"His hatred for her was so intense that it should extinguish the very love from which it was conceived. And thus, he ceased to feel. There was nothing further in which to believe that made the prospect of feeling worthwhile. Daily he woke up and cast downtrodden eyes upon their room and he would say to himself with a hint of regret at his hitherto lack of indifference, 'All a dim illusion, was it? Surely it was foolish of me to think any of this had meaning.' He would then spend hours staring at the sky, wondering how best to pass the time if everything"even the sky itself" were for naught. He arrived at the conclusion that there was no best way to pass the time. The only way to deal with the illusion of time was to endure it, knowing full well, all the while, that one was truly enduring nothing at all"
Ashim Shanker, Only the Deplorable
Love and hate two sides of the same coin. Intimately linked to both the heart and the brain they are often termed as two of the most intense emotions. Both hate and romantic love cause a person to behave irrationally. We are often called fools in love but maybe sometimes we are fools in hate too.
It was 12 am when her phone rang. Without looking at her phone she knew it was him.
"What happened now Sanskar?" She asked
"Excuse me am I speaking to Swara Sanskar Maheswari?" The other person asked
"Yes but who are you and where is Sanskar?" She asked fearing something bad had happened to him
"Sorry to bother you Mam at this late hour but your husband collapsed in the bar after consuming too much alcohol. Can you please pick him up? The bartender asked her
"Sure just text me the address. I will be there as soon as I can"
"Thank you Mam" He disconnected the call.
In reality she didn't want to go but Swara knew she had no other choice. As soon as she got the address she grabbed her car keys and started her car. On her way to the club she couldn't help but remember something he said ages ago.
"Sharab ki badboo say mujhay sakth nafrat hain"
However, everything had changed in the past six months. He had often called her late at night while being drunk. This was not the Sanskar she had fallen in love with. She parked her car and went in the club. Sanskar as usual was dressed in all black. He was slumped over the chairs next to the bar.He looked so different while sleeping. Sanskar looked so weak and fragile in this state she just wanted to take him away from this place. She quickly apologised to the club owner and asked for the bartender's help in escorting Sanskar to her car. They finally managed to lay him down on the backseat.
"You are his wife right. Look I don't want to delve into your personal matters but I have seen your husband often in the past six months. He doesn't seem like the person who drinks for pleasure. I have seen alcohol drive really good people mad and your husband seems like a really good person. Take care of him" He said and walked away
She looked at the retreating form of the man and than looked at her husband who was sprawled on her car's backseat. Maybe that was the mistake she made. While caring about everyone else she forgot to take care of him. So focused was she on fulfilling her dream of a happy family that she ignored her reality. He was it for but somewhere along the way she forgot to tell him that. There are certain moments in life where we wish we could go back in time. That we could reset a few things but the truth was we can't we have to live with the consequences of our actions.
She wiped her tears and started her car to drive towards Maheswari Mansion.
A few minutes passed. Sanskar stirred in his sleep and finally woke up when Swara was maneuvering her car over a speed- breaker. His vision was blurry at first and he had an intense headache. However, he was no longer in the bar. He had no memory of getting into a car. He got up to look at the driver. At first he thought he was just imagining Swara but no she was really there driving the car. How dare she pick him up from the bar?
"Stop the car right now Swara" He roared in anger
"Oh I see that you are finally up Sanskar. Here have some lemonade it will help with the pain" She ignored his request
"Stop the car this instant Swara or I swear I will jump out" He warned her.
She knew he was damn serious so she stopped the car in the middle of the road. He got out. She rolled her eyes at his stubborn attitude and followed him.
"What's your problem Sanskar?" She asked
"You are my problem Swara. Who give you the right to pick me up?"
"It's not my fault you are the one who fainted due to over-consumption of alcohol. The manger called me. What was I suppose to do? Tell him sorry I can't pick up my husband since for the past six months we don't live together anymore. I just couldn't leave you there" She confessed
"You should have left me there the way you left me six months ago" He reminded her
"Sanskar it's almost 1. I am not in the mood for an argument. I will drop you at your house and than we will go our separate ways"
"No Swara it's high time we talked about this. Was my love not enough? I tried to give you everything Swara. Was I not enough for you. Kia meray pyar main koi kami rahgayi thi? Kia humraha pyar itna kamzoor tha kay you could walkaway so easily" He asked her
She looked at him. His eyes were full of questions but unfortunately she had no answer. Words failed her.
He waited for her to reply but realized that she wouldn't say anything. After all he knew her better than anyone else
"Why are you quiet now Swara? Uss din toh tum bohot bol rahi thi. Kia kaha tha tumnay kay I am the reason behind Laksh's disappearance. Yeah right. What do you think that Laksh was some nursery going kid that because of my anger he got so angry that he left. Or you thought that I was so heartless that I would get my own brother kidnapped" He said
"I don't know I just thought Sanskar that you were older than Lucky so you should have controlled your anger. You know that he is really impulsive" She said
"Do you know me Swara. You know that I don't lose my temper easily. So Laksh must have done something that intensified my anger. Honestly I tried my best to control myself. But he repeatedly insulted my mother. I couldn't just stand there and let him say whatever came to his mind"
"We still don't know where he is. That day I couldn't look past my sister's pain" Swara said
"What about my pain Swara? Did you ever think from my perspective? I had always supported you and for the first time I asked you to pick me to chose me but you again chose your sister over me. You proved that I don't matter to you because I am not Ragini, Maa or Baba"
"That's not true Sanskar I love you"
"Don't use that word Swara. You don't love me. You never did because you always fall in love with me when it's convenient for you and as soon as something happens you abandon me. Actually it's not your fault. Meri galti hain main pagal hogaya tha tumharay pyar main. Baar baar tumhay apna dil deta tha takay tum har bar ki tarah meray dil ko todh sako. Par iss baar tumnay sirf mera dil nahi todha you broke me. You shattered my soul into a million pieces. The day you never once looked back. You know why I gave you that ultimatum because I was hoping you would stay but you didn't tumnay aik pal main he mera sukoon,chain or meri raaton ki neendh cheen li. Aik pal main sab khatam kar diya Swara"
"I am sorry Sanskar"
"WAH Mrs Maheswari let me clap for you. Itna kuch karnay kay baad sorry. Can this sorry erase the past six months of my life? Kia yeh sorry uss aik anaso ki qeemat ada kar sakta hain jo uss din meri ankh say niklay tha. Kitna ashan hain na sorry kehna Swara. It's too late now Swara and this five letter word can never sooth the pain and torture I endured since you left." He said
"I don't know what else to say"
"But I do. I wish I never fell in love with you. Kaash meray pyar ki koi manzail nah hoti. Aik waqt tha Swara kay main tum say beinthea mohabat karta tha or abb main tum say beinthea nafrat karta hu. Main nay zindagai main kabi kisi say itni nafrat nahi ki"
"Sanskar it's really late let's just go home" She ignored his confession
"No thank you I will go on my own"
"You are drunk" She said
"Thank you for stating the obvious look what have you done to me. Wait this reminds me off a qawali:
Ye jo halka halka suroor hai
Ye teri nazar ka kusoor hai
Ke sharaab peena sikha diya
Ke sharaab peena sikha diya
Tere pyaar ne teri chaah ne
Teri behki behki nigaah ne
Mujhe ek sharaabi bana diya
Ke sharaab peena sikha diya
Sharaab kaisi, Khumaar kaisa
Yeh sab tumhari nawazishen hain
Pilayi hai kiss nazar se tu ne
Keh mujh ko apni khabar nahin hai
Tere pyaar ne teri chah ne
Teri behki behki nigaah ne
Mujhe sharabi bana diya...
Ke sharaab peena sikha diya
Tera piyaar hai meri zindagi
Tera piyaar hai meri zindagi
Bus meri zindagi tera pyaar
Bus meri zindagi tera pyaar hai
Teri ye ada ye berukhi
Keh rahi hum se ke aur pee
Ke sharaab peena sikha diya
Mujhe sharabi bana diya
Apt for our particular situation don't you think." He said and stepped down from the sidewalk.
"Shut up Sansakr. The fact that I am standing here listening to you talk for the past half an hour does not give you the right to say such bullshit. I still love you believe it or not. Tell you what since you seem to hate me. I am going to stand in the middle of the road now and look in the opposite direction. That way I won't be able to see when a car comes" She said angrily
For a minute he thought she was joking but than she actually stepped down from the footpath. He saw a car fast approaching her.
"Swara a car is coming get out of the way" However she refused to budge
"Dammit Swara move away" He pulled her towards him with such force that she fell on top of him.
They had never been so close since that night. His eyes unconsciously travelled towards her lips. He just wanted to kiss her in that moment. She too wanted to do the same. Unable to control herself she crashed her lips onto his lips. His body relished under her touch after what seemed like eternity they broke apart.
She looked at him and started laughing.
"Hate my foot. You were so engrossed in our kiss that you didn't even notice kay may tumharay upar hun Sanskar" She said and got up.
"How did you know that I will save you?" He asked
"Love Sanskar. Love overpowers hate and you have loved me in a way no one has ever done. I just need to learn to trust you the way I had complete faith that you wouldn't let anything happen to me. Come let's drop you home"
She made her way to her car. He stopped to look at her and realized she was right he could never hate her.
"If only you would realize some day, how much have you hurt me,
If only your heart ever, craves for me or my presence...
If only you feel that love again someday for me,
If only you are affected someday by my absence...
Only you can end all my suffering and this unbearable pain,
If only you would know what you could never procure...
If only you go through the memories of past once again,
Since the day you left my heart has bled, no one has its cure...
If only you would bring that love, those showers and that rain...
If only you would come back and see what damage you create,
I've been waiting for your return since forever more...
If only you would see the man that you have made,
You said we cannot sail through, how were you so sure?
If only you can feel the old things that can never fade,
Maybe you would have never made your separate way,
If only you would know the pain of dying every day,
Come my darling let's fall in love again
Mehek Bassi, Chained: Can you escape fate?
A/N: QUOTES AND POEM MODIFIED A BIT TO FIT THE CURRENT TRACK. THE LYRIC'S ARE FROM NUSRAT FATEH ALI KHAN'S QAWALI. HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT😉
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Shiv Shakti
