Originally posted by: Black_ManiacIt just happened to be in my recent post right now, so does it mean Griffy is continuing it? [Please say yes!]
I cant leave this story incomplete...
this is to the amazing people who didn't want me to stop!
Part 22
she deserved the friend she always thought I was..
I felt her eyes on me as we drove on...she had offered to drive but she looked tired and asked her to sleep more...but she sat beside instead...
I could feel that she wanted to tell many things but didn't have the right words to...
How do you fall in love?
Do you ever catch yourself while your falling?
Do you hear the sound of silence whispering the very obvious...I continued my gaze on the road...feeling as lost as I was before... my hands could still feel her touch...was that normal ??..had I ever felt this way fr anyone else? I have had girlfriends and yet this felt different..maybe because it was more about friendship and less about love? As my thoughts drowned me..she tapped on my hand...
" Can I put some desi songs? ...I am sick of your English songs?
" Yes yes...you don't need to ask!
She looked at me paused as if she was going to say something...but then she was lost
...
"Twinkle ..! please don't put any hindi songs... You know I like English
"Please Kunj...this new song ye dooriyan ...I just love it! Please please!
"My car ! My rules!
"Okay! I almost screamed and sulked on our way back home...
He was already annoyed because of his girlfriend..they had a fight that day... and I had forced him to come with me home so we could do assignment together and he wouldn't waste his time.
I had managed to convince him but he was in a bad mood which just made me more annoyed..
We went home and I switched on the CD player... playing my hindi songs...
He gave me a mean look and I said " My house ! My rules!
He sat there without talking to me and completed his assignment...
...
" Twinkle ... what happened... put the song!
He said quietly...I looked at him... will the memories ever leave me?
I quietly put a song and we started discussing work and college... so I could stay away from my memories...
"Do you remember Rakesh... the guy who used to borrow notes always from you?
" Oh yes ...Oh no my heart said... Kunj didn't know a story which happened after college...
" He is getting married next month!... I always thought he would be one of the first guys of our batch to get married
He was oblivious to the fact that this very guy was the one who tried to propose me after Kunj stopped being around me...he was sweet but my heart was of course with the guy I was right now driving with.. and I avoided going on any date with rakesh but he sent proposal to my house for marriage... and a huge stoy had followed about me convincing my parents that I was not interested...
I probably broke his heart which I sincerely felt bad for ... but at that time I was too lost and broken to handle things in a better way... I remember calling and screaming at him as his parents kept coming to my place trying to fix the rishta... My heart almost went into my stomach when he mentioned Rakesh's name... I didn't want to tell this story because Rakesh was actually a studious good looking guy from a respectable family and to explain why I had not gone ahead with the proposal would be a tedious task...
So I just kept mum which was also a bad idea...
" what happened? Why did you suddenly fall silent?
" umm nothing ...you were saying rakesh is getting married?
" Yes yes! So I mentioned to him that you and I are working together as he asked me about my whereabouts... and he suddenly fell silent and then said an awkward bye...
"Ummm well I don't know... and my voice trailed off... my classic way of hiding truth and only people who understood me well would know I was hiding something...
And he did...
" What is it?
"Nothing...
And he fell silent... he didn't insist on it which I liked... And that gave me courage to tell him the story...
After I finished the story... he didn't really say anything... And the songs were the only sounds between us...
I knew I didn't give justification of why I did what I did...
...
I knew why she did what she did... I was her closest friend and she needed me for support for guidance and I had left her and I knew my leaving would have had impacted me... It is funny I never realized until few months back what my absence would have done to her because what her absence had done to me, I had only realized recently...I had pretty much affected her life in every way and don't know how many stories or relationships...I had affected...
I had left her after being by her side for 5 years ... And I knew she was someone who would not discuss her life that easily with anyone...More guilt weighed me down... I wish... I had been there for her... From what she was saying it felt like Rakesh had almost persuaded her for marriage... maybe if he was still by her side she would be happily married...and that thought evoked my forbidden feeling... I had a new emotions for Rakesh.. jealousy ... anger...and I just felt even more trapped.. I do want to see her happy..why has she not settled down? Is it the right time to ask if she has a boyfriend... doesn't look like ... did she ever have a boyfriend... and it hit me that I had not really discussed her love life with her... it was always about me.. and well I had always been so self obsessed and self centered I never really knew about her crushes except the obvious ones... then I had the right to ask her but I never did and today when I wanted to.. I doubt I had the right ... More memories started drowning me of the conversations where she would talk about herself and I would listen for sometime but eventually the conversation would become about me...
And that just made me hate myself even more...
...
"Three hours to go... I said... trying to change the topic and end the silence... I can drive as u have been driving from so long..
I honestly wanted to drive to take my mind out of the pit of memories with one particular memory burning in my head...
...
Dear Kunj
I don't know if this page of my diary will ever be read by you... in fact I know it will never be read by you... I know it has been six months since we talked... and four months since college ended and yet I remember you every day... the last five years of my life have always been about you.. have always been about how to maintain this friendship... how to not hurt you.. how to treasure what we have.. and yet it all ended so bitterly.. I wish I could... turn back time and hold on tighter ... but do you miss me? Do you ?
Today I ended the 3 month long torture of Rakesh.. actually it wasn't a torture but felt like one... I am so scared that I might have broken someone's heart like mine has been broken and it is not fair to say you broke my heart yes ... you broke our friendship.. but the deep love I felt for you without you knowing just broke my heart... and I am not sure if I can ever fall in love ... Rakesh has been nothing but nice ... he has sent such nice messages.. the kind of messages I wanted you to send.. he has been patient... and all he wanted was to get to know me... his proposal for marriage was not even immediate he wanted to take me out for dinners in a more proper manner...and today the way I screamed at him.. he definitely didn't deserve it...
But how does one fall out of love?... how do you stop thinking about one person??... how do you tackle the emptiness inside???.. how do you make yourself believe that you deserve to be loved? ...how do you stop waiting and start doing? ... these months have not been easy Kunj.. and as much as I want to pick my phone and cal you and just cry... like I always have and you without asking why would cheer me up.. I know it cant happen and that thought scares me... I don't know how to fill this emptiness you have left me with.. I don't know how to love or be loved...
I stopped writing as tears were pouring out and just went to sleep... hoping that a sleep would help me calm down...
...
I still remember that entry..I still remember being scared that I would never be able to replace him.. I would never be able to fill that happiness and as much as I have tried here I was sitting beside the very guy who once broke me and I knew he wanted to fix everything ... .. my throat felt extremely dry and a tear without my permission dropped and before I could wipe it he saw...
...
I could feel her pain and as we stopped at a signal. I saw a tear roll out of her eyes.. and my heart burned more...in pain...she tried to hide it but couldn't and I didn't know what I could do to change things for her.. should I ask what exactly was hurting her at that very moment ... but then I remembered how I never asked ...instead I would always change her mood by doing saying something stupid... but then again would that work after so many years...?
"Twinkle... I have heard that Supernatural show is running even now.. don't tell me you still watch it ?
She looked at me blankly... she didn't say anything... and I realized some things change even when somethings don't and I embraced that
"whatever is bothering you... I am telling you... you can share it... I am here even though I have not been for a long time.. but I am here now...
After a very long pause...she said Thanks..and gave a weak smile.. and I knew... she understood my words...
" I am hungry
" We are reaching the borders of Goa.. we can stop at a good restaurant and have some food before we head to the resort ... what do you think?
"okay great...
And soon enough we reached a good hotel... we both got off the car and something just came over me...
She had started walking towards the hotel when I called her out ... she turned and I went to her...and said
" I am here.. always. She looked me in my eyes... as her eyes lit up slightly ... and said " I know ... thank you
And she hugged me... and again my forbidden feelings too flight... I tried to not hug her for long and maintain a friendly hug though all I wanted to do was never let her go and let her head rest on my shoulders forever...
As she withdrew from the hug... she said... " I have missed u... I have missed our bond... thank you for trying to come back... it means a lot to me...
...
As I hugged him .. I was overwhelmed by my emotions.. here I stood trivializing in the past and here this guy was in my present trying his best to make me feel better... it is often said humans like to relive the pain of the past to escape the present and ignore the possibilities of better tomorrow...
How much ever he had hurt me... It was all in the past .. since the last 1 month I have nothing but dwelled in the past instead of enjoying what I have craved for all these years... and as I withdrew I made a promise to myself to live in the present and not the past.. as memories of past would just hurt me...
His touch was so beautiful that it made my heart flutter ... I wish I could hold him longer.. I wish I could just rest on his shoulders forgetting all the pain I have ever had.. can the one who gives you wounds heal you too?.. in most cases no... because there is never a second chance given or second chance deserved... but here he definitely deserved it and my heart felt at peace the most with him...
Our rest of the journey was much happier.. we sang along songs we didn't know lyrics of.. we went on 90's music ride..and went totally insane just like old days... but better days... as our hearts were clear and happy and were not dwelling in the past or were they?
...
As we reached the resort.. I could hear blasting music... we met a couple of our friends as soon as we reached.. who took us to the party hall.. apparently the sangeet party had gone on for too long and showed no signs of stopping.. my friends asked me about coming with Twinkle and I explained that we worked together.. they didn't take another meaning of it... they had seen our friendship and the fight between us was known but not to all and most of them thought we patched up.. well they had more faith in our friendship than us...
I entered the party hall which had disco lights on... Twinkle had disappeared in the crowd.. as she was dragged by her friends... I heard someone say " Twinkle finally came out of her nest!
I smiled as I felt I could take some credit for that... she was the most active popular girl of school.. someone who was always approached when needed help or advice... she was respected but I could already get the vibe that she had shed that part of life quiet extensively and her friends were amazed to find her in the crowd...
We all started dancing... and I being an awful dancer took backstage.. My eyes unknowingly searched for Twinkle... but I could not see her .. I decided to walk back before one more person dragged me to the crowd..
Twinkle had always been an amazing dancer so I was pretty sure she would be enjoying unless she had changed...and that I truly feared...
My fears came true as I bumped into her at the far end of the hall ... she seemed lost and unfocused...
...
They all wanted me to dance and as much as I wanted to as much as I loved dance I had not danced since our farewell.. and being around same people.. after so many years.. and in-spite of promising myself to embrace the present I felt low and decided to come and sit and gain courage to go back...
"Twinkle? What are you doing here?
"nothing just tired... I thought I will sit ..
" But Twinkle never gets tired of dancing he literally quoted me as this is what I said in every party
I didn't know what to say...
"Twinkle?
He looked at me with concern...and I blurted out "I just cant dance anymore after what happened at our farewell... it brings back bad memories
...
I stood there with my worst fears coming true... what else have I destroyed for her?? What can I do to fix this...?
" ok get up
" what?
" just get up
And then one of the old songs started playing to which we had danced to.. I mean she had and I had made a fool of myself...
It was time to make a fool of myself again...and I started doing the very weird and awful dance and she started laughing... her laugh... concentrate Kunj!
And she started correcting me and soon she was dancing... and just like that I saw my old Twinkle .. well at-least for sometime...
Suddenly the music changed to slow and we stood there.. and against my better judgement and I let out my forbidden feelings out I asked for her hand...and said how about teach me this type of dance as well?
...
And I stood there speechless... could I ? should I ? my heart fluttered more and more...and just like that I was the 18 year old who had fallen for this guy whose roll number was next to mine.. just like that all the barriers of memories distance mistrust anger sadness vanished and I gave my hand to him...
I stood staring into his eyes as he placed his hand on my waist and held my other hand... I put my hand on his shoulder and he whispered... " teach me...
We took two steps as the song bellowed through the hall... His touch burning into my skin and the closeness just opening my locked heart...
...
As I held her and felt her so close... I didn't see discomfort in her eyes.. she looked a bit surprised... by what was happening as she murmured me steps
Na jiya zindagi ek pal bhi
Tujhse hoke judaa sun zara
Bin tere mujhse naaraaz tha dil
Tu mila hai toh hai keh raha
Main toh tere rang mein
Rang chuka hoon
Bas tera ban chuka hoon
Mera mujhme kuch nahi sab tera
Main toh tere dhang mein
Dhal chuki hoon
Bas teri ban chuki hoon
Mera mujhme kuch nahi
Sab tera, sab tera..
Sab tera, sab tera..
https://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRQHV3kDcyo
Was what I was doing appropriate.. don't friends dance ... they do right?.. I just wanted to make her feel loved.. I wanted to give her all the importance and love she always deserved... friends do dance ... but like a couple? I didn't know... but I knew one thing.. I didn't want to let her go.. but what if this affects our friendship... what if she feels I was over stepping ?...I wasn't ready to let her and this friendship go ... even if this is the closest I would get to her .. her friendship was something I was never willing to let go... and I slowly increased the distance between us but not letting go ...never letting go...
...
your thoughts suggestions are most welcomed..
i am finally back in the headspace of writing
hope u all like it ...well if any of you read lol
regards
griffy
Originally posted by: SosanHey its an amazing piece of writing. You have explained the emotions very well.thank you so much. Plz post the next soon.will be waiting. And also post heartbeat also.
Originally posted by: MaliciousAngelI loved this, the story is shaping up beautifully
Looking forward to what happens nextAlso happy to see you here
Originally posted by: adi_FMT_ctOhhh gosh...
What I just read;I am now in another world😳I guess it's a longg update but still I am feeling moreee hungry like it never ends & going on and on...I just loveee it.This story is sooo simple,has no drama,No action,only around 2 people and their amazing & some secret but the same feeling which attracts me most.And Farah you did it again only this time with song's lyrics.It's mind blowing creation ever.👏Their Friendship is finding the path which is lost years ago;Now only wish is that like this relation their another relation is blossomed in the wedding time in Goa.And I have full faith on this for my darling writer.🤗P.S.-You will update the next part this week indeed.Now just wait and watch my attendance here.😆
Originally posted by: dafodilsdukeI hadnt visited here for soo long bt finally when i got most favourite ff i thought u wont continue it
Thank u sooo much for continuingI really dont have words to explain ur writtting skillIts like not the characters we are feeling it
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