English translation:
"Shikshak babu, Please allow me to leave...I cannot stay here anymore..."
Aniruddh looked down at his hands. They were empty and still marred with the blood of the girl whom he had promised to protect all his life...who was his zimmedari...the only person whose thoughts consumed him always...The same girl who once told him that she loved him, and he had gone berserk with the idea. He had yelled at her and had asked her to never even think about it. For him, she was a responsibility, but for her, he was her everything.
She could do anything for him...go to any lengths to make him happy.
She could even give her own life for his happiness.
She was not at all afraid or worried about her own life.
He was her protector, but she went to all extremes to protect him.
She would always protect his honor and fought for him when he faced rejection from society, his family, or any other danger.
She gave her everything to him...and then she gave him her beautiful heart...but he could not take care of it.
She had always taken and accepted whatever he had to give her, and today, she even stood like a wall to protect him from the attack of a deranged man…
she came forward to plunge to death...
for him.
He could feel her still, unconscious body in his arms. In a frenzy, he had even tried to perform a half-baked CPR on her...he had punched in her chest to revive her drowning heart...he had put his mouth on her lips to provide her some oxygen...but it had all been in vain. It was all very late.
The Roy Chaudhary Mansion was in chaos because Trilochan Kaka's friend's daughter Manorama was getting married. But just a few hours before the wedding, Aniruddh had found out that Manorama's fiance belonged to a desh drohi group.
Knowing how passionate and patriotic Manorama was, Aniruddh had decided to call off her wedding.
In a frenzy of revenge, her jilted fiance tried to attack Aniruddh and Manorama with a dagger, but it never reached Aniruddh's flesh...because Bondita, his student, his dream-catcher, the fulfiller of his dreams, his best friend, his wife whom he claimed to have never loved, had come in between the dagger and himself.
The police had intervened and the rescue mission was on with the largest group of desh drohis being caught.
But Aniruddh was not concerned about anything.
The only thing that mattered to him at that moment was Bondita.
While he thought that his heart had stopped beating and the time had stood still, there was a lot of action happening around him.
Soon Binoy brought the car and Kaka's tearful pleas finally reached his ears.
That was when he frantically carried her to the car to take her to the hospital near the outskirts of Tulsipur. Binoy took the driving seat and Aniruddh cradled the bleeding girl in his lap. He was madly trying to keep her conscious by saying various things to her, and that's when she had mumbled in a faint voice,
"Shikshak babu...Please allow me to leave... I cannot stay here anymore..."
And with that, she had lost consciousness…
and Aniruddh lost all his composure. He was rocking her, screaming her name again and again...but she did not respond. Binoy drove them to the hospital as fast as he could...
But they were very late...
The doctors took Bondita to the Operation Theater quickly, but soon they told a panicked Binoy that Bondita had lost a lot of blood, and the dagger had pierced her chest cavity. They were afraid that while taking it out, they might rupture Bondita's heart, causing instant death.
Aniruddh had fallen on his knees after hearing this right outside her Operation Theater. He had gone completely still. Binoy tried to help him rise, but he refused to budge from that spot on the floor...He had gone completely numb. Binoy raked his shaking hands in his hair and tried to compose himself for the sake of his son sitting on the floor in front of him. He was so still that Binoy had an urge to check on him if he was breathing or not...
Aniruddh had stopped crying also. He had stopped shedding tears, and he had not uttered a single word. It seemed as if he had paralyzed! His gaze was fixed on the red light above the door of the Operation Theater...and Binoy had a strange feeling that although he looked to be physically present there, he was lost somewhere else! Thoroughly confused by his son's state, Binoy got up and using the hospital's phone, he called Trilochan da to let him know about the impending disaster in case of Bondita's death...and to plead them all to pray for Bondita's life, when he saw Aniruddh closing his eyes shut. He looked like a statue now... and his demeanor scared the normally stoic and indifferent Binoy to his bones!
-------
It was a beautiful garden... The grass was lush green, and there were groves of trees with different leaves all around.
He was sitting by the garden pond and was watching the beautiful Lotus flowers in the center of the pond.
A wild array of colorful flowers surrounded him, that was very strategically arranged in flower beds.
Canopies covered with colorful flowers hung over his head. He could hear the buzzing bees and chirping birds.
The sun was hidden behind fat clouds. He was watching the natural beauty around him, but he had a sadness within him...as if something or someone was missing!
He was looking at the colorful leaves on the trees when he heard a melodious voice humming a tune.
He recognized that voice in an instance...it was Bondita's beautiful voice.
He looked around, but he could not find her. He wanted to watch the glorious sight of those colorful flowers with her, but he could only hear her voice…
She herself was nowhere to be seen.
Suddenly, the beauty of everything around him started fading away.
He was looking for his Bondita frantically... Without her, he was not even able to enjoy nature!
He started calling out her name,
"Bondita....Bondita, where are you? See, we are at such a beautiful place. Why dont you now stop hiding and come to me?"
There was no reply.
He called out aloud again,
"Bondita please come here and stop hiding. I dont like anything without you, not even this beautiful scenery!"
This time he saw the beautiful girl on the other side of the garden.
She was bending near the flower beds, touching the petals of the flowers very delicately. Her back was towards him, and he felt a new relief and energy washing over him on seeing her there.
He quickly rushed towards her. When he reached closer, he tapped her shoulder and said impatiently,
"Bondita, where were you? And why were you not replying to me?"
Slowly, she turned her face towards him. She had a beautiful smile playing on her lips, but her eyes were...casted downwards.
She slowly rose up and stood in front of him, and said softly,
"Shikshak babu, why are you here?"
Aniruddh felt her behavior quite strange. Besides, the way she had addressed him, irritated him and he said a little angrily,
"Whats wrong with you Bondita? And what is with this Shikshak Babu? Why do you keep repeating it! I have told you na to call me either Birristra babu or Pati babu only. And what are you doing? Look at me!"
During his angry tirade, he did not realize what he had said. But Bondita's smile turned sadder...and that was when it hit him!
He had refrained her to address him as Pati babu. Because of course, the sweet title reminded him of something he claimed he hated the most…
His marriage and their relation!
But now, when she had actually listened to him, he didn't know why he felt miserable.
She slowly lifted her eyes and he saw that they were bright...but their brightness looked as if she was faking it.
Her smile had widened too, but even that didn't look real.
Aniruddh was totally baffled by her state. Without thinking, he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. Unable to wait any longer, he asked impatiently,
"Bondita, whats wrong? What has happened to you? And why are you acting so strange?"
Bondita dropped her eyes again...and Aniruddh felt that she was shutting him out.
It was unbearable...it was not at all acceptable to him.
Automatically, his hold on her shoulders became tighter, and he pulled her towards himself more assertively to make her look at him.
The impact of his actions and his unsaid demand made her raise her eyes up again...and this time he saw that her eyes were bright with unshed tears.
Something happened to his heart on seeing her like that...he asked desperately,
"Bondita, please tell me whats wrong? Why are you crying?"
She bent her head submissively, held out joint hands in front of him, and whispered,
"Shikshak babu, I cannot stay with you now. Not as your student, neither as your friend, nor because of an unwanted relation.
I do not want to refuse Kaka sasur ji, but you and I cannot be together anymore!
Its time for me to leave your world. You do not accept or believe in such things, but I promised Dugga maa that I will never leave you. And now that I have to go, I need your permission.
So, please, allow me to go...as your student, as your friend, and as an unwanted relation which did not have any meaning."
Aniruddh's breath caught in his chest as she said,
"Please, let me go..."
Aniruddh felt as if the sky had fallen on his head.
He felt as if a volcano had erupted and the molten lava was flowing towards him to burn him...perish him.
He clutched her shoulders so tightly that his own fingers turned white; instantaneously he jerked her closer to him, and then he said in a dangerous voice,
"How dare you, Bondita? How could you even think to ask me of something like that!?"
Bondita's tears were rolling down her cheeks now, and she looked at him helplessly.
Aniruddh was watching her tears, and as always, her tears were affecting him...He felt as if his own heart had started crying while shaking his head vehemently,he said,
"Bondita, no... I am not going to allow you to leave me. Neither as your teacher, nor as your husband."
Bondita shook her head slightly and whispered,
"But Shikshak babu, our relationship is meaningless. Its not even true. There has never been anything between us!"
This hurt Aniruddh more than anything.
It was true that he had not accepted her love, and had even gone so far to call their marriage a farce.
But that did not mean that they didn't have any relationship besides being a Shikshak and Shishya.
He knew he had failed her...he had disappointed her...but that did not mean that she was allowed to DENY their relationship. He again shook his head and said desperately,
"Dont say that, Bondita... It took me a very long time to understand what I had with you...what our relationship truly meant.
I have seen you as my student...I have seen you and accepted you as my friend. I stood in front of all your incessant questions. Sometimes I tried to win arguments with you, and sometimes I lost them for you.
I have fought with you...I have even seen you as my partner in crime on various ocassions...
I have felt so many things and relations for you Bondita. What I did not do was to ever accept what was there in my heart for you!"
Leaning his forehead against her temple, he closed his eyes and said resignedly,
"If I tell you Bondita that I fell in love with you since the time I got to know you...when your letter accidentally came to me...If I tell you this Bondita that I have had feelings for you since then,will you believe me?"
He felt Bondita stiffening in shock. He opened his eyes and saw her looking at him in a daze...Her tears were forgotten now...and her mouth was agape with astonishment.
A tired smile crept up his lips as he nodded and continued,
"I was awed by you. Without even knowing you, I had fallen for your words...your beautiful thoughts.
Fate made me your Rakshak babu...and then I got very attached to you.
What I thought was a normal care and affection for you, when I tried to negate my feeling by making myself believe that you are just my responsibility...I realized very late Bondita... It was not a simple case of normal attachment. I had fallen head over heels in love with you.
I had not realized it then, but i had felt a strange pull, a strange magnetism towards you just after reading your letter.
I was set to marry Mini, but Dugga maa showered her mercy on me and brought you in my life.
The more time I spent with you, the more special you became for me. But I kept refusing and negating the truth.
And the truth was that you had become my everything!"
Her eyes started welling up with fresh tears on hearing this. He brought his fingers to her eyes and wiping her tears, he said,
"When I finally found out that the letter girl was you , my attachment and my feelings for you started getting stronger.
As I kept getting closer to you, I realized tht you not only have a beautiful face, but you have a gold heart too. You are a beautiful human being...with brilliant ideas and beautiful thougts.
My connection with you became stronger...You had taken my heart, Bondita..
I knew even then that you have a very special place in my heart and no one can replace you in my life."
Her tears were rolling down her cheeks...he held her head protectively from both sides and wiping away her tears in the process, he continued,
"I know...I have told you many times that our marriage was a farce and that I do not accept it. But the truth is...I just never wanted you to ever go away from me.
I have called you my responsibility many times, but it was just because I was in a lot of conflict at that time.
I knew you were special for me, and I wanted you to reach the skies too with success, but I also wanted to not believe that I loved you.
But despite all my conflicts , I did my level best to never let you go away from me!
I may have called you a responsibility...but the truth was that my heart yearned for you, Bondita.."
Because of this constant internal conflict, I blamed you and kaka, I behaved so rudely with you...because I couldnt understand my own feelings. And even if I did, I was so confused!
Taking a deep breath, he finally mustered the courage to accept something that he was not proud of.
"When I was going through all that, I met Manorama. I was attracted to her thoughts and her views. I even thought that I loved her. But that was not the truth.
In reality, I liked her because her views and her ideals reminded me of you.
And that was when I realized that I was actually attracted towards her because I used to see you in her."
Clenching his eyes shut as if he was in pain, he said,
"That was when I truly realized and accepted what you are for me, Bondita. But then, you are so young, and I felt disgusted of my feelings towards you. I started treating you more harshly. But you were always so patient with me. You handled me so well.. I dont know whether it was some internal fear or a mental block, but I made myself believe that you are never going to be anything more than a student or a friend to me.
I never accepted you as my wife, but if someone tried to hurt , I would not tolerate that.
I knew then too Bondita that I cannot live without you.
Without you, I am simply Nothing!
I knew everything subconsciously...and I may have never told you before, but that does not mean that we never had anything between us or our relationship was meaningless."
He opened his eyes and saw her eyes bright with tenderness, amazement, and tears. His gaze fell on a strand if hair falling on her face, and as if in a trance, he tucked it behind her ear...and then he said quietly,
" You had become my habit, Bondita. You dwelled in me. And you say that we do not have any relation!"
He shook his head slightly and continued,
"My relationship with you is such that when you are happy , I feel happy too. When you re sad, I become sad too. When you cry, my heart cries too.
Our breaths are entwined...and so are our heartbeats. If you stop breathing, I will stop breathing too! If your heart stops, mine will stop too."
Bondita's breath hitched on hearing this. She brought her trembling hand, laid it on his chest tentatively...carefully...but then she splayed it over his heart protectively and said,
"Aniruddh babu... you have to stay alive. Your life is very precious. You have to take care of yourself and live a long, long life."
His heartbeats escalated on hearing her finally addressing him by his name.
He put his hand over hers and said,
"My life depends on you. If you want me alive, you will have to stay alive too."
A genuine smile came on her lips this time. The clouds had parted and the sunbeam was falling on them now...
Suddenly everything around him became very bright...so bright that he had to close his eyes tightly shut. And that's when he heard a voice,
"Aniruddh...Aniruddh beta... can you hear me? I am your baba... please open your eyes. Talk to me please..."
Aniruddh's eyes jerked open. He was sitting on the floor in front of the Operation Theater. He quickly looked around and saw a very worried Binoy crouching beside him. One of his hands was on Aniruddh's shoulder...which meant that he was not only calling him, he was actually jostling him to bring him out of … that zone …
or that trance…
or that dream that he was in…
only that it had felt too surreal…
too real!
Seeing Binoy's extreme concern, he managed to ask,
"Bondita?"
Binoy, who was relieved beyond words to see him out of that paralyzed state he was in for almost half an hour, replied,
"Beta, thats what I wanted to tell you. The doctors have taken her to the Recovery room after her operation went successful. She is still unconscious but shes out of danger now."
Aniruddh's eyes automatically clenched this time...and he staggered. Binoy quickly held him by his shoulders and hugged him. This was the first time in all this duration that his son had broken down and was weeping in his chest.
They were sitting on the floor in that same pose when a nurse came out of the OT. And asked,
"Aniruddh babu?"
Aniruddh raised his head from Binoy's chest, wiped his tears and said,
" yes, I am Aniruddh.."
Nurse nodded and said respectfully,
"Sir, please come with me. Your wife is unconscious but even in that state, she is just mumbling your name repeatedly."
Aniruddh and Binoy both quickly stood up and Aniruddh followed the nurse inside the OT.where he was asked to take off his shoes and was given some overalls to cover his clothes. After all the necessary protocol, he was taken inside the recovery room.
His heart squeezed with pain on seeing his Bondita lying on the bed...with all sorts of tubes running around her, some of them through her...and different machines monitoring her vitals and brain activity. He sat beside her, held her hand and softly whispered,
"Bondita..."
He felt Bondita's hand tightening around his own...and then he heard her drowsy mumble,
"Aniruddh babu..."
He brought his ear near her mouth and said,
"Haan Bondita...I am here...with you."
After a couple of seconds, he heard her raspy whisper,
"Aniruddh babu, you told me so many things, but you never told me that you love me in reality. Why have you never told me?"
Aniruddh was shocked to hear this. It was unbelievable. He had been in a dream...or a trance...when he had confessed his true feelings for her...but she knew! How is that possible? He thought dazedly.
And then he felt a tug on his hand. She was not completely conscious, and yet she was talking to him...demanding his reply!
He smiled and pinched her nose lightly, and said teasingly,
" Is it necessary to say outloud? You know na.. you feel everything!"
A frown creased her forehead and she puckered her lips and like a cranky child, whispered,
"No, please say...I have waited for you for a very long time..."
His breath caught in his chest, and this time, he placed his hand on her head and without any hesitation said,
"I love you...I love you very very much...I cannot love without you."
Her lips formed a small, satisfied smile and her mind slipped back into oblivion.
Aniruddh sighed...he knew that her oblivion wouldn't last long and soon she would come back to the Roy Chaudhary mansion with him.
They both had waited for each other for so long...and their wait was about to get over now.
They both had managed to bridge all their gaps and love had found its way...etched deep into their souls. Their relationship was so strong, so unique...and so invincible. He smiled as he recalled a poem he once read somewhere which said,
Unbreakable,
We fly together, high and free;
I follow you, you follow me.
We touch the moon, we touch a star;
And daylight's end is yet so far.
Like two birds in the open sky,
Unbreakable souls, You and I.
(Poem by Mia-source
