A Diwali Chaos
By Wanna-be Charles Dickens
It was midnight on Diwali and Dev was in his office working.
He went home and put up with all the rituals and festivities and his family's antics, but when everyone went to bed, he decided to go back to office. It seems since his facebook status became "It's Complicated", he has developed insomnia.
Suddenly, the light went out. He got up from his chair and tried calling security, but phone line was down.
He was about to go out and get someone to turn on a generator when he saw an old chubby lady was sitting on the couch and eating an apple.
He stormed to her and asked: Who are you? What are you doing here? Who let you in?
The old lady's eyes got bigger and said: Huh! What do you know? He can ask questions and right questions too.
Dev fumed: What do you mean I can ask questions? Of course I can. But you didn't answer my questions. Who are you?
Old lady: I am the Ghost of the Diwali Past.
Dev: Eh? Isn't that Ghost of the Christmas Past? And isn't that from "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens?
Old Lady pats her bun and finds a pencil and somehow produces a notebook and starts taking notes: Humm, selective hearing. Matches description. Didn't notice that I said, I am a GHOST.
Then she looked up to Dev: Yep, the concept is the same. But no. 1. We are Indian, we don't copy, we get inspired by other's great work and then pretend the concept is ours and no. 2. Christmas tak wait nehin kar sakte. It is too far away, you need help, pronto!!!
Dev: What help? I don't need help.
Old Lady with a pitying look: Of course you do. Look what a mess you have become.
Dev (defensively): I am not a mess. Who said I am a mess? I am happy.
Old Lady (again taking notes): Bury-head-in-the-sand Syndrome. Yep, still on track.
Dev (angry): Stop writing and get out.
Old Lady (peers over her glasses): Well, I will go. But first I will show you three things.
Dev (bored): Not interested.
Old Lady (still pitying look): You don't have a choice.
Then she grabbed Dev's hands with surprisingly strong grip and jumped. Dev stumbled and when he looked up he saw his childhood in his Mama's house.
He saw his mother is sewing while his mami was lounging on the chair. His sisters are playing and himself as a child sitting beside his mom, studying hard.
He screamed: What is going on?
But no one moved as if they didn't hear him.
Old Lady: That is your past. Remember, I said I am Ghost of Diwali Past?
Dev (angry): Why do you want me to relive the troubled time again? I am successful now.
Old Lady: Well, I don't want you to relive your troubled times. Just want to show you that. (She pointed)
Dev turned and saw his little self on his mom's lap.
Dev (teary-eyed): Yes, that is my favourite part. Every child needs his mummy.
Old Lady (smug): Yes, every child needs his mummy.
Dev turned to the Old Lady and saw she is now in a different saree.
Dev was surprised.
Old Lady: Well, now I am Ghost of Diwali Present. So outfit change. Here we go.
She grabbed Dev's hand and jumped. Dev stumbled and when he looked up he saw he is in his house as he was earlier today.
The Old Lady pointed. Dev saw the identical scene as from his childhood, only this time his older self on his mother's lap.
He turned to the Old Lady defensively: Well, a man needs his mother too.
Old Lady: Sure he does. We always need our parents. But when people grow up, their relationship changes.
As a child we need our parents to feed us, clothe us, take care of us and take decisions on our behalf because at that time we are not old enough to take our own decisions.
As an adult we need our parents as advisors, as friends who can catch us when we fall but we no longer need them to take our decisions on our behalf.
And when our parents gets old, then they need us to feed them, clothe them, take care of them and take decisions on their behalf.
Would you expect your mother to give you a bath now because that's what she did for you as a child?
Dev: Ewww... No.
Old Lady: Then how did you let her dictate who you should spend your life with?
Dev (defensive): She tried to commit suicide because she was unhappy with Sona.
Old Lady: If you didn't like your Mami in your house whom your mother invited to stay, would you talk to your mother why you were not happy with her or try to commit suicide?
Dev: I will talk to my mother. But she tried to commit suicide.
Old Lady: Then, what did you do as a son? Did you take her to psychiatrist for mental treatment?
Dev (angry): My mother isn't crazy.
Old Lady: Why would you assume that if you as a rational, normal person won't try to commit suicide because he doesn't like someone, yet your mother's behaviour is normal when she takes irrational decisions?
Dev speechless.
Old Lady: Did you ask her why she doesn't like Sona?
Dev: No. I just found out when she was in the hospital.
Old Lady: Shouldn't you have waited until you talked to her before breaking up with the love of your life?
Dev shame-faced.
Old Lady: Now let's go to another house.
She pulled Dev to Sona's house.
Dev (all smiles): I missed my Sona. Look how pretty she looks. Oh, they have guests.
Old Lady: That's Sona's soon-to-be-fiance.
Dev (angry): WHAT?
Old Lady: What? You have mummy issues, did you think Sona will adopt your mummy issues and waste her life pining for you?
Dev (all tears): But she can't do that. She loves me.
Old Lady: She does. But she can't hang onto a guy who took her love and threw it in her face.
Dev: But I love her too.
Old Lady: Really? Dumping a person isn't how you say you love her.
Dev: I can't let that happen.
Old Lady (beams): Well, that was easy. So you are going to grovel and if she forgives you, marry her?
Dev (defensive): Well no. My mother doesn't like her. I am just going to remind her that she loves me and she shouldn't marry the other guy.
Old Lady (sighs): You know there is a name for guys like you, "Dog in the Manger"... Anyways, you need more convincing.
Suddenly there is a light and when it vanishes, the Old Lady is in a different saree again.
Dev (sarcastically): Let me guess. You are now Ghost of Diwali Future.
Old Lady (beams): Correct. You are not as stupid you behave. Let's go.
She grabs his hand and beams him into the future. (Because it's future, so Star Trek technology is available).
Dev finds himself in his house with the same scene of his older self on his even older mother's lap.
Dev (Looks around): Where's everyone else?
Old Lady: There is no one around. Your sisters got married and have their own family. You tried marrying the girl of your mother's choice, but she dumped you because your mom behaved like your wife and treated your wife like she is your maid.
When your wife divorced you, she took half of your money. So your cousin Vicky married her. Your Mama and Mami left to leave with their son. Now just you and your mom left. But not for long. She is going to die soon. Then you can recite Amitabh's dialogue, "Main aur meri tanhayee aksar yeh baatein karte hain." Because you see there is no one for you to talk to except your loneliness.
Dev is horrified.
Old Lady (beams): On a positive note, check out this.
Dev turns and sees Sona's house filled with people and kids running around.
Old Lady (beams): This is my favourite house. You know Elena and Subho, Sona's brother, sitting beside them is Elena's husband and Subho's wife. Sona and her husband are on their way. They opened a hospital to treat poor patients since they are both doctors so they are running a little late today.
Dev looks around and sees Sona's Dadi is playing with Elena and Subho's children.
Sona's parents are in the kitchen, teasing each other and cooking.
Suddenly the doorbell rang and Subho walked to the door to open.
Two boys rushed in and ran to Subho: Mama!
Subho gave them a big hug and greeted Sona who was holding a little girl on her lap.
Sona's husband walks in with couple of clay pots which all know contain Rosogolla and Mishti Doi (Sweet Yoghurt).
Everyone happily greet each other and the whole atmosphere turns cheerful.
Dev's eyes start to tear up
Old Lady (pats his hand): I understand what you are feeling now. But you see you could have all this, if you hadn't broke up with Sona.
Dev: But how could I have left my mother?
Old Lady: Did Sona ask you to leave your mother? You have to pick between a wife and a girlfriend if you have them at the same time. But you should never have to pick between a mother and a wife.
And if you can't live with both, then you pick your wife because your wife left her family and picked you. Take care of your parents. Don't abandon them. But a wife is called Ardhangini which means half of your life, half of your body, half of your heart, half of your soul. When you marry a woman you promise that you will never leave their side, yet when it comes to your family, why would she be last person to consider when she considers you before everyone else?
If your mother had to pick between you and your dad, who do you think she would pick? Would she leave her husband for you, her own flesh and blood?
Sona was willing to put up with your mummy issues for you. But you thought that you had to pick when all you had to do is to be honest with your mother and take her to a psychiatrist to treat her issues with possessiveness on her son.
Dev (Light bulb blinks): Take me back to the present please. I need to fix this.
Old Lady grabs his hand and jumps back into Dev's office present day.
She then lets go of his hand and turns to go.
Dev asks: Wait, you never said who are you.
Old Lady smiles: When I was alive, I was your grandma, your dad's mom. Now that I am dead, I am a guardian angel.
Dev (emotional): You are Sona's guardian angel right? That's why you wanted to bring me back in her life.
Old Lady (deadpan face): No. I am your guardian angel. If I was Sona's guardian angel, I would have let her get married into a better family. But I have to make sure my family doesn't die out because of my daughter in law's million issues.
Dev is left dumbstruck.
The End
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