First few minutes of episode were probably the worst part of the series for me. Not only they implied that all the crap babita went through was because her own stupid obsession with image but also that victims are equally responsible for abuse. The idea of power Dynamics in relationship between DIL and in-laws was thrown out of the window. They made mockery of the victims of abuse.
* Last part of the post is not about the episode itself, but I think it's really worth sharing.*
A brief account of what Minnie said to babita:
Babita still cares about Khuranas, but doesn't want to show it as she thinks that HS might interpret it as her link to Ashok's relatives. And she is pretending to not care to act like a good wife. And in doing so, she is coming off as a very selfish person.And whatever type of people Senior Khuranas are, they're not her enemies.
They are not best addition to her life either.
So what if they didn't love babes like a daughter, where do such in-laws exist anyways? Babita's parents were like dadu biji too. Saroj didn't protested.
Okay. No one expects in-laws to love DIL like daughter,but fairness is certainly expected. So since all in-laws are going to be partial towards own daughter, DIL shouldn't expect fair treatment. Saroj accepted the reality, babita should too.
And what efforts babita's parents made to send her to London? So why is she not angry at her own parents rather than dadu biji? How exactly dadu biji are responsible for everything?
Hmm. So babita's parents would have equal weight as dadu and biji as far as Ashok's choices are concerned? Or maybe it was beti paraya dhan mentality? Maybe they didn't want to meddle in her sasural? And I am not sure when they died,but maybe they thought when Ashok will settle down he will actually take babita with him and died within a year or two?
And after all, they happily accepted babita's union with Hanuman. And lovely, no matter how much she taunted babita, despite her jealous nature, lovely never wished ill for babita. So don't blame dadu biji lovely sukhi.
Did they have any reason to get upset about ex DIL getting married again? Were they really in a position to object? Would their objection matter? And give Lovely a cookie for never wishing ill for babita-who shared her clothes jewellery, cooked dishes for her Kitty parties without expecting anything in return. Lovely is so benevolent! She meets basic criteria for decency despite being jealous sister in-law. They felt happy for you babita, your in-laws who enjoyed your services for 17 years, were finally happy you- so lucky!
And now the worst of all: babita blamed everyone for not taking stand for her, did she ever stood firmly for herself? No. Then why is she blaming dadu biji? They are not the only one responsible, babita is equally responsible for what happened.
There you go! Why did babita not speak up? She has functional vocal cords and intact broca and Wernicke's area in brain. Just use them. It's so easy to speak up. Had babita speak , things would have been different today. Maybe yes, maybe no.
The reason why Minnie thinks that dadu biji are not THAT bad and Babes is not so blameless is because she has not faced the burns of their misogynistic mentality but babita did.
She lost 17 freaking years of her youth. Let's forget about divorce for a while. But think about this phase of the life- 17 to 35, where we normally think about education, career , our own dreams. We have dreams and we have energy to fulfill them. Just imagine wasting this phase of your life doing unpaid labour ( yes that's unpaid labour even though it's done voluntarily). And then realizing that those people were not really worth it. What in the world can give her that phase of her life back?
Why she didn't speak up? Well, once #WhyIstayed trended on Twitter. And a lot of victims of abusive relationship came forward with their stories. I'm quoting some of them. (These women were victims of physical abuse, babita's case might not involve violence but things these women said is apt in her case too).
"I was told, yes, he was deeply flawed, but then again so was I. And so I worked on myself and stayed. If he was a monster all the time, perhaps it would have been easier to leave. But he could be kind and sensitive. And so I stayed. He cried and apologized. And so I stayed."
Abuse is not always physical. Abusers are not always monsters. They have soft side too, and that's why it's hard to break relationship.
Another one said,
"Emotional abuse, manipulation and gaslighting have wreaked havoc on our self-esteem, and we do not trust our own thoughts or feelings.
Gaslighting is a term describing a form of mental abuse in which the victim is manipulated into doubting their own memory, perceptions or sanity.
...he started telling me other things. I was mentally ill, delusional. I belonged in a psychiatric hospital because I couldn't even see how f...d up I was. I was cruel and manipulative. I was selfish and immature and I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't take accountability for my own flaws, which was why I was always blaming him of abusing me, when actually it was the other way around. My own thoughts and feelings were an inaccurate representation of what was actually happening, so therefore I shouldn't trust them.
So insistent was he that eventually, I had to wonder -- could he be right? Maybe all those times he claimed I'd been dishonest, I really was lying, and I was just so mentally ill that I'd lost the ability to separate truth from fiction. Maybe I really was a sh*tty, abusive person at my core. Maybe I couldn't take care of myself.
It got so bad that I stopped trusting any of my thoughts, feelings or emotions in just about every situation."
Women don't stay in abusive relationship to look mahaan, there are multiple reasons why victims stay in such relationship. Many financially independent women tolerate abuse, many educated outspoken women tolerate abuse.
They end up accepting abuse as a price they pay for love and affection.
AND IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT THAT THEY'RE VICTIMS. PUT BLAME WHERE IT BELONGS.
Book Talk
Naagin 7
Cricket
