Originally posted by: violette
Hi Blue,
Since long I had been wanting to reply ur posts.. finally I got a chance.. so here it goes..
"She want to feel what it means to be his wife..his number one confidante in life."
--Absolutely right! She wants to b his soulmate.. and cant see Saanvi already takin up tht place.. Poor girl.. she doesnt know where she is heading.. its actually not her fault.. she is jst like tht impulsive, young.. and very inexperience and immature in love.. unline Saanvi.. and Mukhi's buddupana in matters of love is not helping her either.. the only person who can put some sense in Mukhi's bheja is saanvi.. lets c how she approaches this matter.. or will she chose not to interfere betn pati-patni?
"Mukhi does not even consider her his wife in the true sense as yet and he has not expressed any pangs of love toward her. But he could still have been more sensitive and humane towards her...rather than making it clear to everybody that he valued Saanvi's friendship more."
--Err.. yes.. Mukhi was insensitive to..Aru.. bt again its a character flaw..tht existed in him from the start... sometimes he is jst so stubborn, dufford and insensitive.. and cannot see what is right infront of his eyes.. Mukhi shud've appreciated her efforts on his bday rather thn praising his beauty.. tht way it wud;ve made her less insecure..
" She should not have hidden that from Aru."
--I find no fault of Saanvi here.. she chose to not interfere betn a pati-patni..after being insulted once already.. which is fine... even i wud've done tht.. Saanvi knows her limits in her fship.. and unless Aru asks her explicitly she wudnt want to impose her opinion abt Mukhi's likes and dislikes on Aru.. waht if Mukhi had really liked the cake.. thn we wud've put Saanvi at fault again.. bt jst bcoz Mukhi doesnt have the same feelings as Aru.. he cudnt appreciate her efforts.. and its not Saanvi's fault.. its thr own fault.. for letting a third person decide the course of thr feelings for each other.. thnk God tht Saanvi doesnt have any alternate agenda.. otherwise she can make full use of thr misunderstanding..
No No NO I am not at all saying Saanvi is a negative character who is purposefully out to destroy Mukhi's marraige ..not at all. Till now she always came across to me as a while character, plotting with Mishri to bring ArMu closer. There was another occasion like this halwa time. When Mukhi tells her to make Kadha because he is suffering from cold. At that time..she like a good true friend, puts a firm foot down..and tells Aru that she will TEACH her to make the Kadha Mukhi needs and does not go and make it herself, inspite of Mukhi asking her to do so. I loved her so much for that sense of dignity for AruMukhi marraige.
That the marriage could fail, that everyone knew on the day of Mudikhai itself when Mukhi does not accept Aru and stops talking to Mishri. Everyone in the family knows the bad status of the marriage.
But everyone still tries to keep up the dignity , isn't it.
So when that same Saanvi does not mention to Aru that she makes Halwa every birthday...doesn't that sound wrong? Especially when Aru asks her if she is not doing anything special for Mukhi? She simply says Mukhi does not like bday hungama..but fails to mention the halwa. I am not saying Aru should have made the halwa not at all. I am saying, that like the Kadha ..she either could have told Aru that she used to make Halwa but now its Aru's job to do so. OR ..she could have said I am making halwa so you can help me with it..included Aru somehow in it.
If she does not mention the halwa because of Aru's insecurity and vulnerability, then she should not have made it at all. Why fail to mention to Aru, then make the halwa and then try to hide it. That seemed roundabout...
When The BFFs wife is askin if she is going to do anything special, then failing to mention the halwa is definitely below the belt for me.
And again, if truly Saanvi was being careful due to Aru's insecurtiy, then why go make big statements like "I know Mukhi and understand him so well and he does not like all this. ". That didnt sound like she was sensitive to Aru's vulnerability.
There is definite confusion in Saannvi's behavior. Maybe makers want to stretch her from white to grey just enough to provoke Aru in this jealousy phase...and then they will bring Saanvi back to white and let her play cupid again. Saanvi was not a villain, but she was not white in her behavior either.
"ARU IS KEPT IN THE DARK COMPLETELY ABOUT THE NATURE OF THE FRIENDSHIP BETWEEN MUKHI AND SAANVI. Neither bothers to inform her about any of their regular ways of celebrating their friendship. "
"this does not add up in Mukhi's characters."
--Aru-Mukhi's rship never has been an open one.. so i dont see y Saanvi-Mukhi shud share thr secrets with her.. its she who shud've approached thm.. as i said, if she had asked no one was going to hide anything from her.. everyone in Amboli village is aware of it..
Everyone was aware of the fact that a wedding was supposed to happen between Saanvi Mukhi..no one knows WHY it didnt take place...if they knew the factory women would have told...so there is some story to it thats not complete.
and tht itself is a proof tht thrs nothing tht Saanvi-Mukhi wanted to hide... so Aru shud've better judged the situation and ppl involved. bt obviously she was not in her right senses... the problem is, she jst assumed things and felt it was her right to know abt Saanvi-Mukhi's past.. when in reality the relation betn Mukhi-Aru doesnt even exist for her to demand such thing.. so Mukhi was right in a way bt agreed he was very insensitive to Aru's feelings.. bt i cannot find him at the fault for this point.. I will maintain tht the reason of thr discord (betn Aru Mukhi) is thr lack of communication.. and noone else is to b blamed for tht..
Lack of communication- you are bang on right here. That is the reason behing AruMukhi and a lot of other marital discords between many a couple. But here is the thing..Aru was the woman looking for his matches and trying to get his wedding fixed in the city. He could have mentioned a previous relationship and broken wedding to her..and reasons..as his GAURANI... But agreed..that was not mandatory.
What was mandatory was to tell his would be wife, Dharmi , about it. Esp when he knows abot Dharmi past relation. As the wife he is accepting, he should be telling his past to Dharmi esp when the entrance of Aru Dharmi to the village itself was with saving Saanvi from villagers trying to kill her.
A man preparing for a wedding, saving his past fiance from death, fails to mention that to hi would be wife..does not add up to Mukhi.
Also..Mukhi and Aru did have some discussions about man and woman, his ethics regarding how he treats women etc. He could have mentioned this to her. Please rememebr that even though Aru wants to leave, she dutifully fulfills her role as wife and bhabhi for all rituals in Mishri wedding. It cannot be that now Mukhi has no use of her and so her feelings are not important. Mukhi needs to remember that his sister's wedding went off peacefully due to Aru..and Aru supported him with her maturity when emotion overtook him in some cases. All in all..after letting her involve in his household and life to get Mishri married, and let her be around enough to nurse him after the accident, now suddenly, Mukhi's behavior that you are no one of importance to tell you anything about Saanvi or diary is not fair.
To me that seems like more of a use and throw behavior, sorry to say.
"Saanvi went overboard today when she told Aru that she knows Mukhi and understands Mukhi so well and she is sure he will not like the cake hungama. "
--See here as i told, Aru specifically asked hence Saanvi gave her opinion.. it is upto Aru how she takes it.. she ignored Saanvi's opinion and went ahead and did what she thot was best for Mukhi.. and didnt bother to inquire what Mukhi actually liked..
If you see he scene again, Aru asks if Saanvi is doing anything special, Saanvi says no..and then Aru says she wants to do something, party etc...and Saanvi herself tells her not to dream so much Mukhi does not like it. Aru didnt ask her for that opinion. Aru only questions her after Saanvi gives that opinion to which Saanvi re-instates, wrongly so that yes indeed she knows , and understands Mukhi very well. At no point has Aru asked Saanvi..hey I am planning this party will he like it or not. Thats a nuance I found in the conversation.
( I am sure the writers and directors must not be analyzing each dialogue the way we are 😛)
Whatever Saanvi told was from a friend's perspective.. and i find absolutely nothing wrong in her statements (which were btw facts) bt it was Aru who found her as a competition and found a need to establish herself as his wife.. really SAanvi never really provoked her.. I m sure.. Aru will not find Saanvi at fault tomorrow.. its her own doing.. her own mind tht is playing with her feelings..due to the love tht she has started to feel for Mukhi..
I beg to differ here again . Long time ago there was a scene where Rami tells Aru that Mukhi never dances, he has not danced even at her or Uma's wedding. Aru takes it as challenge, bets with Mukhi and gets him to dance. She wins the challenge. Rami is Mukhi's elder sister and knows him since childhood, but that did not stop Aru from taking the challenge. And she was not even married to Mukhi back then.
Now here, she is married to Mukhi, and his so called best friend is challenging her that Mukhi will not like the party hungama. Which might be a fact, but people change in different situations due to different people. There is a good 50 % chance that Mukhi will like the party stuff done by his wife...here the marital equation is not setup so the confusion. By emphasizing that Mukhi will not like Aru;s preparations, Saanvi is actually putting her down. Because even if what she stating is a fact, she need to give benefit of doubt to AruMukhi relationship. If Mukhi let Aru be the first working woman in his family, gifted her a pen and fed her jaggegry when she is going to work, if he doted enough to have lunch sent to her everyday, if he changes rules of his panchayat for Aru's opinions..that means the man is changing. And there was a good chance he would enjoy the bday party too...people are not the same always. What I like and disliked 10 years back, 5 years back and now are entirely different. Friends who know me from that time will be surprised how much I have changed after say marriage, or after starting to work, or after having kids.
Mukhi has changed..whether he accepts or not..and he will know it when Aru is no longer in Amboli.
The point is Saanvi need not have tried to put it in Aru;s mind that her efforts would be waste. That was not at all sensitive of Saanvi..knowing Aru's insecure state. even if Mukhi never enjoyed the party stuff. Saanvi behaved in a very confusing way here.
Again ..a friend is a friend is a friend. Friends cannot take the place or importance of brother, sister , spouse. Like a brother i
--bt with ur personal anecdote i agree where ur judgement is coming from.. bt remember here SAanvi is his "childhood" friend.. BFF.. its like literally having a sibling.. who knows u in and out, unlike ur spouse.. who wud only know u better after years of togetherness.. so no i still didnt find anything wrong in Saanvi's conduct.. in fact she is more mature and sensible in understanding relations thn Aru-Mukhi combined..
Here again..friend is a friend is a friend. A friend or even a BFF cannot take the place of my sister, brother, spouse or any other familial relation that I respect. Friends are very ver important..they the the family god allows you to choose..but one it not meant to replace other. And its very crucial to keep everybody in their place.IF Saanvi were like his sibling and knows every in and out..there would be no question of Saanvi Mukhi wedding being decided. You see its that piece thats thrown a spanner into the mix. A BFF, with whom his wedding was considered, cannot be taken like a sibling anymore. Isnt it?
And just because someone knows me since childhood does not mean they know me the best. The kids I grew up with since childhood, with whom I played together, with whom I played together that don't know me after my job or marriage or any life changes. I am not they same then and now...thats why its not how long we know some one, rather compatibility is important. And I had liked the convo where Saanvi tells Mukhi Aru is right for him. She is herself sensible enough to know that. Then why would she not bite her lip and let Aru do her bday nonsense, and get to know from Mukhi himself whether he likes it or not.
I agree with you, Saanvi is much more mature and sensible, she is married, lost her husband and now pregnant with another man's child..had herself almost killed if not for Mukhi.
she has seen lifes ups and downs. Aru is no match to her life experience...this is exactly what will propel Aru to give up Mukhi to Saanvi in the future.
But my point it..a friend should know their limit when dealing with family. I have seen marriages fall apart because a spouse could not draw a line where the friend needs to stop. A close friend of mine is going through divorce now because her husband allowed his " best friend" a girl to drop in at midnights and went out with her leaving wife and kids behind on some pretext of the other, regularly. He called it jamming with his friends. My friend one day caught him red handed in a compromising postion with her..and instead of accepting his fault, he threw his wife out. Basically that best friend had been his lover, he had been hiding it at all along.
This is just one of the many cases where complications arise in a marriage due to undue importance to a third person..no matter if its best friend.
Allow only God to come, and no other human being between a man and wife in marriage..is the sanctity of marriage. And this BFF stuff fades away eventually when marriage and kids become more important. We still hang around with our friends, but with their spouses and families.
Sorry If I sound little archaic on this topic...I have a son getting into teenage and one of the most important convo we have is about the place of friends and family in life. He knows not to let his friends insult his brother, he knows that his friends need to be respectful of his family and if he has an hour of free time, he needs to spend it on family first. Thats because family will always be with him at all times of need, friends may or may not be there depending on their convenience. And most important..all BFFs may not want the best thing for you. Its very important to place trust on a very few but interact with all.
However..thats my POV...you don't have to agree to it :)
"And this is a village for god sake, not a hi -fi city like Mumbai or Delhi where man-woman friendships are a norm. This is Amboli gaav, and in villages even platonic friendships are doubted. "
--I dont want to b rude.. bt this is where the regressive mindset r sprouted.. y r we so judgmental abt man-woman fship... y shud Mukhi-Saanvi constraint thr true and pure fship and follow the so called "ideal" code of conduct..jst bcoz of its setting.. wen we don't even know thr exact situation... y?.. and thn we wish for a progressive show.. really.. our biases makes us judgmental.. i wud like to say tht village ppl understand platonic rships equally better as us urbans.. i have observed both the lives and i can say tht with surity.. tht No Rural Ppl r Not "Always" Closed Minded.. thy r indeed very large and open hearted to every positive and progressive change..tht helps thm grow as a community..
But see dear, we cannot enforce progressive thinking on a show, event , place or people just because we feel so. We cannot expect the modernism in our mind to manifest itself across the world.
The villages I have been to, towns and my native village in India..teenage girls and boys do not mingle beyond certain limits set by the elders. Frowning upon intercaste marriages, elopements, and unwed mothers is absolutely still the norm in these villages.
And coming to the show..Amboli has not been shown very progressive from any angle. This is a village that wanted to KILL a pregnant woman,,Saanvi until Mukhi saved her. Thats honour killing.
This is a village in which villagers wanted to punish Aru for defending herself from her rapist.
This is a show in which Aru was forced by her parents and Mishri to marry Mukhi for the save their family honour. This is a show in which Aru stays back in the marriage so that Mishri's in laws remain happy with Mishri's family , Aru stays back to get Mishri married safefly. Fear of social judgement is rife in the very setting of the show.
What progressiveness are you talking about dear? The only progressive character in this show is Mukhi...only he has expressed liberal views and set Aru free from this burdensome marraige. And thats one of the reasons why Aru falls for him.
Otherwise there is nothing in this show that reeks of progressiveness to me.
I am brought up in a city..and know for sure that if you don't set limits, opposite gender misunderstands your friendship, your smile , your everything. Even in cities, its important to draw and keep lines, expecially after wedding.
your idea that progressive man-woman friendships must be shown in positive light is right for say yash raj type movies, like dil to pagal hai. Reality is very different. I am not saying men and women cannot be best friends without a ulterior motive. I am saying even such clean friends can cause problems if there is no honesty, communication and respect for friends spouse.
(These media ppl shud stop stereotyping villagers/rurals as regressive ppl.. and we shud stop forming our opinion based on thr skewed reports)
Would definitely want to know some examples where you have seen such progressive friendships in villages...esp where the couple remains friends after being fiances at some point. Maybe I do not know such places but definitely people in Villages are more judgemental in my experience. Pleas educate me here if you have any other examples. This is not to say people in cities are non-judgemental 😕..they are very much so..just that people in cities have less time to ponder about others.
"If she could eat Mukhi's chat and chana chor garam and chay ki chuski because thats what he likes, he could eat the cake and feed her nicely because thats what she likes ...and he should have done that."
--i really dont like the idea of imposing one's likes and dislikes on one's spouses.. i mean really.. we are in a different century for god's sake.. why do ppl believe.. tht following one's likes and dislikes = love.. respecting other's choices and giving a freedom of expression to thr individuality is love.. to let the person b and like what he/she likes..
Expecting each other to tolerate and appreciate each others likes and dislikes does not mean " imposing " it. Mukhi just needs to eat a piece of that damn cake, she is not feeding him the whole cake for dinner.
When Mukhi made chaat, did he think if she will like chaat or naan with paneer butter masala or chinese? did he bother to find out ? No. He cooked what he can..and offered it to her in a nice setting. Thats what she is doing..she is making what she can. Aru ate his chaana chat without any complaint..did she say it was too much of hungama..that he should have made biryani instead and got done? No. When someone does something nice for you, you appreciate the effort, even if that item was not of your choice.That not called imposing, thats called accepting the efforts made by other people to us.Its like when someone gift you something, would we tell them on their face that we don't like the gift?
See, in a family , everyone has different likes and dislikes. 4 people like 4 different things to eat..does not mean I am going to cook 4 things everyday. So we cook 2 things, we appreciate them wether or not it was out dish of choice..and wait for our turn. When you say imposing, its not like Aru is telling him that for the rest of his life he needs to eat according to her choice, isnt it?
Just offering a contradictory opinion...no offence meant.!
Again u gave a personal life example, this is exactly what i mean.. y shud Aru-Mukhi b any different.. this is wat thy need to learn.. to make this love work, thy need to close the gap betn the halwa and the cake..
Hope you are not offended at the examples I give from personal life. To me such examples bring out the authenticity of an argument and let the reader know where I am coming from. Without examples...arguments may remain hollow claims...and everyone's examples are different since everyone's life is different. Like Debashri's thinking is different because she is a lawyer and single..her personal life brings out a different perception in her, and I appreciate that.
"He is probably realizing she is getting attached...and therefore purposefully he is being obtuse...deliberately so she can go away in peace and not be attached to him. This might be going on in his mind. "
--I really dbt.. i dont think Mukhi's brain functions tht smartly..
Dont know..have to agree with you about his brain right now😆
--Grt reading ur posts.. bt i found our views differing grtly.. sorry if i might've offended u.. was jst putting across my points.. and the intention was never to create a discord..
Not at all..enjoyed your opinions..please always feel free to post. Sometimes comments and examples are very educative and make me feel that know but a drop of the ocean.
Enjoy posting on this forum.. and wud love to read more from u...
C ya..
Cricket
