Previously On...
Rahul tells Armaan that he wants to confess to Muskaan, so Armaan asks for Riddhima's help in putting together a grand gesture for Rahul.
Track 50 - You Are The Reason, Calum Scott
If someone asked Riddhima what she did for the rest of the day, Riddhima wasn't sure she'd be able to answer properly. She'd spent the entire day in a daze, a fever dream. She'd watched Armaan, no, that wasn't it. He wasn't Armaan then. He was Reve. She'd watched Reve record the most heartbreakingly beautiful song that he'd written for Muskaan & Rahul. She'd watched him do it in less than an hour. He was so absolutely perfect in his beauty in that studio. He nimble fingers running across the piano and his silken voice crooning words of love and togetherness. Riddhima didn't clearly remember the words, nor the melody. But she remembered the way Armaan's eyes closed as he sang, a small smile on his lips, making him look majestic. She remembered the way his throat was exposed as he looked upwards to reach his mic, and swallowed as she recalled how it seemed to wrap around every word out of his mouth.
She didn't particularly remember which shops they visited, leaving each one of them with an armful of bags, little things that would make the day even better for Rahul and Muskaan, but she vividly remembered Armaan's exuberance everytime they did. The twinkle in his eyes, the happy laughter escaping from what seemed to be his entire being.
She didn't remember what he said as he kept on an endless chatter about his grand plans and what they needed to do, but she remembered how alive he was when he did that. Armaan spoke with his entire body and not just his mouth. The way his hands would move, the way he was practically vibrating in excitement… Everything was seared into her brain, never to leave her memories.
But, what she remembered with perfect clarity, and what she would always remember for the rest of her life, was the time she'd spent with Armaan at Central Park when they stopped to get something to eat.
Armaan had dragged Riddhima to one of his favourite places in the world… An ice-cream truck in the park, near a fountain, overlooking a busy street.
“I come here after every therapy session,” he told her. “To treat myself to some ice-cream for a job well done and opening up about my petty issues and insecurities in front of a stranger.”
“Your issues aren’t petty, Armaan,” she replied. “And after everything, I don’t think your therapist is a stranger anymore.”
“I think my issues are petty, you know,” he answered. “I mean, there are people in the world who are dying because they don’t have a roof over their head or food in their stomach, and here I am, living in a house that’s too big for the 4 people who live there, with a designer closet that will actually put any actor to shame, and sampling the best delicacies there are. Yet, I still have issues. Don’t you think that’s petty?”
“Money doesn’t buy happiness, Armaan. Or a peace of mind. I mean, yes, it facilitates both those things because if you have money, you can buy things that make you happy, and you’re at peace because you don’t have to worry about many things. But, just because you’re rich doesn’t mean your problems aren’t problems. They are. Every person deserves to live a good life to the best of their abilities. Therapy helps you do that, and why you seek therapy is not petty or frivolous. You shouldn’t think that way.”
Armaan smiled brilliantly at that. “That… thank you. That was very nice of you to say.”
“It was just the truth,” she replied. “You don’t need to thank me for that.”
“What sort of ice-cream do you want?” He asked, changing the topic, clearly uncomfortable with the intimacy of what they were discussing. Riddhima smiled and let him divert the conversation to a lighter, safer topic.
He walked her to the truck and they both got their ice-creams : mint chocolate and vanilla for her, and strawberry cheesecake and chocolate for him.
“I want to play chess on that someday,” he told her randomly, pointing to the chessboard tables in the area. “But, I don’t know how to play!” He moaned.
Riddhima smiled and stood up, offering him a hand. “What?” He asked.
“You want to play, so let’s play,” she answered, shrugging.
“You know how?” He questioned, surprised.
“Yes,” she told him. “Papa taught both me and Di when we were kids. It was actually one of our favourite things to do together. Every Sunday, Papa, Di, and me - we’d play chess for hours.”
Armaan smiled at her and let her drag him across to an unoccupied table. For the next hour or so, Riddhima patiently explained to Armaan, the game of chess, and helped him learn how to play. Riddhima didn’t think she’d seen Armaan so happy or carefree in the time she’d been in New York than in that one hour. He was a whiny, pouty baby, and Ridhdima loved that.
Belatedly, she was coming to realize that as an elder brother, he didn’t really get to be demanding of his little sisters, not like this. As their big brother, something she knew Armaan took very seriously, he would be the one giving into their demands all the time, he would be the one listening to them whine and crib. But, who did he have who he could behave this way with? Probably Rahul. No, surely, Rahul. But, with everything that was going on, it didn’t seem likely that Armaan had been able to just whine at Rahul like he usually did. Riddhima remembered their relationship well from the internship days. Even back then, Rahul and her had really been the only people with him Armaan behaved this way. With the others, he was the problem solver, not the troublemaker. But, for her & Rahul, he had always been one.
It warmed her heart that even after the distance between them, created by time and their situation, and their choices, some things hadn’t changed. Armaan still felt comfortable enough to behave so childish around her. She was glad that she was able to be that person for him. She wished she could be that person for him forever. The one with whom Armaan truly let go, with whom he behaved the way he wanted, not thinking about anything else. If he wanted to be possessive, he could, if wanted to be cranky and whiny, he could. If he wanted to be anything, he could. She always wanted to be that person for Armaan. Nothing else would make her happier than making Armaan happy in this way.
And maybe, it was time to do something about it, she thought, as they made their way back home. Muskaan had taken the plunge. She’d told Rahul how she felt, she’d confessed, and look where they were right now. Muskaan had been brave and for that, she would get to spend the rest of her life with Rahul. If Riddhima did the same, could she have Armaan? She wasn’t sure if he still felt the same way anymore.
There was once a time when Riddhima could read Armaan’s mind from his eyes. His eyes had been a window to his soul for her. She never needed him to say anything to know just how he was feeling at any given point. But now, that wasn’t the case. He was hard to read now. Maybe because back then, he never tried to hide himself from her like he now did. They weren’t close enough to be so open and honest with each other anymore. It hurt her, but it was the way things were.
She didn’t know how Armaan felt so the only way to know was to talk. It may end in a disaster, but the good thing was that if it did, she wouldn’t have to see Armaan everyday. She’d go back to Mumbai after the wedding, and he’d live here in New York and it would be difficult, no doubt, but she would manage. It wouldn’t be like she’d never see him again, what with two of her closest friends and his siblings being together, but it wouldn’t be for long intervals of time, hopefully. It might actually be the worst thing to happen, but she would know. And most importantly, Armaan would know.
And who knows, maybe this would be it. Armaan would confess his love for her as well, and they’d be together. Forever this time. If he gave her one more chance, Riddhima would never let Armaan go. She would never take him for granted and she would love him the way he deserved. And in return, she’d get to be loved by him, the way only he could. It was the only thing she wanted in life. To be with Armaan, day in and day out, happy with him, blissfully in love.
She’d tell him, she decided. Today. After the party, after Rahul told Muskaan.
___________
Rahul should have known that Armaan could never do things halfway through. He just had to go all out. So, of course, for his birthday present, Armaan rented out an entire art gallery and had all his work displayed there. His paintings and his photographs, the best of them all, lined up the walls of one of New York’s finest art galleries. Artists only dreamt of having one piece of theirs being exhibited there and here he was, not even a full time, dedicated artist having the entire gallery filled with only his stuff.
“This is all so good, Rahul,” Muskaan murmured from beside him. “I didn’t know you were such a great artist.”
He shrugged. There was still a lot that she didn’t know about him. Like how he was madly in love with her and that he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and kiss the daylights out of her. But well, he was actively trying to change that. If the bags that Armaan & Riddhima had come back home with were any indication, it would be something very grand and over the top. But, that was okay, because Muskaan loved that kind of stuff.
Even now, he could see that the two of them were huddled together, eyes glued to Armaan’s iPad as they talked softly, no doubt discussing the finer details of the night. Muskaan followed his line of sight and sighed. It was a wistful thing, full of remorse and wanting. Rahul understood that. At one point of time, they’d all thought that Armaan & Riddhima would stay together forever, disgustingly in love as they were, but of course, fate had other plans and here they were, 7 years later, with the very foundations of their relationship rocked.
Maybe in another life, things would be different. They’d all be together, Armaan & Riddhima would be married with 3 kids, him and Muskaan would be married, and they’d all be wreaking havoc in Sanjeevani like they used to. It wasn’t possible now and Rahul’s heart ached as he thought of that other future, that other life. Somedays, he wished for it so badly, he felt he could die with the longing, and on others, he felt so removed from that other life, he didn’t even think about it. It was a fine line to walk, and he’d mastered doing it in the past few years of his life.
"I wish everything could go back to the way it was… before," Muskaan mumbled, not wanting him to hear, but Rahul caught it. He understood exactly how she felt. It felt like something forbidden, to wish for this, to want things like that. They could never be.
"I know," he replied softly, giving her hand a squeeze. "I wish for that too. But… Things aren't always the way we want them to be. Sometimes… It's just too late."
"Is it?" Muskaan asked him. "Too late?"
Rahul looked away from Armaan & Riddhima to see Muskaan staring at him. She wasn't talking about them anymore. She was talking about them.
"I would like to think it isn't. Maybe there's still hope," he replied. A brilliant smile lit up her face and Rahul mentally patted himself on the back. If only she knew what was in store for her later that night, she'd be squealing. He was sure of it. She would.
They didn't get much time together after that, what with so many people crowding Rahul to wish him, but it was okay. He didn't mind. He had the rest of his life to spend with Muskaan. He could spare a few moments of that life for others. After all, they wouldn't be going home with him forever like she was.
But even so, his eyes followed her where she went, unable to tear himself away from her completely. He only half paid attention to what was being said around him, his stomach curling in excitement, anticipation, and fear. He knew she wouldn't say no, that she'd love to be with him, but it was still daunting, putting himself out there. And of course, there was the overwhelming guilt. For having left her, for making her wait so long, for denying them both the happiness of being together, but especially denying her hope of spending her life with him when that's the only thing she'd wanted.
Not anymore, though. He was going to tell her in a couple of hours and then they'd get to be together forever, like both of them wanted. He just wished these last moments passed quickly because he was really tired of staying away from her. He wanted to be near her, always. Once he told her he loved her, he would be able to do that. The thought made him grin.
Armaan shook his head at that. He'd been observing Rahul & Muskaan for the entire night, except obviously when he was going over things with Riddhima, and they both were so obvious. He had half a mind of just walking up to them and telling Muskaan that Rahul loved her just to put them out of their misery. But Muskaan deserved the best. She deserved to be wooed. So, he sucked it up and kept his mouth shut.
And then, finally, finally, finally it was time. Him and Riddhima had decided it would be best if they snuck Rahul & Muskaan out earlier than everyone else, so that the two could have some privacy. Riddhima and Rahul left first, wanting to check on some last minute arrangements while Armaan entertained Muskaan. When he got the go ahead from Riddhima, he pulled Muskaan away from the party.
"We need to talk more about the next step in our plan to get Rahul to confess," he told her. "Everyone else is busy at the party right now. We'll have some uninterrupted time at home and it'll be better to think."
Muskaan agreed readily and the two of them left. When they got home, Armaan asked Muskaan to go ahead while he parked the car. And then, instead of following her inside, he snuck into the garden, where Riddhima was already waiting.
The two of them watched as Muskaan finally made her way into the living room, where Rahul was already waiting for her. She was definitely stunned by the arrangements they'd done. The entire living room had been filled with purple and white balloons and flowers. They'd changed the drapes to a lovely lavender and even managed to find some soft violet lights that made the entire room glow purple.
"Rahul… What is this?" She asked him. "Are you celebrating alone?"
"I'm celebrating," he agreed. "But not alone."
"With who?" She questioned, jealous.
"You," he replied smugly.
"Me?" She pressed, surprised.
Rahul merely nodded. "Champagne?"
She shrugged and walked to him. He held out a champagne flute for her that she accepted and both of them sipped the drink quietly, not saying anything.
"I've been thinking," Rahul said once they were done. "It's time."
"For what?" She questioned.
"A dance," he told her, giving her his hand. She took it and he immediately pulled her flush against him. Muskaan just stared, wide eyed and breathless. He expertly turned on the music, and the song Armaan had composed mere hours ago started playing through the speakers.
"I hope this says everything that I was never able to," Rahul murmured.
There goes my heart beating
'Cause you are the reason
I'm losing my sleep
Please come back now
There goes my mind racing
And you are the reason
That I'm still breathing
I'm hopeless now
I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
Oh, 'cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
There goes my hands shaking
And you are the reason
My heart keeps bleeding
I need you now
And if I could turn back the clock
I'd make sure the light defeated the dark
I'd spend every hour, of every day
Keeping you safe
And I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
Oh, 'cause I need you to see
That you are the reason (I don't wanna fight no more)
I don't wanna hide no more
I don't wanna cry no more
Come back I need you to hold me (You are the reason)
Be a little closer now
Just a little closer now
Come a little closer
I need you to hold me tonight
I'd climb every mountain
And swim every ocean
Just to be with you
And fix what I've broken
'Cause I need you to see
That you are the reason
The two of them glided through the room as the song played, lost in each other, the outside world ceasing to exist.
"Rahul?" Muskaan whispered once they'd come to a stop. "What's all this?"
Her voice was low but the excitement in her eyes was unmistakable. Was it finally happening? Was Rahul going to confess? She'd waited so long for this. Was it about to happen? Now? She didn't want to get her hopes up but this couldn't mean anything else, could it? The lyrics were pretty clear. It could not mean anything else. But she needed him to say it out loud.
"This is me," Rahul answered, falling to his knees in front of her. "Apologizing. For all the pain I put you through. Confessing. I've loved you from before I even knew what love meant, Muskaan. I was just too afraid. But I don't want to be anymore. I want to be with you. Hoping. Wishing. I know I don't deserve it, but please give me one more chance. I'll never leave you again, I promise. We'll be together till we're old and gray and then we die and we'll be together even after that. It doesn't matter how we have kids or if we even have them at all. I just want to be with you. Nothing else matters. Only you. Only me. Only us."
Muskaan was crying. She immediately fell to her knees as well and pulled Rahul into him into a tight hug. “I love you, Rahul,” she said, and nothing else mattered for either of them.
Finally, after 8 years apart, everything was okay. They were here and they were together, as it would be for the rest of their lives.
_______________________
Can you believe I actually updated? Wow! Pigs must be flying somewhere. LOL. But, honestly, I'm sorry for making you wait so long. I know I apologize everytime and then take like a month to update again and I am sorry about that. It's just that more often than not I'm busy with something or the other and then I lose motivation to write so I sit in front of the document staring at it for a few days before I finally write something worthwhile. I am trying, I promise.
I won't tell you the next update will be soon because we all know I never keep *that* promise, but I'll have it up as soon as I am able, I swear. It's gonna be the BIG ONE. I toyed with ending this on a cliffie where Armaan finds out the truth and then keep his reaction for the next one but then I thought that would be too cruel seeing as how it takes me ages to update, so I decided to make that whole thing into one chapter. Rest assured, it is what the next chapter will be about. I have started working on it already, but idk when it'll be finished. Please be patient with me.
Anyway, I hope y'all had a good new year and are looking forward to 2021! I know I am. I got a job! I'm gonna start in a couple of days and I'm really excited about it too! Please wish me luck! I hope 2021 brings great things for all of you, too!
Till then, please keep reading, if you're so inclined. Thank you for sticking around despite my shitty update schedule. It really means the world to me. Y'all are the best!
Love, Prags
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