SwaSan OS: Punishment or Mistake??

kriti_atharv thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#1
Hello everybody its Kriti here, for the first time I had an urge to write and so this is my first ever work on IF and it had to be on my fav couple SwaSan. Please read this and let me know how it was, will appreciaate all the feedbacks.

The very thought of hurting his Swara caused him pain, more than he could bear. Sanskaar knew the more he hurt her, the more he was distancing himself from her but he could not did not want to feel the same pain, heartbreak when she left him for Ragini. Lakshay was back in MM, it took considerable effort but finally Sanskaar managed to find him. Ragini was happy and back in MM with her husband. Sanskaar made it clear on the day that Lucky returned; he will not be uniting with Swara ever, which was her punishment for leaving him 7 months ago. Everybody around him seemed happy, Uttara was finally getting married to Chiraag who had left his parents' house and proven his worth to the Maheshwari family. His phone rang and the caller showed Swara, he hadn't talked to her since Lucky came back which was 2 weeks ago. He cut the phone, in no mood to talk to her or listen to anything she had to say. She kept calling him continuously and he kept cutting it off. Finally realising wryly that she was as stubborn as him and would not give up unless he received the call. He received the call and said "why did you call me? You know very well that sabh khatam hogaya, toh yun baar baar kyun call kiye jaa rahe hon. "Sankar, she said, it's very important that I meet you immediately and I Sanskaar denied saying he does not want to see her face again. Swara said it is very important as it is regarding Uttara's life and Chiraag.
"Tum jhoot bolrahi ho nah, bas milne ka bahana dhoond rahi hon, said Sanskaar".
Nahi Sanskaar said Swara, bas tum mujhe abhi mandir mein aa ke milo. Sanskaar knew she would never lie about Uttara, so he went. When he reached the temple, she was waiting for him very impatiently. She asked him as to why it took him so late and he replied that hedoes not have to give her any explanations. Anyways she said you would npt believe what I saw. She goes on to explain how she saw Chiraag talking to his parents and how he was just getting married to Uttara for revenge and to teach Sanskaar a lesson. Sanskaar asked why should I believe you, the she said come to me and I would show it you. Swara takes Sanskaar behind the temple where Chiraag was seen talking to his parents and saying how he would leave Uttara after marriage as all that nonsense. Sanskaar could not control himself and went to beat Chiraag. Swara could not do anything as she watched Sanskaar fight helplessly. She called Lucky and told him what all was happening; Lucky said that he is coming with the family as soon as possible. Swara tried to stop Sanskaar but he said not to come in between. Suddenly Chiraag pushed Sanskaar and took out a gun and pointed it at Sanskaar. Swara could not believe her eyes; she could not let anything happen to Sanskaar. Chiraag was laughing like a maniac, he said you have spoiled my plans again; I will not leave u this time. By then the entire Maheshwari and Gadhodia family also came to the temple. They could not believe that Chiraag could do something like this. Chiraag says say bye to your family for today is your last day here, saying this he pressed the revolver and fired. Sanskaar felt something hit him and he fell, for a few second he felt nothing. Then he opened his eyes to see Swara on top of him. Pagal ho Swara, yun beech mein aneh kia zarurat thi holding her. He felt something warm on his hands and looked to realise his hands were covered by blood. Swara was shot! Nooo!!! Not his Swara god. Swara gave him a watery smile and said remember I will always love you Sanskaar. Maybe god is punishing me for leaving you that I have to die without being you. The rest of the family is in shock as they do not what to do. Sanskaar says nahi Swara tumein kuch nai ho sakta. Swara asks Sanskaar to promise her that he will always stay happy and forgive her for everything. Sanskaar says I forgive u for everything but please don't leave me. Swara I am sorry that you are asking something from me again and I will not be able to give it to you again. I am really sorry and remember I will always love you, saying that she closes her eyes still holding on to Sanskaar;s hand.
It's been 3 months today since that dreadful day where Sanskaar lost his everything. He did not realise that giving punishment to her would cause him to lose everything in his life. He had promised her that he will live his life but it has become unbearable for him. Sanskaar is in his room holding Swara's photo thinking what has become of their life. He gazes at her photo with tears in his eyes saying Swara laut ke ajao, main tumhare bina apni zindagi kaise jiyoon...itni bari saza math do...and falls down crying...

THE END

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Cogito_Ergo_Sum thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#2
Hi Kriti 🤗
Congrats on your very first fic here on IF and SR forum 😊

I liked the themes of regret, remorse and forgiveness which you explored here. Though the story was tragic, the pathos itself had an earnest, genuine ring to it. I can see where you are coming from regarding Sanskaar's stance...it really would not be easy for him to forgive and forget the fact that Swara had walked out on their marriage.

But she showed that her remorse was genuine, that her love for Sanskaar was indeed powerful and irrevocable. Alas, she could only do that by shielding his life with her own...If only, if only, she could have chosen better months back, this particular moment, tragic and heartrending ; need never have happened. 😭

A nice start. Look forward to reading more from you.

Love

Viji

kriti_atharv thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 8 years ago
#3

Originally posted by: Cogito_Ergo_Sum

Hi Kriti 🤗

Congrats on your very first fic here on IF and SR forum 😊

I liked the themes of regret, remorse and forgiveness which you explored here. Though the story was tragic, the pathos itself had an earnest, genuine ring to it. I can see where you are coming from regarding Sanskaar's stance...it really would not be easy for him to forgive and forget the fact that Swara had walked out on their marriage.

But she showed that her remorse was genuine, that her love for Sanskaar was indeed powerful and irrevocable. Alas, she could only do that by shielding his life with her own...If only, if only, she could have chosen better months back, this particular moment, tragic and heartrending ; need never have happened. 😭

A nice start. Look forward to reading more from you.

Love

Viji

thnk u sooo much hun...appreciate it...

Nynaeve thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#4
Dear Kirti,
A very commendable story for a first time effort. You have brought out Sanskaar's pain and inability to hurt Swara, very well. And the tragedy is that even while saving Sanskaar, Swara managed to hurt him. A very tragic tale but beautifully written.

Looking forward for more stories from you.

Best,
Nyna
kriti_atharv thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 8 years ago
#5

Originally posted by: Nynaeve

Dear Kirti,

A very commendable story for a first time effort. You have brought out Sanskaar's pain and inability to hurt Swara, very well. And the tragedy is that even while saving Sanskaar, Swara managed to hurt him. A very tragic tale but beautifully written.

Looking forward for more stories from you.

Best,
Nyna

omg...thnk u sooo much...i really appreciate d comments...i dnt know bout future stories u see bcuz it took a lot of effort to write this story so idk but we will see n thnx hun...appreciate d fedback!!

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