Arshi FF: The Broken Hearts ( NEW LINK ADDED) pg 151 - Page 55

Chapter 9

" Khushi...it's over."
Tears couldn't stop spilling down her eyes as his words continued to resonate in her ears.
What had gone wrong between them? What had she done that compelled him to break all ties with her?
Did he really not love her??? The concern and the worries that she saw in his eyes for herself over the past few months, did all that amount to nothing? Was she just a friend for him who he could not see in trouble? And all this while he looked at her and helped her only as a friend?
Did she fail to read his eyes correctly? The emotions that floated in them, were they not what she thought them to be?Was her love one sided? Was she actually living in a bubble?
No, it wasn't true.
If that was so then why did his previous words and actions contradict with his current ones? She remembered their meeting in the canteen when she was about to trip and he had held her...didn't he say that he would never let her fall and get hurt , then today when she'd fallen for him then how could he hurt her with his bitter words? He told her that she could trust him and she blindly trusted him with her heart then why was he today breaking it?
On her father's death anniversary, when she was crying in the lawn, didn't he say that she wasn't alone, he was with her then today how could he abandon her?
Were all his words meaningless? Was his concern, fake? The love that she felt, was it an illusion? Didn't his heart flutter, when he came close to her? Didn't he miss her in her absence? The desire to be with her, didn't twist his heart?
Was all this her imagination...a dream...a beautiful dream that shattered when he opened her eyes and brought her out of her slumber?
Her knees gave in and she slumped on the floor. Leaning her head against the wall she blankly stared at his sculpture kept on her table. He was the one who pulled her out of her dark world ... He was the one who gave her a reason to smile...He was the one who assured her loneliness wouldn't swallow her as she would always find him by her side.
Then why did he desert her???
If he had to leave later then why did he enter her life in the first place? If he didn't wish to hold her then why did he take her hand in his? he should have let her fall! If he had to snatch away her dreams then why did he gave her peaceful nights to sleep?
Though today her heart was broken...it was shattered and in pieces still those broken pieces refused to believe that he didn't love her.
Although for the first time she had fallen in love with someone but she hadn't fallen blindly.
He loved her! However she was oblivious to what was preventing him from acknowledging it.
Yes she loved him...loved him with all her heart. But she wouldn't impose her feelings on him.

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August 27, 20xx

Today I broke up with Khushi. I mean my friendship with her. It wasn't easy, I tried doing it in the past but didn't succeed. Her innocence, her tears would always melt me and stop me from breaking ties with her.
It wasn't something my heart desired to do but I had to. I didn't mind being friends with her, in fact today I'm extremely saddened to lose her..she was my best friend. After di, I confided in her because I knew she would understand me the way I wished her to...but she didn't.
She desired to take our friendship to the next level but I wasn't prepared for it. It was something I never wanted.
I could see our mutual attraction growing deep and because of that I wished to step back, however whenever I attempted doing so, something would stop me. She was and is alone in this world and really needed someone to support her, so I gave her my hand..but not my heart.
Love is not simple...its complicated and I don't wish to complicate my life. I have my own set of dreams to achieve and I guess love will only act as a hindrance in my path.

Today I may sound selfish and cruel but then what's the point in giving Khushi false hope? Why show her dreams that I might be unable to fulfill. Love is demanding and I doubt I have it in me to give her all that she wants and desires...so I ended everything.

Honestly I didn't wish to end it an ugly manner but I was helpless. She didn't leave me with any other option. I started avoiding her, I even changed my number hoping that she'd understand but she didn't. In front of sheetal she was behaving like a possessive girl friend, she even went ahead and said we were seeing each other...which was absolutely untrue! So I had to tell her and everybody around that we weren't a couple!
I know what I said and did, not just embarrassed her but more than that broke her heart...i admit I was rude and insensitive but I just couldn't control my rising temper and ended up blasting her in public!
Even now as I write I'm aware somewhere in her room she must be crying but today I cannot let her tears change my mind. .

Now when I look back I feel we both didn't handle this issue well. Instead of first confiding in each other , we made things public.
but now it is too late...the past can't be undone

What I did is right for both of us

Hope we both forget this and move on in our lives.

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The next whole week Arnav and Khushi didn't get to meet each other. This time neither of them were avoiding the other. Khushi preferred to concentrate on her classes. Her aunt wasn't keeping well so she immediately headed home after her classes got over. There was no spare time to be spent in the library or the canteen.
Arnav too was engrossed in assignments and work. He was still stuck with his old job that was quite demanding especially now when he had to take two days off to visit Kolkata. It was her Dadi's birthday and she insisted that he came down to celebrate it with her.
Even he too wished to get out of Delhi to clear his mind. So here he was in Kolkata, standing in his old house, looking out of the window. His Dadi was offering her morning prayers, so he had to wait for her to get free, before he could wish her. Anjali would be coming over in the evening with her family for dinner, till then he had plenty of time to unwind.
Crossing his hands before his chest he leisurely allowed his eyes to travel around.
He spotted a small girl, maybe around twelve years old, outside the gate. She was arguing with the vegetable seller to not charge for the green chillies, After all she was buying so many vegetables, so couldn't he give a handful of green chillies for free? Arnav found the sight amusing. She looked so cute, bargaining for such a small thing. In fact she reminded him of Khushi. He remembered the day they went shopping and she was bargaining with the salesman. Even though he was okay with the price still she insisted that they took discount. She valued money, even if it wasn't hers...She was different. And the thought of her, made his smile fade away. He didn't wish to think about her but out of nowhere, something would remind him of her.
" Arnav."
He turned around and saw Dadi standing with the pooja plate. He came forward, touched her feet and gave her a side hug.
" happy birthday , Dadi." Dadi smiled at him and gave him Prasad. " Thanks chotte. I'm glad you're here...you kept your promise." Taking the prasad in his mouth, Arnav nodded. Then gifted the shawl that he had bought for her. Dadi felt the softness of the shawl and smiled. " it's really nice. Thanks chotte." Arnav was glad that she liked the gift.
" when did you come?" Arnav parted his lips to reply but just then he saw that small girl carrying the bag of vegetables to the kitchen. Arnav knitted his brows together. " Dadi, who's that girl?"
Daadi glanced over her shoulder. " oh she..she's rani..you remember laxmi who worked here? She's her daughter."
" but what's she doing here?" Dadi kept the plate on the side table and walked to the mirror to adjust the shawl on her shoulder.
" few days back, laxmi died leaving her daughter behind. Since rani has no one else at home and nowhere to go so I decided to keep her here." Giving shelter to an orphan, was a very noble deed and Arnav was happy that his Dadi who otherwise appeared to be strict had a soft and a caring heart.
" daadi ji what should I cook for lunch?"
Arnav gaped at Dadi, hearing rani ask that.
" make mattar paneer, Arnav likes that." Dadi replied so casually that it surprised Arnav even more. Just a minute back he was feeling proud of his Dadi assuming that she was helping out that little girl..but he was wrong.
" Dadi, don't you think rani should be studying instead of working here?"
Dadi peered at Arnav's reflection in the mirror.
" helping me in the kitchen and keeping the home clean doesn't amount to work...by the way I love the color of this shawl."

Arnav pursed his lips and shook his head.
" yeah its not called work but exploitation."

Turning around, Dadi glared at Arnav.
" what exploitation? That girl should be greatful that in spite of being motherless she gets food to eat and a place to stay and that too without doing anything."
Arnav couldn't believe his Dadi would do such a thing and not regret it one bit. He took a deep breath to calm himself down.
" Dadi, I think you should send her to an orphanage." Dadi dumped the shawl on the bed and wrinkled her nose.
" what I do with her shouldn't be of your concern."
" but Dadi..." She silenced him by showing him her palm, making it absolutely clear that she didn't wish to argue on this.
The moment Dadi stepped out of the rooom, Arnav too banged the door shut behind her, showing his displeasure. His Dadi was impossible!

He thought of taking a nap before lunchtime. So he began emptying his pockets before lying on the bed. From his right pocket he took out his cellphone, threw it on the bed. Then came Khushi's earring. He didn't know why but he always carried it with him. He glanced at it and recalled his own words. " Khushi...it's over."
If everything was really over then what was this earring doing in his pocket? Why couldn't he simply throw it away? Moreover if he looked at Khushi just as his friend then why didn't he ever return the earring to her? One doesn't treasure someone's belongings just like that.
He closed his eyes, he didn't have the answers...or perhaps he had but didn't desire to acknowledge them.
He slipped his hand in his left pocket and felt something crumbled. Taking it out he realized that it was the piece of paper that Khushi had given him when they last met. He'd crumbled it but not torn it and luckily he hadn't even sent this pair of jeans for laundry. She'd said that this paper would solve all his problems. He smiled at her innocence.
He finally unfolded it. It had details of a job vacancy ...it was related to finance ( subject of his interest), the company was well reputed, the salary was good ( not great but definitely more than what he was currently earning) and surprisingly Khushi had applied on his behalf. He checked the date. It was the same day when he had not cleared his interview and was extremely mad at himself and Khushi ... The same day when Khushi was sick and he didn't bother to ask her how she was doing...the day when she should have been resting, she was busy finding a suitable job for him because she knew how upset he was.
All this while she was trying to solve his problem and he was avoiding her thinking that she was his real problem. And now that he had apparently solved his problem then why was he not relaxed and most importantly at peace?? Why thinking about Khushi made her uneasy and somewhat guilty? Was he regretting what he had done with her? Ohh he didn't wish to seek the answers ... At least not now.
Shutting his eyes he decided to take a much needed nap.
He didn't know how long he had slept, probably an hour or so but he woke up at his Dadi yelling outside his room...She wanted him to stay with her but couldn't let him sleep peacefully!
He opened his door to know what had gone wrong.
" how dare you step inside the pooja room?" Dadi yelled at rani who was in tears but still gathered her courage to explain herself. " dadi ji, the pigeon had gone inside the puja room..I thought it would dirty it so I went in to get it out."

Arnav couldn't believe that for such a small thing, Dadi was screaming at the little girl.
He went to rani and put his arm around her. " hey, don't cry..you did the right thing." She peered up at Arnav in confusion, she wasn't sure that what she did was okay...with tears filled in her eyes, she glanced up at him for assurance. Arnav pressed her shoulder and smiled at her.
" No, what she did was absolutely wrong." Dadi shifted her gaze from Arnav to rani and glared at her. " don't you know, you're not allowed inside the pooja room..then why did you get in? Why didn't you shoo away the bird by staying out?"
Rani could no longer hold back her tears and started sobbing which angered Dadi even more.
" first you make a mistake and then you shed crocodile tears! Go away and let me clean the room...RAM ram ram.." Dadi began chanting as rani ran from there.
" Enough Dadi, have some mercy on that girl...how can you be so heartless."
Dadi gritted her teeth, her grandson had no knowledge about religious customs. " chotte, she belongs to the lower caste ..by going inside the puja room she has dirty the place..She knows she's forbidden, still she went in...now I have to cleanse the room." Arnav rolled his eyes.
" I seriously don't believe you...one moment you're chanting ram ram and the next moment you're cursing, God's innocent creation?" Dadi opened her mouth to reply but he didn't let her. " tell me one thing, when God who creates all of us, doesn't differentiate then who are we to decide that this one belongs to the upper or lower caste? What's the use of praying for hours when your mindset is so narrow?"
" I don't want to argue with you."
Arnav nodded his head. " same here...because talking to you is pointless."
" Arnav!"
Arnav didn't bother to listen and went behind rani. He found her sitting under a tree in the lawn. With her legs drawn close to her chest and face buried in, her shoulders were shaking ..She was still crying and it made Arnav feel awful. He sat down beside her but she didn't notice. She reminded him so much of Khushi...both of them alone and tormented by their near ones...both deserved joy and bliss but only got tears.
Khushi meant happiness and rani meant princess but Khushi's so called family failed to give her any happiness ( apparently he'd also given her a big reason to be miserable) and here Dadi considered rani just as a servant. It was sad and very unfortunate.
Arnav caressed rani's head, she lifted her head and looked at him.
" you know rani , you're very pretty but these tears don't look good in your eyes." He slowly wiped her tears. The gesture only filled her eyes again.
" today is Dadi ji's birthday and I have upset her...but trust me, I went in only to take out that pigeon." She was so innocent and caring, after getting scolded by Dadi she was still thinking about her birthday.
" oh don't worry about Dadi, she'll be okay...you tell me, will you go out with me?" She nodded her little head and looked even more adorable.
" but before that you need to stop crying and give me a big smile." She wiped her tears and smiled at him.
Holding her tiny hand in his, Arnav took her to a toy shop and bought her huge teddy bear.
" now rani, you'll never be alone. This teddy will be your friend...you can play and talk to him whenever you feel like." Rani's eyes turned wide in surprise and she hugged the teddy to herself. " I love it. Thank you."
" you're welcome. What will you name him?"
She smiled shyly. " Aurnab da (Arnav bhaiya)."
Arnav threw his head back and laughed. " come, let's eat something." He was heading towards a restaurant but stopped seeing a golgappe wala. He pointed in his direction. " puchka?"
" yay."
Arnav held the teddy as rani literally attacked the golgappas. The sight was amusing. Seeing the delight on her face, he realized the joy, Khushi must feel on having simple street food.
With her mouth full, rani asked," you won't have?"
Oh he could definitely have one for Khushi's sake.
When rani and Arnav returned home, neha was already waiting for him at the gate. Seeing her uncle, neha ran up to Arnav who scooped her up in his arms and twirled her.
" hi, sweetheart how are you?"
" I'm good but I was waiting for you for so long...where were you." Arnav put her down and replied. " I went finding you a new friend...meet rani." He lifted neha's hand and rani hesitantly shook it.
" chotte, what's going on?" Arnav smiled seeing his sister and patted both the little girls.
" now you both go and play."
" I guess before that we should go in and cut the cake." Anjali suggested as Arnav embraced his sister.
Dadi still seemed upset with Arnav, what was the need to take a servant shopping and now instead of being in the kitchen, why was she standing next to neha and clapping as she cut the cake...but did Arnav care about all that? Absolutely not.
Anjali could sense the tension between Dadi and Arnav, especially when they posed for pictures...they both looked stiff.
And thereafter Arnav left to his room without saying anything. Anjali followed him.
" chotte, is everything alright between you and Dadi."
Arnav made himself comfortable on the bed and picked up his cellphone.
" you know di, how we are...always at loggerheads ."
Anjali sat next to him and kept her hand on his knee.
" what's the matter?"
Arnav lifted his head from his cellphone and told her all that had happened during the day. Anjali too felt bad for rani, but she also knew how stubborn Dadi was, she wouldn't understand. She was still stuck in her age old traditions and customs.
" I wish we could do something for rani."
Arnav nodded and went back to looking at the pictures he had just clicked.
" nice shawl chotte...I'm sure Dadi must have liked it." Arnav simply shrugged his shoulders, it hardly mattered.
" who chose this shawl...you and Khushi?" Arnav's gaze stilled at the mention of Khushi. He took a moment before answering. " no, I went alone."
Anjali noticed that Arnav seemed lost, something was bothering him and it could not only be rani...something else was eating him up. In fact after going back to Delhi, post Rakhi, he stopped sounding like his usual self.
" how's Khushi? Did she like the pendant-chain?"
Arnav remembered how pretty that chain looked on her. The memory made his lips stretch in a smile. " hmm..."
What kind of a reply was that? Anjali took the cellphone from his hands. " what's so interesting in this phone? Let me have a look." As she browsed through the pictures,again she felt that Arnav appeared sad and tensed.
" chotte, why do I feel something is bothering you?" It was very difficult to hide anything from his sister.
" no, di I'm just a little tired."
" when are you planning to leave?"
" I thought day after tomorrow but now I guess tomorrow morning." Anjali mad a sad face.
" don't leave so soon. Dadi won't be happy." Arnav smirked." On the contrary, she'll be relieved, seeing me not around." Anjali shook her head, she wished he shared a better relation with dadi but then she couldn't blame him...Dadi was tough to handle.
Anjali extended her hand to return the cellphone when accidentally she pressed a button and Khushi's picture flashed.
" hey this is Khushi, right?" Arnav looked at the phone and nodded. It was the picture that he had clicked when they had gone shopping.
" chotte, she's so beautiful." Arnav simply smiled. However his smile didn't last long as his conscience pricked him.
If all was over then what was Khushi's picture doing in his phone? Why didn't he delete it? It had been more than a week since he had last seen and spoken to her, still he couldn't take her out of his mind. Seven days were long enough to forget someone who was just a friend as he had claimed.
But he couldn't. In fact he had come here to forget all that had happened, to take his mind off her...but nothing of that sort happened.
Was Khushi right? Did they share more than just plain friendship? Were his feelings for her, deeper than he thought them to be? Arnav let out an audible sigh.
" di, I have decided?"
Anjali shot him a confused look. " what chotte?"
" you'll know by tomorrow morning."

The next morning, Arnav took rani to an orphanage. He would contribute toward her education and try to keep in touch with her. He didn't wish to see her grow up like Khushi..weak and dependent on others, who would only exploit her.

One mistake had been corrected. Now he needed to correct the other one.

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Unlike Khushi, Arnav didn't have to spend time searching for Khushi. He found her, where he had left her a week back...in the canteen. She didn't notice him, she was staring blankly at the glass of cold coffee sitting in front of her. He had screwed up things between them and now he only would set them right. Arnav looked around, the canteen was crowded like always but he didn't care. He took a deep breath before approaching her.
He had almost reached her table when from nowhere, shyam crossed him and sat opposite Khushi on the same table. Arnav clenched his jaws. What was shyam doing there? Anyway he didn't deserve his attention.
"Hi." Khushi peered up to find Arnav standing before her. She didn't know how to react..to be happy..surprised or angry? Thus she dropped her gaze and looked at shyam.
" yes shyam, tell me." Shyam wished to openly smirk at Arnav but didn't. Like Khushi he too ignored Arnav's presence. He opened his mouth to speak but before that Arnav spoke up.
" I'm sorry Khushi." Khushi's eyes stilled on hearing him apologize however this time she didn't raise them to glance at him. Arnav knew he had angered her and she had every reason to be upset with him and avoid him.
" shyam, I have a class so could you please hurry up?" Shyam let out a fake smile.
" yeah, as I was saying..."
" Khushi, we need to talk." Arnav interrupted shyam in the middle.
Khushi bit the inside of her cheek, she didn't wish to hear anything from him. She'd heard enough. Without meeting his gaze, she replied, " I don't think so."

Then stood up, picked her books and turned to leave.

Arnav held her arm to stop her. " look, I know I messed up everything and I'm really sorry for that..listen to me once." Khushi glared at his hand that was holding her arm. Arnav reluctantly left it.
" Khushi.."
" Arnav, can't you see she's not interested in talking to you? Stop harassing her!" This was an excellent opportunity to put Arnav down and make him jealous by getting close to Khushi..how could shyam miss it?
Arnav flared his nostrils and grabbed shyam by his collar. " you keep your filthy mouth shut. AND LEAVE US ALONE."

Khushi didn't need to look around, she could feel all eyes on them. He was once again creating a scene and embarrassing her, though he didn't intend to but shyam was making his blood boil. Clutching the books close to her chest, she lowered her head and began walking away in a hurry.
Arnav pushed shyam aside and started to follow Khushi.
" I said I'm SORRY. For God's sake hear me out."
Khushi didn't want to stop, she kept on walking, she could hear Arnav coming behind her and she quickened her pace but not quite enough. Arnav tried to go around her, but she sidestepped and the next second she slammed into his chest. He gripped her by the arms to keep her from stumbling. She tried to free herself from his grip but he pushed her against the wall to stop her however when he glanced at her, he saw her bottom lip trembling and eyes welled up.
*shit* he mentally cursed himself and dropped his hands.
" Khushi.."
" no, Arnav ji I've had enough. You've hurt me enough...you've broken me enough.. and you've humiliated me enough...now please stop. I won't be able to take it...you wanted me to stay away, I'm doing just that...now leave me alone. Please."
He lowered his head in shame and whispered. " I can't."
" why NOT? Didn't you say, you saw me just as a friend... that I misunderstood your concern toward me...that I took away your closest friend from you...that it's over between us...Then why are you following me?" she was shouting at him and venting out all her anger on him.

He looked up." because I love you."
She stared right back into his eyes and pursed her lips. " I don't want your sympathy. I don't want you to love me out of guilt..that will kill me."

He shook his head. " no Khushi, don't say that. I really love you. In fact I have always been in love with you but I was scared to accept my feelings..I thought my heart would crush my dreams and ambitions..I thought I could stay away from you and be happy...but I was wrong... these eight ten days away from you have been awful..I have never felt so miserable."

She felt exactly the same. She didn't know, how she survived without him. The ache was unbearable.
He hesitantly brought his hands up and cupped her face, fearing that she'd push him away but she didn't.
" I wish to listen to my heart...I wish to give love a chance." She didn't say anything. She simply looked into his eyes and found love swimming in them. He wasn't lying, neither to himself nor her. In fact for the first time he was confronting his love.
" sorry."
She inhaled sharply and closed her eyes. The wall that she'd built around her crumbled into pieces as tears flowed down her eyes. She loved him so much that she couldn't even stay mad at him for long. Like him she too wished to give him another chance.
He stepped forward, leaned over and softly kissed her tears. She wrapped her arms around his back and buried her face in his chest.
His heart which was burning and aching, soothed with her closeness. He tucked her head under his chin and held her close.

Thankfully all was well now...but for how long, they both had no idea.

Was it a new beginning or a step toward an inevitable end...only time would tell.

Thanks for reading

Rose