Epistle 82: Two Unspoken ConfessionsA/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D
This marks the 100th chapter for Untold Stories, so whoopies! *bursts confetti all over the place* And on this occasion, I'd like to thank each and every single reader who has been so supportive and appreciative of whatever I've done in this FF so far and have been such a pillar of support to me! This FF has certainly been a life-changer for me just like NC was, and I hope that I can continue to keep bringing a smile upon your faces with whatever I put up ahead. :D :D
Also, this chapter is how a "traditional" epistle is supposed to look like - in a letter format. ;) ;) And since the title is kind of a giveaway, no. Ranveer and Ishaani never sent this particular letter(s) in question. :) :)
Not keeping y'all any longer,
Happy Reading! :D :D
30th October, 2007:
Dear Ishaani,
I cannot survive without you because there is no life without you!
There, I admitted it!
I was a fool to believe that I could see this without you! I was a fool to believe that I could create a world of our own by abandoning my Universe! I want to pull you back into my arms and forget that this ever happened. Call me back, please. Call me back to you again because nothing feels good without you. And these two weeks without you made me realize one thing more so than ever.
I love you.
There, I said it... I love you!
I cannot tell you how much I love you though because the love I hold for you, I can never measure. But I know that my love makes me who I am. It completes my existence in this world. It makes my soul burn alive with the passion of living. But above all, it makes me realize that there's something worth fighting for. There's something worth living for.
And that's you.
But I cannot tell you this right now. Not after the way we both cried upon the phone yesterday after reading each other's letters. No, I cannot bring myself to talk to you when you're going to sound this shattered every time we speak. I cannot bring myself to hear your voice choking upon the phone with a laughter that we both know isn't present. No, I think it's best if we stick with the letters.
But you were quick to pick upon the loneliness in my voice too that I thought I could so well deceive. How did you get so good at reading me, Ishaani? I thought that all my life, I could put on the most flawless facade and you'd buy it. But I was wrong. You did sense the sniffs in my voice whenever I longed to tell you that I missed you. You did sense the pain in my voice whenever I longed to tell you how much I really missed having you by my side and living this adventure with me. You sensed my helplessness... the emptiness my heart felt.
And that's why, I cannot tell you what I've longed to tell you for the last eleven years of my life. That I love you. More than anything else in this world. More than even the good Almighty himself, I think. There hasn't been a single night in these many years when I haven't pictured what it would be like to confess my love to you finally, after all those of years of wait.
A wait that was worth in the end.
Ishaani, I was nine when I saw you for the first time. And all I could think about was how... angelic, you looked. Running down the steps in that pink dress of yours and posing by the piano for pictures while all I did was stare at you from behind a pillar. You were a brightness I'd never witnessed before. A phenomenon I'd never felt before. You felt so... pure. Clean. And all I could think was how filthy I was in front of you, really... And then, you finally spotted me staring at you. And do you know what the first thing that you did was? You flicked your finger across your nose like you always do when trying to wave me off.
It was so silly how I tried to imitate you because I thought that there was actually something upon my nose. And then just like Love, you came nearly floating towards me and blitzed right past me, without giving me another look. The world came back to normal for me the moment you'd left the room, and yet I couldn't breathe still. My breath still remained hitched in my chest, as though you'd stolen it right away. And since that moment, my life begun. Truly.
They say that a person's life begins when he's born into this world. But mine truly began when I first saw you, Ishaani. Since then, nothing's ever been the same again. Since then, I've had no recollection of my life before I met you. Because my life truly began the moment I saw you. Every minute, every second of it from that moment forth has been something I've only cherished with you. Ups and downs, happiness and sorrow, misunderstandings and confessions, hope and despair, life and death...
It's all begun and ended with you.
Our life has been idiotic if you see it like that and I wonder how we even survived the madhouse where everyone either only made you cry or kept abusing me for the fact that I was a driver's son. Accusations, whips, taunts, deceptions, injustice is all the two of us have ever known... And yet these eleven years of my life were the most beautiful ones that I've ever had. Extraordinarily magical. It was worth it all just because of you. Because I had you by my side. Because I knew that if I risked it, you'd break my fall. And you've done it so many times, through thick and thin.
I've seen you fight through battles every single day since I've known you, Ishaani. I've seen you be harsh with yourself and punish yourself in ways that were perhaps too much for a young heart like you to bear. It didn't take me long to figure out how alone and broken you were when we would stargaze in the quiet of the night during the initial days of our friendship. And it was then that I knew that I had to protect you from yourself, because nobody could destroy you the way you are capable of destroying yourself.
But you forget that the red of love outdoes the black of pain and insecurities that you've been harbouring in your mind for so long. I've seen you take on challenges like no other, Ishaani. I've seen you fight battles that you could have so easily abandoned because they weren't yours to fight. They were mine. And yet you fought them for me not just with sheer chivalry, but saved me from my own demons more often than not. All this time, I've been your shield. But you're the ultimate driving force that's kept me going so strong. You're my shield from myself.
How could I not love you, Ishaani?
You're the most remarkable, challenging, frustrating yet amazing woman I've ever come across. How could I not love you for that soul of yours that's only ever known kindness and humility? How could I not love you for that heart of yours that's only known love and gentility in spite of it being so bruised against the wounds that the world has so mercilessly inflicted upon the two of us? How could I not love you for the person that you are? How could I not love you for you?
And that is why, I must sacrifice my sanity in these two years if I'm to be worthy of you. I don't know how I'm to survive this without you though. I've known no world apart from you up until now. Nothing makes sense. How do I live? How do I breathe? When you're not here, I'm suffocating. But I have to do this. Not just for you, no. But for us. And for that, I must be strong for both of us. Mota Babuji always says that whatever happens, happens for the best. Maybe this is the best for us. The most precious diamonds have to go through the hardest of trials and the deadliest of fires to become what they ultimately become.
Maybe this is us in the making.
Maybe this is our story in the making.
Our untold story.
This letter is never going to reach you because this is not the time. Everything has a right time. This isn't ours right now. But know that I'll always love you, Ishaani. No matter what life throws in my face. No matter what destiny has in store for us. No matter what the world conspires against us. I'll always love you, and nothing is ever going to change that. Nothing.
I'll always be ready to walk the brutal fire for you. I'll always be ready to sacrifice my happiness just as long as you're happy. I'll always be ready to walk through the night just to meet you at the horizon. I've never dared to ever picture you beside me because my love has never been about acquiring you. Like Mota Babuji says, "Love is the name of losing yourself to someone, not winning someone over." And as long as it means your happiness, I'm always willing to remain in the shadow by being one to you.
Just stay strong, Ishaani. Know that I'm right with you always because you've got my heart with you anyway. Just have faith in yourself and don't succumb to this cruel world. Fight and keep fighting, because your Papa and I both know that you are a born fighter. We will see this through, Ishaani. We will see this through and that's a promise. And know that whatever happens, I'll always love you. Even though one-sided, my love for you is enough to sustain us both for a lifetime.
Take care and keep smiling. I'll return soon.
Until we meet again.
Love,
Ranveer
30th October, 2007:
Dear Ranveer,
I'm lost without you!
There, I admitted it!
I'm weak, I'm tired and this is already taking a toll upon me. Come back to me, Ranveer. Please, come back. I cannot do this without you. Nothing feels good without you. All this time, I knew how much you meant to me and how much your presence mattered to me. But now that you're away, I realize how much you actually mean to me and how dependent I've been upon you all this time.
And that's why I cannot send this letter to you. Because you cannot know this. I know the amount of restraint that you've been keeping upon yourself just so that you can remain strong for both of us and I'm not going to become an obstacle into that. And talking to you yesterday made me realize how stupid it was of me to break down like that. What was I thinking, really?
Sometimes I forget that this is not just hard upon me, but this is perhaps much harder upon you because you have to battle a whole new world all alone. But the courage you show gives me the courage to forget my own inhibitions and snap out of the reverie. You have the courage in you to fight against anything and everything that the world throws against you so that you can achieve whatever you've dreamt about. Whatever Papa and I have dreamt for you.
And I cannot tell you how proud I am of you, Ranveer. I trust you enough to know that you will see this through and emerge victorious. I know you enough to know that even though the path you have set upon is a one full of hurdles and obstacles, you won't ever give up without a fight. You're a born fighter, Ranveer. That's what defines your passion for life and for succeeding. And that's why it's best if we only communicate through letters from this point forth because I don't want to be the cause of breaking you down. Oh no, I could never do that to you.
Maybe because I love you.
There, I said it... I love you!
You must be wondering what's gotten into me? Ishaani Parekh and love? The girl who doesn't know the 'R' of romance, is talking about love. But I'm not talking about that love because that's too stereotypical and something that I still don't feel. But why should that mean that you cannot love someone for who they are? Not a lover's love, but just love? Where there's no explanation required or anything else associated. Just love. I don't know why I'm telling you this right now. Maybe it's because I'm too messed up to think straight and I'm just mixing all my emotions together. But I just want you to know that I love you and I miss you so much.
How can I not love you, Ranveer?
How can I not love that soul of yours that so whole and pure and just knows to give only happiness even if that means extinguishing the light from your own world just to brighten up the worlds of others? That heart that's only known to love and love some more unconditionally in spite of how much the world has scarred you and tried to tear you apart? How can I not love you for your selflessness, your nobility? For your courage and strength to do something most of the people would shy away from?
You're the most extraordinary man I've ever had the privilege of coming across, Ranveer. And I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love you as my best friend. And when I think about that love, it makes me realize that the sacrifice was worth it. All your life, you've always taken a backseat for me by putting my needs before your own.
I think it's about time I returned the favour.
I've seen you struggle with life ever since I first saw you eleven years ago, Ranveer. From the time we saw each other when you'd entered the Parekh Mansion for the first time. But it was only when I delved into your life and your struggles did I realize how strong you were. I will never forget the day when I saw Baa raise her hand upon you for the first time. You were silent, and you bore her abuse without a single word escaping your lips. But the moment she abused Kaka, I saw the restraint it took you to keep quiet. I saw the tears that flew down your cheek not in shame, but in anger as your hands clenched into fists.
I remember hearing you howl and wail in your room that night when I decided that maybe I was not the only one who was bruised in this ruthless world, afterall. And I remember how... insignificant, my worries felt against the insults you'd just borne. Against the raw agony in your voice that just kept ebbing in the form of more tears. For the first time that night, my agony didn't feel like my own anymore because for the first time, I chose to listen to my heart and trust it. Trust it and befriend you.
And since then, I've seen you fight life and death both like no other. You nearly sacrificed yourself for me just within months of knowing me because your loyalty was to my father and you cared for me as a friend. I will never forget the horror of that moment when I'd read your diary that night and had then found you in the closet. Because it was that moment when I knew that I had to protect you too from the brutality of the world. You have always been my shield, but I knew that I had to remain beside you to break your fall, just like you broke mine every single time.
You nearly sacrificed yourself for my father four years later and I've seen you fight harder than ever before. But this time, I saw you wage a war against yourself every single day. A war that most people would succumb to within days, but you fought yourself valiantly for three months. Until one night, you decided to give up. But I didn't let you, because this wasn't your fight anymore. This was our fight. When I'd promised that I was in it for the long haul, I meant it.
And I wasn't willing to let you fight this battle in solitude.
There's a reason why I love that painting so much. Because that painting just isn't a symbolism of what you'd conquered that night. It was a symbolism of what we'd' conquered that night. It was a symbolism of how much I meant to you, of how much you cared and trusted for me in spite of me hurting you always. It was a symbolism of how I still had to protect you from the world, even though so far I'd been doing a miserable job. Because you just stood so resolutely in front of me that you never even gave me a chance to protect you.
And from the last eight years, I've just seen you fight and fight against everything - the world, the society, the people of this madhouse, even yourself! But above all, your destiny. And yet you've fought it all with only the brightest of smiles upon your face, never once letting down your shield. You've fought life head on, always placing loyalty and friendship above everything else, even your own happiness. And as I've seen you struggle through life, I've only loved, admired and respected you more and more with every passing day, never able to comprehend what God had really made you of. But I could only thank him for sending you into my life as my best friend.
The person who I trust the most.
You've been the best friend anyone could ask for, Ranveer. You've encompassed all of my insecurities and pains and have so effortlessly made them your own. You asked me to trust my heart for once, and so, I'm doing it. I'm trusting my heart. I trust you to know all of my deepest secrets and insecurities and keep them to yourself. They always say never to trust a person so blindly and so much, but you've proved yourself time and again. If there's anyone I can trust with my whole being, that's you.
And that's why, it's time for me to step forward now and bear the world's atrocities for you. It's about time you begin thinking about yourself and do something for yourself for once. It's about time I learnt fighting my battles on my own. So far, I'm having no luck with them, but with time I'll learn to cope. But I will not let you make my demons your own anymore. Not when you have so much to fight on your own so far. Because for once you're going to need every ounce of your own strength and sanity if you've got to see this through. And you cannot afford a distraction in my form. Oh no, you can't.
This is our trial so that we can be the rulers of the world.
This is our story in the making.
Our untold story.
But always know that wherever you are, I'm always going to be with you. Fighting your battles in the shadow and standing in front of you as your shield for now. I'll never come in between your rightful success, Ranveer. No matter how weak I have to get for that, but I will stand in front of you as your shield. For you, I'll always be strong. And that's why, this letter is never reaching you. Because this is not the time for you to fall weak. There's a lot to accomplish and this is just the beginning.
Stay strong, Ranveer. The world will try their best to break you down but I know that you're a fighter. Papa and I both know what you are capable of. Just have faith in yourself and keep fighting. Know that I'll always be there for you. I'll always love you as my best friend because you are my world. A world who's now evolving into a Universe in itself.
Change is a part of life, Ranveer. Everything will change, but love doesn't. Faith doesn't. Hope doesn't.
We will see this through, Ranveer. We'll both see this through, I promise. Failing though my strength is, I know that my trust in you is not misplaced. You'll return to break my fall. You'll return back because I mean to you what you mean to me. Best friends. I love you so much, Ranveer, and I miss you terribly.
Take care and keep smiling. I trust you with my life.
Until we meet again.
Love,
Ishaani
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 83
Edited by LadyMeringue - 8 years ago
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