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Looking out of the window and watching it rain heavily on a quiet lonely night. It was peaceful yet discomforting because something was certainly missing. A cup of coffee, may be..?? No...!! Not at all.. then may be romantic music... No... then what..??
"He.."
Avni couldn't help but bring him up while thinking what was stopping her from enjoying such a beautiful weather.
It was him. Neil. Neil khanna.
His absence in my life is what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small and inflames the great. I hate to say this but the absence of him and his love in my life is killing me and I fear I might turn cold someday.
Life was so simple back then when we were together; without any fears, insecurities, worries, responsibilities. Away from the reality and in our own little bubble. A world which was just ours and all it had was love, love and love. He used to love me more than anything in this whole world and promised to pamper me all our lives but what we didn't know back then was that woth changing time, people change and so their priorities and their promises well they end up being broken.
It's been two years since everything changed, not that I regret anything but I miss him every now and then. Its a shame that I still have him in my mind when I am married and blessed with such a loving husband and a happy family. Absence makes hearts grow fonder and that's what happening with me right now. Lonely at night in my bedroom, all I can think about is Neil.
I close my eyes trying to imagine what will it be like to be in his embrace, when suddenly a pair of arms is wrapped around my waist and even before I could react I felt a kissed being dropped at the nape of my neck, those lips staying there for a longer period of time than usual.
"I love you Avni
He whispered against my skin before kissing my neck again, making my heart skip a beat and then beating louder than ever. I feel his hold tightening on my waist pulling me dangerously close to his body while his lips working on my neck and shoulder blade creating a havoc in my body. Few moments of intimacy eventually resulting into all the thoughts and memories of Neil being thrown of my mind and heart. This was not right. Not right at all.
I turn around and push him away shocking him to bits.
"what was that for...?? he asked me with his eyes blaming me for destroying the so called moment'.
"for ignoring me and not loving me the way you promised you would... you are such a liar... You are a changed man now and I don't love this Neil the way I loved the one I dated back in college...
"So you don't love me Mrs. Avni Neil Khanna...?? Really...?? Neil smirked and pulled me back into his arms. Forcefully people, Forcefully. Well not forcefully, I like to be in his arms. It's my own little paradise you see.
"Yes. I don't love you... I tell him making an awful face.
"So how did our daughter of two came into existence..?? You do know how babies are made, don't you..?? They aren't gifted to a married couple by a fairy... The married couple have to really work hard on making a baby you know... and We did made her if you remember...
Neil paused and I swear I heard my heart beating so loud as if racing a marathon. His words were making me blush so hard and feeling shy I looked at our feet as if it was some masterpiece created by a talented artist.
"I can make you remember that night... Trust me to make you go week in your knees, plead for me and then moan in pleasure...
Neil whispered into my ear and pulled me closer, making my eyes pop out of their sockets and eventually getting mesmerized and drown in the deep ocean of his chocolate brown eyes. I felt him lean into me and I closed my eyes welcoming him to take over my body and soul. I was his. Only his.
I waited for him to come close and kiss me but when he didn't, I opened my eyes ready to accuse him of what he accused me for minutes back.
"You are jealous of your daughter... tell me you aren't Avni... Neil asked me with a mixture of confusion and amazement written on his face and I looked away from him trying to avoid the question. How was I supposed to answer in positive..?? How..??
"but... but... you never give me enough time Neil. You come home and all you do is play with Ahana... I feel as if I'm no longer important... I love her too but I love you more than her. As selfish or as non motherly does it sound, But I love you more and I want you to love me more... more than anyone... I want the most of your love baby... I confess to him holding his hands in mine; hoping he would understand me.
The next thing that happened was something I could have never imagined. I was scooped into his arms and laid on our bed with the love of my life above me. In matter of few seconds, every piece of clothing we had on was discarded and we were connected skin to skin.
"Don't worry baby... Tonight I will play only with you. Only you hun...
He whispered to me before sucking at my earlobe and turning the lamp off.
This was the Neil I missed and more than this, I missed the feeling of submitting to him and he showering his love all over me, marking me his in the process. This feeling of being loved by the man you love the most is something that can't be explained in words but only be felt. It's a feeling of being his girl. His better half.
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Hope you guys like it.
Naina 😊
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