Laughs -- Offend Thy Honor

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Posted: 17 years ago
#1
Laughs


Hello

They say laughter is the best medicine, after all.


Offend Thy Honor

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" asked the defendant.

"Oh no!" said the lawyer. "This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked."

"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them," said the lawyer.

"But I did send them," said the defendant.

"What?? You did?"

"Yes, That's how we won the case."

"I don't understand," said the lawyer.

"It's easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."

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Manzz thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
#2
Laughs


Hello

They say laughter is the best medicine, after all.

Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?

Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.

Judge: Can't they do without you at work?

Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.
Manzz thumbnail
18th Anniversary Thumbnail Visit Streak 500 Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 17 years ago
#3
Laughs


Hello

They say laughter is the best medicine, after all.


The Choice

There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both came from good families. Both were equally attractive and well spoken. It was up to the senior partner to choose one, so he took each aside and asked, "Why did you become a lawyer?"

In seconds, he chose Paul. Baffled, Robert took Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution, and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"

"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replied.

"Your hands? What do you mean?"

"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"
Edited by Manzz - 17 years ago
Manzz thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
#4
Laughs


Hello

They say laughter is the best medicine, after all.


True Law

After starting her own business, an investment counselor found she was doing so well, she needed to get in-house counsel. So she began interviewing young lawyers.

"In this business," she stated to one of her first applicants, "our personal integrity must be beyond question. Do you consider yourself an honest lawyer, Mr. Ford?"

"I certainly do!" replied the lawyer. "I'm so honest that after my father loaned me fifteen thousand dollars for my education, I paid back every penny after my very first case."

The investment counselor was impressed. "What sort of case was it?" she asked.

The lawyer pressed his lips tightly for a moment before finally answering, "He sued me for the money."


Manzz thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
#5
Laughs


Hello

They say laughter is the best medicine, after all.


Lawyer Named Strange

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone.

However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer.

"That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"
Manzz thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
#6
Laughs


Hello

They say laughter is the best medicine, after all.

Teacher: Are you good at math?

Pupil: Yes and no

Teacher: What do you mean?

Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!
Manzz thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
#7
Laughs


Hello

They say laughter is the best medicine, after all.

Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?

Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!

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