PR Friends CC - i/o - Page 32

This is bittersweet https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMlIr-kC6w4

Anki speaks fondly about Sushant, she also speaks about their break up.

Thanks Priya for posting the link. I wasn't actually going to watch any of these but I saw it there and just did...

I have sooo many thoughts and I'm not even sure of what to say first or at all really. But of course I'm about to launch into a whole novel so ladies buckle your seatbelts here comes ol' TB lol

Woh har party ki jaan rehta tha, ussko har kissi se baatein karna achcha lagta tha, har kissi ko apni kahaaniyaan bataana achcha lagta tha, apni cheezein bataana, logon se sunn na woh uss ke baare mein kya kehte the, woh usski khushiyaan thi.

The Sushant she described was exactly, EXACTLY the Sushant we all loved so much. 😭 You guys already know from late 2015-ish onward I just couldn't understand him anymore and eventually was not a fan anymore. But oh boy did I love Ankita's Sushant. He was confident and determined but also emotional and sensitive and he loved being the life of the party and giving out his gyaan to everyone. When she talked about her finding his old diary and both of them sitting together and reading it and seeing that he accomplished all the goals he set for five years... my heart. There were times when she was trying to describe the way he was at home and she would literally look around at all the places he would have occupied. Oh gosh. The way she gets charged up describing how he was back then... 😭 I remember saying many years ago that even if I was annoyed by him for whatever reason, any time Ankita would start talking about him with such passion and admiration I would forget what I was mad at and get sucked right back in. Aaj bhi woh hi haal hai y'all.

Main hamesha unnka haath rok ke rakhti thi ke like, yeh mat karo, paise bachao, yeh karo woh karo... Ussko achcha lagta tha apne parivaar ke liya karna, mere liya karna, uss ke liye karna, woh badi badi cheezein khareedta tha. Ussne apni pasand se car khareedi apne liye itni badi. Woh dream the usske saare. Ek ladke ka jo hota hai apne dum pe woh jab kamaane laga... maine bohot ussko sambhal ke rakha tha, ke main ussko bolti thi ke itna kharch...

This just stood out to me because I always thought he was kinda cheap back then lol. But I feel like "maine bohot ussko sambhal ke rakha tha" describes so much more than just this.

Something interesting... she sees everything that is happening, all the news coverage, but chooses not to address anything. Until now I guess. She did seem quite frustrated at the number of absolutely fake stories and doesn't know where they're coming from either. But it was so sweet how she was defending Sushant's father and how everyone misunderstood his Patna comment.

Now coming to the parts about his family... I'm just gonna put in some more of these: 😭😭😭😭😭

Meri pehle baat hui thi, November mein jab Rani di se baat hui thi toh unhon ne mujhe bataaya tha ke... nahin hum aise hi baat kar rahe the...

Mereko usually papa ke bohot phone aate the. Aur papa puchhte hamari baat karao Sushant se. I'm like papa aapke paas number nahin hai, toh bole nahin...

Sab se close main Sonu di ke-... matlab Sonu di hamare close rahi hain, Priyanka. Unnke jhagade ho gaye the Sushant se, aur jo ki sab se closest rahi hain, college mein dono saath mein the... Aur Sonu di aur Sushant baat nahin kar rahe the, for some reason they had a fight. They had a fight because of somebody, and Sushant was not talking to his sisters.

Rishta mera shayad Sushant se khatam ho gaya tha lekin baaki toh log the jinnse mera achcha bond tha. Woh mere saath rishta rakhna chahte the aur maine unnke saath woh rishta rakha. Toh of course ek achcha rishta abhi bhi hai, aur shayad main unnhi ke liye yahaan par hoon.

Jo papa keh rahe hain, I stand by that thing. I stand by my family. And that's the most important thing for me.

She still calls them papa and Rani di and Sonu di and my family. 😭 Neetu was crying on the phone to her when Sushant refused to come home with them... and Ankita's description of how he never, ever said no Neetu was so sad I didn't even want to type it out. And for some reason her description of the apparent fight between him and Priyanka literally had me taken aback. This is the sister who got a freaking matching tattoo with Sushant and was on his bank statements. What in the world was going on?! Add in the fact that his father was able to more easily (and apparently more comfortably) contact Ankita than his own son... The way Ankita described how the past year was for them was extremely upsetting to listen to.

I also thought it was interesting when she was talking about how when she would see his paparazzi pictures or things that would be floating around from parties or performances she figured he looks fine and happy. In the last year though he stopped showing up anywhere and she was concerned to the point of asking Mahesh about it. Idk I feel like that action and her line to close that thought just describe everything about her... Main usske ilaawa kuch puchh nahin sakti thi, aur naa mere paas koi haq tha jaanne kaa. This woman is on some other plane of emotional maturity.

I'm just astounded by the amount of respect she had for him and still extends towards him to this day.

Chaar saal pehle hamara rishta khatam hua. Woh gaya yahaan se. Aur naa mere paas Sushant ka koi number tha, na maine kabhi chaha kyunki I always believed that you can't chase love. You can't chase love. Usski apni ek raah thi, ussne woh choose kar li thi. Usse aage badhna tha aur maine bhi usse nahin roka. Kyunki ussko apne career mein aage badhna tha aur usski kuch alag priorities thi. Aur I was happy for him ke woh usski journey mein aage badh raha hai.

Lastly, the following bits... I can't even say anything, for real this time.

Jab chaar saal pehle woh gaya usske baad maine apne aap ko bohot alag alag cheezon se jodh kar apne aap ko phir banaaya.

Sushant toh chaar saal pehle mujhe chhodh-... matlab yahaan se gaye hain...

💔

Saw a topic in bw forum about Sushant's family being threatened. Sushant's sister's FIL tweeted about it and then deleted.. I hope Sushant's family,Ankita and her family are safe. Things are getting very complicated.

About Ankita's interviews i have mixed feelings actually. This is the first time after their break up she speaking so much about Sushant. Her interviews are making me emotional as well as worried for her. May be the purpose of these interviews is to dismiss the depressation angle and she is doing this due to her bond with his family. But somehow i feel she should not get involve in this case too much. Insta posts tak thik tha. She has her own life ,career. But like Nisha said love is blind

Oh yeah Tanmi I am totally with you guys on that. When I first read she was going to be on Arnab's show I was so anxious and my stomach was literally turning in circles. I was completely fine with her keeping a low profile and not responding to anything or anyone. She has already been through so much... and like Lunza said self-preservation is also important. How many times have I wished that she would treat herself as kindly as she would treat Sushant and protect her own mental and emotional energy. I'm thankful she has her family's support, and if Vicky is hanging on through all of this then bless him too. I can't imagine any of this is easy for any of them. She's putting herself and her life and her emotions all out there in an effort to help... I really hope it leads to something good.

And I also liked what Ashu said... as much as I would complain sometimes, I did enjoy living in total obscurity with these two. I am still so uncomfortable seeing their faces and personal information everywhere.

I know I shouldn't but I am probably going to watch all of the other videos (how many did she do?!) and get worked up again... I don't know what is wrong with me.

Sooo here I am watching the rest of them... Just gonna write about the new bits for anyone interested. I always took advantage of everyone's written updates so maybe I should contribute one ten years later lol.

ABP News: Neetu called her earlier this year about the Baaghi trailer and then continued on to tell her about Sushant's visit to Chandigarh and how happy it made her, which I found really sweet. In the past year or so Ankita felt his face looked dull, and she used to discuss with her mom that his smile was completely different than what it was before and the sparkle in his eyes was missing. (I think we all had the same thoughts.) The newscaster in this one wasn't that great... She asked Ankita if she missed Sushant in the last few years but Ankita literally turned to stone and shut it down. She did kinda let it slip though that it took her a few years to move on. :( She said she only tells the truth because if she tries to lie or change her story she will forget what she said lol. She can only speak about the time they spent together, and the last four years she was watching from the outside like the rest of us.

Sushant was a very introvert kind of a guy, always. Aisa hota tha ke usse baat karne ke liye ugalwane padta tha. Koi cheez ussko takleef de rahi hai toh usse bohot poke karne padta tha, ke mujhe bata. Woh aise aasani se nahin batata tha. Toh bohot woh difficult tha.

The look on her face while she says any of these things... her face is very expressive. Like with the quote above or her reaction to him writing a character sketch for Manav in his diary. She goes between being on the verge of laughter at some of the memories to the brink of tears with some others.

Thanks for providing these written updates, TB.....I haven't managed to bring myself to watch these IVs of Ankita yet....it all just feels too surreal.

But reading her descriptions of him again sort of reiterates what some we discussed earlier in this thread.....it's clear she loved him deeply and gave him immense understanding and support. It also again seems clear from her IVs that he was the one who pushed her away for whatever reason and she let him go, didn't want to hold him back....made her peace with it in some form.

The way she's talking about his personality, how one had to coax him to share what was on his mind....this is the read I got on Sushant too from whatever I'd observed of him....he was essentially an introvert but also child-like in the way he expressed himself and sort of spread joy around in gatherings.

It's sad to read that he had fights with his sisters and pushed them away too....whatever factors led to these breaks, I guess it all came in the wake of his career priorities shifting.

But I must say, Ankita has surprised me....I'm not sure how prudent it is for her to say and do all this now....it takes immense emotional strength and a clean conscience to do what she is doing in talking her heart out about Sushant again....I didn't think such things could happen outside of fiction....after all that had passed between them and everyone having moved on, she still has this earnest love and respect for him that she wants to stand for. One can't help but feel bittersweet again about what was lost when he chose to push her away. And we will never fully know his side of the story with regards to why he felt the need to push her away....as Ankita said, he didn't share it easily.

After everything, all Ankita wants is for the world to know him as she did....it's almost as if his death has given her a newfound resolve to not let his memory be tarnished. What a remarkable love this is indeed....she is still able to love him without expectations. Yes, she's moved on in life now but this clearly is a love not bound by time or circumstances....she will always love him in her own way even as life moves on.

This interview just makes me want to hug Ankita

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tpg7NGymY-M

So my plan failed of watching all of the videos, I fell asleep instead lol

Again only mentioning parts I haven't talked about before. After watching three videos (many are left, including the Republic one from today) it is clear she and his family want to spin the public's perception about him back to the Sushant they knew, and keep hinting at the fact that something went wrong in the past year and they just want the truth about what happened.

Aaj Tak: Starts off with the question of how did she find out about his passing. She was asleep and a reporter called and literally asked her point blank about it. She struggled through this answer with lots of half phrases and looks like she is already about to cry repeating the phrase woh nahin raha. Brings up a memory (bohot purani baat hai) about his reaction to someone else's suicide, that he would say that if he ever had a thought about suicide he would change it in 15 minutes.

Any time she's asked about his personality she starts going a mile a minute and wants to say a thousand things. Sometimes the newscasters kinda stare at her like... is she gonna stop? lol

Mujhe yaad hai ussne ek din mujhe bola tha mujhe films karni hai. Aur mujhe bhi karni thi. Hum dono ne socha tha hum films karenge. But kya hota hai, as a couple you know, ek ko kaam karna zaroori tha... financially... matlab you know ek ka toh role hona chahiye... I told him ke ek kaam kar, you go ahead and you know I will join you, peeche se aakar main join kar loongi. We waited for that thing, we waited for three years. I said tum bindaas wait karo, because kuch bhi script utthaane se achcha hai ke... I was very sure about that... I was 100% sure... Maine bola jitne saal baithna tumko baitho. Mujhe pata hai ek din aayega where you will achieve that...

(On KPC)....Usske liye as an outsider, yeh bohot badi cheez hai. Hamare liye. We celebrated it. It was a big thing for both of us. We were very happy to see that. We were very, very happy. And he was very happy because woh apne sapno ko pura kar raha tha. And I was very happy to see him happy. 😭

(Asked about her most special moment with Sushant... she paused for a good while and I honestly didn't think she was going to answer)... I think Pavitra Rishta ki shooting days mujhe yaad hai. Hum dono auto rickshaw se saat mein aate the... I remember main apne ghar se nikalti thi aur main unnko pick karti thi. Aur itne thak jaate the hum log. Aur main usske saath jaati thi auto rickshaw mein. Hum saath mein grow kiye hain, career mein... hum bohot chhote the dono jab humne career start kiya tha. I was 22 when I started. Woh dheere dheere dheere dheere dheere hum uss pe bade hue hain. Humne paisa kamaaya hai saath mein. Humne naam kamaaya hai saath mein. Maine Sushant ke saath... mere saare... unn saalon mein... I will always cherish those moments jo maine Pavitra Rishta time pe usske saath bitaaye hain... Woh ek aisa time tha jahaan hum dono badh rahe the. Phir mujhe yaad hai Sushant ne Skoda li, aur bohot achcha moment tha jab ussne first time car khareedi thi aur hum car se shoot pe jaate the. Toh ek bohot achchi feeling thi ki ke ab toh car hai hamare paas. So I think ek bohot achchi yaad hai Sushant ke saath. Matlab jitna maine waqt bitaaya Sushant ke saath woh bohot achcha tha. And he was a very lovely guy, very caring guy, very passionate guy... Sab ke saath khush rehna wala ladka tha.

The smile and glow on her face when she went down memory lane is just... 😭 She still loves him so much. Nothing will replace the days when they were together 24/7 and life seemed limitless. I feel like those are our favorite memories and now we know they are hers as well.

Republic interview... as expected Arnab was trying to drive his narrative and had very pointed questions. He also interrupts a lot so there were some awkward pauses. So far I think I liked the Times Now interview the most. People in the comments had a lot to say about that host but she let Ankita meander and ramble her way through her thoughts, which I liked.

She had to take some deep breaths and fight back tears multiple times... I think this was the first interview she gave and she got really charged up multiple times. At one point she was nearly yelling about how his personality was. This interview also started with him asking about how she found out about his passing.

I was finished. I was finished. It was something that... you don't expect something like this. I'm so sorry if I get emotional sometimes. Because I think this is the first time I'm talking to somebody about Sushant you know. And it's very, very difficult for me, for all of us I guess.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know. I was just there. Next day there was his funeral and I could not make it, because somewhere I knew that if I see Sushant somewhere like that, in that position, that stage... I have my whole life to live and I will never be able to to forget that phase (face?). I will never be able to forget that phase (face?). Isi liye I decided I cannot go to the funeral. Apart from that I wanted to meet his family. I wanted to make sure that they are okay. Because jo jaana tha woh chala gaya, par papa the, usski behene thi, and that was my duty to go and meet them.

This line was something I feel like we have all said at various points...

Sushant was not somebody who will listen to anybody. Sushant kabhi kissi ki nahin sunnta tha. Ussne apni ki hai. Ussne apne decisions khud liye hain.

For a while in the middle she went pretty deep. About how sensitive he was, about how much wanted people to like him. We all knew it well (#stillblocked), but she knew it better than anyone.

Jiss Sushant ko main jaanti hoon, I remember, when he used to be with me, he used to give one hour of twitter chat every day, he used to chat with his fans every day. And I used to ask him why do you do that, how does it matter? Uss mein usska sirf ek hi answer hota tha: fark padta hai, bohot fark padta hai.

Agar main kahin gir gaya, mereko utthane wala koi nahin hai. Toh mujhe jaanna hai ke mere baare mein kaun kya sochta hai.

I am a kind of a girl, jissko affect nahin hoti hain yeh cheezein. Kaun kya bolta hai mere baare mein mujhe koi fark nahin padta hai. Par Sushant ko padta tha. Ussko bohot padta tha. Ussko lagta tha ke main itni mehnat kar raha hoon, appreciate me now.

Sushant was very sensitive. Sushant was very emotional about his career, about everything. Ussko yeh tak fark padta tha ke log mere aur usske risthe ke baare mein kya bol rahe hain. Ussko yeh tak fark padta tha.

Yahan main hoti thi ussko sambhalne ke liye, usske paas koi-... main thi. I used to handle him. 😭 I used to tell him its okay. You don't have to worry about everybody, you can't keep happy everyone. You can't do that. I used to tell him that. But jab woh nikla yahaan se, bohot, bohot cheezein badti gayi, badti gayi. Aaj jo aap mujhe bata rahe hain mujhe nahin pata ke yeh Sushant ke liye kabhi likh ke aa rahi thi, frankly. But yes I am sure aisa hoga. Agar yeh hua hai toh ussko thousand and ten percent ussko affect ki hain yeh cheezein. Ussko hoti thi affect. Ussko bohot choti choti cheezein affect hoti thi. Shayad aap bada bol doge toh ussko chal jaayega, lekin yeh cheezein jo usski image par aa jaaye... kyunki usske liye sabse valuable woh hi thi.

Some other parts... A few months ago in May, Shweta got a call from a random number that she didn't pick up, turned out it was Sushant who was reaching back out. In another interview she mentioned that he hadn't talked to Shweta in nearly a year. She also went on to say that he didn't used to change his number constantly like that when they were together. It was a little weirdly sad to listen to her talk about how she was watching him from the outside for the past four years. She has reiterated this point in every interview. Though I do think she was still able to read his face and demeanor pretty well and was watching to see how he was doing. Her maternal streak was definitely on display in this interview, she talked multiple times about how emotional he was and how he was like a baby, a child. Also apparently people were sending her pictures of his body within minutes of the news coming out. She looked shaken when trying to explain that she ended up watching the video she was sent of the scene with the sheet being put over him.

Sometimes in all of these interviews it seems like she has wanted to just straight out ask why nobody did anything to help him or reached out to his family... almost as if her inner monologue is thinking about what she would have done.

Her closing statements were really sweet... I don't think I've ever spoken about anyone with this much respect.

I'm doing it for the first time, I'm talking about Sushant. Dil se jo maine bola hai Sushant ke liye, yeh sab sach hai. Woh ek bohot achcha ladka tha, bohot pyaara ladka tha, jo apni maa se bohot pyaar karta tha, jo apne aas paas ke logon ko bohot khush rakhta tha. Aur woh bohot kuch kar kar gaya hai logon ke liye.

Edit: For some reason I thought this was going to be way worse. I guess because I've only seen Arnab in the context of the "debates" filled with nonsensical screaming. Compared to that he was pretty calm and respectful. Apart from some of the dumb questions (like about missing him 🙄), most of the interviewers have been pretty nice to her. Not much interrogation or anything.

Have you guys seem Barkha Dutt’s interview? That therapist Susan Walker talking about Sushant’s health is so unethical and breaks the confidentiality clause. Walker took a stand for his gf at the time of his demise