Imperfectly Perfect [FF, ThaHaan] - updated, pg.15!! - Page 11

Look at who it is 😆 Yes, yes, I know - finally. Lazy me took too much time; but to be fair, it wasn't entirely my fault. A writer's block can be such a nasty thing

Anyway, last chapter we had ThaHaan stuck together after tumbling down a cliff, caught in a storm and lost in a forest - and Bihaan brought Thapki home, safely. This chapter is, once again, from Thapki's POV. And let me tell you, Thapki is one confused soul. Very, very confused. And Bihaan is... well, as long as we can't look into his head, we won't know why he's doing whatever he's doing 😆 But let me tell you: I'm excited to write more. My motivation to build ThaHaan's story steadily but not at a snail's pace (hopefully) is limitless 😆

I hope you'll enjoy this chapter 😊

Edit: I am not sure if I'll be sending out PMs, this time around. Don't know who's still reading this and who isn't - and my dimaag ghuum raha hai abhi 😆

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05

Amidst turmoil

Thapki felt terrible. No, worse than terrible.

Every single muscle in her body was sore. Her temples were throbbing painfully. And her vision was blurry, it took an eternity of blinking and squinting for it to sharpen. God. It hadn't been this bad when she had woken up the first time around... she shouldn't have fallen asleep while pretending to be still unconscious.

Though, the longer she stared up at the roof of her room the clearer her mind became and the easier it was to put her thoughts together. A day, her mother had mentioned earlier. A whole day of her life had passed by in blurry motions, her recollection of it a jumble of uncoherent voices and colors and heat.

She knew perfectly well that her family had been beyond worried. Yet, she had been unable to even let them know that she had regained her consciousness and was much better by now. She - she just hadn't felt up to the task of facing their questions. Which, she was sure, would have definitely followed. Where had she been? What had happened? Why was Bihaan with her?

She didn't want to think about it. About Bihaan and the confusion this whole episode had left her in.

With a tired groan on her lips, Thapki slowly heaved her legs over the edge of her bed. She waited for a few seconds and exhaled, relieved when no dizzy spell hit her. For how long could she hide in here, anyway? She couldn't stay "asleep" forever. And it wasn't as if she had anything to be ashamed of. Maybe embarrassed about the whole ordeal, but that was that.

Strange, though, Thapki mused as she walked out of her room. Why is it so silent? Is no one home?

"Maa? Pa-" Thapki halted in her steps, surprised. "...sir?"

In the middle of their tall, standing in front of one couch was really Dhruv. He didn't turn around immediately though, she could see his shoulders tense the moment she had addressed him. He looked out of place... When he did face her, though, his expression was taught but his eyes soft. Worried. There was a lump pressing against the back of her throat, stirring a new wave of nausea in the pit of her stomach.

"What a-a-are you doing here?" she forced herself to press out.

Dhruv sighed, there was a frustrated note to the sound. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

How she was doing? Thapki frowned. How did Dhruv know that she had been unwell? Did Bihaan tell him anything?

"I was there when Bihaan brought you home," Dhruv said as if reading her mind. "Aditi had told me that you were missing and I was worried so..."

Thapki's frown deepened further. She hadn't known that Aditi was still in contact with Dhruv, and neither had her sister ever mentioned such a thing. Still... "I think you sh-sh-should go now." And she lowered her gaze while saying that, she didn't want to his reaction to her words. She could guess it.

It was silent for a long moment. Too long and uncomfortable. Yet, despite the urge the turn away and leave, Thapki forced her feet to stay glued to where they were. Sooner or later she would have had to face Dhruv, no? Honestly, she was surprised that it had taken the man this much time to finally seek her out and that too prompted by her being unwell.

"Fine."

Stunned, Thapki looked up. Was it really that easy?

There was something... strange about the way Dhruv was staring at her. Contemplative. Thoughtful. And... she couldn't put her finger on it but whatever it was, she didn't like it.

"But I want to know one thing: What were you doing with Bihaan out of all people and that too, that late in the night?"

"I-" Thapki paused, took a deep breath in order to calm the annoyance bubbling through her veins and said, "I don't think that should m-ma-matter to y-y-you." Especially not if he asked her in such an accusing manner. "You can always a-as-as-ask your brother, if you want to kn-kn-know, though."

That wasn't what he had been expecting if the upturn of his mouth was anything to go by. And Thapki... she knew she was probably hurting him. She had hurt him when she broke off their marriage, and she continued to hurt him till date. But what was she supposed to do? This was simply awkward. They didn't have any relationship anymore, and Dhruv had no reason to worry about her. He wasn't doing anyone a favor with his concern least of all himself.

Dhruv chuckled drily. "The way you are treating me one would think it was me who ran away from our marriage."

Thapki bit down on her tongue hard to distract herself from the ache that rippled through her chest. She couldn't do this. Not now. Maybe never. She had made a decision, one that definitely pained Dhruv (she wasn't unaffected, either), but she would stick to said decision, period. And he should realize that this was definitely not the time to talk about the past. He had had weeks to do that - why now?

"I th-thi-think-think you should lea-leave."

"As you wish," Dhruv finally relented and dipped his chin. "I hope you recover soon." He paused before walking away from the couch and toward the door, his back facing her. "But don't think that I will let this go this easily."

Thapki stood in the middle of the hall, staring at the now closed door, her insides in turmoil. Only after Dhruv had left did she notice that he had been unnaturally pale, almost sickly so. But more than that his behavior concerned her. It was off. Nothing like the sweet Dhruv sir she had known from the beginning. What was going through his head? What was it about him that had her on edge?

"Di?"

Startled, Thapki whirled around, heart pounding loudly against her ribcage. Aditi. Her sister eyed her with confusion before her gaze flickered past her. She was chewing nervously on her lower lip.

"Has Dhruv left?"

"Did you i-in-invite him over?" Thapki was as surprised by the harshness of her voice as Aditi looked. Yet, she didn't apologize. The anger bubbling deep inside of her wouldn't let her.

"He was worried about you," Aditi sighed. "He cares."

Obviously. "He shouldn't."

Aditi smiled, a sad smile. "Love is like that. It doesn't worry about should' and shouldn't'."

Thapki crossed her arms over her chests and averted her gaze. "It's the past." It didn't hurt as much as it perhaps should have saying this.

"Why does it bother you so much?" Aditi wondered. "You loved Dhruv, maybe still do." Stop it. "But you can't accept his honest concern for you." I don't want to hear it. "Yet, you don't have any problem with spending time with Bihaan?"

"Aditi!" She was furious. No, beyond furious at the implication. "I wasn't w-with him because I w-w-wanted to be! He just helped me." Oh, and how much she loathed to admit it. Bihaan didn't have to do anything of what he had done - and yet, he did and it irritated her to no end.

"Yeah, I..." Aditi shook her head as if to get rid of a very annoying thought and raised her hands in surrender. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Just... it doesn't matter. I am glad that you are fine now. Maa and Papa had been worried sick."

Thapki forced herself to nod slowly. "Yeah. I- I think I'll l-l-lie down for a bit." She just wanted to get away from here and the strange atmosphere surrounding.

***

"Who was that?"

Thapki put her phone aside before turning toward her mother who sat down on the edge of her bed, a glass of juice in her hand. She took the glass gratefully. "Remember the in-int-inter-interview I went for. They are of-of-offering me the job."

"All of a sudden?" Her mother was surprised - as had Thapki been.

She never expected to hear from them again after how she had been rejected for the job. But Mister Patel who had interviewed her was saying that he made a mistake when he rejected her. He even sounded apologetic although, Thapki couldn't shake off the feeling that it was a bit forced. It was simply strange.

"He said that he realized h-h-he had been wrong." She hadn't even asked, not that she had had any time to voice her concerns. Mister Patel explained himself vaguely, that he had thought about the whole issue for some days, and that they couldn't find anyone better suited than her. That was that. Remembering the man's attitude during their last meeting, she was truly confused as to what had prompted this change of heart. Surely something must have happened.

Poonam watched her closely. "Are you going to accept?"

Thapki stared down into her juice. She tilted the glass a little so that the liquid touched the rim on one side. "I don't know. I th-think I will go to the t-t-temple. It will help m-me-me to decide." It always calmed her down, at least, and made it easier to contemplate things.

Fingers carded gently through her hair. "It's your decision, in the end. Whatever you want."

"W-w-won't you ask?" Where I was? Why I was with him?

"Do you want to tell me?" her mother countered.

Thapki shrugged. "There was an a-ac-accident and he h-he-hel-helped me." More or less.

Poonam smiled at her, tired yet sincere. But there was something bothering her, Thapki could tell. "We're just glad that you're safe."

Thapki returned her smile but didn't reply anything. If there was something bothering her greatly, she would eventually tell her in due time. Right now, Thapki didn't have any strength nor will to deal with more problems.

When her mother stood up to leave the room, Thapki's gaze fell on the pile of clothes resting on the chair at her writing table. Once she was sure that she was alone, she put her glass away, still full, and walked over. Without thinking twice, she pulled out a jacket that definitely did not belong to her- it was torn here and there but seemed to have been washed.

And just like that, the memories broke down over her like a landslide - unrestrained and merciless.

"But I didn't look, I swear!"

"U-un-undr-undressing a girl is b-be-beyond inappropriate."

"Now, shut up. I don't like it, either, but I dislike you dying on me more."

"I... I h-h-hate-hate storms."

"A for amazing how you always find a reason to a for accuse me for everything!"

"But now, I, at least, understand what they mean with The higher you fly, the deeper you fall'."

"What are y-yo-you doing?"

"Shut up. You want to go home, I will bring you home. Just... let me, okay?"

"Don't be stupid. You are sick and hurt, it's my responsibility to keep you safe."

"You... hurt, as w-w-well. And w-warm."

The jacket slipped through her trembling fingers. She barely noticed it. Instinctively, she hugged herself and pressed her eyes closed tightly until it hurt- but it made everything even worse instead of better. She could feel Bihaan's warmth all around her, a blanket of protection leaving her insides in tight knots. She should be repulsed. She was repulsed. Just not...

It had been Bihaan's fault. Had that idiot not chased her and accepted her refusal to ride on his bike, they wouldn't have tumbled down that cliff. They wouldn't have gotten stuck in a forest. Wouldn't have gotten hurt and fallen sick. Yet, the longer she let the memories of that night rain down on her, the more her anger softened. It didn't vanish completely, there was still a prominent bitter taste on her tongue, but it wasn't as vicious as it ought to have been.

Bihaan didn't have to offer his help to bring her home. He didn't have to carry her all the way up the cliff till her doorsteps. The fact that he still did at the risk of harming himself... Thapki didn't know what to make of it. She couldn't grasp it - Bihaan had behaved so differently from what she would have expected from him. He hadn't been like the image she had already sorted away in her mind. Yes, he was still annoying and too arrogant for anyone's good but not heartless. Not hateful. Different.

And it scared her more than she was willing to admit.

"You... hurt, as w-w-well. And w-warm."

Opening her lids, Thapki crouched down and once again grabbed the jacket. It was soft against her skin. She should have asked Dhruv about Bihaan. If not out of concern than out of humanity, at the very least. But then again, she had been caught off guard by Dhruv's visit that there hadn't been anything else she could have focused on.

And now, the guilt was pressing down on her chest like a heavy stone, threatening to suffocate her. Because of Bihaan Pandey. Someone whom she shouldn't waste any time to think about and yet... yet, even the thoughts about that idiot were as stubborn as his real self was.

Maybe... maybe she could return this jacket.

***

"Uhm... hi?"

Thapki just stared at him. She couldn't do anything else because this was too absurd. Really? Again? What was the probability of this happening, repeatedly? This wasn't a badly execute daily soap! "Are you f-fo-f-foll-following me?"

Bihaan grimaced. He as sitting on the far left of the third step of the stairs that led up to the temple, shoulders slumped forward and body slightly turned away from everyone climbing up and down. Had he been here the whole time? Thapki only noticed him when she had, immersed in her own thoughts, almost stumbled over him. He hadn't reacted to that apart from sliding even farther to the side but when she addressed him, he visibly tensed up. As if he was equally as surprised to meet her in this place.

He wasn't looking at her, though. His attention was on the flower he had just plucked from the flower bed that spread out on both sides of the stairs. It was a white lily. And he was rolling its hem between his thumb and forefinger, completely fixated on the task. A nervous habit? "I was... I mean, how would I have known you'd be here?"

"Coming here he-h-helps me..." Thapki bit down on her lower lip, aghast at her own behavior. What was wrong with her? There was no need to share something like this with Bihaan Pandey. Especially not with him. Stupid.

No one uttered another word. And with each passing second, the atmosphere around them turned more and more awkward. Thapki threw a glance back toward the temple she had just left and sighed deeply. She had prayed for some direction, for a resolution to the turmoil that was wreaking havoc inside of her. Yet, this was what she was getting? She looked down at Bihaan, absent-mindedly noting how unruly his hair was. He wasn't moving. Neither was she. Why? Just walk down the remaining distance and leave without sparing the man another glance. But her feet refused to oblige such a simple order as if they were stuck.

"You seem to be doing b-be-better," she blurted out - and immediately slapped a hand over her mouth, mortified.

Bihaan's head snapped up, his eyes wide with surprise. The surprise quickly morphed into a petulant frown. "I should be saying that," he huffed. "You were the one to almost die on me. I wanted to visit, anyway, but..."

"I didn't a-al-almost die," she retorted automatically and, after comprehending what he had just said, added, "You wanted to v-vi-visit me?"

Now, Bihaan looked embarrassed. It seemed like she was not the only one whose tongue worked faster than their brain, today. "Well, I... uh." He jumped to his feet and turned half away from her, rubbing his neck with one hand. "I didn't know if you'd want to see me. Or, if your family would've let me in. I just wanted to make sure that you're okay - would be on my head if you weren't, after all."

Thapki blinked. Bihaan had just admitted that he had been worried about her... hadn't he? He sounded very honest, as well. Maybe a bit too honest considering that they both could not stand each other. How could he utter something like this with such seriousness, then? Make it sound sincere? Talk about that incident so causally? More than that... how come she, herself, didn't feel as awkward as she should when they brushed the whole ordeal? It had been a mortifying experience.

But instead of voicing all her confusion and questions, she said, "You are so s-st-stra-strange."

"Says the woman who is a walking chuk-chuk gadi," he replied sourly- almost offended.

Unintentionally, Thapki stiffened. She hated it whenever he made a remark on her disability even if it didn't sound like an insult coming from him in such a way. And yet, it grounded her. Reminded her of who exactly this man was and what he had done to her. Reality was painful but it remained reality, she couldn't let herself be swiped away by his other side, the one that contradicted everything she knew about the youngest Pandey. The considerate one, the one that teased her without any malice, the one that worried for her and admitted to it with a childlike honesty.

The side she refused to acknowledge as part of reality.

"What, do you feel g-g-gui-guilty?" she asked tersely. The slightest hint of venom seeped into her tone, it was an instinct by now. "I'm s-sur-surprised you even know what guilt i-i-is."

"Look, you-!" For a moment, it seemed like Bihaan was going to grab her arm but inches away from it he folded his fingers into a fist and retreated it. The fist was digging into his right thigh. He took several deep breaths. "I am in no mood to fight with you, okay? I am not following you around. I use to come to this temple regularly, as well, just so you know. This," he indicated between them, "is nothing but coincidence. And I wanted to see whether you are still alive or not. Would have been a shame if not after all the effort I put into getting you home safely," he added sarcastically.

"Whatever." Thapki rolled her eyes for good measure before straightening her shoulders and brushing past him. This was ridiculous.

"I never meant to hurt you."

Thapki froze in her motions. What...? She stared down at her red dress, trying to will her heart to beat slower. It didn't.

What was Bihaan talking about? Their little accident? But... but Bihaan didn't blame himself for that, she was sure of it. It hadn't really been his fault even if she liked to blame it on him. It had been simply bad luck, nothing more. Was he talking about - the wedding?

How dare he?

Startled, Thapki flinched when she realized that Bihaan was standing right in front of her. When had he moved?

"I know you don't like me," he said carefully, all the while observing her. "But I... can't we talk about it?"

"Why?" She was so grateful that her voice didn't waver. "Why do you c-c-care? Now? And t-ta-ta-talk about what?" There was nothing to talk about.

Bihaan reached for her wrist and she let him take it only because she was surprised at how it was shaking. Her whole body was shaking. She watched as he let the lily fall on her palm. The green stem was warm against her skin. "I heard that if you visit someone who's ill, you gift them flowers," he muttered.

"I'm not ill."

"You had been, though." He let her go and took a step back. His gaze was open, allowing her to see and hiding nothing. But how could she trust what she was seeing in there? The rawness. The... "I do. Care, I mean. I just..." He pressed his eyes closed and groaned in frustration. "I don't dislike you, okay? Whatever you think of me, you are probably justified, but I am not heartless. Human, yes. Stupid, yes. But not vindictive. So, yes, I do care."

Her mouth opened and snapped closed, immediately, without a single sound leaving it. She was speechless. She didn't understand... why was Bihaan doing this? What was the use? "It doesn't m-m-matter." It had long ceased to matter.

His lips pulled into a thin, ghostly smile. "Maybe it does to me."

And Thapki couldn't bear to look at him any longer because if she did then her already aching insides would catch fire and turn into ashes. It hurt too much. Everything just hurt. Instead, she let her thumb caress a white petal. Its softness against her touch was calming to a certain extent. But not completely.

What was she supposed to do? What did Bihaan expect her to do? Where did they stand, now?