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"The heart wants, what the heart wants."
Raman - A stubborn man, with a fiery temper and a heart of gold, refusing to be vulnerable, spending his days pretending to the world at large, that he is ruthless and nothing can break him. He has spent the greater part of his life trying to be this fortress that is unbreakable and impenetrable, and that its only purpose is to protect those who are fragile and indefensible, and provide for those who need him.
What happens then, when cracks form only because a sliver of light and a continuous stream of water run through it day in and day out? It starts to crumble, it begins to lose its opacity, it does not seem as intimidating anymore.
But most of all, it begins to look as fragile and indefensible as the ones it has been protecting and providing for, all this time.
What can save it then?
Only if it stops trying too hard to be strong all the time. But fortresses are meant to be that way, you would say. But he is a human being, why does he need to be this dark, brown wall all the time, I say.
He lets his tears escape in the confines of his room, his own little world world where no one could touch/reach the real him. He allows himself to watch in secret, and yearn for, that one face, that one soul, that has moved him like no other.
Watching his wedding video, he asks her: Why did you do this to me? You were the one I loved the most in the world, was it not enough for you? And yet, you decided to leave me. So now, I am going to do exactly as you wanted, go far, far away from you. Itna door jahan tum mujhe kabhi pahunch hi nahin paogi.
And as he says this, he cant help but sigh at the pretty face, those innocent eyes, and quiet lips, and the unimaginable loss about to push him into an impossible grief, very soon.
He knows it spells his doom, he knows it too well.
But then, only he can save himself. Set himself free, if he chooses to.
If he could only put himself in her shoes for some time, and understand what drove her away; if he could see for a moment how he was the cause she was left shattered and bereaved that night, and if he could feel that the pain that separated them both was in reality, just the same. There was and there never has been him vs. her. She always saw herself as one with him, as did he. He would understand, if he had been burning in hell all these 7 years, then maybe she too saw hell before she took the plunge.
And how much worse could it get to want to die to run away from the pain, but still get saved to face it all over again?
And yet, he decided to be a coward and 'keep his word' to a woman who had never kept a word she made in life. Never thought beyond herself. He decided it was easier to fall in despair, than have a little courage and stand up for what you really want. How did he fail to understand Shagun even after all these years? If she really wanted his happiness, would she not have refused to marry him? Isn't that what Ishita did, by renouncing every 'claim' she had on Pihu, a couple days back, only because she wanted Pihu and Raman's happiness?
So, how could he not understand the difference?😕
How could he turn a deaf ear to Adi and disregard the words he used? Doesn't he realize the whole universe knows what he feels for Ishita, and that he is the only one who's holding himself back from doing the right thing?
The step he is about to take is not obligatory or a compulsion, its foolishness arising out of a clouded mind. Only he can break free from the shackles and fix whatever he had destroyed years ago. Reach out to her, mend whatever is broken. She is there, like she has always been, the love stark naked in her eyes.
It's time he stripped too.
If he didn't he would be losing a part of himself and her, forever...
In my eyes, if you're truly in love, there are no if's and but's. You just go for the kill. It is not majboori that's eclipsed his better judgment, its ego and an unnecessary pride making him want to stand up erect like a fortress, even if it meant he could break any time later.
Ruhi - She would be lying if she said she never thought about her family those 7 years she was away. She would be lying if she said she hated them enough to be doomed forever. She would be lying if she said her eyes dont well up with tears whenever Pihu calls her didi, or Ishita caresses her face, or when Raman talks to her like his own daughter.
She knows what Nidhi is, what she has done and still continues to do. She knows Nidhi is the reason she separated from her beloved family. She knows no one has ever loved like Ishita and Raman did. Isn't that why she founds herself mostly speechless around them, not knowing how to react?
Oceans away, in Australia, Nidhi was the only link between her past and present lives. She was a prisoner of her past, and a slave to the woman who had held her captive .
It's fate that has brought her so close to her family now; she lives with her Ishima, both sides of her paternal and maternal families live in the same vicinity, she sees them everyday, and has even grown close to Pihu- who till some time back she used to hate and consider the sole reason she got separated from her parents.
Her face softens in tenderness whenever Pihu calls her 'didi'.
Then why is she still angry with the two people who, Pihu is a part of? Of whom she is as much a part? With the two people who loved her the most in the world, and still do?
Why does she want to separate them forever? Doesn't she realize, she is incomplete without Ishita and Raman, just as they are incomplete without each other?
She feels jittery at the very thought of going back to Australia, far away from the warmth and love she has received in just a few days. Her family.
She is safe here, with Ishima, with her Raman papa, with her paata and paati, bua and dadi, Pihu, Adi and all the rest of the family. She needs to only call out to them and they'll be with her in a heartbeat.
There's a part of Ishita and Raman she still carries within herself, just as they carry a part of her in them each.
Revenge would only take her far away from all of this she got back after much waiting. Why does she want it then? Why does she need to act bipolar all the time?
Why doesn't she listen to what her heart says when Ishita calls her name with love, when she feeds her her favorite south Indian food, and caresses her face? Why doesn't she listen to why she feels unnerved at the very thought of leaving them all again? Why cant she see for herself, the pain they all are in, despite putting up happy brave faces in front of the world?
Why cant she do the simplest thing within her means?
Tell her parents she is their Ruhi, and she loves them and has missed them like hell?
What's stopping her?
Why cant Raman understand that its okay to cry, its okay to make mistakes, to fall, to be on the wrong side, as long you do the right thing when you feel it tapping the deepest, darkest recesses of your heart?
What's stopping him?
There is nothing stopping either of them. They just need to have that little bit of courage to stand up to face their real selves in the mirror. And all would be well.
The heart wants, what the heart wants. And so it when it deeply and madly wants something, you believe the universe is waiting to give it to you...only if you make sure you have the courage to reach out and grab all the treasures it has to offer.
It's simple, but it's hard as hell. And they know it both, because they see their carefree vulnerable selves in Ishita. And know it is so damn hard to be simple, to be vulnerable, to be free.
She loves. Simply. Because she is not afraid to be the one who loves too much, or the one to make the first move, the one to apologize, the one to share.
And they need to understand and accept that.
It will take all those years of conditioning and layers to pride to fall off.
It will take you to accept its okay to fall a little madly in love with something, or a someone. And it's okay not to be in control all the time.
It's okay to just be. For in love, it's just okay to be. There's no judging. No kam-zyada pyaar.
Ya toh pyaar hai ya nahin hai.
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