Hi everyone,
I had thought of writing an FF for the characters of JNDSD for a long time but never get time to write it out. So today after reading some posts I thought of the scenario where Ravish, Vividha and Atharv have to deal with making some decisions regarding the future especially as related to Madhav. I used the characterization as I had imagined them for my FF so not everything is quiet like it is in the show. Below is just a scene out of my imaginary FF and so bear in mind there could be a backstory different from that which is in the show for the below scenario.
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Atharv gritted his teeth. He felt like he was in one of those western movies where the battle lines were drawn, Vividha and himself being on one side of the line and Ravish on the other. Although Madhav was not in the room he still felt that Ravish held his son on his side of the battle line at ransom. It was an all or nothing game and he was getting frustrated at the sheer ridiculousness of even having this fight. The child was his, Vividha was his...why was there even a question raised?
Ravish on the other side, didn't understand the hostility he saw in his half brother's eyes. What had he done to deserve such hate? All he had done was take care of his half brother's family while he wasn't around (at least figuratively) and in the process he had given all of himself to this family. He had loved Madhav like his own son and he had imagined that life with Vividha and Madhav was the reality of his life. How could he be held as culprit? He instead decided to focus his energies on Vividha who at least understood his feeling unlike his angry half brother who barely knew him. Vividha was his best friend, the girl who had taught him to start living for himself, the girl who had given him a purpose other than to die at the battle front. She had given him Madhav. Now if she wanted to take that away from him, he would not fight her. He would let her take him, he thought miserably, but he couldn't stop from loving them. He couldn't stop from being the parent he was to Madhav and whatever it was that defined his relationship with Vividha..he couldn't stop it...it was not in his control. God, if only he could be sensible about it...but these things never are applicable to reasons.
Vividha sensed the tension in the room. She could feel it behind her emanating off of every pulse in Atharv's body, almost audible, and she could see it in Ravish's eyes as she faced him. He was giving up claim on her child, though she understood his silent communication well after such a long time of being with him, she was equally frustrated at his unsuccessful attempt at hiding his feelings. She knew how he felt about her and her child, even though he also was clearly aware of her own feelings. But here he was looking at her with those light brown eyes and that face that tugs at anyone heart. She was reminded of Madhav's eyes and his habit of pulling his bottom lips into a curl when he wanted something from her. A grin almost escaped her lips when she thought of her naughty son. But she let that emotion be expressed internally and presented a steel front. This was no time to smile, everyone would think she has lost her mind. She set her jaw against he obvious melt pot that Ravish had turned into. The truth was that it was hard to not feel sorry for the guy. All he had done was give of himself to those he loved. Unfortunately for him, and for her she was incapable of reciprocating those same feelings. Its not like she didn't try, she had made a conscious effort but life was just a bitch sometimes. When you think you have it all figured out it throws a goggly at you and you are back to square one. This was one of those square one kind of situations. She had to start over again and to start over, one needed to clear the slate clean. And the conversation (if you could call it that) was an attempt to clear the slate clean. But Ravish was just making it so much more difficult. It was the tears he couldn't hide, it was his obvious pain and yet his stubborn refusal to express his true feeling that tugged at anyone's heart. But here he was being unreasonable. There was nothing to be gained with these antics.
Vividha was about to say some blunt words to him just when she saw a blurr of color woosh past her and towards Ravish. She was afraid that Atharv had lost his patience and was about to attack Ravish but she turned to her back she saw Atharv standing behind her looking a mix of shock and confusion. She turned back around and found to her dismay her sister...her baby sister...in a lip lock with her best friend and what some would say was legally still her husband Ravish. Ravish seemed just as shocked as he seemed to have let go of Guddi after encircling his arms around her from the impact of her sudden sneak attack. "GUDDI" Vividha's shrill voice broke through the shocked silence of everyone in the room. But apparently it didn't have any impact on Guddi's activities. Atharv moved forward and was about to do something to make an impact but Vividha held him back. She could see the same protectiveness had forced Atharv to react that she felt towards Guddi but she didn't want things to get out of hand as clearly it was not Ravish's fault but Guddi's actions that needed to be corrected. Ravish finally was able to push her off himself and stared at her incredulously. Then he looked at the angry glares from Vividha and Atharv and the heat of embarrassment crept up his cheeks. " Aww, you are actually blushing...you are so cute" Guddi chirped shamelessly. Vividha whipped her sister around holding her by the hand. "What is wrong with you Guddi...what are you doing?" she asked her sister feeling embarrassed on her behalf.
"Why are you so hyper...its not like you see him as your husband...toh agar tumhe aisa husband nahi chahiye toh mujhe de do na. Isme kya galat hai..." Guddi said in a non-chalant tone. She turned back around to Ravish and made dreamy eyes at him "Hai...kitna sona munda hai di...kitna pyaar karta hai...tujhe nahi hogi kardar because you have Atharv jiju to love you...lekin dekh na kitni bechari si shakal bana rakhi hai." She held his face in her hands to make her point. Vividha knew when Guddi go like this. She did a mental shaking of head and whispered "Nautanki shuru". Her sister had started taking acting lessons recently and the show she was putting on now was just all the more reason to tell her not to become an actress like she wanted...she did such a horrible job of it. Ravish looked at her for help but now things were not in her control. She was rather enjoying the red color on Ravish's face.
"Guddi yeh kya pagalpan hai" came Atharv's booming voice. He was not happy to see his Guddi playing such games. Poor Atharv, Vividha thought. He still thinks Guddi is an angel. "Kya jeej, aap dono ktini naainsafi karte ho Ravish ke saath, but Ravish never complains. He is such a good soul." She was beginning to act like a teenager again who was swooning over her new crush. Ravish looked disgusted. He had never seen Guddi in that light but the taste of her tongue down his throat still lingered and he couldn't get the picture or the sensations out of his mind even if he wanted to. He felt so violated. "Guddi tumhara dimaag kharab ho gaya hai? Yeh kya badtameezi thi?" he said angrily. "Yeh badtameezi nahi, yeh toh mera pyaar tha. Sabka apna apna tareeka hota hai pyar jataane ka" Guddi continued. "Kuch log apni feelings dabaye rakhte hain aur kuch apne feelings poori duniya ko cheekh cheekh kar batate hain. Ab mere family his aise hai" she pointed towards her sister and Atharv "...toh mein kaise peeche reh sakti thi. Abhi jab aap meri behen ko uski khushiyan de rahe the toh aapke chehre pe jo dard...jo niswarth prem tha...usse dekh kar mujhe aapse pyaar ho gaya". Ravish looked at Vividha and Atharv as if to see if they too thought Guddi had lost a few marbles. But they both had blank expressions on their face. He turned back to Guddi.
R: "Guddi you don't love me."
G: "Yes I do...I just told you I do. Meine to kiss bhi kya...phir se samjaun kya."
She moved towards him and he backed off with a loud "NO". Suddenly he heard Atharv laugh out loud. He watched mesmerized for a few seconds as he had never seen his half brother laugh like that...for him the half brother always had a scowl on his face. Then he realized the situation he was in...his brother was making fun of him. Righteous anger coursed through his vein again. Why was he being mocked and punished when he had done nothing to deserve either.
R: "Guddi tum mujhse kaise pyaar kar sakti ho...I am married to your sister"
G: "Your marriage is a sham, and she never thought of you as her husband..so whats wrong in how I feel?"
R: "But I don't have those feelings towards you Guddi. You have always been like my younger sister to me. What you did just now was so disgusting."
G: "Aise kaise younger sister wali feelings aa gayi aapko. Itna hot kiss kiya maine aapko...aur aap mujhe behen banaane pe tule ho?"
R: "Guddi stop being indecent. You are Vividha's sister...isliye abhi tak lihaaj kiya maine...varna aisi harkat ke liye tumhe thappad padta."
G: "Thappad se dar nahi lagta saahab..." Guddi said dramatically and Vividha burst out laughing this time.
R: "Aap logon ko yeh mazzak lag raha hai?" he said frustrated. "I came here to discuss something serious out our lives" he said addressing Vividha. "Meri zindagi ka toh pehle se hi mazzak bana diya hai tumne ab please apne bete ke saath aisa mat kijiye" he said with as much seriousness as he could muster." He stormed out of the room leaving Vividha, Atharv and Guddi to continue mocking him if they wanted. He didn't want to be part of their antics anymore. If they couldn't take him seriously he wanted no discussions with them either.
It was an hour or so later when he was standing at the balcony contemplating nothing in particular but just letting his thoughts drift so he could find some peace that he felt movement behind him. He turned to see Guddi approaching him again. He make an attempt to leave when Guddi stopped him.
G: "I want to apologize for earlier. I know I was being immature" she said calmly.
R: "What you did was wrong. But if you are truly apologizing then I will forget it ever happened."
G: "No, I don't want you to forget it ever happened" she said sincerely and Ravish was again taken aback. "I thought a 100 times before I did what I did. I knew what your reaction would be and I knew how Di and Atharv would also react. Btw they have both yelled at me enough. Neither I nor they were trying to mock you as you imagined. Lekin voh situation hi kuch funny ho gayi thi...and to top that your expressions were just comical".
Ravish saw this conversation heading towards another round of embarrassment for him so he tried to leave again but Guddi got serious.
G: "Ravish I was not lying when I said that I fell in love with you...because of who you are, what you are, the way you give so much of yourself for others who sometimes don't deserve your goodness."
Ravish stopped and stared at her sincere admission.
G: "I love you Ravish...and there is no reason to label that love as that of a sister, or a saali, or a girlfriend. I love who you are and the fact that I and my family has a person like you in their lives."
R: "Thank you Guddi, that means a lot, but you have to understand I never thought of you in any wrong sense."
G: "What is a wrong sense? Pyaar toh pyaar hota hai, galat ya sahi nahi."
R: "But I am your sister's husband Guddi, I love her."
Guddi paused at his admission. She didn't think he ever admitted that to himself let alone her sister.
G: "But she doesn't love you, she loves Atharv."
R: "I know that, but I can't help but love her, and Madhav."
G: "Similar to the way I can't help but love you even though I know you'll never reciprocate that feeling."
R: "Its not the same Guddi."
G: "Oh but it is the same Ravish. I love you knowing that your heart is filled with love for someone else. Knowing that you wish to live your life for someone else. I am not asking you to love me back. I am not asking you to divorce my sister and marry me. I am only letting you know what I feel and that I cannot stop feeling that and I will not feel that way for anyone else."
Now it was Ravish's turn to be shocked. At first he had thought Guddi was playing a sick game, making fun of him, but now he could sense her honesty.
R: "Hum sabki life already itni complicated hai Guddi, tum isse aur complicate kyun kar rahi ho."
G: "Mein complicate nahi kar rahi Ravish. I am only telling you how I feel. I am not asking you to do anything about it."
R: "How can I ignore what you just said Guddi. How I can I just pretend that I don't know how you feel."
G: "Asaan hai na Ravish. Do it the way Di does it to you. Ignores that she doesn't know how you feel about her because to her Atharv is more important."
R: "Phir mujhme aur Vividha mein kya phark reh jaayega."
Guddi shifted her position by the railings and came face to face with him.
G: "And you think there should be a difference between the way Di treats your feelings and the way you ought to treat my feelings?"
Ravish didn't understand where she was going with that question.
G: "Aapko lagta hai Di galat kar rahi hai aapke saath?"
Ravish shook his head, "Not me per se but she is wrong in taking decisions for Madhav that will impact him adversely. She herself cannot make that decision."
G: "But you just said that you couldn't treat me like my sister treats you. Doesn't that mean that you think she is doing wrong by you?"
Ravish was caught. He had said it but that's not what he had meant to say...or had he?
G: "Ravish sometimes its important to say how you feel, when you feel it to someone. Just like I immediately let you know how I feel, if you feel that Di si doing something wrong by you, you should be able to voice that directly instead of beating around the bush. Madhav is not just your responsibility, he belongs to Di and Atharv just as much. And lets be honest, You and I may love Madhav but what he feels for us is an attachment. And given the time he will feel that same attachment to Atharv as well. That is no excuse to keep a parent away from a child."
R: "But I never said we should keep Madhav away from Atharv. I was willing to let him go also. Where is this argument coming from?"
G: "Its coming from you notion that my sister is doing something wrong by you." Guddi said almost angrily. "While you were claiming to let everyone and everything go, you should have seen your expressions. You looked like someone was crucifying you. And people who are getting ready to let things go don't do it as martyrs but do it with full knowledge and acceptance of what they are letting go. Letting go means to free that thing from any bondage. Lekin aap toh aise react kar rahe the jaise koi aapse aapki favorite toy cheen raha ho."
R: "Yeh kay bakwas hai?" Ravish started to get angry again.
G: "I am not saying this to offend you Ravish, but to bring your attention to the fact that you believe my sister ignores your feelings and you actually resent her for it, even if you don't say it out loud. And the truth is that she is the last person to ignore your feelings. The fact that she has been inadvertently the cause of hurt to you kills her every time but she also cannot hurt you further by making false promises to you. Di toh aapki life mein khusiyan dekhna chahti hai, but she knows that she will never be the reason for those happy moments in your life. You may believe otherwise, but I know that she will not be that reason. You will be happy when you find someone who compliments your life the way Atharv and Vividha do each other's. You will be happy in your life when you find someone who appreciates you even when you are not always graceful and dignified. She will love you even when you show signs of weakness and feel discouraged. That is the kind of life partner that will bring you happy moments. But my sister is not that person Ravish because her vision begins and ends with Atharv. Let them go Ravish" Guddi pleaded with her eyes.
Ravish absorbed Guddi's words with gravity. He didn't know what to say. Maybe there was some logic in what she said but he couldn't be sure he agreed with everything. He still felt what he felt. But looking at Guddi's imploring eyes he knew that he has been less than graceful in dealing with the current challenge. They could all read his pain from his face, and he would be damned if he let anyone question his honor. Seeing that her words were finally getting through to him, Guddi continued on.
G: " Ravish without discounting your feelings for my sister, I wanted to tell you something. Everyone always says that love hurts. But it is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Loosing someone hurts. Envy hurts. People get this confused with love all the time. But in reality love is the only thing in the world that covers up all the pain and makes us feel wonderful again. There was a time when I loved and lost and felt envious of my sister who had her life filled with such wonderful love. Then someone taught me that it wasn't love that had caused me pain, and therefore I had no reason to be envious of my sister. Instead I should focus my energy on finding true love that takes away all the things that cause us pain. I want to give you the same advice."
It was as if a veil had been lifted off his heart. Guddi knew then that she needed to speak no more. He hugged her uttering a thank you and walked off the balcony. Guddi turned her head towards the skies, wondering why she was still searching for her true love. "Mera number kab aayega?" She said to the darkness and then saw in the veranda her Madhav playing tag with his father and mother. She smiled at them from her view point up above and any negative feelings she had about her own loneliness vanished immediately.
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-JC-
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