CHAPTER ONE
Wearing something like an oversized shirt, her hair carelessly twisted in a top knot bun and spectacles reposed on her nose. She sat leaning against the stool in a very Un- Gaurilike lazy posture. She was not feeling well and she was sad too because Omkara had gone away to Italy for an art expo and for the first time in so many months she was not able to go with him ... He did not take her and why? Because She became a lazy sleepy head who became cranky now and then. He instructed her to rest properly. Ab janaab ko kaun samjhaaye ke woh nahi toh chaiinn aur sukoon milega kaha ... Hum aur humaari tanhaai milke unhika zikr karenge aur chugliyaan bhi ... khud ko samjhaate rahenge ke woh nahi toh unki rang pasand aadatein hi sahi' ... Intrigued and amazed Gauri observed the beautiful mess that she had created on the canvas.
When Gauri's hand moved over the canvas, Her fingers soused with a velvety shade of turquoise. it's almost like her mind is directing it without her, odd perhaps, but that's the way it is. Her hand moves instinctively to the right spot, building a new picture, often one she has never seen before. In these fantastical worlds. The painting often turns out to be different than what she decided it to be. Omkara always said to her about how any manifestation of art develops with a person's thinking ... it is often a result of ones mood swings. Her husband is right like many other times. Her moods don't just swing, they bounce and pivot then twirl to recoil and rebound and oscillate, fluctuate and pirouette once or twice in a while. It is just because of him ... Crazy man.
She sees reflections of her own mind, the way she thinks, but there is something else there too. Gauri does not know what, perhaps she is just imagining it, but when she paints she feels closest to shankarji and it gives her a peace and mental calmness she cannot find another way. She never knew that simple papers and pencils and colors can fulfill a person with such happiness. It was because of her husband that she learnt to paint. At first, she wanted to try and do it to spend some time with him and thanks to her idea that they spent many romantic moments in their studio ... many days and many nights away from the hustle bustle of the Mansion ... ALONE and not just paintings and sculptures she learnt many important things about her man as well.
Omkara saw the world as it was, a beautiful array of colors and shapes, ideas and formulas, voids and space, love and fear. It was all a canvas that left just enough space for everyone to paint their own story, their own lives in the whites of the world. Some painted out and off the canvas onto the walls if they dared and others painted in a smaller area than provided. And then there were those who ran their strokes over and into the lives of many others either ruining their work or creating something simultaneously beautiful. He was a true artist, one who saw the world for how it was supposed to be seen; with an open heart, mind, body, soul. He judged none and nothing. It was all the same to him; parts of life that were each equal and necessary, the art of the world.
The composition of the painting is curious. Gauri's eyes moved from place to place unable to decide what the focus of the piece is. She can only imagine that the art reflects the chaos inside the artist. The colours are vivid, almost to the point of garish. The stroke lines are bold and the images from out of this world. It is both stunning and head-ache inducing, it's like a novel condensed onto a single page. She would like to see it as a series of paintings with each idea given time and space to be expressed, to communicate the meaning that was inside her. To be satisfied was a difficult task for Gauri ... at least in the name of paintings like the one she is making now. She is becoming more of a creatively starving person.
Today she is very happy... the reason that she decided to shade and stroke the brushes, but she does not think anyone can tell. It's under the surface and mixed with some anxiety. Gauri is not used to the combination, it's truly odd. Happy takes her up and anxious brings her down, so in that combination she is simply focused on the task at hand. Perhaps it's like that for everyone starting something new, pleasure at gaining forward momentum and fear of the change. It's hard work, but worth it. She could have started any business to get rid of boredom she knew but painting has always relaxed her and so the rubbing of her fingers against the canvas was a natural choice. Learning it from Omkara she paints and decorates in the fresh colors of the new season and accessorizes with an accent color. The work can be dull, monotonous even, but the result is all the motivation she needs . It's tough starting out, taking a chance, but in time her excitement will bring in all the satisfaction she needs. He will be very happy when he sees her work and also her progress.
Progress from being Miss. Dabang Gauri to Mrs. Zulfi Gauri ... and now becoming the mother of his child. She was doubtful about conceiving when she had missed her period date and with that she was even hesitant. What if she is pregnant and what if she is not? She thought of telling him over a phone call but she wants him to be near her and hold her, kiss her ... embrace her. She wants to visit a doctor but not without him. Yesterday, she secretively got a home pregnancy test kit which knowingly and unknowingly turned out to be positive. She felt so many emotions ... she wanted to dance, she wanted to sing, she wanted to laugh but instead she cried leaning against the wash basin. She wanted to rush to her Mother-In-Law to learn about the do's and don'ts of expecting but Omkara was the first person she wanted to share this news with and she knew if her family members came to know about a new little member arriving ... There will be so many celebrations and she will become a newspaper headline.
She was craving for the love, care and attention of her family members. She wanted to eat the laddoos which Daadi made for Anika when she was expecting, She wanted to talk to Jahnvi about Omkara's childhood, she wanted to tell Rudra that he is no more the baby of this house. She was worried ... she wanted to consult a doctor, she prayed to learn that her baby is healthy but before all of that she wanted her husband to be with her. She needed him.
For so long she thought he made her feel a certain way; if she was sad, or lonely, or frustrated, she became angry with him. But why him? Why not someone else? She knew it's because he is the one she loves the most, the one she feels most loved by ... was she angry that he could not kiss away her over thought assumptions? That he was not able to heal her with just words and kind eyes? Maybe. She was able to live as a more composed person when Omkara is around. He can manage without losing his mind. He does not panic, most of the time. He took care of her and loved her. Also kissed her good morning and good night. Whereas she is scolding him on Skype because of things that make no sense. She has started behaving like a typical spoilt wife all because of him.
It isn't right though; She wants to treat him the way he deserves... with the same love and patience he showed her. So she is learning how to walk with stronger legs, when he is not around. Her emotions still come in brutal waves, pain of being away from him felt in full measure, the constant subjects of worry being whether he ate?, did he sleep?, did he drink too much? Or is he exhausting himself? yet she knows they are only within her own mind. She has learned to keep on walking regardless, act like he is not even there... Like she does not miss him. Then she chokes back to the thought of him with a smile and sees that he is just the same as before, constant and gentle.
He is supposed to know that she is in slight pain but also healing, gaining control, finding her stable core, learning to love what he does... driving the deep emotions into her passion for life, for helping others, for loving him. He has been her anchor, perhaps next she will be his, yet one day they will simply be birds on eternal summer winds. The chirpy chirraiyya and her composed chirauta.
There was something in his brown eyes that was so beautiful, so safe and warm. In just one look she is "home." They reached out and made the connection, and like God Himself had arranged it, he fell for her just as hard. That first day they talked , just the two of them, she still recalls the conversation, the feeling he gave. He didn't know it, but that day he saved her. They became inseparable.
It is true that her wedding day changed her life and that Omkara has been a priority for her always. She learnt so many new things in life for him and also became his muse. But then life changed when she realized that it is about both of them ... devoted and cherishing.Marriage is a place where the savage winds cease, where no clouds can block the warmth of the evening rays. It is a place where the sun may set with not fear of the darkness to come. Where one soul can whisper to another in a language only it's mate can truly hear. A place where togetherness means peace.
"I love you, she blurted as she looked at the painting. Finding traces of him in her work gave a happy feeling. She felt as if he is around ... doing something and also watching her. Without him she found her bed to be cold and lonely. She missed his muscular arm that she dreamt was wrapped around her as much as she missed the smell of him. Her room was filled with flowers, but their scent had turned to nothing since she saw him in the framed pictures. The petals of the flowers were an array of enchanting colors; teal, emerald, ruby, amethyst, and pearl, but to her they were only shades of grey. She missed him when he was gone, but it was only now that Gauri realized how much Omkara meant to her. Not seeing him for a week had been tough enough, but seeing him in newspapers, magazines and on the television brought back those feelings she had hidden deep in herself. This man was becoming addictive, a bad habit. Love, lust and passion. No man had been the object of her desire in such ways ... it is just a certain Jatadhari creature. Without him, she did not even like the tinkling of her anklets ... she had to walk alone for a while so she removed them and walked barefoot.
It was great while he nibbled and nuzzled her, great to be loved, the warmth of his cheek next to hers, his soft hand brushing her hair from her face his cheeky laugh in her ear... it was great to be loved but when she came to know that it is not just her but also a little wonder awaiting his return, she felt isolated and alone, on her own in the world no one to care for her no one to laugh with ... in a family full of people.
There was a delicious moment where Gauri's face washed blank with confusion, like her brain cogs couldn't turn fast enough to take in the information from her wide eyes. The positive pregnancy test. Every muscle of her body just froze before a grin crept onto her face, it soon stretched from one side to the other showing every single tooth. They did it. She could not believe that they made a baby. That they are going to be parents now.
A deep curve on her lips makes the world stop around her. a smile that brings back a million memories in a split second. The precious dimple that crinkles skips a beat.. She has a smile that makes you feel happy. Omkara let her know about the greatest joy of life, she felt complete. She is going to be a mother. A tinge of scarlet adorned her face when she reminisced all the times when he caught her off guard, kissed her, touched her and ruined her in the most beautiful ways ... marked her possessively.
She breathes deep. In. Out. Within a split second she is there again, its like she never left. Time is forgotten. The side of his thighs are still pressed against hers. He's sure of himself, he thinks he is in control. She surrendered completely. She has wanted this for so long now, craved his human flesh, his tongue tasting her breath. They both will be caught up in the moment, its like they never left each other. She for him, the way he reaches for her mound pulls her up, they can twist and turn and its starts all over again like a seductive rotation. She can sense everything, this immense attractive field between them. Electricity. It occurs to her ever so often. I taste his presence in my room, but he is far away. 6565 kilometers precisely.
"Come home soon husband... She requested teary eyed keeping her paint drenched hand on her stomach.
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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