Maya holds your wrist and and hand like a child does who is scared of getting lost ; being vulnerable to the world.
Maya starts looking for you the moment you are out of sight , her anxiety and restlessness is evident. It seems like she will die of a panic if she doesn't snuggle into you.
Maya is scared of being in public, is averse to anyone's touch except you and Nandini , wants to live in the shadows behind your shoulders.
Maya is an emotional waterbag in front of you and you are aware of her fears, anxieties and her abnormal way of living her life ( she has turned your room into a dark den, she wears nothing except black ) .
Maya has so much psychological and emotional dependence on you that instead of being her guide and healer, you have turned into her crutch. The girl cannot function without you and she is not the girl you had met as Maya Jaisingh.
Maya is truly in love with you, is stuck to you like fevicol and yet sexual contact induces anxiety in her.
All the above signs, Rudra, are of a deeply traumatized person who relives the trauma again and again at the smallest trigger.
It's a drawback of the human brain. It records tragedy and trauma is stored in your system. The smallest trigger, the smallest reminder produces the same reaction in the human brain as it had suffered when the event had actually happened. The human brain cannot distinguish between the actual event and the replay of the event. Yes, this is actual brain chemistry and psychology.
THAT is Maya's problem. As long as she was in darkness, playing from behind closed doors, miles away from MJ, she was a lioness. Simply because she didn't have to face MJ. Now, she has come into MJ's world for Rudra and the stored trauma has been triggered - because you never faced your fear! You didn't talk about it. You didn't break down. You didn't scream, howl , thrashed or did anything to vomit it all out. You internalized every thread of that pain and now, when the monster is back, your every memory is being replayed as real. This is what Maya was never prepared for - she was prepared for an ambush with MJ, but not an open war. And whoa, the douchebag knows it.
Yes, Rudra is doing the best that he can. He is aware that he has loved and married a damaged , strange , complicated woman - he is trying his best to heal her, pamper her, calm her, absorb her weird behaviour - he is taking care of her like a MOTHER , apart from being a hot serenading husband of course. He always tells her that her every knot is his. But, it is high time, he starts asking Maya the right questions or even Rajeev or Nandini if Maya is uncomfortable - What happened? What did she suffer? Don't name the person but tell me her suffering. What was her psychological and emotional journey in these 10 years? Unless Rudra delves into WHAT IS WRONG WITH MAYA, no matter how much he loves her and pampers her like a toddler, he cannot pull her out of the shadows. He has committed himself to saving her soul , but that is easier said than done. You have to GO INTO DARKNESS to pull someone out of it. Khud andhere mein nahin jaaoge, toh kaise jaanoge ki use roshni se ittna dar kyun lagta hai?
Maya's issues are no less. Rudra is meant to be her healer, her guide. Not her crutch. Believe in the power of his love and how he managed to show you whatever light he could - your strength comes from that emotion, not Rudra's physical presence. I remember one of my bosses telling me about 12 years ago when I used to rely a lot on a senior whom I was attached to like a child - if any trouble came, i would look for her. That's when my boss - a very elderly man had said these words to me - You cannot hide behind her all your life... kabhi na kabhi toh har cheez khud apne haath se karni padegi na?... So, that. The ones we love, adore, respect , we tend to end up using them as crutches , without realizing it. Maya is using her biggest support as her crutch and that whole lens is wrong.
A little soul searching for Maya to discover the warrior in her. A little support from Rudra that whether he is there or not, he always has her back - this would prepare her to face MJ, like how she did today but still, clinging to Rudra.
I have nothing to say about MJ in today's episode - he is just behaving like those hundreds of narcissists we meet in real life - he is just an over dramatic version of it. There is no layer to his game - he is simply feeding off Maya's fear. And TBH, after what he did to Maya in her husband's absence in the precap, I would rather not talk about him.
Rudra and Maya? So so so tragically beautiful and i have to say it again - the writing team has developed this dynamic to absolute brilliance.
The editing was done while having Antara's cocaine pancakes , though.
P.S- Ananya still doesn't get it, does she? Rudra still loves her as his friend, he is apologetic, but i feel he should honour Ananya's choice and not get in touch with her again. Especially, when she is still ruing the fact that Rudra is still thinking about his wife. Errmmm... Maya is Rudra's wife, you C grade Nancy Drew.
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