some advice suggestions

This is my first post in this forum, and a long over due. I am a silent reader and have got hooked to reading Tia's posts and some others. More than watching the serial I like to read on If, lot of reasons for that.

At various times in the serial I identify myself with ishwari and sonakshi and maybe Dev, looking for some advice from people here. As I identify myself with these characters the analysis of these people have helped me see how n where i should change myself..looking for some more advice please.

I am not married, but identify or see myself being like Ishwari - who is very possessive. Possessive about my younger siblings. Now for my justification-

I did read elsewhere that its the circle of life, you raise your kids, do stuff for them, but once they are grown up, they will have their own lives and gradually you will be important for them but you won't be the center of their lives. I really struggle a lot with this. I feel that you made others your center of life, then how and why is it justified that they now just put you on the side?

It's not happened with me actually till now, but if we take e.g. From serial, dev's bday, giving money to sourabh, if I were in her place and my siblings did what dev did, I would feel left out. I wouldn't stoop to leaving house and all EB but the incidents would make me unhappy. Over last few months I guess I have accepted that this is the way of life and I have to make way, but would love to hear more suggestions from forum people on possessiveness. Someone also mentioned that this possessiveness is because one doesn't have life of his own/can't be happy without that person-probably that's true for me, my happiness depends on my siblings etc. isn't that how things are supposed to be, you are more happier if you spend your birthday with near ones rather than others?

SecondLy Sona, this whoLe incident of slapping, if I were in her place, I am someone who avoids confrontation and lets things be lest relations get spoiled. And more over, just saying if someone insults me I may not take it too much too heart, hence if someone insults my near ones I won't take to heart, basically I don't value myseof, so I don't value others close to me also. Main apne like fight nahi karti auron ke liye kya fight karongi.. isn't it?

Where does one draw the line between valuing oneself and letting things go to maintain relationships ? I generally don't voice out, Jane do same wale ok kharab lagega. But I feel I should take a stand..like some of you on this forum are so clear what they will stand and what not. I over bend. I think there are quite a few on this forum who are clear how much they will bend, I always say Jane do.. advices will help.