CHAPTER: 15:
Though Jalal was worried to see her vacant look as he was unable to read her mind from her eyes, he still managed the situation very smartly. "What happened? Why are you surprised? Is it very unnatural for a poor man to leave his wife with his family and to roam in search of livelihood?" He gulped but did not show his tension. "I may not have told you... I have only my mother and my wife in my family. My sister had been married off one year back. We have a small family... happy family..." While uttering this automatically Jalal's lips shined in an amused beam. Perhaps for the first time he discovered actually he has such a small, cute and happy family of his own excluding the number of men and women live in his vast palace and also the branches of various relatives spread all over.
"No... I mean..." Jodha took very less time to compose herself. "I didn't expect you to be married!"
"O... Really!" He gulped. He could not believe he was actually witnessing the gloomy shade in her eyes with the mention of his marriage! Strangely, he could also feel that the cloud of gloom in her eyes somehow covered his heart with the cloud of guilt too! For no reason!
"Yes... I mean..." Jodha paused for a little moment then said... "You are young... I thought you're too young to marry!"
"Oh..."Jalal tried to smile. But he could not. He was confused as well as perplexed seeing Purnima's reaction. He could understand that somehow the string of the easy relation has broken... He has started a deep plight inside Purnima's heart by mentioning his marriage. He could also feel that Purnima was expecting something else from him...that maybe she herself does not know...
Jalal knows he can't do anything in this case. He cannot have any bond with this simple girl of this desert! But still, why he was finding himself guilty and was trying to fetch an excuse to present in front of her!
"I... I married in a very tender age..." After a moment Jalal told in a lower tone. "I was only nine then; so was my wife... We... we were friends from childhood. She lost her father and she has none to take care of her so... my father wanted to take her responsibilities to marry me off with her..."
"Oh!" Jodha tried to smile. "The age of nine is really too early to get a life-partner!"
"There is a delicate, yet distinct difference between wife and life-partner!" Jalal murmured unmindfully.
Jodha gazed at him for some moment, his words were ringing in her ears... There is surely a distinct difference between spouse and life-partner... The man with whom she is going to tie her fate forever is going to be her husband... not life-partner.
How Chandrajeet's wife is? A childhood friend, married at the age of nine before even understanding the meaning of marriage... how they can mould them to be made for each other after reaching adulthood? Is Chandrajeet's wife eligible to be the life-partner of the magnificent persona like him, or is she still lagging far behind in the journey of becoming life-partner from wife?
Who knows, maybe Chandrajeet also suffers from the same dilemma and discomfort in his whole life that she was feeling today morning while spending time with Suryabaan Singh! Who knows, maybe their marital fate is also almost same!
"What are you thinking?" Chandrajeet asked her.
"No..." She smiled. "So, what is her name?"
"Ru..." Jalal stammered. "Rupmati! Rupmati Bai!"
"Nice name..." Jodha said. "Chandrajeet and Rupmati!"
Not as perfect as Chandrajeet and Purnima! Jalal thought.
"So... tell me about her!" She asked again.
"About her?" Jalal smiled silly. "She has nothing special to tell about her."
"You both are apart for such a long time... Don't you miss her?" Jodha asked again.
"No!" His reply was short and very normal.
Jodha stared at him for a moment... Then despite understanding that she is going too personal, she could not help but to ask. "Don't you love her?"
"Which kind of love do you mean?" Jalal asked with a smile in response. "Affection? Habit of a marital relationship, love forcefully induced by social bonds, or the love which connects two hearts?
"Do you categorise the love in so many ways?"
"These categories exists Purnima." He smiled. "Yes, I love my wife. And that love is not forceful or only a habit of marital relationship... I have a strong affection towards her; I pamper her and spoil her with all her demands... Yes, I love her!"
"But she is still not your life-partner; she is only wife!" Jodha uttered.
Jalal looked a bit lost... "She loves me too... in her own way... but..." He sighed! "Leave it... who cares! I am happy with her, she is happy with me, both of us are able to be happy with each other... Nothing matters beyond happiness!"
"But are you really happy? Does a relationship without connection of hearts give happiness? Then why is this sigh?" Jodha asked desperately. "I am sorry for asking these; but I have to know these for sake of mine! Don't take me wrong!"
Jalal smiled. "As long as you think you are happy, you are able to saturate yourself with the bit of happiness you get from the little moments of life, there should not be any scope of crying for some imaginary happiness."
Jodha was silent. So was Jalal. A curtain of silence suddenly had dropped between them.
After a while Jodha smiled. "I think I have to go now."
"So early..." Jalal could not complete the sentence as he had understood there was a uncanny urge of request in his voice.
"Perhaps there are no talks left today." Jodha smiled.
"How can it be possible?" Jalal suddenly held her hands. "Stay for some more time... please..."
Jodha carefully loosed his hold and glared at his eyes. "Why?" She asked the odd question suddenly.
"Because, I like to talk to you. Your presence makes me happy." Jalal confessed straightway. "And if you go like this all of a sudden, I will take it wrong; I will think that you are angry on me due to some issues and hence will not be able to forgive myself."
"Why are you so weird?" Jodha laughed and sat on the floor. "Okay, you tell me... about your home, your family- your mother, your wife... and about your childhood?"
Today there were no sign of cautious interrogation in her eyes. In a childlike innocence she was eager to hear a lot about Chandrajeet, to know him from close, to feel the smell of the soil from where Chandrajeet belongs to.
"You want to hear my story?" Jalal smiled palely.
"Yes I want." Jodha insisted.
If only I could tell you my own story... Jalal sighed. Then he started talking... The story of the Jalaluddin Mohammad, the young emperor of the nation, and the story of Chandrajeet Rathore, an ordinary young soldier mingled with each other in his imagination, and mingled in such a way that at one moment he himself could not distinguish between the truth and the imagination. He lost the moment where his own identity became a fallacy to him, and the identity of that poor vagabond Chandrajeet became truth. Perhaps he would never know before taking this disguise that his own entity is also a disguise, and there is another man inside his heart too... Jodha was listening to his stories eagerly with all her attention. In her mind she could imagine the small cottage of Chandrajeet Rathore near the river Yamuna, the small and happy family of him, his tough childhood, the death of his father and how all the burden of responsibilities shifted on his little head in one instance, his honest struggles to get a prosperous and respectful life... and she was feeling the thrill in her heart. The princess of Amer, Rajkumari Jodha Bai, who is imprisoned in the web of dignity and status, started dreaming the land of fairy-tale in front of her eyes... If she would not be the princess, and would be a simple girl like Purnima Bai, and she would have a small cottage like Chandra near the river, with a small happy family to take care of, a struggling life full of hardship but still close to the heart of the soil, and a man of her own heart beside her... Suppose at an afternoon, she, Purnima Bai, is plucking flowers from the nearby tree of the river, and someone hummed a beautiful tune in his flute. Then she could see the mischievous smile of Chandra playing hide and seek with her from the branch of the trees... and the magic of melody has surrounded the whole ambience like the beam of moon envelops the darkness of night...
She laughed suddenly along with a blush imagining that scene...
"Hey what happened?" Jalal asked looking at her. Jodha shook her head controlling the laughter. She gazed at his face for some moments. Slowly the imagination got blurred with the memory of the dull picture of today's morning. How can she forget, Chandrajeet is a dream only; reality is Suryabaan... And princess Jodha can't cross the boundary of dignity by dreaming about a vagabond stranger like Chandrajeet Rathore... Unknowingly her sigh loaded the air with a cloud of gloom.
"So, may I leave now?" Jodha asked after a sigh. Chandrajeet's natural smile was lost someway perhaps due to the gloom in Jodha's eyes. "Purnima..." He called wholeheartedly. "Tell me, what happened to you?"
"Why should I tell you?" She laughed trying to lighten the ambience.
"If you consider me as your friend... otherwise, leave it..." Jalal sighed understanding perhaps being too personal will cross the limit of decency. But he could not stop him though... "But the way you were asking and talking about love, I felt that as if you are not happy, regarding certain decisions about your life!"
Jodha smiled only in response, and she turned to the little lamp. There were a crazy breeze flowing today trying to put out the lamp. The fire of the wood has been extinguished. The only ray of light in the hut is that lamp only... and the moonlight outside... To save the flame from putting out she readily covered the flame with her hands. Her hands touched with Jalal's palms, their eyes met together from the curtain of the flame of the lamp.
"Perhaps I could be happy... if I could stop myself from chasing my mad dreams and accept the reality..." She sighed as if she was talking to her own.
"How can one live without chasing dreams? People dreams to move forward in life..." He smiled. "I can see you are disturbed. Listen, don't think much. Just stay cool, and dream further... if your destiny wants, you will get those dreams to be true!"
"You believe in destiny?" Jodha asked with a bit surprise.
"I did not..." Jalal smiled... "Before I met you..."
Again the curtain of silence was dropped between them. Both of them were gazing at each other's eyes through the frame of the pale flame...
"I got to go now..." Jodha murmured after a little time...
"You will come earlier tomorrow and also will stay longer, will not you?" Jalal asked.
Jodha paused a bit and gulped. She could not utter after so many trials, that she is not going to come here ever... She has to set a boundary in her thoughts and dreams now...
"What happened..." Jalal asked.
"Nothing..." Suddenly Jodha's eyes caught the knife kept aside. Out of curiosity she picked up that.
"This one is yours?" She asked while seeing that from close.
"Yes... My father's blessings for me... he always wanted to see my as the greatest warrior." Jalal said with a sad smile.
"And you have fulfilled your father's dream, my valiant warrior!" Jodha gave a hearty and saturated smile. "But... the design of the handle is looking very unique." She frowned mildly... "As if, it is made by any imperial craftsman! From where did your father get it?"
"He got it as a gift from imperial palace... from some royal person..." Though Jalal did not want to lie, he had to. And he could also understand by picking the topic of the knife Purnima is trying to avoid her question. He smiled. He knows what he is thinking is never possible... Still why the heart becomes disobedient!
Jodha was observing the knife. It does not look a mere dagger of a mere soldier of Mughal infantry... Even in this pale light she could understand the value of the little weapon by taking it in her hand. Her dreamy heart was slowly filling with the cloud of suspicion. But she did not let it to overpower her. She kept the dagger aside. "Good Bye Chandrajeet." She bid while standing up.
"Are you seriously going?" Jalal told disheartened. "Okay, let me accompany you to the door at least!" He got up out of chivalry and took the lamp from her hand to help her.
"No need of this. Your foot is wounded you should take rest... Hey wait..."Jodha suddenly discovered something. "It seems your wound has recovered almost!"
"Not completely but I can walk now." Jalal smiled. "My last day is this hut is no too far now. You will be spared from this extra hazard after this!"
Jodha told nothing. It is true that a lot of confusion and dilemmas of her will go away forever along with Chandrajeet if he leaves the place, but still she suddenly felt someone burdened her heart with a stone.
"Come..." Jalal came to the door to show her light saving the flame from the wind. "Be careful. Be safe." He uttered in a very concerned and protective voice.
"Thanks for the concern." Jodha took the lamp from his hand. Their eyes meet again, for a moment both of them could not take off their eyes from each other. "Bye..." She told then, and was going to step out...
"Purnima!"
She heard his sudden helpless shout, and just after that she felt the sudden pull in her hand, which compelled her to fall on his chest. Not only that, she also felt his hands were clasping her waist very strongly, it was tough to get free from the clutch. The lamp had fallen from her hand and had extinguished, and in the darkness and the pale moonlight she was imprisoned inside the arms of a man for whom she was weaving dreams in her heart! First of all a strange current flowed over her spine. Then her mind started reflecting mixed feelings... of shock, of anger, of extreme insult...
"How dare you Chandrajeet Rathore!" She roared like a hurt lioness and automatically her hand was on the dagger hanging from her waistband, but before she could pull it, she understood his hand has clasped her hand preventing her from pulling that out.
"Shhh!!" He reciprocated warned way. And by the next moment she could feel a cold sensation passing through her feet.
It was a snake! She did not notice it but Chandrajeet did. Else she was going to step on that and if Chandrajeet would not have pulled her, maybe this would be her last night!
The sudden spark of her eyes converted in soft gratitude at the next moment... She took a long breath, the snake was right on her feet, she can't move now. Involuntarily her hands clasped Chandrajeet's body with all her strengths. They were too close of each other now. He was able to feel her breathes, she was able to get the fragrance of his manly aroma... both could feel their palpitation... The moonlight was sparkling from the broken roof, as if it was smiling seeing them this way...
The snake had gone. She could feel it. But she had no strength left to loosen his grip. Her sudden shock had melted into a strange mesmerisation, she was numb by expression and in the deepest of her heart, the woman inside her was relishing the first touch of a man...of the same man whom she desires in her dreams...
Jalal wanted to free her from his grip. But he could not. Perhaps there was a spell of this moonlight that he could not take off his eyes from her eyes, his arms clasped her waist even more, and so did her arms. Both of them had lost their sense of rights and wrongs, sense of decency and borderlines in this moment... all the social senses got lost in the tide of mesmerisation with an underlined flow of the electrifying current of passion...
Time kept on passing in its own flow... they could not move from the same posture...
The moon glimpsed at them for the last time, winked before bidding goodbye... The darkness of the East sky was slowly melting with dawn... The crows started chattering... The night was over...
And with the first call of the crow, perhaps they got back their sense... Jodha sprung back from his chest panting fast. Jalal wiped the drop of sweat from his forehead out of excitement.
How could he cross the line of decency with a common desert girl as pure as morning dew?
How could she cross her line of dignity with a mere soldier of some different land being the princess?
"Purnima... I am... I am... sorry..." Jalal tried to apologize in a very low tone. But perhaps Purnima was not in the state of hearing him. She wiped out the sweat from her forehead, arranged her veil, then without saying a word she almost ran towards outside...
"Purnima... Purnima don't go this way!! Believe me I did not want to..." Jalal shouted his heart out. "I am sorry Purnima... Forgive me for crossing my line... forgive me!!"
She ran towards the horizon, he could see only a point from the distance. She turned back for once from that distance... Jalal could not understand from the door of the hut whether the drop of tear was shining at the corner of her eyes or not!
...
"Dear Chandrajeet,
First of all apologise me for going away from the hut all of a sudden in the morning leaving you all clueless. I hope you understand my situation and hence will not take it wrong. Keeping in mind that what happened with both of us in the instant of time at the last night should not have took place, I am writing this letter specially to clarify that I am not a bit resentful to you, or do not blame you for any incident that happened last night. So please don't feel guilty thinking that you broke the honour of the budding friendly relationship between us by crossing the line of dignity. The responsibility of the incident equally falls on both of us, and perhaps it is better to forget it if it leaves a bitter taste in mind.
But having said all these, I also want to say you something. You had asked me if I am coming to you earlier today or not but I could not reply... I have to say that now, that I am not going to your hut to meet you tonight. Actually perhaps I am not going to meet you ever in this life. You might think the incident of the last hours of yesterday's night responsible for my decision, but believe me, that is not the truth. I had to take this decision as I do not have trust on myself... You know, there always should be a distinct borderline between dream and rationality. But in my heart both of the worlds were overlapping. I was unable to balance between my brain and heart. My rational sense was being overpowered by my sentiments. I was getting obsessed with my imaginations. In this case, I need to buck off... for sake of me...
I have never seen a man like you, valiant warrior! Each and every moment spent with you, be it the duel at the riverside or the chats of midnight at the hut, has been embedded permanently in the deepest of my heart... I can't forget you, my valiant warrior... I will never forget you!
I will pray for your safety, and will wish with all my heart that you will reach safely in your home very soon, where you have your lovely family, where you have your Rupmati... who is waiting for you eagerly...
If possible, forget me as a dream... Believe that Purnima Bai never existed in this world...
You will not get any difficulty for foods and waters. Vaidhya Ji will arrange everything. Forgive me for not bidding you a proper good-bye. Take this letter as a Good-Bye note from me...
Yours only,
Purnima Bai (As you call me...) "
Jodha read the letter twice and thrice. First she had felt a lot of dilemmas before writing the letter. But when she took pen in hand, she did not take much time to write and wrote the whole in a single chance. The words were coming from her heart perhaps. After thinking a lot she has come to a conclusion with this letter. She has crossed her barrier enough. She has done everything which a dignified princess should never. Not much. She can never let the fame of Kanchhwara dynasty to get ruined for her whimsical actions.
She folded the letter. A deep sigh suddenly came from her heart. Yes... she had relished the warm touch of his masculine body with all her entity. She still could feel the electricity that she felt in the imprisonment of his hug. The first touch of a male in her life, and with a single hug he has completed her womanhood fully... Her heart was saturated with strange feelings, which also was causing a strong ache in heart... Why the destiny chose to play with her! What was the need of the introduction with Chandrajeet?
But how can she think this way? Is she a coward? Why can't she believe that meeting Chandrajeet Rathore was the most fortunate and auspicious moment for her?
She clasped the letter against her chest unmindfully. Just like she clasped his body yesterday night... His face was reflecting in front of her eyes... His smile, his laugh, his eyes... the urge of yearning in his eyes... It was so evident after yesterday's night that he feels the same what she feels for him. It is not a mere flirting game from the both side. It is something more, deep-rooted and pre-planned by their destiny.
What will be his reaction after reading this letter?
Perhaps he will be restless for hours, but he will never be able to do anything... He does know nothing about her except the name, which is also a fake name. The poor man will take all these as a glimpsing smile of the destiny, and maybe will leave the place after getting fully recovered.
After all for him too, Purnima Bai is a dream only. The reality is Rupmati Bai, who is waiting for him in his little cottage.
Like Jodha is going to be betrothed to Kumar Suryabaan today afternoon, the reality of her life...
"JODHAAA!! What are you doing?? Get ready!" She suddenly heard the chatters of the women-troop of the palace. She stood up from the desk hiding the letter inside the corner of the veil. She has to send the letter in place before afternoon. Maybe Maan Singh can help her.
Before going out of the room, her eyes stuck at the rotten garland of tuberoses lolling at the dressing-table which she had worn last night. She smiled palely looking at those, remembering the last night... his mesmerized eyes while taking the fragrance of the flowers. Why the dream of the night breaks in morning? Why the dreamy fragrance of night flowers fade out in morning!
Jodha smiled. Let him come every night in her dreams forever... like the beautiful fragrance of tuberose... Chandrajeet is dream only. Suryabaan Singh is the reality!
Cricket
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
Hindi TV Shows
911