'P. S I Love You' - Kalma SS
Final Chapter
One day as Malhar was getting dressed for work he opened Kalyani's wardrobe to find his watch as he couldn't find it anywhere. As he was moving around her stuff to look he mistakenly pushed a wooden antique looking crate box which scattered some notes all over the room. He was about to put them back in the box was his eyes fell on one of the note to realize it was Poetry.
"My love to him is a roaring fire.
He's all I ever did or will desire.
Without him I am no more,
'Cause he's all I live for.
He's my red colored rose,
Yet I don't know why his I chose.
Guess that's the way the heart is,
That way of working is only his.
I hide behind a "hey" or a "hi,"
But the truth is that I'm just too shy.
The truth is that I'm just too scared
Of his reaction if he knew I cared.
Every day my feelings I fight,
Try to change them, make them right,
But they already long ago are,
They already went too far.
Sometimes I feel like a creep.
I feel I'm on a mountain that's too steep.
Sometimes at night I can't even sleep
Because of what's hidden down deep."
He was shell shocked when he saw it was dated months before he took her virginity. And like an idiot he had assumed she loved him as a her first lover and what she felt was infaution in the aftermath of Lust, but he never once believed she could have loved him as a Man. And how could she have loved him? He was deplorable to her. He had hurt her. Scared her. Blackmailed her to marry him. Yet she had loved him.
Once he started he couldn't stop reading her poetry each acting as a dagger to his heart. Each deeper and powerful than the previous.
"I drew him in my world;
I write him in my lines,
I want to be his girl,
he was never meant as mine.
I drew him in my world;
He is always on my mind;
I draw his every line.
It hurts when he's unkind.
I drew him in my world;
I draw him all the time,
but I don't know where to draw the line."
"She recognized it at once: love, one-way deep adoration that bounced off and did not bounce back; careful, quiet love that didn't care and went"
"
There has never been a moment
when i have not been thinking about you,
there has never been a day
when i have not been longing for you,
there has never been a night
when i have not been dreaming about you,
there has never been a prayer
when i have not been wishing for you,
there has never been a face
which i have seen not looking for you,
there has never been a way
which i have walked not searching for you,
there has never been a wailing
in which i have not cried for you,
there has never been a moment of joy
in which i have not missed you,
there has never been a rain
in which i have not gone mad singing for you,
there has never been a season
in which i have not spent nights writing for you,
but i know how much hard i may try
never ever i will be able to reach to you,
howsoever i may like, howsoever i may love
i will be never able to tell you,
these poems, writings and songs of mine
i will never be able present to you,
it is probably a mistake on my part
that i saw and started to like to you,
it is probably a blunder on my part
to think and to be so much lost in you,
it is probably foolish on my part
to think someday someway might lead me to you,
because you are like a queen
and i am like a petty peasant in front of you,
because you are like a diamond
and i am like a piece of coal in front of you,
because you are like a Lilly of may
and i am like a wild bush in front of you,
it is not that i have not tried,
it is not that i don't try to forget you,
it is not that i don't try to find
someone else with whom i could replace you,
but my heart is so mad that
even for a moment it is not able to forget you,
even if it tries to find its beat in this choas
it keeps on falling in love again and again with you. "
It had been Six months fifteen day 3 hours and 21 minutes now since Kalyani had confessed to Malhar about her feeling. In Person. In Words. He never realized he would regret asking her not to say those three words in fact when his ears were yearning for them. He missed her honeyed smile as she shyly said "I Love You". He missed hearing her moan at the peak of their union and her cry of loving him. He no longer cared if she loved him or she loved the way he made her feel.
They didn't share physical intimacy anymore after that heated altercation. Sexual Abstinence was not an alien concept for him. He had been celibate after Sampada had left him and quite a long time of his Marriage with Kalyani. But this time it had been sheer hell for him. Sleeping with her in the same bed and still not touching her, stroking her, caressing her. They were near yet so far. Malhar still wakes up sometimes with impulses so strong that he just want to grab her and kiss her senseless. His daily pattern had become a series of cold shower, lonely bed and erratic sleep.
It was not just the Sexual Craving for Malhar. He didn't miss Kalyani as a body but missed her warmth as a Woman. The thing which had suffocated him or scared him the most about his relation with Kalyani was being wrapped up in her warmth as she cuddled him. More than the Sex or the Declaration of love he was scared of becoming emotionally or mentally dependant on someone for comfort or happiness. He had vowed after his experience with Sampada to never give Power to someone to make him feel weak or vulnerable.
He hated the feeling of helplessness knowing he was becoming emotionally attached to Kalyani and now that she was detached he was feel helplessness when he can't have her. He hates that feeling. But he loves how she made him feel. Comforted. Satiated. Loved. He knew the stake. He knew the risk. He knew his heart was at stake. He knew the risk of getting his heart broken again. Was he willing to take that risk? He was never good at Business so what the heck? He might as well loose his heart in the hope of winning her.
Malhar thought about how he would confess to Kalyani and ask for her forgiveness. He felt like breaking smashing something in frustration as his mind drew blank. He called the one person he trusted would show him the way as a last resort as he knew she was still angry with him.
Anupriya rushed to home after receiving frantic call from Malhar regarding Pillu's health. He asked her not to inform Kalyani as she would panic and leave her Internship Interviews mid way. She was surprised to find the home empty with Malhar holding his head with two hands. Anupriya asked, "What's happening Malhar? Is everything okay? Where is Pillu?" to which Malhar replied guiltily and broke down in front of her, " Everything is not okay. It is worse. I have made a mistake. Pillu is fine. Aao Saheb has taken him to temple with the rest of the family. I am sorry I lied to you. But I need you Maai. I need you. Like always I made a major mistake in understanding Kalyani and not trusting her and myself. I love her Maai. I think I always have. Only thing was that I the ACP Malhar Rane who gets Medal for bravery Professionally is a weak scared Man personally. I was scared after my love failed Miserably with Sampada to ever love again. But how could I forget that every Woman is not Sampada? Especially Kalyani. How could I have been so stupid to doubt her love and throw it in her face? But I realize all these thing now and I want to make it up to her. I just hope it isn't late now."
Anupriya consoled Malhar and gently wiped his tears saying, " I know I have been angry with you but that doesn' t mean I love you less. You know why I was so angry? I was more angry with you for being like me Scared and not moving on in your life than hurting Kalyani. I know my daughter is strong and brave to overcome any situation. But not accepting love when it knocked your door and rejecting love of a person who could do anything and everything for you and your son pained me. I know the feeling of loving someone and getting cheated and rejected in that love. But I also know the pain and bitterness of loneliness. So I am glad you are trying to be brave unlike me and finally accepting the happiness you deserve with the person you deserve. I wll help you."
Kalyani was surprised when Aai texted her to meet her at Mandir instead of calling. As she entered the Mandir after climbing through a flight of stairs she noticed a Letter addressed to her lying next to the Idol of Lord Ganesha. It read
"I want to see you live your dreams,
Achieve greatness and be happy,
And I want to be a part of your life when you do,
'Cause I keep imagining spending my life with you,
Seeing amazing places with you,
Sharing moments where we are both breathless, lost for words.
I want to see you smiling, hear you laugh,
And P.S I want to love you.
I want to be able to share memories with you, good and bad.
I want to be able to hold you when you're upset
And tell you things are going to be okay,
Because I would try my best to make it okay,
To make it better for you.
And I know you would do the same for me.
I want to see you when I wake up, a smile would flood my face.
I want to talk to you deeply
About things we don't have answers to.
I want to get to know you every single day,
Because I understand that people change.
You will change, but so will I.
I not only want to share my mind with you but my body too.
I want to kiss you like it's the first time, every time.
And I want to feel my love for you flowing through my veins like blood,
Warming me up an6d making my heart beat faster
Every time I see your beautiful face.
You stole my heart years ago, and you can keep it,
forever I am yours becasue
P.S I Love You."
Kalyani started swaying as though she was about to faint. She turned around on wobbly legs and nearly had a coronary when she saw Malhar on his knees folding his hand in prayer with tears streaming down his face. A crowd had gathered as it was Evening Aarti time with the entire Deshmukh clan and a smiling Anupriya and Pillu in her arms to watch the spactacle but Malhar did not care. He said out loud, " I am begging here Kalyani. As you had Promised me. So here I am begging you in front of all these people to forgive me for hurting you. Many times. For blackmailing you to marry me. For treating you horribly and accusing you of unspeakable things. For not trusting you. But most importantly forgive me for behaving like fool and not trusting you and rejecting your love. I am truely very Sorry. And I know saying Sorry on my knees doesn't even cover quater of my sins but this could be the start. You could punish me for the rest of my life. I am saying this sober in all senses with these people as my witness I apologize Kalyani. To you and Maai."
Kalyani went near Malhar to stand in front of him and said, " You can beg and apologize to me in front of these people but not confess your love. For that you need a letter. I don't want your apology."
Kalyani turned away from him and started leaving when Malhar screamed at top of his lungs, " I love You Kalyani Deshmukh. I love you. Always have. Always will. I am no longer surrounded by echos of past. I can hear loud and clear. I can hear laughter and happiness in our future. You, Pillu and I. Maai. Our Entire family. I am still begging you to accept my love and also reciprocate. Please Kalyani don't torture me anymore. Say those three words."
Kalyani turned back with tears in her eyes as she ran to Malhar and he caught his arm hugging her. He lifted her off ground and swirled her around in his arms as they both laughed with happiness with People clapping, whistling and cheering them on with loudest from Anupriya. Malhar put Kalyani down and whispered in her ears , " You still haven't said I love You. I begged." Kalyani cheekily said, "I am not in the mood." She winked at him seeing him getting flustered as she teased him. Malhar grabbed Kalyani, picked her in bridal style and left in hurry as the crowd once again laughed and cheered them off in farewell.
As soon as they reached home, Malhar dumped Kalyani on the bed in their room as he started unbuttoning his shirt in hurry. He gazed at Kalyani with smouldering intensity and he brought her closure and kissed like a thirsty man in dessert. He deepened the kissed further as if it was possible for two bodies to come even closure. He teased her lips with his tongue and when she denied him access he bit her lower lip. Kalyani gasped in shock giving Malhar window as he snuck his tongue into her mouth as their tongue dueled to gain dominance. They started undressing each other and caressing each other as Malhar laid her down still kissing her with passionate fervour
They became one. They were unaware from which point one started and the other ended. They ended in each other's bliss spent and utterly satisfied. Kalyani felt home when she found herself in the warm embrace of Malhar after an enternity when Malhar had drifted off ti sleep and Kalyani whispered to his sleeping form as she hugged him and kissed his shoulder, "I love you." Malhar smiled hearing what he was dying to hear and she teasing to say out loud.
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The End
A/N Sorry for the extremely long post. Hope you all liked the Finale and found the end satisfying. I want to thank you all for your patience and for waiting for the update.
Peotry Credit: Sunny Mittal
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