| SwaRon SS - Masked Feelings.- Epilogue updated @ 40 - Page 19

*Swayam*

For the past five minutes, she kept looking at space between us, she did not utter a word and neither did she look at me. Her eyes were glued to space, and her face ran out of emotions, it was blank.

Subconsciously I moved towards her, taking small steps. I was afraid of her reaction, I have always been and that was what stopped me to tell her about my past. She may have noticed my movement; she looked up and cursed.

"What the heck?"

I know, I said something that would change my life completely; it may even cost me my life, and my Sharon still I am taking a drastic step after all life is about taking a risk.

"Yes, Sharon. I'm a murderer."

"I don't believe this," she mumbled, but I know at some point she believed me.

"I will tell you everything,"

I lead her towards the couch, where Sneha had been sitting earlier. Digging into a horrible past is not an easy task, nevertheless, I dig into my sore memories.

It was a usual day until Sneha called me in that evening to invite me to a party. It didn't take much time for me to say 'yes' considering that I was a party freak.

But, I regret that day.

I walked into the huge building, which stood proudly glittering with lights, the lights were so cheap yet so sharp, and it made me uncomfortable, something that never happened before. As I put my feet in front of that house all I felt was repulsion.

It did not give me a feeling of a house; it was a nightclub.

I slowly made my way through the crowd, through the dancing crowd. With a single look I could say, I was on the wrong side of the city and I was not at a house, I was at a murky and dusky nightclub in the town. The smell of drinks, smoke, and sweat assaulted me when I inhaled deeply. From around the corner, I could hear the somnolent beating of my favorite songs. The club was dancing on the beats, swaying their bodies, touching and caressing each other. The hot and lecherous air suffocated me; I was feeling so apprehensive, and I could feel something wrong, I wanted to get out of that place, but I couldn't before I inform Sneha. I was wondering what made her come there, to such a place.

I walked deep into the club to search my friends, people were shouting at their top of voice for others to hear. After each passing seconds, the night became more dusky and dark, and it terrified me. That was when I noticed, a girl was being forced by three people, she looked so familiar to me, and so young, around thirteen or fourteen.

I walked towards them to help the girl and out of impulse I pulled her behind me; she was so terrified and wasted. Her palms clutched my shirt, and she was shivering. I know I could never win them over, I would be all beaten up if I try to fight them, and looking at them, I could tell, no one would even find my dead body if they kill me, they were that scary, some kind of gangsters.

I didn't know what happened next.

When I opened my eyes in the next morning, I was in a room, on the floor...and there was a weight on my body. Startled with the sudden realization I woke up hastily without caring about the weight that had been on me throughout the night. When I heard something plop on my feet, I looked down and what I saw made me scream. I screamed at the top of my voice. I could not move from there, nor I could speak anymore. There laid, the same girl, who I tried to save last night, all ripped and broken...and naked.

My first instinct was to get away from there, I did not know what came over me, I walked up to the door and found it unlocked. Relieved of it, I held the handle to pull it open, but maybe there was still a good person inside me, something stopped me may be that horrible sight, may be the small girl's scared face when I caught her struggling for her life.

I turned to look at the girl, I just couldn't leave her there. Dismissing my egoistic move, I walked up to her and covered her with a blanket. Next, I searched my mobile to call an ambulance, while calling to them someone barged into the room, I halted my thoughts when I saw Sneha kneeling down beside the girl and bawling horribly, she shook the girl calling Smriti. That was when I realized how she felt familiar, Smriti was Sneha's sister. The one I used to talk every day through the phone.

I took a break, and looked at Sharon; she was looking at me emotionless.

"Then, what happened, Swayam?"

Sharon reacted for the first time since I started telling my past. I smiled at her meekly and replied.

"The worst is yet to come."

We took her to the hospital, but her life was short, the doctor declared her death. She was found raped and killed. Hearing him declare her death blood ran cold through my veins and I froze on my spot.

Was it me?

That was the first thought that came to me.

It took me a few days, to regain my memories of that night, and when I found out what happened, I had already lost it. Somehow they had beaten and drugged me then they took us to a room, and in front of my eyes, they raped her. I lay there fighting over my body numbness to help her, I could hear her helpless cries to leave her, to help her...I just could not. I let them rape her; I let them kill her like a coward.

Later I found out, Smriti was so excited to meet me and that was why she came to the club. That also didn't help me to feel better.

Years passed, and everyone forgot the incident, but neither did I, nor did Sneha. She forgave me, but I could not till now.

"You will also not," I mumbled when I finished speaking.

Sharon didn't react, and I know she was stunned to even say something.

"Sharon,"

"I will,"

"huh...No, Sharon I ..."

I couldn't fight over what she said. Before I could blame me, Sharon interrupted me with her lips. As soon as her lips met mine, my mind clouded with her and her soft lips, the past and present completely evaporated from my body.

I never wished to share my past with Sharon, where I held the responsibility of an innocent girl's death and that always kept me away from her. I was scared that, she would be repulsive when she gets to know what I was.

Now I think, I was wrong.

Smiling into the kiss, I forgot every unnecessary thing when she cupped my face softly. She was treating me like a fragile glass piece that would break any moment, but I loved that feeling, the feeling of being loved. Encircling her hands around my neck, she pushed herself from the couch to my lap and I gladly guided her wrapping my hands around her tiny waist. I pulled her flesh against me. She sat on my lap, straddling me, keeping her knees on my either sides.

Being in her arms is the best feeling, and I am enlightened to know that Sharon's heart beats for me, only for me. This is where I wanted to be in all those years, this is what I missed in those years. It felt so right, and I know this is where I belong and where she belongs.

After an earth-shattering kiss, she withdrew her lips. She sucked out my insecurities, it sounds cheesy, but she certainly took away my inhibitions.

"Swayam, I don't know why you blame yourself when you were not even near the one who caused it." She comforted me, placing her one warm palm on my right cheek and stroked it with her thumb. She didn't try to move away from my lap, she sat there talking to me, making me understand I was never at fault.

"But I was the only one, who could have helped her, and that doesn't differentiate me from them."

"Don't even compare yourself to them, Swayam. You are far better." She urged me to believe what she said,

"That doesn't help. I was there, and I could have helped her...but I was helpless." I mumbled on the last part. I hated to use an excuse, and helplessness was an excuse a coward would use.

"Exactly, you could have...but you were helpless. You were drugged."

"I still have those nightmares, Sharon; I still could hear her screams. She still screams at me for help." I ignored what Sharon said, and told her about my nightmares, I thought she would freak out but,

"From now, nahi hoga."

Her voice held confidence, and I know, when she says that it would be true. I trust her.

"I love you, Sharon..." I tucked one of her hair strands.

"I too love you." She wrapped her arms around me and embraced me.

It felt so unreal, she is in my arms, in my cabin...so unrealistic.

"I have always loved you, Sharon, since long, since long before you confessed your little crush on your birthday. However, I was scared, I was so scared because we both were so small, I could not afford to lose you. I was afraid that I would lose you, so I ran away."

I didn't know why I was telling her that, but I thought she should know.

" Shivam was not there in the picture until one day he called me and told that he loves you while I was at abroad. Since the day I tried to forget you, I tried all ways to get over you, I did parties, I drank, I got into fights, I did all those shitty stuff, I even tried to date but everything was in vain. That was when that incident happened, and that kept me away, there I decided I would never return to your life, and Shivam was better. You don't deserve someone who was responsible for such a crime, who tried to run away from such a horrible thing.

Still, every day at night, I reminded myself that, I still love my Sharon and I cannot get over her.

"After years when I came back, you have changed, you were my would be sister in law and how I handled me and that news is still a mystery."

I stopped myself when I felt something wet on my neck, Sharon was crying.

***

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