Chapter-17- I Love You
Something's Changed
Jodha
Had it been any other day, Jodha would be tucked up in her bed, gorging on her favorite chocolate and diligently revising her notes like the ace student she is.
However, this wasn't any other day, and while Jodha was religiously finishing her week's stock of chocolatey goodness, there weren't any notes in sight. As it is, her mind was caught up in the smile of a certain guy- and even though they'd finished talking hours ago, there was something about having him in her mind that brought a stupid, really stupid grin on her face.
Many dramatic sighs and biting her lips to stop that goddamned smile later, she found herself in an awkward position. She knew what was going on, hell, even Jodha wasn't that oblivious. She might have started liking someone, someone who's name might start from J and-
That's when she stopped herself from thinking. Knowing it, is one thing- admitting it to yourself, is entirely another. If she admits it, even to herself, wouldn't it become so much more real? Wouldn't it be better, wiser to just ignore these stupid feelings and the irrational pattern of beating her heart had adopted, until they go away?
Only if it was that easy.
But- and she couldn't deny this- they weren't going away anyways. It was stupid, all of it, and she was damned.
Another sigh.
When did this happen? She thought, and even though it seemed as wise a question as any other, she knew it wasn't one she could answer. There just wasn't any one moment that she could blame for all these weird butterflies. It had happened slowly, a little more every time he smiled, and then all too fast and before she knew it- she was in deep.
This was trouble, she dreaded, sadly shaking her head. She wasn't made for this, this intense feeling that just wouldn't go away.
What will I do tomorrow? I'll have to face him.. but how?
~~~
Jalal
His phone lay cradled in his grasp, all thoughts forgotten, all but one- that concentrated on a certain stubborn girl whose smile seemed to be way prettier than any other he'd seen.
It struck him as a surprise that he was feeling that again, and it felt good just as much as it felt bad. Memories rushed back, ones he was always too scared to face. But for how long? How long can he run away from something before it catches up with him, and drowns him?
Truth is, Jalal didn't think he could do it anymore. He was tired, he was so tired of running away, of escaping his past, of not feeling. All he'd ever done was run away, and now, all he ever wanted to do was stay.
And there was Jodha. This crazy girl who'd sneaked her way into his life, irritating him and making him laugh and go absolutely mad about her. He didn't want her to leave.
The past was still here, the problems were intact, probably more, but he believed he could do it. He had to, he resolved, for living life with this guilt- it was ruining him. He wanted his peace, and he wanted to be with her- without the guilt weighing him down.
Yes, Jalal thought, it was time he stopped running.
And then, without so much as a provocation, she was there on his mind, again- her hazel eyes that'd amazed him the moment he'd seen them- he'd never really seen the exact shade her eyes had, anywhere else. They weren't one colour that he could define, but thousands of them, and above all, they were a shade of happiness and comfort and familiarity that might just be what he needs.
Now, Jalal isn't the type to wait for the next day, ever. He doesn't bother himself with things like that. However, if a certain girl was involved, certainly, his views changed.
It would've caught him by surprise, had he given it much of a thought, that he slept in peace since a long, long time. No nightmares, no screams to haunt him, no visions to get rid of, just a stupid smile that Jalal liked far too much to remove, but Jalal had learnt to not be surprised by Jodha Singh, or her effect on him.
I can't wait for tomorrow.
The Next Day,
Amity University
Jodha was positively terrified. Her first few classes had ended, giving way to the break. The break, when the entire gang would catch up in the canteen and share laughs over sandwiches and coffee. The break, when she'd meet the one guy she'd tried so hard to avoid.
She was scared to meet Jalal, but, and she thought it important to state that she wasn't scared of him, per se, but her reaction to him.
It was so different, so different from how she was with her other friends, but Jodha had learnt to distinguish between him and her friends and to be honest, there was always a difference.
It just took me so long to realize it.
Breathe, Jodha. Breathe. It's not the first time you'll see him. Stop over reacting. She mentally scolded herself, yet with every step she took towards the canteen, the prospect of running for her life seeming more appealing.
Her lips pursed, hands fidgety, she entered the area. It wasn't long before she found her friends, or rather, they found her- their boisterous laughs and freakishly loud voices easy to recognize.
I can do this.
See, she thought, you're fine. You haven't fainted yet. Stop acting like you're going crazy, or wait, maybe you actually are?
At that, she shook her head vigorously, earning a few weird stares from the students. Casting a stern look at them, she proceeded to meet her friends, before someone grabbed her by her shoulders, pulling her towards the person.
Before she could react, she was spun around, bringing her face to face with the guy she'd been running from.
"Oh..uh.. hi Jalal.." She stuttered, before muttering "get a grip" under her breath.
"You've been avoiding me." Jalal stated, his tone clear and voice just the perfect balance of raspy and-
Stop obsessing over how good his damned voice sounds. A voice went off in her brain.
"What..no..pshh.. I'm not avoiding you.. why would I do that..?" forcing a nervous giggle, she broke her stare from his face, which looked rather nice, she thought, with the sunlight giving his pale skin a yellow-ish glow.
Okay, she gave up, I can't. I'm pathetic, I admit that.
"Jodha, are you okay?" He asked, part concerned and part amused at her antics.
"Yes.. Yea, I'm absolutely fine. Dandy. Great. Kickin'. Per-" she was cut off by his laugh, and she couldn't help but gasp just a little at the sight. His eyes were shut because he was laughing so damn hard, and in that moment, there was absolutely nothing wrong with him.
"perfect.." she mumbled, but she didn't know why she said it.
"What?" He grinned, having missed her low murmur over the sound of his laugh. A sound, which Jodha grudgingly admitted, wasn't all that bad.
This is bad, this is so bad. Why is this happening to me? I can't.. I can't like.. no, what am I thinking, I don't like him. Of course I don't.
But then he smiled again and every excuse she'd made up vanished like it never existed.
"Nothing.. aren't we getting late? We should go join the others.. before they come here, you know?" she let out a nervous laugh at the end, her eyebrows mildly raised.
He quirked an eyebrow up in response, "you sure you're okay?"
"Oh, yeah, definitely." She put up a casual smile.
"positive?" He prodded further.
Damn it. I'm not fine, okay? Just let it go, damn it. She fumed internally, but knowing saying it aloud would only fuel his suspicions, she just nodded and walked away to meet her friends.
Okay, that wasn't so bad. She tried to convince herself, a miserable attempt. Who are you kidding? He probably thinks you've gone mental.
He stood looking at her, biting back a smile that was half confused and half amused. Jodha Singh never fails to amuse him, he decided, before breaking out into a bit of jog to meet her unusually fast steps, almost like.. she was trying to walk away from something.
Huh, he thought, interesting. A frown pulled his eyebrows together, because as much as Jodha amused him, he could clearly see something was going on. She was acting up, that he knew, the reason- he didn't.
"So, it's such a good day, right?" He tried to make conversation, passing her a smile.
"Yeah, I guess." She was so on the edge she could swear, the only thing she wanted was peace and some alone time. And he was here, and he was talking to her and acting like nothing's wrong because maybe it isn't, but she still felt on the edge anyway, and him being so close just didn't help.
"Would you go out with me?" He threw the question casually, though his eyes were looking intensely for her reaction.
"Huh?" she appeared confused. "What do you mean?" She stopped in her tracks, his words finally catching her attention.
"well, go out with me. Like a date." His face broke out into a charming smile, but his hands subconsciously reached to ruffle his hair- and he only did that when he was nervous.
"Oh.. um.."
Thud.
Thud.
Thud.
Well damn, it was a miracle my heart hadn't burst out of my chest already and adorned the floor.
What the hell? He's like.. asking me out? Like a date? What? Did I hear it wrong?
"I'm sorry?" Her confusion only grew, "what did you say?"
Okay,she is definitely acting weird.
"I said," he was speaking slowly now, as if talking to a child. Okay, he'll admit this to himself, he was only doing it to annoy her- and if the changing hue of her face was anything to go by, it was working. "would you like to go out on a date with me?"
"Oh." She whispered. Something that very suspiciously felt like her heart did a somersault in the air, and she was fairly positive that if she tried to speak, words won't come out because everything was in fast forward, and why was her heart still acting like she'd run a thousand miles?
"oh." He mocked her. To say the truth, it was starting to worry him a bit, and if he didn't know any better, he might just accept that she'd truly and finally gone absolutely bonkers.
At that thought, he couldn't suppress the laugh. Crazy as she may be, he'd long accepted that it was the kind of crazy he didn't particularly hate, in fact, he found that she was his kind of crazy, and the realization had only strengthened his new-found feelings for her.
Of course, he was having a hard time keeping his head, what with his heart doing this weird dance at the mere sight of her- confused, innocent, and hell, even a bit speechless. Was it him that made her speechless? Was it his effect on her?
He internally sighed, his spirits sinking low once again after the momentary high. It was easy, so easy to forget everything else and just let himself feel. It was so easy, and it felt so right, but he couldn't. He couldn't get his hopes up, not after everything that'd happened, and it was Jodha, this incredible, clever, talented, brilliant, sweet and everything good in the world- he shouldn't get his hopes up.
And so when he looked at her, her eyes wide, the brown in them swirling with flecks of green and gold, it took everything he had to stop himself from drowning in them.
Is he kidding? She thought, her heart still working that erratic routine it'd picked up, her palms fidgety.
He was confusing, she decided, and a bit messed up in the head, because there was no other way he'd ask her that. It was sudden, unexpected, and definitely the last thing she needed.
"Are you serious?" She blurted
He took in her expressions, and she looked mortified and he felt like a right prat for embarrassing her that way.
"well, no.." he disarmed her again with a simple curve of his lips, before continuing, "Why? You want me to be?" He grinned devilishly.
"What.. no.." She stuttered, hiding her disappointment behind a smile of her own. This was what she wanted, this was what she hoped he'd say when she asked him if he was serious, this was what was right. Then why didn't it feel like it?
~~~
A Few Hours Later
Many sighs, lectures she had barely paid attention to and unwelcome daydreaming sessions later, a tired Jodha stepped out of the campus.
"Where's Romi?" she mumbled, cursing him for being late. As it is, patience is not one of her most worthy traits, and her feet hurt from exhaustion. She craved for a good nap, but her friend preferred to keep her waiting.
Fishing out her phone from her handbag, she immediately called him. The call was disconnected soon, leaving her to fume silently. "Did he just cut my call?" She seethed, calling him again- only to be disconnected again.
"This Romi.. I swear, I'll murder him and feed him to his dog. Huh, no. Even Shadow wouldn't like his taste." She cringed at the image, before letting out a slight chuckle at her own joke.
The screen of her phone flashed, a message reading- Lecture's still on. Sorry.
What the hell?! She thought, wanting nothing more than barging into Romi's classroom and telling the professor off, because frankly she was developing a headache and couldn't stand for another minute.
Considering the option rather seriously for a minute, and wondering if the nap she was dying to take was worth the possible expulsion she'd face, she sighed in defeat.
She could take the metro, she supposed, but her legs wouldn't support her. Mentally banging her head against an imaginary wall, she decided to weigh her options. She could either be a whiny girl and stay here until Romi's free to drop her, or suck it up and go home herself.
Of course, option two was seeming to be less appealing by every second.
She texted Romi, Should I wait?
Less than a minute later, her phone buzzed back- it would get over in around an hour. Don't wait.
She scowled at his response. Sure, it was not his fault, and on second thought, it wasn't the professor's fault either. But she felt so aggravated with everything, and just everything was going wrong.
Don't wait, so easy for him to say. I'm the one who has to manage it now, not him. Damn you, Romi.
She almost thought of asking Sunny or Moti, but realized they shared the last class together and had already went home an hour before her. Well, I'm so lucky.
"Need a Prince Charming?" Came a voice she'd started to know well, almost well enough to recognize it with her eyes closed.
She turned around, her eyes registering his messy persona. His hair weren't up in a weird sort of hairstyle she'd quickly become used to, rather they were down, sticking to his forehead.
She gulped, before putting up a smile to greet him. "Actually, I was just going to go home." she informed him in a manner-of-fact tone.
"Okay, get in." he averred casually
"Uh.. what?" Truth is, she hadn't really heard what he said. She'd been too busy trying to distract herself from just how nice his smile was, that she'd completely forgotten about him talking to her.
"Okay, something's definitely up." He stated, and before she knew it, he'd covered the distance between them in a few long strides. He was up against her, so close she could count his eyelashes. Wait what? Why would I count his eyelashes?
I'm going crazy.
She tried stepping back, but his hand found her wrist, gripping it as he brought her close once again.
"What is up with you?" He asked, his voice low, his eyes boring into hers as he cocked his head to the side, awaiting a proper answer, not the stutter-y ones he'd been getting all day.
"What are you talking about?" She frowned, before panic hit her as the thought came in her mind, Did he notice? Does he know?
She shook her head, He couldn't. There is nothing to know. Absolutely nothing.
"This, is what I am talking about." He argued, his doubts fuelled at her unusual antics. It may have been amusing and even funny at first, but now that he could see how much it affected her- it worried him. "You're lost.. like you're thinking about something.. and your face." He began, before being distracted by the rosy hue that'd spread on her face again.
"what's wrong with my face?" she broke away from him, her hands self-consciously touching her face.
"It's pink.." he replied, confused.
Why is she acting like this?
"It's nothing.." she dismissed, turning away.
"You're acting like you have a crush on someone.." he said without thinking, but her reaction surprised him. She stood there, gaping, before realizing that her shocked expressions would give too much away.
Unfortunately for her, he was quite smart. It didn't take him more than a minute to connect the dots, and when he did, he was stunned.
"You like someone, don't you?" He had a full on boyish grin gracing his handsome features.
"No.. pshh.. I don't.." She tried to laugh the matter away, but he was far too interested to back off now.
Could it be? His heart skipped a few beats at the thought of maybe, possibly, her liking him back.
"You do." He smirked, continuing to walk towards her, forcing her to move backwards.
"I don't."
He stepped forward again.
"You do."
She took a step back.
"No I don't." She seethed
"Yes, you do." He gave her a toothless smile, before continuing, "who's the lucky guy?"
"I don't like anyone." She said, her voice suddenly deadly calm. A change he would've noticed, had he not been so excited at the prospect of teasing her.
She took another step back, feeling the touch of metal against her top. A glance behind told her that he'd successfully backed her into his car. Smart move, she thought. Oddly enough, she noticed, the door was open.
"Let me guess.. is it me?" He continued, completely ignoring her.
"Jalal, I said I don't-"
"You like me, don't you?" At that, he allowed himself to smirk.
A mistake.
"I SAID I DON'T- " Her infuriated shout was cut off when he pushed her a little, making her fall inside.
"WHAT THE-" She began to swore, when he silenced her, covering her mouth with his hand. "Stop shouting or people will think I'm kidnapping you. Even though you aren't a kid, but yeah.. aahh" he cursed, caught by surprise at her actions. Did she just bite his hand?
"BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" She raved, incensed at his actions- her already on the edge temper not helping his case.
"WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT NOT SHOUTING?" He yelled, before realizing his hypocritical stance as Jodha sent him a you-were-saying? look.
"You can't just make me fall into your car.. that was stupid, and reckless, and so idiotic." She began ranting, knowing he wasn't really listening.
He made a face at her words, before saying, "well, would you accept a lift from me otherwise?"
At that, she paused, thinking it over- would she? Probably not, considering how she'd spent most of the day trying to avoid him.
"Still.." she whined.
"Okay, you're right. I shouldn't have done that." He pulled a face of remorse. She smiled a little, before covering it up and saying, "well, of course."
"I should have just picked you up and strapped you up in the car, right?" He laughed at the comment, earning a gasp and a slap on the arm as a result.
"You're impossible." She said.
"Is that why you like me?" He teased
"You wish.." She retorted, whatever happens, she wouldn't-couldn't give in to his merciless teasing. How could she accept something to him, which she had not accepted even to herself?
It didn't make sense.
But then again, nothing ever does.
"Oh, I do.." He grinned, and the weird somersault trick her heart had learnt was performed once again before she pulled her eyes off him.
"So, you're going to start the car or not?" She asked, smiling at him, a genuine smile, unlike the fake, overly polite ones she'd been sending him all day.
When he winked back, she decided she could do with sending all her confusions to hell for a while.
Edited by ...Anushka... - 8 years ago
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