OS: SHATTERED
Sometimes trusting someone can bring you to the point where you question yourself for trusting that someone. You feel, was that even right?
In room dimly lit by moonlight coming from window, enough for someone to see a figure sat on couch. His stance stiff, as if life drained out of him. His eyes trained on laptop screen staring at paused video at point where camera showed face of girl dressed in bridal attire looking beautiful. Head bowed down, eyes downcast. Slowly tear trickled down through corner of his eye remembering that day. The day which every girl dreams all her life, from where her world will change for forever, from when her life will be tied with someone, that someone who will share everything with her. He knew it, he knew about her dreams from start. Why won't he? When he, himself had been part of them. 5 years, 5 damn years they were in relationship. He knew her in and out. He knew everything and still he ruined it. He ruined her every dream, he ruined her, he ruined their relationship and he ruined them.
#Flashback 1 year ago# (18 September 2015)
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"You think we should do this?" Girl in her mid twenties asked him worriedly who was engrossed in working with files scattered around him.
She glared at him. He and his workaholic nature, damn you Mr. Dixit.
"DEV" At last losing her patience she snatched file he was reading from his hands.
"What the..." Dev's words died in his throat as soon as he lifted his head to give her peace of her mind for disturbing him but one look at her worry itched face and he swallowed his words, not wanting to make situation any worse.
Taking hold of her hand which she tried jerking away he pulled her slowly and made her sit beside him. Reluctantly she took place beside him but keeping some distance between them avoiding looking at him instead looking at their entwined hands which he held firmly. Not liking the distance anymore. Dev shifted closer to her and slowly wounded his arm around her shoulder and pulled her towards him. She let him pull her but kept her head down not meeting his eyes. Reaching out for her palm placed in her lap Dev took it in his own and brought it closer to his lips, softly kissing it, he tightened his hold around her, pulling her more into him, slowly rubbing her arm with his hand wounded around her, silently calming her.
"Sona..." He started softly, only to get silence in reply.
"Sona...We have talked about this earlier...Right?" He asked her again. This time she hummed in response.
"Then why you are giving it second thought now?" He asked again while making her look at him slowly holding her chin. He stares down in her eyes which were brimming with tears. He nodded his head negatively, silently conveying not to cry. Leaning little he placed his lips on her forehead affectionately, hurt to see her in pain, trying to smooth her. Sona closed her eyes as his lips slowly trailed down and he placed them one by one on her closed eyelids. Sob escaped through her lips as her control slipped. Words thrown by some people were too hurtful and as they kept buzzing in her ears even after trying hard to forget them.
"Who invited her? She is bad omen for newborn!"
"Women like her should not be part of such auspicious function."
"She can't bear child in her womb!"
"Poor girl!"
"She must have committed sins to deserve this!"
Dev hugged her closer, Sona started crying on his chest as it became unbearable for her. He sat there holding her, calming her.
#Flashback ends#
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That day he ensured her, nothing will go wrong. He knew her insecurities, her apprehensions, he knew them very well and he was the one who promised her to make everything right and now he was the one who broke it.
Sona was different from other girls, she herself told him this and he had seen it. She had her flaws so did he! Even after her pushing him away he remained firm on his decision of loving her. Dev remembered their meetings one by one when loving her was not going to get easy got on getting clearer.
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#Flashback 4 and half year ago # (23 March 2011)
She sat there on bench with closed eyes letting evening breeze caress her face the way they desire...Her face deprived of any emotions atleast for passerbys...but the person standing in corner leaning against trees with eyes fixed on her form, from the time she entered in park, sat on isolated place and dropped the curtains of her eyelids, shutting the door through which he could see her soul, knew better. He knew though her face looked emotionless and she appears rude to others but she was anything but that...She was wearing the mask of indifference hiding her turmoil from outer world.
Letting her have some time for herself he walked towards the bench as he felt he can't let her be just like that, on her own.
She was lost in thoughts. Thoughts! That from so long had been her companion, holding capability of bringing smile on her face at the same time were powerful enough to make her suffocate to the extent where it becomes tough to draw next breath. Solace was not what she looked for when she everyday entered in park...It was her hideout, from everyone where she was not supposed to wear that mask of happiness when she was anything but happy?
All that was till a month back, till he decided to be part of it and had not started following her literally.
She felt movement beside her and knew who joined her, yet she let her eyes remain unopened. She was not ready to let him see depth of her turmoil because he could read her eyes even after her hard efforts of hiding her feelings where she was almost successful with everyone except him. Little did she know, he didnt need to look through her eyes to know how's she?
"You know you don't have to do this...Right?" He started moving his gaze from her face and now concentrating on the rose plants ahead.
She took a deep before saying anything to him, least she lashed out on him when all he trying was no harm but little help, help she never wanted.
"Same applies to you!" she answered him back implying he didn't have to be there every day.
He knew that was coming and he was determined to not end this today without having his answers. It was not hidden that she never wanted him or anyone for that matter to poke their nose in her business. Having known her for more than year, he understood some facts about her and most important one was she hated interference. Still there were some things nagging him from so long and he felt need of having some answers for his questions.
"You are only hurting yourself" he continued as if he never heard her.
"That has nothing to do with you" came her calm reply.
-
"Seriously?" He raised his eyebrow at her, failing to hide his sudden anger from his voice. She was for sure testing his patience's that he lagged most.
"Yes" she replied not giving dam to his rising anger.
"Today I am not backing out with your this attitude" he said with determination.
"Your wish" Came her careless reply.
"Nor I am letting you to!" If you want to be stubborn then I'm no less, bring it on were his thoughts as he answered her letting her know it.
She opened her eyes and directly looked in his eyes, challenging him before confidently answering, "Try me"
He knew that look in her eyes; today he could not afford that determination of her.
"Sona!" He called out her earnestly feeling helpless.
"Why you are being this way?" When she shrugged and looked ahead he asked her.
"I'm like this only" Came her answer.
"No you are not this...you are not that one whom I have known...you are someone else...Someone I don't know" He argued.
"You have not known me neither you...will!" She paused and answered letting him know what he think he knows, reality was far away from it.
Dev calmed himself; knowing retorting will only worsen the situation. He said what he felt right, "You can trust me!"
"I don't want to" Sona straight away told him she not intends to confide anyone.
"Please..." Dev said helplessly.
"Please what? Don't plead me! I don't know what you want..." Sona said pretending not having idea about anything.
"You know!" Dev made statement.
"No, I don't" She stood on her ground.
"Sona ..." His voice held warning.
"Why the hell do you care? See I don't need you nor I need anyone. I'm good the way I am. Don't get involve into something that it will be hard to move on..." Sona said now getting angry perhaps pretending to be angry when he knew it was facade to cover her worry.
"Why do I care? Why?" Dev asked even after knowing she knows the answer.
When she turned her face away avoiding the conversation he said it that caused her to turn and look at him sharply. "I have told you this before that I love you ...haven't I?"
"And I have also told you that this is just infatuation...you will soon get over with" There came her same words which she told him 6 months back when he had proposed her, while rejecting his proposal.
"I don't need your certificate to know what I feel." Dev was genuinely pissed at her words now. He respected she not feels for him but every time her commenting on depth of his feelings without knowing got worst out of him.
"I don't need you to reciprocate my feelings All I want and need is yourhappiness...Is that too much I'm asking?" He asked hurt at her behavior.
"Why do you feel I'm not happy?" "I am happy...I earn enough to live, have job... Why will I be unhappy?" Sona too realized that she crossed the line calmed little and asked him crossing her hands across chest and now facing him.
"Cut the crap!" Dev saw her for minute and said it harshly knowing she still want to pretend.
He breathed deeply holding her palm in his hands and started slowly, his voice expressing sincerity of his words.
"Sona...look I don't know what made you like this or what's there that is holding you back from living your life freely...I'm not asking you to let me be part of your life, Neither I am asking you to give us chance to know what's there in between us...All I want is your friendship...All I want is your happiness... I want you to let me be the part of pain you are going through...I want you to share what's there that is hurting you!"
Giving her time to take his words he continued after small pause, "Let me be part of it ...I won't judge you...you know that...And I do know there are many things that are too personal to share and I don't want you to open up about them today...I ...I don't know how to explain to you...all I want is to see you happy...anyhow..."
"Why?" Sona looked in his eyes and asked one question that kept on nagging her from so long.
Dev smiled briefly at that. He knew that was coming but what he didn't know was answer so he answered her honestly.
"To tell you the truth I myself don't know the reason behind it...All I know is you have very beautiful smile one when u do not pretend anything ...One when your eyes reflects it... and I want it to remain forever on your face not that fake one..."
"To be honest with you, I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart; a heart that's aching to see you smile again"
Dev finished his part but had no courage to face her, his words made no sense to his own ears.
Sona looked at him thoughtfully for awhile and removing her palm from his hold standing up she spoke what she knew was best to make him understand without giving away anything.
"Dev...See I don't want to be rude to you...Thank you for thinking so much about me and my happiness...All I have to say is stay out of this...Stay away from me! More you start coming closer to me...more it will get painful for you...Brace yourself before things start falling apart! Bye"
With that she left...
#Flashback ends# (23 March 2011)
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That day was the start of their actual story. Sona and Dev's story. The conversation that felt as end actually became start of something else as Dev's resolve of pulling her out of her shell became stronger.
Dev's mind went to the time when he almost thought he had lost her.
#Flashback # (23 June 2011)
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Dev cursed himself for nth time. He snatched her only means of solace. The day he interfered in her personal time was the last one when he saw her as later on she stopped being at that park. On next day when he went to his office early that was exactly opposite to her clinic all he could see was lock that remained unopened all day. He kept waiting in hope to see her but was disappointed as she never showed up throughout day.
It's been more than 3 months now that he saw her. 3 months...whole dam 3 months passed without any information about her...no one knew where she just disappeared. He inquired at every possible place even went to her building but got nothing in return...He just prayed for her well being in this span.
Knocking on door broke his train of thoughts.
"May I come in?" Tina asked little hesitantly.
"Come in" came his emotionless reply when all he wanted to bang door on person that dared to disturb him.
"It better be important Tina...coz I already told you do not disturb me till it's really important"
"Sir...Miss. Bose's clinic is opened" Dev stared at her face for long time before almost running out of his cabin.
..
He stood breathless at door of Sona's cabin. His eyes roaming on her maroon Saree clad figure busy in arranging things in her cabin. She surely lost some weight his eyes confirmed, she seemed weak as if woken from prolong illness. Dark patches beneath her eyes as if being deprived of sleep. Her stance was again giving him some negative vibes, she looked tired, defeated...shaken!
His eyes were busy taking fill of her when her hands stop in middle and she looked up. He could see surprise registering in her dark orbs.
"Hi" Dev broke the silence and whispered softly.
Composing herself she replied, "Hi"
"Good to see you...Glad you decided to show up..." Dev said, his tone taunting.
Sona lifted her head to gauge his emotions, but his face gave away nothing...He made himself comfortable in chair in-front of her table where she stood on opposite side near shelf.
"So what's going on?" He asked casually.
"Nothing!" Sona replied. Though she was surprised at finding him there and the way he behaved yet she not showed it.
"You do know that I hate lying...Right?" Dev leaned on his elbows and stared directly in her eyes that were busy in looking here and there avoiding looking at him.
Sona kept mum. That only infuriated him.
"Why on the earth you are doing this? Damn it!" He said banging his hand on table.
Sona flinched at that.
"Dare you run away like last time!" Dev warned.
Dev without caring anything asked the question that he knew gonna hurt her, but he knew he needed to do that.
"It is still about that Neel, isn't it?"
Sona's eyes shot up at that mention of Neel from his mouth brought back all those memories locked up in some part of her heart.
"OUT!" Sona rose up harshly from her chair and said it through gritted teeth.
When she saw him still sitting she raised her volume, "Get out!"
Dev sat calmly on his place without shifting an inch. His words did their work and he knew now it's going to be turning point, either she will allow him in her life or will throw him out of it.
"Sona" Dev called out her softly.
"Calm down... I'm sorry...Look I had told you that I won't try to know reason of your pain or whatever that hurts you without your consent... but as you disappeared all of sudden I went against my own promise to not interfere in your life... I contacted Abhimanyu last week when I couldn't get hold of your well being." Dev said guiltily. He was feeling guilty to do something like that but she left him with no options.
Sona sat on her chair numbly. She felt angered when he brought Subu's name and she wanted nothing but throw him out and she was going to do that when she heard Abhimanyu's name. Abhi...her Abhi...He shared that part of her life without her permission when he had promised her that it will remain in between them only. She felt nothing but shattered, betrayed. Her eyes filled up with tears. She sat defeated.
Dev who was watching her carefully felt bad for her condition. He stood up from chair walking across table he reached infront of her, kneeling he held her palms in his hand and he sensed them cold as ice. He felt scared.
"Sona...Sona...Please look at me...Please" Dev pleaded; his own eyes misted looking her like this.
Sona stayed mum and next second Dev saw her closing her eyes, she was about to fall from her chair when he held her preventing her fall. Sona lay unconscious in his arms.
"SONA"
Dev picked up her and laid her on couch in that room. Quickly rushing towards table he fetched glass of water and came back to Sona. He sprinkled water on her face trying to wake her up. Panic gripped his hearts. He just prayed to God to keep her safe.
After few attempts he saw her blinking her eyes and stirring. He let go of breath he was holding seeing her in that condition.
"Oh God! You Okay? I'm so sorry...Sona...Doctor...let me call doctor...yeah" Dev went on blabbering, his words came to halt when he felt her hand on his arm and then he saw her trying to say something.
"I'm okay...water...Medicines..." He heard her whisper. Helping her to sit he made her drink water. He gave her bag which she asked for and he saw her taking out medicine from her bag and Tiffin. He saw her taking out sandwich and after eating half she took some tablets. She closed her eyes and rested her head back.
Dev felt terribly guilty for her condition. He just watched her silently. He knew him being in her life is giving her pain only instead of helping her in anyway. SO he thought its better if he would stay away from her. Deciding so he reached near door, he was about to step out when she called out his name.
"Dev!"
Dev turned back towards her and saw her staring in space. Dev felt confused whether to go back or not. His inner voice stopped him from moving out. Walking back in room he pulled chair infront of her and sat waiting for her to talk. He saw her taking deep breath as if preparing for some battle. From some bits Abhi told him he knew that it's very hard for her.
Sona started telling him what made her hurt. Why she behaved the way she behaves. Why she didn't believe in love after what she went through. She told him about Neel, the person she thought she was in love with how brutally crushed her belief in love. She told him how she met Neel through one common friend. How slowly she fell for him, how beautiful it was going and how they decided to get married against his family's approval as his mother didn't approve their relationship. She wanted to wait but he insisted and in end she gave up and agreed. She thought him to be perfect for her the way he supported her dreams, supported her. Everything about him felt beautiful till that dreadful day when everything ended even before she knew. The day when they were about to get tied in sacred relationship, when they were about to get married she got to know what sort of person he was. Coward...Pathetic coward! He never showed up in mandap. She waited and waited for him to turn up till she got letter of him saying he couldn't do it. He wrote he tried to look past her inability of not being mother but he just can't accept it so he broke his every relation with her. He left her to deal with the mess alone.
A week before this she got to know that she would never be able to become mother, she was terribly hurt but she thought the way he supported her she will get through this with him by her side and that's why week later they were getting married but he broke her trust and left her hurt. This whole situation broke her beyond repair and left her dying every day. Depression that followed after this literally destroyed her, destroyed her will of living making her living corpse.
By the time she ended telling him her side of story she was weeping badly. All the pain she went through, all taunts she had to face because of her broken marriage, her not being able to be mother, humiliation of her and her family everything she had kept within herself till now was out that day, that moment and Dev cursed that person from bottom of his heart. He held her closer letting her cry. He knew she needed that. She needed to let go of her pain.
#Flashback ends# (23 June 2011)
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That day she let him be part of her life. She accepted him in her life. After that there was no looking back. He made it mission of his life to bring her old self back. He kept on trying to bring genuine happiness in her life and at the same time not imposing his feelings on her. He never crossed his line and remain there as her friend that she needed.
Slowly things changed but she still never told him about her feelings and he felt her trying to guard her feelings. She was hurt in past and given that he knew she would try her best to push him away. But he was Dev Dixit and he never backed out then how could he let go of her. It was hard but not impossible. He proved that with his efforts and unconditional love. He held on to his belief, he held on to his love and in end his love won over her insecurities, her inhibitions, her fear and she allowed him in her heart.
They got married after dating the friendship of their 4 years when she confessed her feelings, though that took lot more than efforts, yet they got married. His love was being reciprocated and that's all mattered. They were living their life happily though some people being mean never left chance of taunting her but his love never let her apart. After year of their marriage they decided to adopt child.
#Flashback # (27 April 2016) (Adoption day)
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She was little apprehensive about this adoption as she feared she might will not be able to handle responsibility of child and how society will react. Dev like solid rock supported her, stood by her side made her understand that night when even after everything getting ready about adoption she was giving it second thought listening to some taunts.
Everything got settled and they went to orphanage to bring their child back. Dev insisted he would bring their child and she should stay home to welcome but Sona being Sona went along. The day that was going to be best turned out worst and Sona found out something that shocked her to her wits.
There she met Neel's mother, who seeing her started cursing her. Dev tried to take her away and he almost was successful in dragging her away when she got another shock when Neel's mother said something that she never expected in her wildest dream. She accused her for killing Neel. She in her rage said how her son died because of her bad omen.
"You are the reason my son is no more...Sona...You killed him..."
"He went to see the doctor for you...when...when he met with that accident..."
"It's all because of you..."
Sona stood rooted listening to this. She thought he played her and now those revelations gave all together new meaning to what happened 9 year ago. She felt her head throbbing as it became hard to bear when next sentence of Neel's mother snatched ground below her feet.
"Dev even after knowing what she did to your best friend how could you be with her?"
Sona looked shockingly towards Dev. He knew Neel. He was his best friend; he knew he was no more that means he knew she was not betrayed. The letter she got was all lie. He lied to her, Neel lied to her, Dev lied to her. They all played with her feelings. She stumbled back unable to take it.
"Look Sona, I can explain..." Dev tried holding her but Sona looked at him as if she was seeing some stranger. She felt like she didn't know him. She turned and ran out. Dev ran after her but she sitting in auto went away. Dev who was running behind her saw her taking auto turned towards hi car parked in parking and followed her.
It was day when he last saw her. She never met him after that, never answered his calls. Never met him in person when, he went to her place. He knew for her trust came first before anything and he had broken that. But he had explanation but she never listened. He told her father to let her know his side of story. He told him how Neel called him to hospital when he met with an accident and had very little time. Neel took promise from him that he will never tell Sona about his condition even if he dies. He had taken promise that Dev will send letter that will broke her, will make her feel betrayed so that she can move on and he will help her in that, he loved Sona more than anything, more than his life. Dev should give her happiness that she deserves were his last words before he left this world. Dev was helpless and he promised his friend what he asked.
Dev never wanted to hide this from her but his promise to his friend always had stopped him from sharing truth with Sona. That brought him to the point where he lost her trust.
#Flashback ends # (27 April 2016)
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Tears flowed through his eyes remembering everything. He wanted her back in his life. His life was incomplete without her. He accepted what he did was not right but that did not lessen the fact that he loves her. He truly loved her and wanted her happiness.
"Please come back Sona ...please...one last chance...I love you...I love you Ishu!" Dev said crying touching laptop screen where their marriage video was paused showing her face. They were happy, she was happy and he wanted nothing but that happiness back in her life, in his life, in their life.
At the same time in other part of city Sona sat on chair crying bitterly looking at their portrait against wall.
"Why Dev, why?...You know I hate lies...yet you lied to me...You build our relationship on complete lie...you broke my trust...I know you are not complete blamable one here...but I...I can't forgive you...I don't know..What to do...I don't know" She hiccupedwhile crying.
"I loved you truly...Now even I do...but I can't trust you...Dev...I can't...God...please help me...please."
Neel smiled sadly looking from above at these two people. He knew both were neither right, nor they were wrong, it's just destiny and they're facing it. He knew both of them more than they do and he trusted them enough to sort and be back together. It's just time and efforts they needed to make every wrong thing right.
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