bolke hamare saare sawalon k jawab de diye.Hum apke saath h Mukhiji r hum milkar har pareshaani ka hal dhundh nikalenge."
They broke the hug as they heard someone's footsteps and Vir left the room immediately so that no one can see them together.
She listened to him all this while. Against her better judgment though, she always stayed silent. It comforted her, his hands on her face and his tear-stained kisses. She could only enjoy this away from everyone’s gazes and wanted it to last longer. She thought to herself that she was wrong in suspecting Vir that he will leave her.She thought to herself that she had to become his strength and his support in clearing this mess. She slowly closed her eyes back again, wiling herself to sleep and wondering how long this is going to last.
But is it that unrealized habit that will become the basis for something far more wonderful in the future, no??
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