Dev and Neha- Forgotten children?

gemini54 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#1
I watched a small clip of yesterdays show where the sisters, Sona and Dev where enjoying with cake and they freeze when Easwari walks in they wipe out the cakes from their faces, wipe out their smiles and almost stand as if in attention and try to give reasons for their enjoyment.

As a mother that scene was very disturbing to me in a lot of ways. We Mothers and fathers want our children to be happy, laugh and be carefree but the vibe that was got from that scene is that Easwari does not like that and the question is why?

I read lot of genre's of books and poems and read a book called

Will I ever be good enough by Karyl McBride

This book really talks about how an overbearing, insensitive mother can psychologically damage their daughters for life. This book talks about daughters because the context was how daughters grow up sometimes feeling inadequate.

Some excerpts from the book

Daughters of narcissistic mothers learn that maternal love is not unconditional, and that it is given only when they behave in accordance with their mothers' often unreasonable expectations and whims. As adults, these daughters consequently have difficulty overcoming their insecurities and feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, sadness, and emotional emptiness. They may also have a terrible fear of abandonment that leads them to form unhealthy love relationships, as well as a tendency to perfectionism and unrelenting self-criticism, or to self-sabotage and frustration.


I am thinking this was so apt if we substitute Neha and Dev, for this seems to apply as much to Dev as it is to Neha.

In the book it talks about a 3 step program for the daughters to gain back their life


Step 1:. Recognize your own experience with maternal narcissism and its effects on all aspects of your life

Step 2: Discover how you have internalized verbal and nonverbal messages from your mother and how these have translated into over achievement or self-sabotage

Step 3 Construct a personalized program to take control of your life and enhance your sense of self, establishing healthy boundaries with your mother and breaking the legacy of abuse


Sorry if I was bringing in a heavy topic for discussion and not even sure if the intent of the makers is to delve this deep. But Psychology always fascinated me and being a Mother what they are portraying in the show is disturbing to me

Maybe it is time for me to step back a little from this show I am doing it slowly stopped watching, reading only written updates but I am just unable to part with discussions in this forum as I have made great friends here and I keep coming back


Thoughts ?

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sona_naksh thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#2
Agree wid u
dat scene gave me strange vibes too ..being a motger i know i can do anythibg n everything in my power to see my baby smile like dat ..but ishwari was not happy ...n not only dat seeing ishwari all of dem stopped deir play n got serious as if dey vr caught doing a crine ..
I alwaz say ishwari has damaged dev n neha in different ways though but not on different levels ...d only difference is neha is vocal abt d damage ...i just cant imagine d plight of a kid who was given opportunities but wid d condition dat he cant afford to fail and he has to payback wid iterest ...how much his little innocent heart n mind wud ve been burdened

dsr11 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#3
Exactly. Eeshwari may not have been a narcissist in the beginning, but she eventually became one when she started favoring Dev over her girls, especially Neha. So while Neha turned bitter for always being the scapegoat, Dev puts his mother above all for giving him special treatment. Dev constantly strives not to lose that special status while Neha feels inadequate to be her mother's special child and strives to get her attention by sometimes listening to her and sometimes rebelling.
.kashishbano. thumbnail
8th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail Commentator Level 1 Thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago
#4
Agree with you.
Inspite of having a smile looking her children enjoying, she gave an annoying look and it doesn't took a second to vanish their smiles.
Edited by .kashishbano. - 8 years ago
Tia.0 thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 6
Posted: 8 years ago
#5
That's a very good and thought provoking post. Like you, I also find psychology immensely fascinating.
Another thing I will say that is quite common in those children (whether they become over-achiever or self-sabotaging) is this desire for parental approval.
Now we all want parental approval but for these kids, it goes further. They become so desperate for it that they can go any length to obtain it and maintain it - either by hurting themselves or someone else.

P.S. everyone goes mad at Black Friday sale. Never again I will step foot in a shopping mall on Black Friday.

P.P.S. Watched Moana... Lovely movie.


Edited by tia.o - 8 years ago
thedramaqueen thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#6
Neha is a good mother inmy opinion. It's Ishwari and her twisted sense of entitlement that gets to me. I appreciate the struggles and she probably had no choice but to chop Neha's wings back then
But doesn't she let Dev smile for reasons that don't involve her is beyond me
OmNaMaSteOm thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#7
I have not seen such children or parents so I cannot make a complete and comprehensive perspective on this but I have a fair idea that if my freedom is stolen and replaced with such restrictions that life would be traumatizing and I would assume that such life is normal where actually it is not.

Yup Dev is living such a life where he does not realize he living so, Sonakshi has such started to realize that. Ishwari I am not sure whether she is doing this purposely or not - she is one complicated character and confusing too.

I feel bad for Nikki and Riya the two dont even know what is "normal" hence there is no craving for any.

AlooMatar thumbnail
9th Anniversary Thumbnail Explorer Thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago
#8
I felt so bad in that scene. It looked like Dev felt guilty for having a good time without his mother's permission. As kids he and Neha would have been told NO for fun stuff because of their financial situation. But they shouldn't have been raised with the mindset that they don't deserve to have a good time. Dev earned it and by supporting his growth Neha earned it too.
mena_k thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago
#9
Quite an intriguing and interesting post.

Very apt for the show. As you have pointed, both Dev and Neha are a product of a narcissist mother "Ishwari". She gave all the love to Dev with expectations of having a safe future and at the same time she did not give any love to Neha, not even now when she has all the time and money at her disposal. I am not talking about materialistic needs of Neha. As a child Neha has always mentioned how she wished for a doll she never could get. On the other hand, it is clear now how Ishwari's biased behaviour was towards Dev, when she gifted him something on each of his birthday even when they had very little money.

Ishwari's special affection and care towards Dev has nothing to do with her being poor earlier, but she was always like that. She is one of those mother's who consider girls as second class citizen. She is a sadistic woman, who feels pleasure in seeing people being unhappy around her and thus did not allow Dev to mingle with his siblings as a child or even now. It is sad how a mother's presence robs Dixit siblings of their happiness. They showed expression of terror on seeing Ishwari and as soon as she left, they started having fun again. Don't know which way cv's are planning to take this show in future, but If carefully handled this show can be a stepping stone in indian tv industry where real issues with absolute intelligent and logical solutions could be given.
mena_k thumbnail
11th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail
Posted: 8 years ago
#10

Originally posted by: tia.o

<font size="3" color="#3333cc">That's a very good and thought provoking post. Like you, I also find psychology immensely fascinating.</font>

<font size="3" color="#3333cc">Another thing I will say that is quite common in those children (whether they become over-achiever or self-sabotaging) is this desire for parental approval.</font>
<font size="3" color="#3333cc">Now we all want parental approval but for these kids, it goes further. They become so desperate for it that they can go any length to obtain it and maintain it - either by hurting themselves or someone else.</font>

<font size="3" color="#3333cc">P.S. everyone goes mad at Black Friday sale. Never again I will step foot in a shopping mall on Black Friday.</font>

P.P.S. Watched Moana... Lovely movie.



LOL, yes I too went for Black Friday sale once and that was it. It's easier to find deals online.

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