Break: A Svetlana/Gauri (SvetRi) story/OS

Tired. Yes, that's what she was feeling. Weary, exhausted, worn-out. Not from physical work, though planning a wedding could be tiring. No, it was something else. Not some things, many things. Oh, so many things, so many thoughts, which she had been keeping at bay, just surrounded her this morning. So, once the morning drama was done, she surreptitiously made her way out of the Oberoi Mansion. Its not like someone would notice. And that was part of the problem.

She believed that her Shakarji was always with her, wherever she went. Still, the thought of visiting the temple always made her happy. After all, she practically grew up in the environs of the big temple in Bareilly. So, here she was leaning on the pillar in one corner of the Shiv temple, sitting down and contemplating her fate.

Why today of all days she felt the strong urge to commune with God she didn't know. Maybe because two days hence it would be one year of her marriage to Omkaraji, the man Shankarji had chosen for her. Or maybe because yesterday, he disappeared for the whole night but he did not think it was important to inform his wife where he went or why.

Gauri was no fool; she knew this had something to do with Bade Bhaiyaa and Bhaujaai's plan. Of course, Omkara ji and Rudy Bhaiyaa were part of it. Some part of Gauri's mind was relieved that she wasn't a part of this silly plan, which involved her Bhaujaai dressing up as a woman from the village. She told herself that its alright that they didn't include her in their plans, Bade Bhaiyaa, Bhaujaai, Omkara ji and Rudy Bhaiyaa knew each other from way back and they had a much older, stronger bond.

But a stronger voice told her that it was wrong on Omkaraji's part to hide things from her. To treat like she was till a stranger in his life. The other woman. Suddenly a memory flashed in front of her eyes: Omkaraji accusing her of having an affair with Ajay, because of those unexplained disappearances. Those periods when she used to attend English classes secretly. Yesterday, he disappeared for an entire night. What should she make of that? What should she make of all those times when he disappeared without telling her? Should she also suspect him of cheating on her?

She knew that he was planning with his brothers and sister-in-law, but he didn't know that she knew. Wasn't it his duty to tell her? Or did he expect her to understand him without telling her anything? She couldn't believe this was happening to her again. Again the burden was on her to understand him, only this time she did understand him, she knew he was doing it for his family, but why couldn't he tell her? Just for once talk to her.

Gauri was feeling miserable now. Not that she had been feeling anything else since she returned from Bareilly. One after the other, some new issue had been unfolding. She had lost count of what all happened since she returned. Not that there hadn't been any moments of joy, but they were too far and few between. She longed to share her feelings with someone. With her Annika Bhaujaai. Bhaujaai would be able to understand her, and maybe help her out. After all, Bhaujaai had also faced rough patches in her relationship. But here again there was a problem; there was no escaping Bhavya. She almost felt guilty for thinking this, but if Gauri had to be honest with herself, she didn't like Bhavya tagging along with her and Bhaujaai all the time. Bhavya was her friend, no doubt, but the almost-sisterly bond Gauri shared with her Bhaujaai, that was something different. Bhavya did not invite her confidence in relationship matters. And her presence meant that Gauri could not confide in Anika Bhaujaai.

Anyways, there was no point thinking about all this, because currently Bhaujaai was busy imitating someone from the North Indian hinterlands. And it was such a poor imitation, but Gauri was too sweet to discourage it. So, here she was, alone, reflecting the mess that her life had become. Its not that her life was wonderful before she met Omkaraji. No, it was difficult even then; standing up to the torture of her greedy chaacha-chaachi, taking care of her ill mother, struggling to keep their family afloat, none of it had been easy. But Gauri was a born fighter. She fought against all that, she fought against Kali Thakur, she fought against Svetlana, against Buamaa, and she fought against her Omkaraji too, in a way. All alone, always alone. But at least she knew what she was doing.

That's exactly where the problem lay. Since she had returned from Bareilly, she felt like she was just an audience viewing everything happening around her from the outside. She felt like she was just a pawn in some pathetic game, in fact, she felt below than a pawn. She felt like she had no agency in what was happening to her.

********

Agency, that word seemed so alien to her. No one would think that she would come here. After all, why would Svetlana, the woman who could almost tweak science, come to a place of worship? But it seemed that she had no choice in the matter. For the first time in life, Svetlana was pulled against her will to enter the premises of a temple. Svetlana did not believe in god, or indeed, anything supernatural. But she just couldn't resist the urge to come to this place. Like she had no agency.

But then again when had she had any agency? When was the last time that she did something just because she wished to? As far as she could remember, the foremost thing on her mind was taking revenge on the Oberois. That was her central mission, and everything other action in her life was dedicated to that. Its like she was a robot with only one agenda on mind and every other action of hers, were just ancillary actions, leading up to her mission.

As far back as she could remember her mother had instilled a feeling of revenge in their hearts. Svetlana being the eldest was almost fed on that revenge. Of course, being the eldest, the prime responsibility of taking revenge also fell on her. Svetlana had dedicated her life to this mission. While Tia was happily pondering about the universe, Svetlana devoted her time to science and business, as much as she could, to defeat the Oberois. She had come a long way in acquiring knowledge and learning through experience. Along the way, she would recollect some unsavory experiences as well, but Svetlana did what was necessary to survive, and she never reflected upon her actions.

She was recovering from another checkmate of the Oberois. It was almost humiliating now, how the Oberois managed to outsmart her, sometimes by sheer luck. The recent drama at the auction was still stinging her. Her temporary exit did not derail their plans however, because her cousin Veer was there to take care of the Oberois. Veer was probably the closest to Svetlana, when it came to their interests; both understood the value of science in their lives. However, Veer was boring, and not to mention had a certain streak of depravity, which made Svetlana privately grateful that he was dealing with the Oberois for now, because she needed a break from their stupidity. Her thoughts went back to how she would always come close ruining them, but get thwarted at the last moment. She remembered the time when she almost married Omkara, the second grandson of the family, and the stupidest of the three brothers. Sentimental fools are always the easiest to trap. But then his so-called wife entered the scene and ruined her plans. Gauri, oh how she made a fool out of Svetlana for months.

Maybe her imagination was too strong, but Svetlana was shocked for a moment to see that girl, Gauri, sitting on the temple floor. She took a closer look and realized that she wasn't hallucinating; Gauri was actually sitting there.

********

Gauri was staring into space, when a familiar voice penetrated through the fog of her thoughts.

"Regretting our life decisions, are we?"

Gauri looked up to see Svetlana standing over her, smirking slightly.

"You better take off your sandals in the temple. People might not like it." Gauri said idly.

"And you may not save me like last time?" replied Svetlana. For a moment, Gauri was confused about what she was talking about, then she remembered the first time she and Svetlana met, and how Gauri had almost rescued Svetlana from the furious autowaalahs.

"I didn't do it for your benefit. I overheard you while you were on the phone. You wanted a servant and I wanted a job. So, I thought this would work out well for me." replied Gauri.

"I thought as much. You and I aren't very different". Svetlana smirked.

"What do you mean?" Gauri's interest was piqued now.

"Well, its not like you are the Sati Savitri you portray yourself. You duped Omkara and his entire family into believing that you are boy for months. You played with their emotions by faking your pregnancy. And its not that your hands don't have blood on them." sneered Svetlana.

"What are you saying?" Gauri almost shouted, curiosity and a slight fear now mixed with her voice.

"Keep your voice down, you don't want people to find out that you killed Kali Thakur, now do you?" asked Svetlana

"How do you know about that?" asked Gauri, now brimming with curiosity.

"After my history with Kali Thakur and his unexpected re-entry in my life, I would be a fool not keep tabs on him. I value my life". said Svetlana

"Well, if you did keep tabs on him, then you would also know that I stabbed him in self-defense. And coming back to the Oberois, even if I did fool them, it was to save Omkara ji's life, to save his family from the likes of you and Buamaa". Gauri replied, with confidence now that her curiosity had been satisfied. "Its our intentions that define our actions, and not our actions alone. All I did, was always for Omkaraji's good."

"The same Omkara, who is so absorbed in his duty to his brothers, that he does not know his wife is here shedding tears?" chided Svetlana

The taunt hit too deep. "What are you doing here anyways? Shouldn't you be in prison?" Gauri tried to deflect Svetlana's taunts.

"I thought you knew me well by now, Gauri. No prison can keep Svetlana locked for long". Svetlana laughed "Don't try to avoid the question. So, Omkara indeed does not know that you are here lamenting your fate. This is hilarious. After all that you have done for him, put your life in jeopardy, even at my hands, he does not care to find out where his wife is?" sneered Svetlana even more.

"Shut up! Omkaraji trusts me, and I trust him. I have full vishwaas on him". Gauri tried to fight back bravely.

"Oh really? Then lets test your vishwaas, shall we? Why don't you stay here some time longer, and see if Omkara comes looking for you?" Svetlana asked

Gauri was struck by this question. Curiously what impacted her was not whether Omkara would come looking for her or not; but whether he knew where to look for her in the first place.

"What happened? No answer? Are you worried that he won't look for you? Or are you worried that he wouldn't even know where to start?" Svetlana chided further.

Gauri looked up at her; shocked that Svetlana of all people could guess what she was thinking.

Svetlana looked down at her, and the answer was clearly reflected in Gauri's eyes. Curiously Svetlana did not feel like laughing at Gauri's fate.

******

Dusk was approaching now, but no Omkara was in sight. Idly, Gauri thought that she was right, he didn't know where to find her, and her mind went back to the time when they both were practicing for Dhurindhar's questions, and Omkaraji did not remember her favorite dish was daal chaawal, even though she remembered his. Even though they had spent so much time together when she was in her Chulbul disguise, he knew nothing about her. Then again Omkaraji had promised that Chulbul was his best buddy, and yet he had left to die at Kali's hand or worse, when the veil of Chulbul was lifted. And there, it happened again.

The entire day, wave after wave of unhappy thoughts and memories were crashing upon Gauri. She was plagued with negative thoughts, and she couldn't run from the truth anymore. Omkaraji did not care for her, at least, not in the same way that she did. Or not to the same extent that she did. It shouldn't matter that he didn't care for her the same way; after all, didn't Gauri believe that love should be like Meera's devotion to Krishn? She remembered how confidently she had told her future Bhaujaai on the phone, when they spoke for the first time. "Hum jise chaahe uska milna zaroori kaha hai? Hum toh chahne bhar se khush hai. But then she also learnt the hard way that a one-sided relationships don't work.

"Abhi mohabbat karni hai, humein hamaare hisse ki. Words, just empty words. What more to expect from a poet? Words are all that he could give, but his actions spoke otherwise. Its not like he didn't care for her at all, but since they returned, there was one crisis or another that befell their family. But Bade Bhaiyaa had to face those crises too, yet Bade Bhaiyaa could manage to be an excellent elder brother, and an Ishqbaaaz'. Anika bhaujaai was so loved; it was evident in Bade Bhaiyaa's eyes how much he wanted her.

Omkaraji just wasn't like that. He just wasn't an Ishqbaaaz like his elder brother. Heck, he wasn't even a normal husband. And not for the first time in her life, Gauri felt unwanted, unloved. Gauri was aware that she was beautiful in an objective kind of way. She didn't think much of it though, because more often than not it was the root cause of unwelcome attention, the worst example of which was Kali Thakur. But it pinched her that her husband never noticed her. She was invisible to his eyes. Okay, maybe not invisible but she was definitely only a reactionary figure in his life. He did stand up for her, but only when something happened like when Papaji did her shraadh. That particular memory still hurt her. Not so much because of what Papaji did, but more so because Jahnvi Maaji, did nothing to stop him. The same woman, whose life Gauri saved twice, and not just her life, but her marriage too. Gauri shouldn't be surprised at Omkaraji's ungratefulness. It seems that he had inherited it from his mother.

Maybe Gauri was being unkind. Omkaraji must have done something for her willingly. Nothing came to Gauri's mind. Desperately now, Gauri struggled to find one instance when Omkaraji had done something of his accord for her. Yes! He came to Bareilly as Dilpreet to make up to her. But another stronger voice nagged in her head that maybe that was out of guilt, to make up for his mistake. Gauri thought harder.

He was so sad when that painting of hers was auctioned. But maybe that was because the painting signified the rebirth of his art, and not because it was her painting. He did credit her for being his inspiration. Another thing, in the long list of things, that Gauri had done for Omkara. And here it was again. That feeling. That Gauri had given her everything to a man in the past one year, who did not even care for her enough to tell her the truth of what's going on his life. To make her the part of his life. To come looking for her, when she's been missing for an entire day.

She looked at Shankarji's idol. She had always trusted her Shankarji to know the best for her, which is why she never questioned her marriage to Omkaraji. She never hesitated in performing her duties to that marriage because she believed that Shankarji joined their fates, so who was she to deny the responsibilities that came with it? She never expected of Omkara to upkeep his side of the marriage. Only wanted some trust from his side. He finally gave her the reason to trust him in Bareilly, he made promises to give her what was her due, as his wife. But he reneged on his word.

Did Shankarji make a mistake?

********

Svetlana did not know why she was sitting here. Like in her entire life, she could not have come up with a worse way to waste time, than sitting next to the wife of her enemy. She could be doing better things, like plotting her next scheme to ruin the Oberois. And there it was again, the same thought. The Oberois, always thinking about ruining the Oberois. Its like nothing else occupied her mind than the hundred and one ways to ruin that family of idiots. Her entire life, she could have achieved so much more, but no, it always badla' and barbaadi'.

But right now, nothing and no one could look more barbaad', more devastated then the girl sitting opposite her. Gauri took no notice of her, because it was as clear as day on her face that right now, the girl was going through an existential crisis, that her life was crashing around her.

Svetlana was feeling this strange emotion in her heart. She didn't know what it was, mostly because she thought she didn't possess a heart. She tried really hard to put a name to the contortions in her heart, which she was experiencing. Leading an almost mechanical existence her entire life, putting a name to her feelings was one of the most difficult tasks she's ever come across. Finally she came up with a word to her emotions: Pity. Svetlana pitied the girl sitting before her. Yes, she pitied Gauri.

"Are you done moping?" said Svetlana, trying to sound irritated.

"Why are you still here? To enjoy the downfall of your enemy?" countered Gauri

"Are you my enemy? The Oberois are my enemy, but what is the cause for our feud? If I've done anything against you, its just collateral damage." said Svetlana.

"Collateral damage? Right, like I was for your sister Tia?" asked Gauri, with a slight smile

Svetlana was stumped. "How did you know she was my sister?"

"I know that Tia is not blind. And the only way she could fool that doctor, was with chemicals, which no one but you could have provided her. And why would you help her? Why would she plot against the Oberois when she was so grateful to Bade Bhaiyaa and Bhaujaai? Only if you two were related". guessed Gauri.

"Hmm, you are smart. Why are you wasting your time with that sentimental idiot, Omkara?" asked Svetlana

"Ek jhaap mein deewar pe sat jaaibe! Just because I'm disappointed with him, or sitting here talking to you, it doesn't mean that I would listen to nonsense about him, least of all from you" replied Gauri angrily.

"Itna pyaar? And for that person who still hasn't bothered to find out where you are?" sneered Gauri.

"Not love, devotion." replied Gauri.

"Devotion to the person who doesn't deserve it?" sneered Svetlana

And she hit the nail with it. Gauri had realized when she walked away from Omkara that day, after the fiasco at the hotel that Omkara wasn't deserving of her devotion. And there she was learning English to impress him. How Gauri regretted that now. She, who was always proud about her origins, succumbed to her insecurities, which she never had before meeting him. That's what he had reduced her to: an insecure shell of her former glorious self. After she walked away from him, she promised that she would never change herself for anyone like that again. But then why was she here in the temple today, cursing her fate? Because she tried to be every bit the supporting wife and bahu of the house. And what did she get in return for that? A father-in-law who performed her funeral rites and a husband who was out there gallivanting with his brothers and sister-in-law, forgetting that he had a wife too.

Svetlana saw Gauri's form shrinking, and felt a little guilty for how her words pierced her.

"Oh c'mon. Get up. Do something about it if you are so upset. Fight him back, make him rue treating you like this". said Svetlana.

"And what purpose will it serve? He hurts me I hurt him. I push back harder, causing no one more grief than myself, and everyone around me a lot of headache". said Gauri.

"So, that's what you think of Shivaay and Anika's relationship?" taunted Svetlana, with a laugh.

Svetlana caught Gauri's hand in time, because Omkara was one thing, but Gauri would not hear a word against her Bade Bhaiyaa and Bhaujaai, and hand her rose in reflex to reply to Svetlana's words.

"Don't even think about it". Svetlana said with chill in her voice. She calmed herself, and continued, "Think harder, isn't your Bade Bhaiyaa and Bhaujaai's relationship exactly like this?"

Gauri was reminded of how both Shivaay and Anika got engaged to Ragini and Vikram only to show their famous 'tadi'. And she was not totally unaware of their relationship's origins. In the last three months, when Omkara was ignoring her (unintentionally of course), she ended spending a lot of time with the servants of the house. They were friendly with her, since they knew her from her Chulbul days. Svetlana was right. Yes, Bade Bhaiyaa and Bhaujaai's ishqbaazi warmed her heart, but that kind of relationship was unhealthy in its own way, and involved a lot of understanding on her Bhaujaai's part. Just like her own relationship where all the share of understanding fell on her shoulders while Omkaraji never fulfilled his side of the relationship.

Svetlana released Gauri's hand, once she saw her shoulders drooping. Comprehension showed in Gauri's eyes.

"If you are not going to do anything about your situation, then are going to go back to him?" asked Svetlana

"I don't know what I want to do". replied Gauri.

"How about doing something you like?" asked Svetlana, amazed at herself, for even asking this. "What do you like doing?"

Gauri answered immediately without thinking, "I'd love to watch a Salman Khan movie."

"Then lets go catch one in the theatre". Svetlana said that almost against her own volition.

Gauri was shocked too. Here she was fraternizing with the enemy? But wait, Svetlana was not her enemy, not anymore.

"Lets go then Gauri" replied, with a slight smile.

Svetlana was the enemy of the Oberois.

*******

Svetlana knew beforehand that she would regret her decision. It was not happening to her for the first time. Svetlana pondered idly that why was she always hanging out with her sautans? There was that one time when she was hainging out with Jahnvi, when they had supposedly killed Tej. And now this.

Gauri was excited beyond belief. It had been so long since she watched a Salman Khan film. The last time was before she...no, she wouldn't think about that now. She would enjoy the movie. There was the usual message on the screen to switch off one's mobile phones. Which is when Gauri realized that she didn't bring her phone with her at all. What if...? No, she wouldn't think about that. She focused her attention back to Tiger Zinda Hai. Unlike many of her friends, Gauri loved the idea of sequels. She loved to see another half of the story. There was always more to tell, more to a character. There was always a second innings to be played.

Svetlana was distinctly embarrassed. She was trying her best to ignore Gauri's overenthusiasm over the show. Failing that, she was pretending that she doesn't know her. The movie was obviously not up to Svetlana's taste. Then again, when was the last time she had seen a movie. The only video she remember playing again and again was the Kalyani Mills video, which turned out to be an error. She felt a headache coming on, but seeing Gauri so joyous, she shut her eyes and gave in. What was wrong with her? She, Svetlana, who had always manipulated people, was being manipulated by some unseen force.

The movie finished some three hours later, but Gauri's antics did not. Her silly kampat trick was drawing a lot of attention, but Gauri didn't seem to take notice of that. Svetlana was rolling her eyes continuously at this nonsense, but also, for some reason felt a strong urge to laugh. Something's definitely wrong with her.

They returned to the temple. Svetlana faced Gauri.

"What are you planning to do now?"

Gauri thought for a moment. The corner stone of Gauri's life had been vishwaas. But Omkaraji had let her down. He did not trust her with his life's goings-on. He did not think Gauri was an important enough to share his life with her. She was still an outsider to his life. Did Gauri want to go back to him? And if she didn't, would that mean abandoning her beliefs, and the person her Shankarji had chosen for her?

But her Shankarji had also pulled her to the temple today. He ensured that she met Svetlana, and undertook an honest evaluation of her life. Maybe this was a sign from her Shankarji, that the man he chose for his devotee was not good enough for her. Maybe this was a sign that Shankarji was showing her way out.

"I want a break." Gauri replied. "I'm unsure what I want, but one thing I don't want is to go back to man who is not ready to be honest with me, to trust me, and to reciprocate the vishwaas I have in him. I'm not ready to go back to the family, which still treats me like an outsider. I want to play my second innings."

Curiously, Svetlana understood what she meant. She wanted a break too. A break from an endless pursuit of the Oberois. Let Veer deal with them, she needed a break.

"So, where do you want to go? Svetlana asked casually.

"You coming?" Gauri asked, not really surprised.

"I could use a break too". replied Svetlana with a slight smile. "So, how about Goa?" asked Svetlana.

Gauri remembered the past three months and all the drama that happened. Svetlana looked at Gauri's horrified expression.

"Chill, I was just kidding". Svetlana answered, amused by Gauri's reaction.

And just like that, both the women broke into a genuine, peal of giggles.

*************

Can you please Continue it?