Chapter 79
Khushi: You want me to what?
Minta stood up as well and tried to hold onto her shoulders.
Minta: Listen, just listen to me first, before you form any opinion or make any irrational decision.
Khushi:Irrational decision? Are you seriously saying that to me? Seriously. There is no way I am agreeing to this. Minta,if you would have asked for something, I would have said yes. But this is just not possible? If arnav found out about this, he would blowup.
Minta squinted one eye and started to shake her head side to side.
Minta: Actually Arnav does know. We told him this morning on the ride back to here.
Khushi was left in shock. What, Arnav knew andhe was ok with this.
Khushi: he is ok with this????
Minta: He didn’t answer us. He just said that it all depends on you. You will get to decide and you must be comfortable with all of this first. But khushi, please try and understand, we really need this big favour from you. Please…
Khushi: What did arnav say, yes or no?
Minta took a deep breath.
Minta: He said it is up to you.
Khushi sat down again.
Khushi: Arnav knew, and didn’t tell me. That is why he was quiet after picking me up from the airport. I need to talk to him right now!
Khushi left and went over to Aranvs dorm. She knocked on the dorm. Tom opened it. He smiled seeing her. She smiled but seemed worried. She looked down.
Tom: Thanks soo much khushi, I know it would not have been easy for you to say yes to this. But Me and Minta have a reason, we swear. Thanks soo much.
Khushi quietly and softly asked if arnav was there. Tom pointed towards his dorm room and moved back. Khushi quietly made her way in and saw the door open. He was just standing there looking out the window. Both hands in his pockets. Just staring, or thinking. Arnav was expecting her, he held her payal tightly in one hand and hid it held onto it inside his pocket. He just kept on praying for his love to win, for his trust to win.
Khushi knocked on the door. He slighted looked a bit over his shoulder than face forward again. Khushi lowered her gaze, came into the room, and then closed the door. They needed to talk privately. Tom was there, and she knew that Minta would be coming soon as well. She went and quietly stood beside him. She kept her gaze down. She was nervous, scared, and in disbelief. How could arnav be ok with this? Arnav sighed and turned his head to look at her. She kept her right hand down and held onto her right elbow with her left hand. He moved and stood behind her. He slowly went and wrapped his hands around her. She kept her gaze down. She sighed. He rested his head against hers. Just quietly standing there together, as one. They needed to calm the storm in their minds and hearts before they could bring it out infront of each other. That is if they were able to. Arnav knew he had to talk to her, and she knew she had to talk to him. But would they be able to talk as openly as needed? Arnav would always manage to find a way, but khushi, she was always very reserved. Even with Arnav.
Arnav slowly turned her around. She rested her hands on his chest. Being able to feel his heart beat. He just held onto her waist. He rested his forehead against hers, allowingtheir noses to press against each other. They both closed their eyes. They stayed like that for a few moments. Just taking slow and deep breaths. Khushi pulled her head back. Aranv raised his. He looked at her lovingly. She just looked at her hands that were placed on his heart. He brought up one hand and gently placed the loose strand of hair that was on her forehead behind her ear. He cupped her face with one hand, while holding onto her waist with the other. He tilted her head inwards and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. He allowed his lips to caress her forehead for some time. He brought his head back and slowly pushed khushi towards the bed. He asked her to sit down and he kneeled infront of her. She still kept her gaze down. She placed both of her hands in her lap. She started rubbing her engagement ring with her right thumb. Now whenever she was nervous she would just keep playing with the ring. It gave her the strength to get through her thoughts. Arnav looked at her hands. He smiled. She did love him, she needed him. But she didnt know how to say what. He took a deep breath and held onto both of her hands. He looked at her.
Arnav: khushi, look at me.
She slowly raised her eyes to meet his. He was smiling. A sweet smile.
Arnav: We wont do anything that you are not comfortable with. Dont worry. I just found out this morning, and i didnt know how to tell you, or what to tell you. But, i didnt say any answer. I told them it was yours and only your decision.
Khushi looked down again. She didnt know how to say what was bothering her.
Arnav: Khushi, please trust me, i would have told you. But i just didnt know how. And i swear!, I swear I had nothing to do with this. They, themselves came up to me and asked me. I didnt say anything and i am not a part of this. I swear. You do trust me, right? Khushi.. You do trust what i am saying right?
He looked at her with pleading eyes. She kept her gaze down. His heart rate started to increase. Did she believe him, did she trust him enough?
Khushi sighed and softly spoke,
Khushi: arnav, i trust you. I know, i would not have been able to talk to you about this if i was told this morning either. And i know you would have nothing to do with this. Magar.. Main.. Voh..Hum.. Kaisay..
Arnav put his finger under her chin and gently tilted her head up. She looked at him. She was worried, she was scared. Her eyebrows were furrowed.
Arnav: khushi,, tum itna dar kyon rahi ho?
Khushi looked down again. She didnt know how to say it.
Arnav: khushi, look at me. He started to speak in a more assertive manner, but quietly voice. He didnt want anyone else hearing them outside.
Khushi shook her head negatively. She kept on looking down. HE took a deep breath.
Arnav: khushi,, give me your duppatta.
Khushi looked up at him in surprise.
Khushi: pardon me.
He looked at her and closed his eyes. He put his hand opened infront of her.
Arnav: give me your duppata.
Khushi gulped and slowly raised her hand, got her duppata and gave it to him. He took it and blindfolded himself. She looked at him. What was he doing.
Arnav: khushi, i cant see you. I wont even touch you. With that he slowly got up and tried to find a spot on the bed. Khushi grabbed his hand and led him to it. He sat down beside her. She wrapped her arms around his arm that was close to her and rested her head on his shoulder.
Arnav: ab bolo. Kya howa hai khushi? Why are you scared?
Khushi started to speak softly.
Khushi:arnav, this will be wrong. It many ways. We cant do this. I mean, how can we live together. Arnav i know we are engaged,but, our culture and values dont allow it. What will people say?
Arnav: khushi, I , ... Ok listen. I also have the same cultural values in me. I was brought up the same way. And i also believe the same. Yes we are engaged, but we wont do anything that will not be allowed. If we had to, then we would have a long time ago. Trust me, a long long time ago. As for people, i dont care what people say. I really dont. And people will only talk if they find out. There is just us two here. An noone else. Just us.
Khushi: Arnav, how can you say this? How can you be ok with this? I mean... How can you even agree with this?
Arnav: Our friends need our help, and we need to help them out. It is only a matter ofthree weeks. Then we have finals. Right.
Khushi: Arnav, our parents trust us. They have faith in us. They will never be happy with this? we cant betray our families and their trust on us like this. We just cant.
Arnav: Khushi, our parents trust us. I know. And we trust each other. Right? We wont do anything wrong. We will never betray their trust.
Arnav took of the duppata. Khushi sat up. He looked down and handed her duappta so she could put in on. He got up and went to the window again. He looked outside. Khushi got up and was about to leave.
Why was she so scared of doing this, he kept on thinking. He turned back, kneeled down on both knees and held her hands more tightly. They placed their hands into herlap. She looked down at their hands.
Arnav: Khushi, why are you scared? I promise, only us four will know. We will never ever tell anyone. Promise! Khushi, we also stayed together at the first cottage trip, in the hotels back to from home. We have stayed together alone before.
Khushi: that is not it arnav. Those were just one day and no other option available kind of situations. But his is different.
Arnav: Phir? Why are you so scared.
He felt a tear escape her eyes and fall on his hands. He looked down at his hands and his eyes widened.
He cupped her face with both of his hands and shook his head.
Arnav: please, bol do na. Dil main kya hai?
Khushi: Arnav. We.. I mean. Hum... Kaisay.. we aren't married yet. She looked at him with concern. Trying to get her point across to them. She looked to the sides again and then down.
Arnav: Can i ask you something? Please truthfully answer me.
He cupped her face with one hand. Khushi looked at his hand that was on her cheek with furrowed eyebrows. She was scared, again. He was starting to get worried. Before, she would snuggle her head more into his hand, and now she was scared of his touch.
Arnav: look at me please. Please!
Khushi slowly turned her eyes to look at him. He looked concerned. He seemed worried.
Arnav: Are you scared of me? Or of my touch?
Khushis eyes were left wide open. Why would he ask that. She herself just started to realize that she was worried sometimes, but not scared. How was he able to catch onto that.
Arnav: Are you scared of my touching you? Khushi looked down and nodded her head negatively.
Khushi: No...
Arnav: then why are you worried when i touch you?
Khushi was just silent. She didnt know what to say.
Arnav: remember when we left the cottage back home, i jokingly told you that i would touch you again. You got scared khushi. You got scared. You took your hand away from mines. Why?
Khushi just looked down. She gulped. She didnt know what to say. He kept on looking at her to get an answer,or even a hint.
He took her right hand and placed it on his chest. She could now feel his heart. He held onto her right hand. Keeping it there. She looked at their hands, on his heart. She felt a bit more at ease. She knew that his heart only beat for her. IT only said her name, it only knew of her existence. She took a deep breath and sighed.
She closed her eyes and started to softly speak.
Khushi: Arnav, I am not scared of you. I am scared of us. Sometimes. (she opened her eyes and looked at him) Please dont get me wrong. Please try to understand what i am saying. Its just that. Sometimes, i feel that we move too fast, and sometimes i am scared, me,. (she loweredher gaze again)... I... i am scared, that we wont be able to control ourselves.
Arnav: You are scared that we wont be able to control ourselves? (he repeated it back to her, but in a soft and confused manner, he was unsure of what he just heard from her) She kept her gaze low. He was now silent. She needed to speak, and he needed to hear her. No, he needed to listen to what she was saying. His mother did tell him to listen to her. Try to understand her perpsective, before he shared his own.
Khushi: remember, a couple of days ago, the night at the cottage. The.. Umm.. Black sari..and everything. Voh. We... Came ..close.. .
She gulped, still a little nervous talking about that night, she never ever spoke to him like this before, she was trying to come out of her shell, but was hessitant to. She waited a few moments. He took his other hand that was cupping her face and held onto their hands that were on his chest. His other hand gave her the reassurance that he was there for her, that she could talk to him. Freely, openly. HE would understand, or at least he would try to understand.
Khushi: voh.. At the end, we came very very close. I am not saying that we ..Shouldnt.. Because i know you want to. I understand that. But at the end, when you asked if we could...
Arnav: kiss...
She closed her eyes tightly.
Khushi: i said something. Do you remember what isaid.
Aranv was held back for a moment. She was right.
Khushi: I said that we dont have control over our hearts right now.
Aranv started to nodded his head and sighed. She wasnt ready. He was to go further, take it to the next step, but she wasnt. She was hessitant. She was worried, she was scared. She was scared of losing control on her heart. Not of him, she was scared of her own self. He let go of her hands and gently cupped her face.
Arnav: khushi, look at me.
Khushi slowly raised her eyes and looked at him.
Arnav: khushi, i will never ever do anything that you are not ready for. And i do agree with you, that sometimes it may be a little hard to control our selves, but we always do. One of us always manages to. Remember the night that i found out about shyam. You came here. I brought you to my room. You helped calm my heart down, by letting me listen to yours. Right. (he looked at her, she nodded). Khushi,, voh. You lay on my bed. And i waited for a hint. You smiled. And i came closer. But, before i would lose control over my emotions i stopped. I even told you that. Do you remember it.
Khushikept her gaze down and just nodded her head.
Arnav: khushi, then why are you scared. I have never done anything more than what i know is not right. Haina?
He asked her is a loving voice. She just gulped. He just looked at her. She kept on looking side to side. She started to lick her lips and suck themin. How as she to say, that it was him always trying to kiss her that had her scared. It was always arnav who asked if they could come closer. She rememberd that for her birthday, she only moved her had a little to the side, exposing just the tip of the side of his lips. That was all. Nothing else, nothing more.
Arnav looked at her curiously. He noticed the way she kept on licking or sucking her lips. That was it! She was scared of kissing him. But why? They were engaged. They had been together for months now. Was this still wrong? Was that where she was drawing the lines? But him looking and touching, then caressing her stomach, looking at her in the net black sari, kissing herback, love bites, this all made no sense to him.
He put his hands on her hands, and then on her lap. He closed his eyes. They slowly exhaled with his mouth slightly opened. Breathe arnav, breathe. Take is slowly. She explain her side, which was right from hers, but he wasnt wrong either. Now he had to delicately explain his side to her.
She just kept her gaze down.
Arnav: khushi, we have been together since september. Well, bachpan say. WE have been together bachpan say. We have together together since september. That is 8 months. Khushi we have been engaged for how many months now. Our families are happy withus, us together. They love us, and most importantly. Khushi, we love each other! We understand each other, we know each other. With all that being said, what is bothering you? Please tell me clearly.
She was still hessitant. He sighed. Her eyesstarted to become a bit moist.
Arnav: khushi, close your eyes.
She closed her eyes. A small tear escaped the side of her eye. He noticed it. He tightly closed his eyes and sucked in his lips. Should i ask her? Should i not ask her? He had to see where she was worried, at what stage, and by what.
Arnav: khushi, think of a memory that gives you happiness. Of us.. ... What is it?
Khushi: the first cottage trip. The first sunset. The breeze, the water, and us. Our fingers were hooked.
Arnav smiled. She smiled as well. They both took a sigh of relief. They both remembered how their love started there and started to blossom. Where they began their journey as one.
Arnav: keep that in mind, Our fingers hooked just looking at the water.... now i want you to think of us getting a little closer.
Aranv knew what he needed to ask her and hoped for a reaction that would hopefully answer his questions.
Khushi smiled, sucked in her lips and blushed. They both smiled.
Arnav: imagine me, slowly coming towards you, closer and closer. I hold onto you waist. Then wrap my arms around you. I kiss you on the cheek.
Shestill smiled, he silently sighed of relief. It wasnt his touch that worried her. He waited a moment before he spoke again.
Arnav: A touch, just a touch.
Khushi stopped smiling. A touch meant for their lips to just gently touch each other. Not kiss them, jsut touch it, to be able to feel the tenderness of each other. That was it aranv thought! It was the nervousness of a kiss. Was it nervousness? How was he to know? He slowly leaned closer to her face, close enough to see her reaction. He was close enough for hear to be able to feel his nearer to her. He then softly whispered.
Arnav: Khushi, can i have a touch, just a touch.
She immediatly opened her eyes. He saw fear in her eyes. That is what she was scared of. He moved back. And looked down. Composed himself, then spoke again.
Arnav: khushi, its ok. Dont worry. I wont do anything. I just wanted to see your reaction. promise. But can i ask you something. If you dont want to answer it, then just squeeze my hands. Even after this long, and what we have been through, and me leaving in three week for years. And us being engaged. Is it still.... Wrong.. If we ..... kiss? Or even just a touch now?
He kept on looking at her hands. She didnt answer, nor did she squeeze his hands. She didnt know what to answer. He looked up at her. His eyes had many questions for her. She just looked down silently. She had no expression, mainly because she had not formed thoughts. He wasnt wrong in asking her, but she wasnt wrong either it not wanting to. She was hessitant.
Arnav: khushi, its ok. Dont worry. It is ok. I will never pressurize you for something you are not ready for. But, there is nothing wrong with it, with us now coming closer. There isn't anything if we.....
How was she to say that she still thought that it was wrong before marriage. The only reason she would let arnav come close to her in an intimate manner, sometimes that is, is because she feared losing him. She never wanted to dissappoint him. She didnt want to lose him. But, she was just not ready for this. She didnt want to do anything like this before they got married. She was afraid that if they did kiss, then they would not be able to stop. There would be nothing stopping them. It would be just another step further. One with no turning back. She was afraid, but how was she to tell him. She jsut couldnt.
Arnav: khushi look at me please. Just look at me.
She raised her eyes and looked deeply into his. He saw her fear, he understood her fear, her nervousness, her anxiety. He understood why she was hessitant. If she was willing to do things to please him, then he also understood her.
Arnav: khushi, are you scared that things will only go further?
She took a deep breath, looked down and slightly nodded. Aranv sighed loudly.
Arnav: look at me khushi... (khushi raised her eyesagain)... Do you trust me? And you must answer that!
Khushi nodded her head. She did trust him, did she?
Arnav: Khushi, then why are you scared of us coming close?
She looked upset, and her eyesbrows furrowed. she looked down. He started to become a bit frustrated. Why was she saying that she trusted him, but her actions didn't match her words. He started to speak in a more firm voice. Not yelling yet.
Arnav: If you trust me, then why not trust this? or trust us?
Khushi noticed the change in his voice.
Khushi: I do trust you Arnav. I do trust us.
Arnav: Khushi, trust is not just a word that is said. it is an action.
Khushi kept silent. what was she to say to him, he wouldn't understand her right now. he was starting to get a bit upset. He clenched his jaws. Trying to hold back. She spoke softly.
Khushi: Arnav, I have always trusted you.
Arnav: No Khushi, you have always SAID that you trusted me.
Khushi; Arnav you are getting upset. You wont understand right now. I should go.
she tried to stand up and go. He stood up and grabbed her hand. That was it. he had a lot of frustration because of this for many days. He needed to know if she really did trust him, or not. Khushi turned around and looked at him. he looked down, raised eyebrow, jaw clenched, breathing slowly but in a rough manner. she walked up to him, and cupped his face with her other hand. he was upset. because of her. he looked at her with a straight face.
Khushi: Arnav, I trust you. why don't you believe me?
Arnav: ok, fine. you trust me, right. prove it. This has been bothering me for too many days now Khushi. I have always felt that you are scared of me, or don't actually trust me. prove it!
Khushi looked at him in confusion. that was what was bothering him. Ever since they started to come back from the cottage. Now it all made sense. He was insecure about their relationship. She was worried about how close they were becoming, and he was insecure about them.
Arnav: prove it Khushi. prove that you love me and trust me! Its now or never.
Khushi: how?
Arnav: kiss me!
precap: not telling, toooooo much is going on and will go on! Some unexpected twists, or some purposeful twists will be made.
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