...Chapter - 48...
"And moreover I don't wanna be the second person in every person's life whom I consider as mine..." Her throat ached due to lump formed inside... She raggedly sat down pushing her face into her palms... Finally spitting what she'd been suppressing from that unfateful day... The volcano bursted out with its full potential!!
*****
Till now closed orbs, snapped at the her, with the last statement... what does this mean!! Second person? Is she being suspicious about him? Is there is some misunderstanding? About whom is she talking? Inconvenient thoughts rushed through his mind...
"Second person?" His confused tone further riled up her extremely...
"AMITA!!!" As soon as the name left her lips... He was perplexed, it would be an understatement... Numb!! That's he has been experiencing in that moment when he has never considered this possibility, not even in an unconscious mind he has thought of it...
How could she!!
"Amita!! You... You're doing all this bullshit 'coz of my late sister!!" Having the rock giant proof, still his heart wasn't ready to kill the tiny bit of hope... Hope that maybe his ears had mistook her words... But firm nod from other end made him speechless...
How could his wife think something like this!! Second person!! These two words have literally shaken him from inside... What does she mean by second person... Okay! The earlier accusations are digestible and scandalous, he accepted it readily 'coz he deserves this!!
Ashamed would be an small word, but still he's repenting and guilt hasn't removed from his self a bit... Whilst the other part left him dumbstruck...
"Please elaborate the second person part??" his furious voice laced with utter sarcasm hinted that he's aware of the turmoil she's fighting within...
He wanna hear it from her... Today the limit of self control she'd been keeping all this time, broken brutally and still what he did!! Thinking about his sister!! Great!! Even now his care, his sympathy, his tenderness, each and everything belongs to his SISTER... What she have in all this... Again she is left empty handed!!
But today she won't show herself weak... Though whole her life she had stood strong in front of society and family bearing taunts, tantrums of this baseless unauthenticated circle of low mentality superior people...
Of being orphan, of being a bad luck, of being a manhus who has eaten her parents after her birth and what not... Still she had stood strong!!
The man standing in front of her had made her weak! Only he possessed the power to bring emotions to an extent which she can't control... She was never weak before entering into his house...
What's her mistake! 'coz unknowingly a soft corner was built without her permission in this bloody heart!!
This moment she wanna shout aloud... Wanna made him understand... She too is a human like him who need moral support just like he did... She too is afraid of loneliness just like he's... She too wanna experience being wanted! Being Loved!! Just like he did!!
From the very first day she's aware about Him... Aware that in the disguise of devil a pure heart was locked to securely to access... When she wants to break this security, hurt, that she has gotten in the process...
"Aren't you're the one Who said these words
"I really don't have a heart... My amu took it away with her... I'm so sorry I can never love you..." (She exactly quoted his words)
Why so??" Again she stood up and his collars were pulled by her delicate wrists...
"Amita was my soul sister Jodha... And.." But his words are unabashedly cut through her shrill voice...
"Amita... Amita... Amita.. Amita.. What the hell does she had that I doesn't!! Still you're just concerned about the dead body, what about the one standing Alive in front of you!!" Her screaming came to an halt as he stood up and few long strides were covered to reach her, his hand raised to her eye level...
Her hands gripped the sides of her long kurti and eyes unexpectedly close expecting a hard blow but nothing came... His palm got fisted tightly controlling the urge to smash that beautiful face of his wife!!
Dammit!! This was something he have never ever expected from her... Till now an understanding, intelligent and lovable wifey image set in his mind got crushed ferociously by the choice of her words... Not caring about the fractured hand, he pulled her towards him with an mad glint shining in his expressive orbs...
"You know what!! I don't care now!! I was so wrong in understanding you!! So Wrong!!" And pushed her away seems like even disgusted with her touch... While for the first time in months her insides got shiver due to uncertainty in her stance and she watched him strode outside the room...
Is she really wrong?
*****
A slight tap on his shoulder brought him back from his sister's thoughts...
"Water?" Misha asked her husband while forwarding a glass of water... A stressful smile from him conveyed Misha, about the nagging going on in her husband's mind...
"They'll be ok" she reassured him with a light squeeze on his shoulder... An ease of smile escaped his lips, his wife always became successful in calming him down...
"Hope so..." he sighed while gulping the cold water down his parched throat...
"Misha am I doing wrong with Jodha?" Again the same question from his mouth made her aware that still he's not out of guilt... Maybe he can never be...
"Every person has an separate and unique place in our hearts... And that's what you've done Suja!! You've given a place to Amita which she deserved, and Jodha has a different place in your heart Suja! We can't compare your love You've for your sisters!!" Misha tried her best to made him understand... And she hoped he does...
Taking his palm in hers she kept on her stomach...
"You know my baby is complaining that daddy doesn't talk to him..." A trial to divert his attention surely worked...
"Misha it's her ok!!" sujamal countered flowing with the new topic... And his most favorite... In all the chaos he has literally forgot about his wife's and child's needs...
*****
She watched him coming inside the room and standing in front of wardrobe... Shuffling clothes with one hand, but this one hand thingy is just not working...
She steadily stood up and walked up to him...
"Why always I've to suffer? Why always in process of your healing I got hurt?" the calm question was like a invisible slap on his face...
"Unbelievable!! Still you're asking me!! Pta hai Jodha! You!! Only you're responsible for your own condition today!!" He said with a tone of finality and tried to go away but today his wife is determined to get answers...
"What does that mean?" Anger laced words left her mouth...
Losing the last bit of patience, Jodha was pinned by the wardrobe... Inches apart, she blinked rapidly... Only the casted hand was a barrier between them...
"What I mean is... In whatever condition you're today, it's only because of you!!! Let's start from start... Your brother... What kind of sister you're Jodha!! You didn't knew your own brother!!" His word striking directly to her heart...
"I... I tried..." In her defense, she tried to clarify... But feeling intimidate, words failed to get out of her mouth...
"What tried haan?? Can't you see how lonely your brother is... Despite having a blood sister he has to rely on outsiders like Amu and Misha... You at least have dadi but he! He doesn't have any Jodha! Just nobody!! And who else than me know better what loneliness is!" His every sentence is pushing her deep into guilt... But still she'd answer...
"I... I've... Tried to... Pursue him many times... But always he was reluctant!!"
"Always?" his eyebrows shot up... And here her she remained tongue tied...
"At least don't lie to yourself!! Yes, you've tried, but are all those efforts were enough to get into his skin!! No! 'coz your efforts never made that impact. When I just pulled out my past, have you ever tried to defend your brother! If you yourself can't trust your own blood, how could you expect others too? I had known what I've seen, but doesn't anytime you felt the need to at least called him and sort this out?" And here the first blunder in her life marked its presence via him...
"Now I think, what mistake he'd done years ago wasn't a mistake actually! He did right!" Though he felt bad but today he can't hold himself back! She knows this statement is only to hurt her! And actually it poured acid on her wounded soul...
"Now here comes my turn!!" And immediately her eyes bored into his... This time she'd no mistake... A helpless smirk left his lips watching the ashamed eyes gaining confidence which he's gonna break soon...
"Don't you think you are over confident??" his helpless tone left her dumbstruck... So what!! Isn't he had done enough mistakes...
"This relation didn't work! Is it only 'coz of me?" She stared him for a moment... And nodded... Of course! Only he's responsible... An resentful sigh escaped from bottom of his heart... Yeah!! Only he's responsible!! Sarcasm noted!!
"You know what! Just forget it!" He left her and headed ahead but a gentle tug on his wrist stilled him on his place... Clearly, a tiny hope took birth, filling his self with a new bout of satisfaction... Finally! Matters are meant to be sorted! But than the words left her mouth cruelly thrashed his hopes... Reminding him that hard core reality of their relation...
"You wouldn't accept your failures? Would you?" She's completely determined and sure in her stance... It's never been her fault in their relationship... It's always him! Who's wrong...
"I think you're right!!" With this he shrugged the gentle grip on his wrist, a bit harshly and strode outside... Leaving a furious yet thoughtful Jodha behind...
****
A week had passed in jiffy... But the distance haven't reduced to a bit... Though the routines were as simple as before but the essence of relations got tangled, it's complicated...
Today, Misha and Sujamal made a surprise visit to His house, just to see his rapid recovery... But Misha noticed something unusual... The distance and lack of communication was out shone, clearly nothing is right between these two...
Sujamal too noticed same as his wife, but shrugged it off assuming it to be their private matters... Jodha had never allowed him inside her life, though his reluctance was a greater problem but still he doesn't got courage to invade her personal life... Her efforts weren't futile attempt, if only she herself would have taken them with more sincerity... Now nothing can be changed!! Sigh!!
After a quiet lunch, Misha insisted Jodha to show her the cutlery, as she's interested in buying something same... And both the ladies headed towards kitchen leaving the men who are still not in talking terms...
Jodha started to took out the contents but Misha's question stopped her...
"What happened?"
With a confused frown she returned the answer of the question with another question...
"What?"
"Don't you think you're underestimating your Bhabhi?" the last word caught off guard her... And again she reminded of the blunder that she doesn't gave any importance to her brother and things related to him, still... This whole week, her time had been spent on pondering over the words uttered by him... And reached out for an conclusion that yes! He's right this time! Though initially she tried hard and was willing to accept her brother but his aloofness just decreased that willingness And at a point she'd gave up... But just 'coz of Dadi's nagging, she still tried to mend their relationship, half - heartedly that time...
And the moment Jalal had shared his past, that day she'd been disgusted with the word brother, even... Now! Nothing has left other than repentance and regret...
The click of fingers brought her out of her stupor...
"Kaha kho gyi? It's ok! If you don't wanna share jo! But just hear me out... Ok?"
A nod in affirmation, that's all needed for Misha to continue...
"You know Jo! We know Jalal from college days... I mean me and A...Atul..." the chocked voice caught Jodha's attention, but she neglected at the moment and shifted her mind to her words...
"We were so close to each other... Me, Atul and Jalal..." a soft smile conveyed Jodha that the lady in front of her is a compassionate friend who is relishing their beautiful moments...
"Jalal was a hard nut to crack (she chuckled)... But me and Atul still managed to see through him... He's protective and possessive for his closed ones..."
Who else better than her know, how protective and possessive Jalal is! She herself is a victim of his possessiveness... Unknown to herself, a genuine smile appeared on her lips...
"That time his world only revolved around Amita!" and that line wiped out the traces of happiness that has just resided on her persona... The name itself burned her shallow, and Misha was aware at the very moment about the insecurity Jodha had adopted due to Amita...
"Amita was his soul Jodha! His only companion, his only family!" and Misha's eyes stared at the women whose brown orbs has gained moisture till now... She has noticed same thing when the misunderstanding had been cleared... And that day itself Misha has catched the weak link of their marriage...
"But you're His wife Jodha!" and her teary orbs snapped up staring right through Misha's eyes, clearly confronting that Misha had picked up the right cord here... Before she could say something, a mere defense, but Misha gestured her to stop!
"Jodha answer me something... Who will you choose Dadi or Jalal? If given a choice?" And that literally threw her off guard...
"Have you gone mad, Misha?" Jodha reacted impulsively, just as expected...
"You can't choose right?" and Jodha nodded frantically... Of course! How could she choose between Jalal and Dadi... Dadi was the one who had nurtured her in the past and Jalal was one whom she expects to nurture her in future... How can she choose one when both are inseparable part of her...
Wait! Damn!! And here realization dawned unyielding... A hard blow on her self esteem... Ashamed! No! This would be the smallest unit of what she's feeling at the moment...
****
As soon as the ladies exited the hall... A layer of awkwardness engulfed them in...
"Uh! How's you Jalal?" Hesitancy was clearly visible in Sujamal's tone...
"Better than before..." He replied shortly... Though he knows, the man sitting in front of her isn't responsible for his sister's suffering... But still he can't let himself to free with him... Still he initiated...
"Uh! How's your work going on? For which you're here?"
"Good!" he replied, not knowing what to say more... Though he has a professional reason, but still his personal reasons related to his sister were more important... Again silence fell between them...
****
She was still not able to grasp the reality and Misha dropped another bomb...
"Sujamal, never hated you Jodha! He's a brother after all! At the time of your parents demise, he wanted some time for himself, to collect himself... To strengthen himself enough to take care of you... But again some relatives and Dadi misunderstood him, resulting his teenage harmones reacting rebellious... And that's what he'd done at that time... But now! It's different Jodha! He's an well - established man whose emotions are in his control... I know you've tried to near him, but his reluctance is because of Amita that time... All that fiasco has taken a toll on his mind, he was getting pestered mercilessly for no fault of his... And than sudden death of Amita again pushed him down in the world of depression from which she'd taken him out..."
Today Misha showed mirror to Jodha...
But doesn't she deserves happiness?
Can't she expect some tenderness from her closed ones?
Isn't she'd a heart of her own?
Today the naked emotions were transpiring in her expressive orbs... And as on cue, Misha answered the unasked questions...
"I don't know what had happened between you both... But I just wanna tell you that Relationships blooms with mutual understanding..."
With this Misha left the kitchen as Sujamal has called her... It's time for their leave...
****
After winding up her whole work, Jodha entered in their room... And found him standing by the window staring at dark clouds stealing the bright ambience of moon...
His cast claded hand was as it is from a week, while he's leaning with his free hand...
She reminisced the agony that had rushed through her veins, after that confrontation with Misha... Suffocation has enveloped her into it, don't know how she'd managed a pretense of all good...
The longing stare from Sujamal, she had received in the evening when her brother and his wife had went back, had kicked in emotions that she'd not familiar with... What can she do? She's torn between her martial life and her relation with brother... How to heal these both relations! They're are just... Just so complicated!!
She stared to direct towards him at the permission of her heart... And at moment she reached near him, a lone tear escaped from the territory of her big eyes...
Still unaware about her presence, he's staring at the stars... A beautiful moment knocked his door...
"Bhai! Why you brought me here?" A 7 year old Amu voiced out her confession, sitting in the lap of her big brother, in the open lawn of orphanage, teary eyed...
"To make you meet mumma and daddy!" he exclaimed mimicking Amita's childish accent... A broad smile was fetched on her beautiful face with this statement of her brother... Today while playing with him in the local garden Amita has seen a couple playing with their little girl... And out of curiosity asked him about them, then he explained the concept of parents... His sister has cried hard in yearning for parents... But how could he show her the brutal reality that for whom she's crying have left her in garbage bin to die painfully... So to keep her in her own sweet bubble, he brought her here...
"Where are they Bhai?" his heart pained to see her small hopeful glittering eyes... Biting back his pain he smiled at her and pointed towards the sky...
"Where?" Amita asked again while looking upstairs...
"You know Amu, Your parents are good people... Haina?" and the little girl nodded in innocent acceptance...
"So God called them to himself... And made them stars..." Amita nodded looking wonderly at the sky claded with innumerable celestial bodies shining apprehensively...
"Sachi Bhai! Are they stars?" Again innocent question wrenched his heart... And he nodded... And placed a peck on the tip of her nose, whilst she giggled at his gesture...
Watching her smiling, his heart was filled with happiness and from then... Stars are a part of their little family... He, Amu and stars...
But after her death, he had never felt like watching them... But today they're the partner in his loneliness... He closed his eyes and a heartfelt comment escaped his lips...
"Only if you hadn't committed that step! I at least would have someone to call as mine..."
While Jodha stood rooted at her place, knowing the plead is not for her...
Does she lost him??
*****
Phew!! I hope the update shows practicality...
I dunno if I've done justice with each character! I know there would be many loop holes, I've read it twice and corrected... If you find any please lemme know... And also about the emotions depicted by different characters... I'll try to cover up them in next update...
This is the most toughest update I've ever written... I dunno how it had come out... Leave your feedback... *fingers crossed*😆
Sorry if it's not worth reading😊
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