My opinions on Babita and other PB related events

This post is not to justify or defend Babita but to write out all those thoughts floating in my mind since Friday. This is for me (and hopefully rest of you) to try and understand Babita. And some other things happening in the show. I am just going to write points. Each point is a topic in itself.

Firstly, Eid Mubarak. Hope those celebrating have had a meaty one 😊

Sorry for such a long post!

1. So I will start by reiterating my stance on this Hanuman and Imarti’s as an existing backstory. This is a finite story, a well-established story, with well-established characters. You don’t see this in ITV much. But I have seen it plenty in Pakistani dramas, where all the layers of a character are defined before they even start shooting. When to show (or not show) those layers to the audience is a different story altogether.
   When you start writing, you have characters in your mind. These characters always have a story. So when Hanuman was thought of, his traits being added, and was given a dead wife, they also gave a reason to wife’s death. There is always a complete story. BUT not every story becomes a part of the show/book. To those who have read Harry Potter, and follow Rowling, would know that Rowling has always had backstories to every character, many of which were not made part of her books.
   I am very sure that Imarti’s death story always existed. The only thing that was probably recent was whether to finally show Imarti and talk about her story in detail or not. Probably initially the plan was to somehow verbally talk about the death, or maybe not… but given Hanuman’s popularity and that people were interested in his story they showed it.
2. This brings me to the next point - Imarti… We all knew that Imarti existed, was a great person, a very strong woman and Hanuman loved her too much. But as long as she was just only a memory, the comparisons seemed useless and Imarti’s value was very less. I am sure there were people (like me) who did not even give Imarti too much thought. She existed somewhere in the past and was used as an example when and where needed. But that was it.
   Till the makers decided to introduce her. That too they did so brilliantly and so perfectly, that those who had imagined her and were not disappointed. Those who had not imagined her much were equally spellbound by Imarti. She was everything Babita was not. And that destroyed Babita for us (for most of us at least). Imarti is so larger than life that Babita seems ‘pale’ in front of her.
3. Imarti was a bold, strong woman who from day one knew what is acceptable and what is not. No matter how much she loved her husband, she would not accept any beatings or any other bullshit. Of course, since Imarti and Hanuman fell in love with one another after they got married, there were less (or no) complications. My guess is that she was in her 20s when she got married. Even if she was younger, she was brought up by a progressive father who gave her the freedom to stand her ground.
   Allow me to also say that Imarti was an unusual woman. Let’s face it, no matter how strong we are, even we won’t be able to converse the way Imarti did on our wedding night - at least not all of us. Babita, however, was a usual, normal girl.
   On the other hand, there was this young 17-year-old girl who got married (and fell in love with her husband). She was shy and still a child when she became a mother herself (no matter what law says, a 19-year-old is still a child!). We all know why in our cultures the men want to marry younger (child) women. It’s easier to mould them, to bend them and make them the women they want. That’s is Babita’s story too. Beeji and Dadu both made her into what they wanted. They did treat her well, even helped her complete her graduation but they also taught her how an ideal daughter in law (according to them should be). They taught her to be quiet, to be unexpressible, to not ask questions, to not think, to not have opinions. Of course, Babita’s own parents were probably not progressive too so she was also taught the same by her own parents.
   In my opinion, the idea of feminism is not for women like Imarti and Minnie who can already stand up for themselves, but for women like Babita who need to be taught and made aware to stand up for themselves.
4. Another thing that I want to add here, is that our culture is pretty unfair and unjust when it comes to women. It is okay for a widower/divorced (man) to marry a young, single woman, but it is not okay for a widow/divorced (woman) to marry a single (unmarried) man. It’s okay for a man with a kid to marry a single woman, but a woman with a kid must either live alone all her life (for the sake of her children - because of course, now that you have kids your life should be about them and not you (not I don’t agree)) or marry a man already with kids, or a widower or a divorcee.
   When this show started, I had hoped that this show would break barriers, and it did. I remember a few weeks ago I was thinking that it would have been so amazing if Hanuman didn’t have a past, but was actually a strong man raised by a strong mother. It would have been such a strong message that single men can also be great fathers (to their step-daughters) and they can (and must) marry women irrespective of their (single/divorced/widow) status. But then again, this show is still focusing on so many things that I’ll let go of my grudges on why not a single man for Babita.
5. Although I have already stated my opinion on the death of Imarti since I am putting down all my thoughts in one post (and you might have missed on it) here is what my opinion on it is…
   No matter how strong, how fearless you are, an operation is another story altogether. You tend to make a million excuses only to avoid an operation. I understand the fear, the unwillingness and trying out all methods possible only to not be operated. Imarti was strong, fearless, stood her stance - yes!‌ But then she was scared of death - which does not mean she was a weak person, it means she was human! Operation is almost kissing death… anything, from as simple as anaesthesia going wrong, to post-operation care going wrong can lead to death…
   And you know Hanuman's 'mare prem ne Imarti k pran lae liye' rant makes complete sense. As Lala said, Hanuman was killing himself (metaphorically) over Imarti's health and she agreed for the operation only for Hanuman's sake. So I am sure the guilt of what if and kash exists. Kash operation na hota... what if she had not agreed for the operation, she might be alive... it plays out perfectly!
   As far as the case is concerned, I don't know... I think the story is still incomplete... we're maybe reaching to conclusions sooner than we should... I am hoping for a conversation from the father in law's side... even if it is a monologue... we will hopefully get his perspective... why he thinks Hanuman is at fault... although if you look at it... maybe the kash is playing its role here too. Maybe, and this is just a hypothesis, that Sardar Singh feels Hanuman should not have insisted on the operation that took away Imarti's life... Maybe he feels that had the stick to prayers and 'desi' treatment, Imarti might have been cured... Hence the lower courts acquitted Hanuman.
   I am not sure how the law works, but what little I know is that an appeal can always be admitted to higher courts after a judgment. Sardar Singh was not satisfied, he admitted the appeal and the court decided to listen to the case... they might have also acquitted the Hanuman but they had to listen to the petitioner... or might order an investigation... depending on how lawyers play it out...
   As for the culpable homicide... it makes sense... murder without an intent... operation that caused the death... Imarti who unwillingly agreed for Hanuman's sake... it fits in perfectly if think a little basic and simple...
   The disappointment is because we all were expecting a huge dramatic reason and it turned out to be so simple. Strange isn't it? When we expect something simpler, the CVs get dramatic, and when CVs get simpler, it disappoints us...
6. Now I would like to move to Babita and her love for Hanuman. I know that Hanuman supposedly (please forgive me for this word but I’ll try and explain) fell in love with Babita. He admired her from far. We all know that. There were multiple reasons, she was Minnie’s mother, a simple shy woman, broken marriage and someone who worry about ‘log kya kehge’ a lot.
   I know there have been a lot of complaints about Babita not being ready for Hanuman’s love and that they should never be together and all of that… but in all honesty… is Hanuman ready? I think not. He is attracted, yes.. but his love is half cooked too. For him, too, its Minnie’s mom. Did he ever call her by her name? Not to her, but to Naaem Bi or to Lala… No! Even to himself, it has always been daughter ki mother or karaydarni ji… In his journey, he has moved from daughter ki mother to karaydarni ji but still has to cross that to Babita ji… Yes, Babita did create some limitation and rules but did she ask him not to call her by her name? Just like him, Babita, too, has to cross that Minnie k Hanuman Uncle or ‘ap k sir sahab’, to Hanuman ji.
   And while they are at it, they have a lot of baggage that needs taken care of… Although Babita has taken care of Ashok, she still has a lot of insecurities and apprehensions that she needs to work on… and meanwhile, Hanuman has to work on letting go of his guilt and moving on from Imarti (does not mean he forgets her).
   In my opinion, its second love for both of them. Even if Ashok’s memories were imaginary, her love for him was real. She did love him. For 17-long-years. And we all know how much Hanuman loved Imarti. They both have their own scars and apprehensions… They both want the other person to accept them wholly and completely… with their pasts and scars… and Hanuman has. He has accepted it. Babita will need time to accept and understand… And I think it is perfectly okay to give her that space.
   
7. I also want to make a point here on the confession and which also probably broke our hearts… What we need to understand is that this relationship is not two dimensional but three dimensional. Minnie is a very important dimension. And no matter how old she thinks she is, she is only 17… She found out about Hanuman’s feelings and reacted. Things happened and it led to Minnie getting a new perspective on love. She ‘observed’ her Babes and accidentally created scenarios where the hidden feelings on both ends started surfacing… Being a kid, she wanted them to confess then and there. What she could not grasp was that sometimes, especially in cases like these, love needs time. They both need time. At first, it was love from one side, now both. Babita was slowly trying to find her place in Hanuman’s life (stopping him from drinking)… these fights, these arguments would’ve slowly helped them ease into one another’s life… Their love cannot be a teenagers love where you just blurt things out and start dating… theirs is a slow and eventually ever-lasting love…
8. Lastly, I want to talk about Babita’s self-respect. Hers is a newly found self-respect, and I remember saying it somewhere (unless it was in my mind) that she began at one spectrum of self-respect - which was zero. She had none. She learnt about it and slowly started understanding self-respect. She will reach a stage where everything will be self-respect first i.e. reach the higher end of the spectrum only to realize that not everything needs to confused with self-respect and there are some times where you can maybe let go of it or keep a loose hand on it… (for example current times)… Only then shall she be able to find an equilibrium. Of course, since she has Minnie who does time to time explain things to her… so she probably won’t make too big a mistake but she will…

Lastly, I think Hanuman and Babita do deserve one another. They just need time and patience from both Minnie and us. I don’t want them to end up as co-parents only. I want Babita to fall in love again, to show the society that divorced women with kids deserve love. The love again can happen, it does happen. That divorce does not mean you live your life alone.

Sorry for the looooonnnnggg post!

I love how you've explained everything.

I fully agree.

I realised after reading this now - that trust issue may not arise at all here. Since HS hurted her below the belt, she did the same the next day. But listening to the story, there's no question of trust cause the case itself is weirdly illogical. Still, I'd like to know what holds her back. Is she expecting Hanuman to come and apologize and take her back? And elsewhere HS is waiting to get accepted by her, wholly, with his memories of Imarti.

Someone has to let their guard down, otherwise its stuck forever. And I wish its without any one's interference cause it's their own decision after all. Basically, I don't want someone else convincing Babita about what kind of person Hanuman Singh is. If she has doubts, then let her figure it out herself, even if it takes time right now. I really don't want Mini to change her mindset cause in the next situation of doubt, she'll again remain confused. I want that she decides for herself, even if it's not returning back. Whatever she does should solely be her own opinion.

And maybe I can trust CVs here, cause they've never messed up till date.

Once again,great post.

Nicely explained dear. Honestly after watching What Hanuman had with Imarti I feel for both of them it's too early to fall in love... I think their bond started with Minnie .. ofcourse Minnie is important but Babita needs to consider her life too.. and for that she needs to consider her feelings and admit them instead of being conscious about society .. Yes Hanuman now seems not that much into her..but I still feel he understands her better than she does him.. she atleast needs to grow up in understanding part..and acknowledging her feelings. Even if woman has physical desires..there is no harm in that.. yes Hanuman has said wrong things to her...what I would have loved is woman who would question him instead on those taunts and question his intention...shout, argue and fight but she escaped..which was disappointing..let's see how things goes.. I hope they show cleaner arc ..their love story Shud be smooth and natural ..yes two broken people can find love again.. i hope to see that journey too.. but not now..with some realistic reasons..

I loved this post and you analysed everything so perfectly. Kuddos to you girl

Loved reading your take on the show point by point, aspect by aspect, character by character, equations between the characters.

Thanks.

Really hats off to you!

I will agree to each and every word of yours. As far as Hanita is concerned they bonded over taking care of Minnie. Had Minnie not been there in the scene ... I do not think both of them would have interacted in the way they did with each passing day.

Hanuman was the one who developed feelings first in this duo and he has his own reasons. It was a natural and organic process ... He did not plan anything but he developed a soft corner for the ways in which she took care of everyone. After eight long years of loneliness, he craved to be taken care of.

It took more time for Babita to realize her own feelings and the fact that even she can fall in love. She did not know a certain aspects of his life and personality because he chose not to reveal that. Many things are coming as unpleasant surprises for her ...

I say after Hanuman realizes that he has to stop putting himself through pain and guilt ... that what happened was not his fault and Babita prioritizes her own feelings and thoughts ... These two will have a fresh start on a new page

Each and every point of yours was simply amazing. I loved you 3rd point i.e. about feminism, that was a wonderful thought👏

beautiful explanation👏&hats off to you

loved to each & every word of your explanation.

my fav. points 3 ,4 ,5 & 8th.

you show the mirror of feminism & society in true sense

about the statement "log kya kahenge"

i think in some point we care about society especially that line "log kya kahenge"

no matter how any person is headstrong but still he / she care about sociey.problem is that tge same strong persons not accept the fact that they also care about "log kya kahenge"

Loved this post of yours and how you broke each point down! I've always felt that HS was drawn to Babita as his daughter ki mother.

Originally posted by: Mishti_Dahi

I love how you've explained everything.

I fully agree.

I realised after reading this now - that trust issue may not arise at all here. Since HS hurted her below the belt, she did the same the next day. But listening to the story, there's no question of trust cause the case itself is weirdly illogical. Still, I'd like to know what holds her back. Is she expecting Hanuman to come and apologize and take her back? And elsewhere HS is waiting to get accepted by her, wholly, with his memories of Imarti.

Someone has to let their guard down, otherwise its stuck forever. And I wish its without any one's interference cause it's their own decision after all. Basically, I don't want someone else convincing Babita about what kind of person Hanuman Singh is. If she has doubts, then let her figure it out herself, even if it takes time right now. I really don't want Mini to change her mindset cause in the next situation of doubt, she'll again remain confused. I want that she decides for herself, even if it's not returning back. Whatever she does should solely be her own opinion.

And maybe I can trust CVs here, cause they've never messed up till date.

Once again, great post.

Thank you dear... it is only these appreciations that motivate me to write down my thoughts!

I agree they don't have trust issues. They both trust one another. I mean who would leave her 'jawan' daughter alone with a 'criminal'... The whole point is that despite being in love they both are just not comfortable with the presence of each other... not yet!

They have been alone (along with their memories) for so long that sharing that space with someone else is making them uncomfortable... They need time to create and give space to one another...

Honestly, we all know that Minnie will not stop. She will definitely try and fix things between her parents... but I hope that she creates an environment where they both actually talk! Although, I'd rather have Minnie stay out of it and the two adults fix their own problems!

But then let's trust our CVs... 😊