Lost the count!

The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'."

• Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, but don't worry it will take just five minutes.
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's Rs 1000.
Patient: One thousand for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like

• A company offered Rs 500 for each money-saving idea submitted by its employees.
First prize went to the employee who suggested the award be cut to Rs 250.

• Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married. I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear."
The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons."

• Q: What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor?
A: A jeweler sells watches whereas a jailor watches cells!

• Q: What's the difference between Thanksgiving and April Fool's Day?
A: On one you're thankful and on the other you're prankful!

• Q: Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
A: Because they've just finished a long March!

• A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. So, when he was approaching a field during the night time. Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: "Guess who?"
The controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess where!"

• I asked Mom if I was a gifted child.
She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

• His wife said: "Be an angel and let me drive." So he did, and now he is.