Epistle 71: My Love for PetrichorA/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D
Happy Reading! :D :D
2nd July, 2007:
You're just not going to believe what happened today.
The results! I topped them! Passed with a distinction! I... I can't believe it! The results were delayed due to some issues at the University but they were out this morning! I can't believe it! The exams were good and all, but I didn't know that the marks... Oh my God, I think that I could cry with joy! And maybe that's why it's been raining since morning as well!
I know it's not unexpected rains, but still... The timing of them after a week-long dry spell was more than welcome. And I think after all the times that Ishaani's tried to get me wet in the rains against my will, it was the first time that I've willingly agreed to become so. And surprisingly, it felt so good. Ofcourse I've caught a cold now because I always do, but this is another day I cannot forget for a long, long time.
The rains were like a respite to all my problems and apprehensions. It was as though every single drop that fell upon my face washed away all the tears that my heart ached to bleed. Every single drop that made goosegumps erupt upon my skin was a sign that I was still alive and feeling. And the petrichor was as extraordinary as always, giving me the sense of being secure in the arms of nature.
What more could I have asked for, really?
Time is a very funny thing, really. Just fifteen hours ago, I thought I'd be sick for certain with worry about the results. I don't have an issue with nerves like Ishaani does, but today was different. When expectations ride upon your shoulder and threaten to sink you along with it into the deepest of oceans, being sick is the easiest way to combat it. And it's been six of the most painful, anguish-filled, and terrorizing hours of my life with the number of absurd thoughts that flit into my mind.
What if I failed? What if I didn't score well? Would I get a job? Would Mota Babuji and Ishaani be disappointed? What would my parents say? Oh they'd be so upset... We don't have any backing too... Would we have to go back if nothing went right? Where would we stay? How would I stay without Ishaani? How would I ask her hand in marriage if I didn't get good marks? Who would give a servant with low grades a job? No job, no independence. No independence, no money. No money, no standing in the society. No standing in the society, not equivalent to Ishaani. And just with that, no Ishaani.
And this has been pounding on my mind since seven in the morning until my results at one. Ishaani took a half-day from college just so that she could accompany me to my own one for my results. She knew that I was having terrible nerves in the morning when I ran to the washroom thrice to throw up, but couldn't. Maa and Baba were terribly worried about me but Ishaani recognized the symptoms.
Nerves.
And even though I was busy the entire day, every minute felt like a thousand painful seconds. Oh, the time wouldn't just pass by! Mota Babuji had taken me to the stock markets today and for the first time, I was too distracted to trade or even focus on the humdinger of the place. It was claustrophobic, and I felt that I would choke out of breath if my results wouldn't be out another minute.
Maybe Mota Babuji knew what was going on in my mind because he instantly shooed me away from the BSE and sent me to my college. And even before I reached there, Ishaani was already standing by the entrance, looking anxious. I barely stepped out of the car when she noticed me and threw herself upon me in the tightest of hugs. It was rather awkward, I'll admit, because, well... we were in public. This wasn't supposed to happen outside.
But even as we separated, I could see my anxiety reflect in her eyes.
"They shooed us away because they want to upload the list right now. Another ten minutes more."
I nodded at her nervously as both of us sat upon the steps. And those were amongst the longest ten minutes of my life. I don't know but every micro-second is engraved in my brain and yet I cannot recollect any of those ten minutes except for knowing that every single moment was only infused with panic, anxiety and a lot of sweating and irrational thoughts. At some point, Ishaani caught my hand but I was too tongue-tied and on the edge to even push it off and tell her that she wasn't supposed to behave like this in front of others.
Yet there was something about her touch that felt... sane. It was as though her skin was the only thing that kept me held on to the ground, being my only source of sanity in those maddening moments filled with the most bizarre of assumptions. I had the feeling that her touch was something I'd experienced before - not in reality, but the sensation was more like the ones in some dream. It was only after a long, long time once we got back home did I realize who it reminded me of - Love.
There's so many similarities between the two of them that it's startling at times. All those small nuances, those crazy talks, all that eccentricity, and yet all the possessiveness and the love and the same kind of passion for me. It's a little unsettling because I cannot understand what's going on in Ishaani's heart. I'm supposed to have written a 302-page book on her and yet this is one thing I just can't spell out.
Er, sorry. Where was I? Oh yes, the results. Just when I thought that I would die out of anxiety and that those ten minutes were going to last up to an eternity, Ishaani sprung up and ran to the result board. I was too startled and was nearly pushed off by the rampage all the desperate students were creating to attempt getting to the board. Another five minutes later, Ishaani squiggled grumpily from amidst the now-intolerant crowd until her eyes met mine.
They glistened.
I felt my heart stop as she took slow, deliberate steps towards me, my heart no longer ready to take another beat with the stark cruelty of the wait. She looked at me silently, not letting any of her features deceive what she had seen upon the board. And all I could think was that I had failed. This was it. The cul-de-sac. Finite. Kaput. The end of my dreams. The pauper could dream all he wanted, but this was reality. He could only achieve so much.
And boy, that thought stung. My heart suddenly flamed up at the unbearable horror that was failure, and maybe that's why my eyes glistened too. Ishaani threw her arms around my neck into an embrace as I remained limp, too stunned and whipped to even react. I buried my head into the crux of her hair and she stroked mine slowly, whispering with an insane amount of calm.
"You've passed with distinction. You've topped your batch."
I misunderstood her in spite of hearing the words correctly. Or maybe my heart was too frightened to believe it. I was halfway through accepting failure. I was halfway to losing hope. And then it all just hit me at once. There was no failure right now - only success. The pauper could dream again, yes! All was not lost... It could all happen like the way he wanted it to be... It could all happen like the way he knew he wanted to strive for it... Yes, all was not lost.
The moon could perhaps descend through the room and enter his life afterall.
And I let myself cry as my arms finally encircled her into the tightest of embraces I'd ever dared to give her so far, sobbing into her shoulder openly. I was too afraid to look up, as though looking up would mean that it was all a dream. But it wasn't. It was all true. She rubbed circles around my back, letting me cry into her arms, knowing that she was the only one who could give me the solace.
The solace that this was all true.
When my head began to ache with all the crying and I thought that I'd lost all my breath, I finally separated from her and dared to look into her eyes. She'd been crying too. We both rubbed away the tears from each others' face stupidly before one by one, all of my classmates came and thumped me upon my back. Apparently everyone was sure that I was going to score this well. Everyone except myself.
But that was just the beginning. Ishaani managed to drag me away from all my envious classmates and decided that it was time for a little party. Where, I asked, but she wouldn't say. All she said was that it was a surprise. I took the driver's seat and revved up the car, the vehicle already on the main road by the time Ishaani spoke to Mota Babuji and informed him about the same.
My heart couldn't believe it, and yet I knew it was true. I'd stared at the result board for twenty whole dumb minutes, wondering whether all this was true. My mind was still in the mood to run into overdrive, albeit this time with a positive future. This was life, though - who knew what awaited you tomorrow? But I could not stop the euphoria that kept entering my heart so treacherously. Oh, I could have jumped off a cliff, I was so happy! I am that happy!
Ishaani kept directing me and I followed her instructions without another question. We drove over the Marine Drives, and the weather was simply blissful. It looked like it would rain any minute and it was just... perfect. Ishaani and I loved going on such long drives whenever we were happy or sad, and today just justified the occasion. I was a graduate! A graduate!
I think this mental chant continued in my mind until Ishaani told me to bring the car to a halt. And I did. Looking around to see where exactly we were, I realized that Ishaani had brought me to my favourite samosa wala's stall. God, that girl is my queen. How does she always manage to do things like that? Jumping down from the SUV with all the excitement that she could muster, she pulled me out from the car as well even before I could open my door properly.
She ran to the samosa wala and told him to give us six samosas and two cups of tea, like always. This was our favourite stall; the vendor knows our order by heart by now. And he smiled at the two of us, frying the next lot of them quickly while Ishaani and I sat down upon the wooden bench beside him. It was an odd hour, so there was no rush at all. But it was still an exception to a stall joint in Mumbai. There was a rush hour at ALL times at the stalls.
But sometimes, the stars just favour you, I guess. A lucky day where everything is meant to go right. Everything is meant to be right. A day that's a talisman against all those other ones that just has to go wrong for no reason. But the light of these days are stronger than the darkness of those. It's meant to penetrate. It's meant to be a dawn after walking through the night.
I was snapped out from my thoughts when the unbearably delicious waft of the samosas infiltrated my nose, sending me into another stupor of delight - the delight of food. Samosas with green chutney and a cup of tea... What more did I need in life anyway as long as Ishaani was the one I shared this meal with? And so I decided that it was the best thing to do for now - enjoy the moment. Thinking about the past or the future wasn't going to do me any good; but spending this time with Ishaani would. It would only give me another day to cherish amongst every single one that she's given me to in these eleven years.
And so I dug into the little delicacy, along with Ishaani. I swear, this was one of the best samosas I'd ever tasted in my life. Chacha beat his own standard today, it was that good! And the tea was just what was required to give the perfect kick. Ishaani and I just went ballistic over them as we acted like a bunch of hungry puppies who'd never seen good food, showing our gratitude by devouring the samosas with utmost of care and with the most explicit sighs of delight.
Ishaani and I fought so valiantly about who was to pay the bill for the little party, though. We wasted ten minutes behind it until Chacha told us that it was for free. The two of us felt so silly on the way back home, but we are shameless enough to not feel bad for too long. We just began to laugh, the electrifying happiness of the day and my achievement pulsating from our auras in the most impeccable way possible. It was as though our souls had won over their right to be happy... To be devoid of anything that held it down in this tormenting world. We were almost there.
We had nearly learnt to fly.
And down flew the rains. Oh, Ishaani went nuts! Seeing the rains, she would have jumped out of the car and danced in them then and there. But I couldn't let her do that now, could I? So I promised her that she could dance all that she wanted on the terrace once we got home. And that idiot made me drive back home on a rocket speed with the rains thundering down after a week-long disappearance.
Somehow, the journey back home felt so much shorter. Maybe it was because I was too preoccupied with how happy Ishaani was today for me that made me heart gloat just a little more. Maybe it was the care and concern and affection she showed for me today that made my heart flutter just a little more. Maybe it was the way she stood by me in my first success that made my heart grow fonder of her a little more. Maybe it was the way she was there for me today that made me love her a little more.
The moment we touched ground, Ishaani ran out from the car and made her way upon the terrace not unlike a galloping horse. And boy, was she fast! I caught up with her moments later, hardly out of breath but what I saw did steal away the breath I was saving. The most angelic sight in front of me. Ishaani dancing in the rains, her kurti giving her the exact look of a peacock dancing the rains. She couldn't dance and yet there was a grace that belittled all.
She was perfect.
And like always, she called me over and I declined as I quickly ran towards the nearest shelter. It was raining moderately now, and Ishaani kept jumping in the poodles of water that were now beginning to form. And all I could do was admire her from a distance, like always. How couldn't I admire God's greatest creation? How couldn't I admire the greatest gift of my life? Mota Babuji always says that the person who's given us happiness all our life is someone whose memories can only bring tears. Goodness knows I don't want her only in my memories in the future.
I want her beside me in flesh and blood.
She was playing and jumping and calling me over and all did was stare at her, transfixed. And out of nowhere, my feet pulled me out into the rain, the droplets falling upon me like the blessing of heaven. I could hear Ishaani gasp in pleasant surprise but I'd already shut my eyes by then to notice her reaction. And every single drop felt like a grain of happiness, creating an ocean little by little with painful pleasure.
"Keep feeling it," came a voice from around me, and I obeyed without question.
Oh, it was bliss... ecstasy... euphoria. How I wished I could be swept away by the grace of the water drenching me so gently. Every drop that hit my forehead left my eye at the same time, until all I could do was run my fingers through my hair in a prayer of frenzy. I wanted to drown into this blow-by-blow feel of the rains. I never wanted to return back to reality. I wanted to succumb in the arms of the soil whose petrichor was taking me into another world entirely.
I felt something touch my face in the softest of caresses, a small smile blooming upon my lips. I opened my eyes lazily only to find Ishaani in front of me, looking jubilant.
"Let it go, Ranveer... Let it go."
I shook my head, some more tears leaving my eyes in spite of myself. Was it out of happiness or fear? But either way, I know that these were moments never to return. There was something building in my heart... Some kind of dread... As though every minute was a precious one because time was slipping away much faster than either of us could comprehend. The moments were passing... Slipping away, to be more precise. Wasn't there anyway I could hold them and hold Ishaani and myself underneath the spell of this one, petrichor-filled moment?
I took off my over-shirt and put it upon the two of us like an umbrella, and she scowled.
"Take it off, Ranveer! I want to enjoy the rains!" she whined, and I shook my head.
Not that my shirt did us much good since we were both drenched to our skin, but it shielded us from the now-heavy onslaught of rain. And it felt good hiding ourselves underneath this shelter, staring at each other as though all that existed were just the two of us. Nothing more, nothing else.
"You're dancing on God's tears?" I asked her, my tone incredulous while she looked at me, bewildered. I continue with purpose.
"Whenever it rains out of season, it means that God is crying upon us. Maa always says this," I added when she rolled her eyes at me. But why was God crying today? Was it because he was happy or because he knew what was in store for us?
"It's the monsoons, you dumbass! If it doesn't rain now, when will it?" she quipped at me, slapping my forehead with her usual enthusiasm. I did not want the moment to end... The shirt was our shield, outside which lay the real world. I did not want to re-enter the real world. I wanted it to be just us. She was my world. I needed no other to survive.
"You'll catch a cold. We both will!" I warned, hoping that she'd change her mind and just remain content with this little world.
But if anything, she only looked more resolute. She's always like that - wants to explore this cruel world and leave an everlasting impact on it. Foolish girl... She's the most fragile of flowers who wants to survive amidst the wildest of weeds. She doesn't know what she's up against,
"Oh come on, we both are tough cookies!" she argued, looking at me with a defiance that killed the retort upon my lips.
I could feel the rain drench our clothes even more as the shower intensified, but Ishaani had not a care in the world. And then, something clicked. It was as though she knew what I feared... It was as though she could read my mind.
"Ishaani..." I began uncertainly but trailed off, not knowing how to face this dilemma. She simply pinned her finger upon my lip.
"Seize the moment, Ranveer. Stop trying to stall it," she whispered softly, her voice as sweet as the petrichor we both loved so much.
And here was the split second - whether I was meant to let go or cling on to this temporary shield that was hiding the real world away from our view. But I knew that if I needed the security of this little world, then I had to abandon its shelter for now and plunge into the real one. It could be no other way.
She nodded her head in encouragement when I hesitated, her eyes radiating a warmth that made me shiver harder than the cold rains. My eyes darted around until they fell upon her finger sparkled the talisman of our promise - Always Together.
And in that moment, I knew.
If I wanted her in my life, I had to let the shield drop for now. If I wanted her in my life, I had to embrace the torrents of rain. If I wanted her in my life, I had to embrace the thorns before I could find solace in the petals of the rose. And so I smiled at her, letting the umbrella of my shirt fall off from around us.
It was just the rains and the two of us, then. And my love for petrichor.
Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 72
Edited by LadyMeringue - 8 years ago
Cricket
CID
Kumkum Bhagya
Pyaar Kii Ye Ek Kahaani
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
