Perspectives

Perspectives

His eyes shut, he lay at the banks of the Ganga, listening to the gentle gurgle of the river, the sound comforting the turmoil in him. His hands made patterns in the sand. With a sigh, the King of Anga sat up.

He knew where his loyalties lay, yet the proposition the Queen Mother brought him was a little too attractive to him. He sighed, unable to decide what to do. If only he had someone to ask, someone like Krishna. A flash of what could be interpreted as envy ran through him. His brothers had a confidante, a guide in Krishna, who just seemed to know. Know everything.

"You are my son, Karna!" said the Queen Mother, in a burst of emotion. "You are my eldest, the elder brother to Yudhishtira, Bhima, Arjuna, Nakula and Sahadeva. You should be the crown-prince of Hastinapura, the king of Indraprastha!"

"And, Rajmata, you should have thought of this when you cast me away," he said, calmly, in stark contrast to Mata Kunti's emotional outburst.

"But, Karna, I was a maiden! Imagine the sha..."

"And in the Rangabhoomi? When your sons, my brothers, insulted me? Called me a Suta-putra? What then? Did you know then?"

She didn't respond, but the fact that she dropped her gaze was affirmation to him.

"You knew, yet you didn't claim me then, Rajmata," he said, levelly. "I cannot lie, the prospect of knowing who I am is, to say the least, comforting. Yet, I have pledged myself and my loyalty to Suyodhana, your sons' enemy. I cannot forsake him."

"At least allow me to tell them, Karna"

"And what, Rajmata? Yudhishthira in his dharma, will hand the kingdom over to me, and I will be unable to deny Suyodhana. I am not heartless"

A hint of a smile crossed Kunti, but it was quickly eclipsed by the true meaning of his words.

"Karna, please rethink.."

"I have thought, Rajmata, he said. She noted the repeated use of the name, but decided to ignore it. After all, it was not his fault. It was her own. "I am sorry, but I cannot accept your offer that I leave my friend's side."

"Do you not see it as I do, Karna? A maiden who begot a son through the grace of Surya Deva, who would be condemned for it? A widow, whose son was older than her marriage?"

"And do you not see it as I do, Rajmata? His cold voice plunged through her like a sword. "I have been maligned all my life, and yet, you ask me to betray the one who showed me some respect, some affection? Who took me in despite my 'lineage'?"

Her eyes filled with tears. Kunti was a strong woman, but in that moment, she felt incredibly weak. She had cherished a hope, that was dashed to the ground. But then, hope bloomed again.

"Karna, I do not want you to rush into a decision, she said, her voice steady. "I know that all of this has been a lot for you to take in, and it is your decision, but I want you to consider it."

"Consider what?"

"I can give you a choice."

Karna's hands seemed to have a life of their own, as he threw pebbles, one after another into the Ganga. His ears were ringing with the offer the Qu- his mother had made.

The choice, she said, was clear. He could choose between Suyodhana and his brothers. If he chose Suyodhana, he would have to spare them. And if he chose his brothers, well... he sighed. He was breaking his word, his dharma, if he indeed chose them.

He thought of the Pandavas. Each so different, yet the same. Yudhishthira, honest, upright. Nothing moved the man's honesty. Nothing induced him to lie. The day at the Dyut Sabha showed him how far he would go to keep with dharma. He remembered his scathing words as he parted. Indeed, he thought, when provoked, he would be ruthless.

He thought of Bhima, the aggressive warrior. Bhima was fiercely protective, he would go to any extent to avenge his loved ones. Any extent. But then again, his bark was worse than his bite, for he knew for a fact that Bhima could be quite the softy.

He thought of the twins, Nakula and Sahadeva. He knew, that contrary to what his friend thought, they were both different. Nakula was light hearted at his best and positively awe-inspiring at his angriest. He may not have been the warrior Bhima was, but he was skilled with the sword. By observation, he also knew that he regarded Yudhishthira as a father-figure, more than a brother.

Sahadeva, while similar in his beliefs and views to Nakula, was the quieter twin, the more contemplative one. He had a way with words, his eyes held a quiet passion, that somehow barely ever was on display. He too, like his eldest brother and twin, showed that unwillingness did not guarantee incapacity.

Finally, he thought of Arjuna. His arch-enemy, his competitor, his brother. There was no doubt, in Karna's heart of hearts, who was the better warrior. He would be up against him in battle if he chose Suyodhana, but the question was, despite his claims to Rajmata Kunti, would he succeed in lifting his bow against Arjuna?

Contemplatively, he walked towards his father's house, in Hastinapura. Perhaps, he would get answers there? But how could he choose?