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He had known. He had known that his wife, the woman who he had fallen irrevocably in love has faked it. She had broken his heart and stepped on it for something he couldn't know. She couldn't trust him with her worries. He had known, his brothers knew but they didn't find it necessary to tell him. He had known that his Mother was responsible, she had no regret.
It was not his wife or the family who he had loved so much and he had vowed to protect but it was a mere employ who had always suffered because of him who could help. Khanna had seen his wife breaking down in his brothers's arms after he had thrown her out. He had seen his badima running to comfort her as she was her own. They knew but the didn't know how much he needed to.
He started building walls around him. He had stopped being everything he used to be. He wanted them to come and tell him what they refused. He wanted them to give him back his life as they saw him die. She would have known when his heart stopped and he collapsed defeated? He hoped that she would come running back. But she didn't.
He needed her back anyway. He wouldn't let her live away from him. He kept closing all the doors that opened for her. He hoped that she would look back at him for once. He watched over her all the time.
He tried to find out the truth, he knew that his Mother had a role. His wife couldn't tell him, he hoped his Mother would feel sorry for him. Neither did she.
He wanted to die at once than to die a little everyday. He knew they couldn't see him like this. They had got her back, covered up in a web of lies. He had become empty and miserable and he wanted her to know that she was responsible. Hehad hoped that she would tell him why she went away.
Had she really moved on? he wondered. What would he do then? Was she never coming back? He would live through more pain? If she didn't care even a little then why should he? He pretended to have found an other woman. Hope she comes back now, to get him back. She just left!
He was tired of the game and the pretense. He had stopped it all and had almost given up. They had come to him with TRUTH which made his entire life a lie. She was the only thing that was mattered. He would go back to her.
...
He watched her as she made dinner oblivious of his presence. She had ceased to be what she was as much as he had. She had lost a lot of health too. The visible dark circles told him that she had as much sleepless nights as him.
She wouldn't believe that he was standing there for real. For her, he was still a figment of her imagination.
"Why are you inside my head baggad billa go to your fiance" he heard her murmur. He smiled as his eyes filled up, her voice was still music to his ears.
"Smile now atleast, I'll die but you should live" he heard her whisper to him.
He felt the anger held back brew up again. He banged on the wall clenching his fists. She fell on the floor with a wail. Maybe he had hurt her again. Maybe she realised she wasn't dreaming after all.
He lied next to her shivering feverish form. He held like nothing else mattered. He would forgive her. For breaking his heart into million pieces. For hurting him that he wouldn't get HURT. He would forgive her for all HIS pain. But how would he forgive her for HERS?
It was not his wife or the family who he had loved so much and he had vowed to protect but it was a mere employ who had always suffered because of him who could help. Khanna had seen his wife breaking down in his brothers's arms after he had thrown her out. He had seen his badima running to comfort her as she was her own. They knew but the didn't know how much he needed to.
He started building walls around him. He had stopped being everything he used to be. He wanted them to come and tell him what they refused. He wanted them to give him back his life as they saw him die. She would have known when his heart stopped and he collapsed defeated? He hoped that she would come running back. But she didn't.
He needed her back anyway. He wouldn't let her live away from him. He kept closing all the doors that opened for her. He hoped that she would look back at him for once. He watched over her all the time.
He tried to find out the truth, he knew that his Mother had a role. His wife couldn't tell him, he hoped his Mother would feel sorry for him. Neither did she.
He wanted to die at once than to die a little everyday. He knew they couldn't see him like this. They had got her back, covered up in a web of lies. He had become empty and miserable and he wanted her to know that she was responsible. Hehad hoped that she would tell him why she went away.
Had she really moved on? he wondered. What would he do then? Was she never coming back? He would live through more pain? If she didn't care even a little then why should he? He pretended to have found an other woman. Hope she comes back now, to get him back. She just left!
He was tired of the game and the pretense. He had stopped it all and had almost given up. They had come to him with TRUTH which made his entire life a lie. She was the only thing that was mattered. He would go back to her.
...
He watched her as she made dinner oblivious of his presence. She had ceased to be what she was as much as he had. She had lost a lot of health too. The visible dark circles told him that she had as much sleepless nights as him.
She wouldn't believe that he was standing there for real. For her, he was still a figment of her imagination.
"Why are you inside my head baggad billa go to your fiance" he heard her murmur. He smiled as his eyes filled up, her voice was still music to his ears.
"Smile now atleast, I'll die but you should live" he heard her whisper to him.
He felt the anger held back brew up again. He banged on the wall clenching his fists. She fell on the floor with a wail. Maybe he had hurt her again. Maybe she realised she wasn't dreaming after all.
He lied next to her shivering feverish form. He held like nothing else mattered. He would forgive her. For breaking his heart into million pieces. For hurting him that he wouldn't get HURT. He would forgive her for all HIS pain. But how would he forgive her for HERS?
Udne Ki Aasha
