Originally posted by: jankiraghav
Thank you Janaki for another great recap! You make it much better to bare these zombies, so tons of love your wayđ¤
.
Good morning lovelies!đˇđˇ
Heart is a bit heavy today... It's tearing for the two souls blinded by their respective egos from their low self esteem in their marriage at the most vulnerable moment... and their yearning for the other even in the moment when they hold each other's gaze of hurt, anger, surprise, distrust and resentment.
I don't like unresolved fights and i am feeling so restless myself that I can't wait for this to end with better understanding, which it will.
Me neither! Unresolved fights between husband an wife is the hardest. Even though they haven't officially moved in that area, but all these is due to they they have started assuming the right on the other.
But how different it could have been for them if simple communication had been given utmost importance? The day would have probably seen them heading out together, ignoring the hullabaloo about the fact that they were going out together. But it was not to be... Instead, it was a nasty moment when both equally hurt each other -- one visibly with force and the other invisibily with the words -- in full view of people waiting to run in between them to drive them further apart đ (what was the need to run?)
"Patni Patni ke maamle jab kamre se bahar Nikal aate Hain, toh wo neeji maamle Nahi reh jaate"... Would have hated the mouth that spoke this dialogue on a normal day but today despite all the hate, I couldn't help but agree with Patralekha.
I know her dialogue was right, but I can't see her beyond an opportunist and a woman who married a man to be close to his brother. Openly lusts for him and blatantly white lies!!
What else can a public argument do to a husband wife relationship? It is dangerous, unhealthy and definitely brings along embarrassment, humiliation, and resentment. While disagreements in public can be healthy, the thin line is blurred almost instantly where spouses are influenced by external factors â and the disagreement instantly escalates into an argument and an argument into a fight, which can get as ugly as it possibly can.
And if the audience to this is Chakram niwas ki Makad Sena, arguments or fights will turn into a spectacle of a breakdown in the relationship. It would have been so much better if the two of them could have been at least connected enough to understand each other's discomfort and the need to address the matter privately without counter-attacking each other or embarrassing their relationship in public.
But it couldn't have been because both Sai and Virat are on a self destructive mode as far as their emotional intimacy is concerned -- which they had built bit by bit with so much effort and over a long time. But it came undone in a matter of minutes with washing the dirty linen in public.
Virat's reminder to PP about staying out came at the wrong place and wrong time -- it should have come in the confines of their bedroom when she entered to question the purity of his wife's intentions in their marriage. Today, it was really not a neeji space where interferences could be set aside.
I felt the same way. It was little too late and mis-placed. The damage he has allowed on his wife's self esteem by Pakhi is not going to go away easy. If Virat hadn't been the loving and soft hearted person he is shown to be I wouldn't want this kind of character to be redeemed.
Was it 'mauka-parasthi' when PP butted in, spoke the right words and reminded Virat that he was wrong... Did she also display her malice while asking Virat to not use force because "she's not going to listen and you must let her go" and not damage your 'shobha and Chavan Khandaan ki izzat'? Or was it really a woman standing up for another because Sai did stand up for her during the fiasco in the end? I thought for a moment she came across as a fine person. Even in her outburst later...
The fight was 'dirty' right from the moment Virat decided to obstruct her way. He had already been consumed by his ego at that point and decided that he wouldn't let her go -- until this point, the reason for the act was definitely more to do with feeling protective more than jealousy or control but it took just a few moments for that to change into a completely ugly exhibition of force -- main doors closed, threats issued to lock her up in a room. The reason of protectiveness turned into the rage - the spill over of the unresolved fight combined with the familiar frustration rise inside-- How many times have I asked her not to do this? Why does she always not care enough to agree?
What a moment it was when Ashwini broke Virat's stupor and he realised what he had done in his complete loss of self-control. That moment when their eyes met -- filled with tears and almost asking the other to stop.
It was a superb moment, Virat realizing that he hurt Sai, but feeling that why don't you understand me. And sai feeling how could you hurt me, I never thought you out of all would hurt me physically!
I also, felt the energy in Virat that wanted alone time with Sai right away, but it could just be me!
But egos don't stop. The âdirtyâ fight then brings in the threats, intimidation, accusations, name calling, and even spilling sensitive, private information that completely dilute the intimacy and replaces any emotion with resentment.
Resentment is what Sai is heavily feeling -- she has really given up entirely on the relationship that she was trying to build with all the caution in her way. The showdown of the Ladakh outing has indeed done it for her. It is one thing to be in a "deal" with the husband in private and another to have the entire family show utter lack of respect for the sanctity of the marriage -- whatever be the deal in private space. So, when the public doesn't think twice before entering the neeji space of the couple, there is actually no neeji space remaining.
You stole my feelings here. Sai has accepted that this is "samjaute wali shadi", but the humiliation Virat puts her through is beyond her self esteem can accept. He rarely stood up for Sai when Pakhi walk in the room and humiliates her, but he expects Sai to be respectful to her. The Ladakh trip did the final nail on the coffin of the relation ship they have. Sai felt less than a woman that her husband would desire. She knew it all along, but when her public humiliation happened and everyone in the family was okay with the incest the woman in her broke. Her self esteem is been damaged and its not only by Pakhi and the gang but Virat as well.
And Virat's behaviour in the moment only added to her resentment and feeling of humiliation. I don't want to delve into the words they spoke to each other about the circumstances of the marriage, the ehsaan, majboori of the dying man's vaada-- I will pass it off as words spoken from flaring tempers. They had long moved on from there and begun building the intimacy but like every couple they also have a few points that can always be used to hurt one another in those tempting moments when you just want to hurt one another -- for them it's this deal, the circumstances under which they said their vows. They still need to cross that bridge to leave that weapon behind.
My heart went out to Sai when she recalled the show down surrounding the trip and put our the pointed questions at the elders, beginning from Ninad's "samjhauta" word-- exactly the way she felt it, using the same words that she used in her private space to Virat. He was taken aback again when she said "samjhaute wali Shaadi".
Sai has said everything in as clear manner as one could. If Virat doesn't wake up now and smell the coffee then I don't think this guy is worth all the trouble she has to go through and we as viewers have to go through.
It might sound like overstepping the line and comprising the respect of the 'husband' but it came from the depths of the wound her heart has had to bear... Where is the "husband" in the marriage?
Her truth bombs today were not from Sai Joshi, the Jhagda champion or the rebel queen. It wasn't about being questioned about going out. Today, her words were of a pained 'wife', who was made to feel like a second fiddle to her husband by the entire family -- all for the sake of the hatred they harbour for her. It came out in the form of plain truth:
"Main jis din iss Ghar me aayi thi, main samajh gayi thi ki yahan koi mujhe apni bahu Nahi Manega...aur ye bhi Jaan gayi ki Pakhi Didi chaheeti bahu Hain"... No one, including Ashwini or Virat understood the meaning -- until it was followed by revealing one truth after the other -- showing everyone the mirror, which everyone wanted to deny.
When she was humiliated to go on a trip with her husband, her husband didn't stand up enough to protect her dignity. He didn't do enough to ask Pakhi to stop and ask right questions. He infact told both of them "sword...." and said Sai is "badtameez...." That time there was no need for a wife's dignity or honor? I am glad Sai washed his linen in public, now he can hide his face or be besharm its his choice. She gets insulted by his EX/Friend/Vahini/lover everyday, but today their truth hurt them and they both are playing "hum aap ke hai kaun" publicly, but in front of Sai in their bedroom they are like "hum saath saath hai". As a woman who has husband, I can tell no woman would want to be humiliated the way Sai was and her husband not doing anything about it made her lose trust in him. Her eyes are blank, she has no hope left in this relation. She is ready to walk out if they kick her out right now!
- PP is the chaheeti bahu : not for Samrat but for Virat, something that is not said in as many words but is visible. The whole trip fiasco has made Sai feel that the family is also consenting to the existing 'pyaarosti' between the two ex-lovers. It really brought her back to the reality of their deal because she had only begun taking the steps towards the 'husband' who she knew she could never have, only just started calling herself the 'biwi' and him the 'husband'... But the bubble burst in a matter of seconds when all she could remember thereafter was what she seemed to be forgetting -- she was actually the third ticket on the trip because the 'husband' has not clarified yet and the family is objecting too her inclusion as well..
- You have all assumed that Samrat will not return and so, PP needs to be enticed to stay here (she still thinks it is for the 'izzat' but for Bhavani there is a lot more at stake)
- You have chosen Virat as the toy to be used to lure her because you know their past.
Everything she spoke is the truth. She has this built up from every incident that happened since she came. Every time she was shut by Virat and insulted by his love, Pakhi, was bottle up. She even brought the incident where Virat puts ice on Pakhi's hands in one of the episodes, so she does bottle things up. Ladakh trip insult brought it all out. And its rightfully so, she never asked to join or cared to join, but he insisted. She never wanted to stay in the room when Pakhi walked in to plan their honeymoon, but Virat stopped her later followed by her humiliation by his EX. And Zillat areana humiliation in front of all by husband's ex in front of all is beyond something Sai could take.
Bhavani was left in a state of shock until PP spoke to cover up with actually abusing the word 'dost'. Now, one can even understand Virat calling it 'dosti' but not PP. In that moment of her showing the mirror, the masks were pulled down and the defence, thus, had to be turned into a moment of victimisation and also referring to the 'humiliation of the husband'. While Patralekha did a few things right today, she couldn't help defend her actual feelings for Virat as 'dosti' to try to save her mask from falling...
AS sai told in her monologue with her abba that "is ghar main kisi ko sach pasand nahi hai" is so true. Even Virat denied everything with Pakhi in yesterday's episode. He could have said "ha wo tha, lakin ab nahi hai", but blatently denying is actually accusing Sai of lying. So did Pakhi and Kaku. Ab ab milke apana felaya hua raita cover up karenge.
Of course, Virat's loss of control had a cascading effect and so Sai did not spare even the minutest information about their private relationship from being revealed to the world -- the deal, the ehsaan, the five year contract, reminder of 'nahi rokunga' -- it has all been spoken aloud. Was it just me who saw a kind of relief sweep over the faces of Bhavani and PP when she mentioned the five year deal?
"Agar aap deal todh Sakte Hain, toh main bhi todh Sakti hoon"
How did you guys interpret this ? To me, it sounded like a statement made to effect the change. It sounded more like: We decided we would not expect each other to be husband and wife but if you want to break the condition and want me to be the wife, then I will also break the condition and expect you to be the husband. It came from her sense of betrayal, anger, sadness and hopelessness.
I didn't feel Sai felt like that, in fact I felt that she lost all the trust in Virat. She looked like she was obligated for obvious reasons to him and couldn't wait for 5 years to get over. Her eyes were so hurt that she was ready to get kicked out. I also, felt that her not answering Virat straight forward came from her lost hope in him. Everyone including Ashiwini and Virat tell her that she doesn't respect her husband, but where is the husband? He is ready to go on trip with vahini, may be not bad intention, but he is not a bachcha to not understand what was happening. The husband she is supposed to play wife to belongs to someone else and her husband allows that.
It could have also meant that "if you want to call off the deal right away, I am willing to leave too but I won't spare the truth from being told" but then one has to connect it to the context and the context was Virat enforcing his husband rights on her - the moment when she spoke of the deal, I couldn't help but ask, "Why is she even going to interfere in the matter of an incapacitated member of the family when she's not able to set aside her hurt and use strategy to avoid this situation?" Now, we know her action comes from her goodness but somehow it also gave the feel that no matter what she says, she has accepted the marriage with the deal -- Devyani is thus her own by the virtue of Virat being hers. She may not accept but her anguish is not as much the deal between them as the third parties having questioned her right on her 'husband'.
Today, Sai's walking out of the house was such a foreboding trailer of what will eventually follow and add to that this ominous dialogue exchanged between them:
"Tumhe ek din keemat chukani padegi"
"Aap ko bhi"
I loved it when she retorted back with "aap ko bhi" because Sai has been putting up with a lot since she married Virat. He did her a life saving favor and she gets to hear about it from so many all the time, but in return she goes through name calling, verbal and physical abuse and threats of physical abuse by her father in lawđĄ. Her husband's ex is on her face and if she retorts she is called the bad one, where will the frustration go? Its about time Virat got to hear that she will not be the only one at loss, but he will pay the price too. And I hope the he pays it for allowing the pack of zombies to suck blood of one person!
It gave me the goosebumps... Why oh why, dears!?
If Virat had any doubt about what she was feeling when she burst out at him in their private space, here was a replay of it. He should know he has a task at hand -- he doesn't want Bhavani's atrocious comment "Virat ki Shaadi tootne wali hai" to come true. He asked Sai, "Are you happy that my head is bowed in shame in front of my family".. I think both of them will be ashamed one day, when they look back at how they built their relationship - it was a moment like that. Perhaps it will get uglier -- it may bring them to the point where it would be easier to condemn one another but then love is about loving each other in the most undeserving moment-- of letting go of the ego and reconciling, reconnecting, restoring the pride, repairing the dent, reinforcing the faith and replenishing the intimacy. Who will do it first?
There is a silver lining: Falling down in this fight is going to alter the course of their relationship and make it even stronger, sustainable and happy. Will it bring the two of them to introspect the reason behind their unresolved issues -- it is the doubt about the 'belonging' that keeps widening the gap.
She asks, "Do I belong to you?"
He asks, "Don't I belong to you?"
The unfinished last scene:
Virat knocking at the door before entering and speaking exactly what PP wants to hear.
Right after her 'dosti' cover up, she almost faces a check mate question from Virat, put forth originally by Sai.
I am eager to see her response to "Sai ko Lagta hai hum dono ek doosre se pyaar karte Hain... Tum apna pyaar chhupaati Nahi ho aur main apna pyaar Dil me Daba Kar rakhta hoon..."
I saw a hint of relief on her face to hear that -- sloppy editing could completely change the scene tomorrow-- but the moment she heard Virat say that, it appeared like the words she's been hoping to hear are finally being spoken -- like he will tell her about the daba hua pyaar in his heart. But intuition and Virat's body language tells me he's apologetic about Sai's verbal expression of such a misplaced thought -- which is a 'lie' according to him because he doesn't actually have any daba hua pyaar for her.
PP can't say she doesn't love him because that will close any possibility she still sees -- but will she be able to handle the apology or will it finally be a direct confession she will make that will actually push him to remember the vaada and address the issue that he now knows is eating into the marriage he so badly wants to keep and cherish?
This is definitely now at a point where Virat will have to clarify the deal, one way or the other.
****
Residual anger and unresolved issues can damage the foundation of any marriage and make spouses drift apart. Where miscommunication is allowed to stay, every little fight wedges the a gap to become wider and hard to plug. It brings about grudges and comes in the way of moving on. It is at such times that one must turn to the deposit account of their memory bank to recall the moments of intimacy which can refill the warmth and affection and positively help reconnect with the better half.
Today a warm cup of coffee ââ or tea đľđľ is a must. Can't wait to see them overcome this setback and go back to nurturing their relationship with the love that they both deserve and they both certainly have -- daba hua in the depths of their hearts.
Have a great day!
Hugs to everyone who needs one today đ¤đ¤
Aale,
â¤ď¸J
I vented a lot today!! But thank yo again for your posts, they make the episodes barrable!
Anupamaa
