ARSHI FF- INBOX INSANITY- MESSAGE (5)- DINNER DATE - Page 2

Interesting...

Interesting Concept.

Oh gosh I don't think n I stopped grinning from start to finish.

Can v get one more update today?

Fun and interesting start 😊

I love this story. so refreshing and crazy

Fantastic words and turn-abouts. It was such a hilarious piece, with Arnav being straight to the point, while Khushi was berating La for using her pc... lol

Something worth looking forward to...finally 😃

MESSAGE (2): THE INDIAN CARRIE BRADSHAW

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From: Lavanya Kasyap

To: Khushi Gupta

Subject: London

How was your first day, Sparkletits?

Tell. Me. Everything!

Love,

La

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From: Khushi Gupta

To: Lavanya Kasyap

Subject: Part 1

Where do I even begin?

So I landed yesterday (Saturday) morning and went to the accommodation Alliance have provided only to discover it is literally the size of Harry Potter's cupboard. Like legit I couldn't get in the doorway because my boxes were filling up the entire room. You know how much I hate clutter, La, I honestly didn't have that many boxes to begin with.

I called HR and basically spent the entire morning and half the afternoon on hold with 50 different people until they managed to find me somewhere else, but it's all the way out in Zone 4. The Alliance offices are right in the middle of Zone 1. Apparently it's a 40 minute commute each way. Fantastic.

Anyways, I get to the new house (all my boxes still in the cupboard-room, Alliance said they should be home by tomorrow at the latest, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see), and discover that the landlady is batcrap crazy.

"Hallo Hi BYE BYE. WHAT TIME DO YOU CALLING THIS?!"

"I'm so sorry Aunty, this is my first time in London and I got on the wrong Tube three different times. Then I got on the right Tube but in the wrong direction. And then when I finally got on the right Tube in the right direction, I got on the wrong branch but was so tired I fell asleep and ended up in Epping."

"NO EXCUJEZ. I MISSING MY BEAUTY ISH-LEEP WAITING FOR YOU."

So she takes me up to the attic, which is actually really cute. I have a bedroom, an attached side room with oodles of cupboards and storage space, as well as a huge bookshelf, and then I have my own bathroom (though she had to show me a whole complicated rigamarole on how to balance getting the correct water pressure as well as hot water which wasn't so hot it'd "burning you isskin off like khchhh" and then she like clawed at her face as though she was ripping her own skin off and I almost considered calling Alliance again.

"Now, you ij taking the chaabi." And then she just hands me a whole bundle of keys. "And I ij taking the haa-liday." And then she pulls out a pair of sunglasses and just... leaves the house.

Lavanya I swear I have no idea what she's on. Maybe drugs? I wouldn't be surprised if it was drugs.

More later, hungry. Must eat.

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From: Lavanya Kasyap

To: Khushi Gupta

Subject: WHAT

STOP EATING, TUBBYTITS!!!

COME BACK HERE AND TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!

IMMEDIATELY!!!

Love,

La

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From: Khushi Gupta

To: Lavanya Kasyap

Subject: Part 2

I'm going to ignore the fact that you just called me tubby... Anyways, continuing:

So I didn't even know Crazy Landlady's name until around 10pm that night when I suddenly heard noises coming from downstairs. Now, I know Crazy Landlady's grasp on the English language isn't exactly flawless, but I'm sure even she wouldn't say she was going on a four hour holiday.

So I grabbed my phone, tapped 999 (yeah, Brits are apparently too dumb to remember both a 9 and a 1 so it's just triple 9 here) into it, grabbed my carry-on bag (I put a load of books in it so it was pretty heavy) and tiptoed down the stairs.

Me and the woman who was unlocking her bedroom door both screamed really loudly at each other for around a minute straight. "WHO ARE YOU?!"

"I should be asking you the same question!"

"I live here!"

"So do I!"

"Oh... wait. Have you just moved into the attic suite?"

"...Yes."

She gave a nervous little relieved laugh. "Oh okay. Hey. I'm Payal. I also live here. Manorama probably forgot to mention I live here. She frequently tries to forget herself that I live here, but fortunately my contract is with her son and not her so there's not much she can do about it."

Payal is great btw, La. She's a doctor, works at the hospital near me so we can commute together. She has also warned me that in the UK, I have to wear heels. I know you wear heels all the time but apparently it's like contractually obligated in a lot of the big finance firms here that women must wear heels as part of their professional attire.

You must be rubbing your hands with glee. Please send me some recommendations. Oh, I also need to up my makeup game, apparently. Payal says even she feels intimidated by how flawless all the City workers look and she doesn't even work with them.

As you bought most of my make up for me, you know what I own. Please send me step by step instructions on how to look "flawless" and also recommend me some new essentials.

Again, please try not to spontaneously combust with excitement.

I have to go now as Payal is going to show me around a little. Apparently I don't live just down the road from the Queen, in fact our address doesn't even technically say London. It's Essex. Which is part of Greater London?

I'm very confused.

This is all very confusing.

Brits have so many different accents and half the time I have no idea what any of them are saying. Payal is from somewhere up North so all her "o"s sound like "er". She pronounces "No" as "Nerr" and "So" as "Serr" and it's like FFS just speak normally woman!

I am also very jet-lagged.

Best wishes,

(Not Very) Khushi.

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From: Lavanya Kasyap

To: Khushi Gupta

Subject: For Future Reference

Attachments: How To Look Like A HBIC.pdf, SHOESHOESHOES.pdf

I only care about roommate drama if there are men involved so if Ankletits (I honestly am too funny for my own good) ever steals your milk or something, please feel free to never tell me about it.

I squealed SO LOUDLY when you said I could pick your shoes and makeup (please see attached) that my new neighbour came over to ask if I was being murdered.

I guess Ethel the Elderly either moved out or died because New Kid is definitely not called Ethel or Elderly.

He is SUPER hot. And also totally a gentleman given he heard a Damsel in Distress screaming for help and came running to save her. Do you know how rare it is to find a gentleman in New York?

Carrie Bradshaw knows.

And who am I if not a better looking, less annoying, Indian, Carrie Bradshaw?

Love,

Carrie(shma) (previously Lavanya) Kasyap

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From: Khushi Gupta

To: Lavanya Kasyap

Subject: Damsel In Distress?

Is that a joke? Lavanya you are literally beyond belts in four different martial arts. You could probably take down Vin Diesel in your underwear...

Please keep me informed with details about the New Kid (NK for short?) as they come in.

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From: Lavanya Kasyap

To: Khushi Gupta

Subject: NK Is Perfect!

Both the nickname and the man.

And duh I know I wouldn't actually need him to save me. It's just nice to know he'd try.

And of course I could take Vin Diesel down in my underwear. But not by fighting, if you catch my drift. ;) I don't spend 8 hours a week at the gym for nothing, you know.

Love,

La

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From: Khushi Gupta

To: Arnav Singh Raizada

Subject: Tomorrow

Prepare yourself.

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From: Arnav Singh Raizada

To: Khushi Gupta

Subject: A Request

Stop stalking me.

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From: Khushi Gupta

To: Arnav Singh Raizada

Subject: Request Noted

And denied.

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From: Arnav Singh Raizada

To: Khushi Gupta

Subject: I Wonder

If you'll be this brave tomorrow morning.

I wasn't kidding when I said I am painfully attractive, you know?

Bring sunglasses. I glow.

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From: Khushi Gupta

To: Arnav Singh Raizada

Subject: Tomorrow Morning

Come at me, bruv.

P.S. I hope I used that correctly, I heard one youth say it to another and I believe this is the correct context.

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From: Arnav Singh Raizada

To: Khushi Gupta

Subject: Come At You?!

Are you in East London, by any chance?

Actually, don't answer that. I don't care.

See you tomorrow.

P.S. There is no correct context for anyone over the age of 22 and/or not in a gang to use the phrase 'come at me, bruv'.

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From: d.singh(at)alliance.org

To: a.mathur(at)alliance.org

Subject: Do You Think

It's maybe time to send out another reminder that all internal emails are monitored?

Dhruv

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From: Aman Mathur

To: Dhruv Singh

Subject: Reminders

I literally sent one out to these fools three days ago.

Nobody cares.

MESSAGE (3): ROUND ONE GOES TO KHUSHI GUPTA