A/N: Hey there everyone! :D :D Here is the next update! :D :D
Happy Reading! :D :D
13th March, 2005:
And my first year is done. Finite. Kaput. Fin. Complete.
I cannot believe it, really. It just felt like yesterday when Ishaani and I were done with our Boards and were all worried about what was to happen next. Now we're already done with the next year as well. Time really flies too soon. Ishaani's going to go to the 12th now, can you believe it?! She's already getting cold feet and she still hasn't even finished with her finals yet. Silly girl.
This one month has again been surprisingly easy upon the two of us. Not just easy, but it's been pretty quick as well. Everything has been flowing pretty smoothly and plans for Holi are already flying about everywhere. Well, it is in ten days and I know it's kind of early to be making plans about it, but well... Holi is something we all look forward to every year, so I can't say that I'm not excited about it.
After last year's incident with Holi, Ishaani doesn't seem too inclined to celebrate it this year but I think I've convinced her to do otherwise. I even suggested that she could drink some bhaang and get drunk so that she won't remember a word of what Baa said or did. But the look she gave me was as good as her wanting to throw me in the same bonfire. Well, it was a useful suggestion, really.
But on a serious note, things have certainly mellowed down in these two months. It's as though a strange blanket of calm has fallen upon everyone and except for the occasional bad day here and there, things are going pretty good. Better for her than me, but it's still bearable. Considering the start to this year that we had, I was so certain that this year was going to suck, but so far, I'm pleasantly surprised. My studies are going well, things at the mansion are not as unbearable, and Mota Babuji has promised to take me along with him to his office from tomorrow. I've missed it so much!
Ishaani, on the other hand, has decided to enroll the two of us for tennis classes this summer. Since we're already done with the pottery classes and both of us have learnt a musical instrument as well (she, the piano, and myself, the guitar), we decided that it was time to give sports a try. She isn't too much of an enthusiast when it comes to sports, but she does want to give it a shot. And since I'm always interested in sports, I decided to give tennis a try as well. Ishaani was confused between opting for tennis and swimming, but since I'm not too keen on water-related things, tennis it had to be.
She's been surprisingly calm in this one month and quite sweet-tempered as well. For someone who had a temper as bad as an unpredictable and hostile volcano waiting to erupt at any moment, her new-found peace with everything made for a very, very good change. And it's been this way ever since her birthday. I don't know whether it was because of where I took her that it happened or maybe because things have been steadily getting better in these two months. But either way, she's holding her own now. The place did the same magic upon her that it does upon me every time I go there.
Ranveer kept the pen down as he stared at the diary, lost in thought. Finally deciding to go back and re-read the entry that he'd jotted down for her birthday (he had ended up revisiting that day through his diary more than thrice since he first wrote it already), he flipped back through the pages until he found what he was looking for.
8th February, 2005:
Success! (Yes I feel as thrilled as Dexter felt when his experiments were a success - *blame Prateik for making me watch cartoons*)
I cannot even begin to tell you how thrilled I am that I managed to pull the entire day off without even the slightest of a crease. Can you believe it? Not one single thing went wrong today! Right from her loving the surprise (well, it was her fantasy birthday) to the place where I took her to even the party (this must have been the first party that she actually enjoyed), the day has actually been a fairytale.
After working so hard with the balloons and the streamers, it all paid off. Mota Babuji and Falguni Maa weren't sure whether she would like it or no, but her reaction to the surprise was a relief to all of us. You should have just seen how happy she looked... it was worth it all. I cannot really describe the moment because it was magical, something that even words would fail to describe. I've recorded the whole thing and even taken a lot of photos, but somehow, even the photos don't do justice to the happiness that radiated from her face. It was electric and it could make even the saddest person on Earth happy.
It was that infectious.
And I don't know how she knew that this was my idea, really, but maybe she did spot me hiding outside her door. Or maybe she just knows me well enough by now to know that I wouldn't miss her reaction for anything else in the world. She called me in to share their family moment. Can you believe it - me? Mota Babuji and Falguni Maa looked more than thrilled to have me over as well - they felt that I deserved the praises after managing to make Ishaani truly happy after so long. Ishaani was happy for the most part of it except for those moments where Disha clung on to me much more than necessary.
I really don't understand why she doesn't like Disha being friendly to me. What does her seven-year old sister to do? Steal me from her? Ishaani can get really silly at times, but I guess that's fair enough. It's not like I enjoy it a lot when she's getting a lot of unwanted attention from other boys either and she laughs and chuckles with them. And the party was pretty much proof. But for Ishaani, it's different because she only sees me as a friend. For me, she's my world, my star, my love. One-sided love... It sounds so... romantic on paper. Reality check: It's like stabbing yourself with a dagger every single time you know that she doesn't see you that way or might never love you back the way you do.
Never mind, coming back to the point. So, after the cake cutting and having a little fun with smearing cream over Ishaani's face (Disha is such a notorious girl, it's funny), everybody left the room until it was just Ishaani and myself. She still looked spellbound, if you ask me honestly, as though she couldn't believe that it was happening for real. She gave me that customary mischievous look of hers (she looks like such a cute devil when she does that) and asked me about her gift.
I don't know why she loves that painting so much, but somehow no matter whatever I gift her, it never matches that painting. There's nothing extraordinary about that painting, really. But somehow, she's just too attached to it. So every year, she waits for a gift from me that can beat the painting. And so far, I've been failing miserably in these three years (well, apparently a mixed tape of her favourite songs, writing her a poem or even cooking up a small meal for her birthday isn't expressive enough to top the painting). But this year, I was sure that the odds were in my favour.
I smirked at her and told her to be prepared since I was offering her a day out of a fairytale as her birthday gift. She looked awestruck, as though clearly not believing her luck at whether the day could get any better. I barely controlled myself from not pulling her cheeks (she was that cute today), but I did leave the room after reminding her to get ready because we were leaving in two hours. I didn't elaborate further; she didn't ask either. So far, so good.
So at exactly ten in the morning, Ishaani and I left home for what I told her was a drive into another world. She looked amused, but didn't have a clue where I was taking her. But she trusted me. I'd promised Mota Babuji and Falguni Maa that I'd bring her back home in time for the part after I told them where I was taking her. They looked puzzled, but they both knew that my judgment never went wrong when it came to Ishaani's likes and dislikes. So giving me the permission, she was my responsibility for the day.
We drove for above two hours, first through the traffic jams that a normal working day of Mumbai was benevolent in offering, and then through calmer, tranquil routes where roads barely had commuters. The weather was cool as the wind whipped across our faces, Ishaani enjoying the second half of the drive immensely. She stuck her head out from the window, letting the pleasure of the unwinding drive let her mind roam free. I knew she'd love what I had in store for me.
So when I brought the car to a halt finally on what appeared to be a barren road with only the forest on both sides, she looked perturbed. I got down from the car and told her to do the same as well while she kept staring at me in confusion. I took her hand into my own as I slowly lead her into the foliage of trees that hid away the secrets of hundreds of thousands of people preceding us, making sure not to leave it at any moment.
She looked puzzled, and I knew what she was thinking - that either I was playing a prank on her or else I had made some kind of a mistake.
"Are you kidnapping me or something?" she questioned me playfully, and I turned around to wink at her.
"Yes, I am. Yee-haw-haw-haw-haw!" I laughed back mockingly in response while she rolled her eyes at me. Yes, it was a terrible laugh, but it was kinda funny.
"Damn it, must you make a joke of everything?" she asked with exasperation, her breath slightly uneven because of all the walking. I shook my head at her, shrugging my shoulders simultaneously.
"What, I'm just saying the truth! I could be kidnapping you today, and yet you're following me blindly," I replied, and she stuck her tongue out at me.
"Pfft! I could take you out in two minutes and you won't even know where your ground becomes your sky and vice-versa," she boasted as I now gave her a mortified look.
"What am I, a hand pump? Do you think of yourself as some kind of Sunny Deol, really?" I shot back mischievously. But this time, she's the one who winks.
"Trust me, you don't want to know," she answered, a mild undertone of a threat evident in her voice. I smirked at her in return before getting serious again.
"Seriously though, you need to be on your guard. Don't be so trusting," I warned her, and she gave me a defiant look.
"I trust you, and that's how I am..." she remarked strongly and I was taken aback with the conviction in her voice. "I'm not going to change, no matter how many of those art of manipulation kind of speeches you give me," she added rather cheekily.
Remembering how she's said that my intensity to love was dangerous and highly prone to me being left heartbroken, I quipped back smartly.
"Even I'm not going to change, no matter how many times you tell me that I love and care too much. This is who I am," I stated coolly while she gave me a 'you're-beyond-help' look.
But she still followed me silently, never once breaking the steady tread that we were following. Any other sane person in her place would have refused or resisted to go any further as the dense forest only got thicker. She, somehow, followed me silently, only asking me once where I was taking her.
"To heaven," had been my response and she fell silent, not asking me a single question again. Touched as I was at the blind-faith she had upon me, I won't deny that it didn't unsettle me. It did.
Walking silently through the forest's own little world, our feet finally came to a halt where the forest cradled the river gently, the doorstep to Paradise right before our own very eyes. I looked beside to find Ishaani staring around the place in the most mesmerized of glances, clearly not believing that what she was seeing did truly exist. I smiled, her hand slipping away from my grip as she walked ahead, drinking away at the sight before her with the same greed that I drank away with the first time I found myself here.
She turned to look back at me with her eyes tear-filled, a broad smile upon her face. She walked back to me and took my hands into her own, her eyes never once wavering.
"What is this place, Ranveer?" she asked me softly, her voice barely above an audible whisper.
"It's my escapade. It's where I come every time when I disappear from home," I confessed.
"You- you're sharing it with me... why?" she questioned me again and the emotion in her voice was evident. She considered this as an honour that I trusted her so much. So much so as to entrust her with the secret of this place.
"Because I trust you," I replied honestly while she gasped as though shit by a stun gun. I gave her a warm smile and continued.
"I haven't told anybody about this till now, but I've been meaning to bring you over here."
"This is a fairytale..." she whispered softly, afraid that she might disrupt the tranquility of the place. "I trouble you so much, give you such a hard time, always become the reason for your pain and misery and yet you... you shared this place with me," she continued absent-mindedly, more to herself than me.
I shook my head at the innocence she exuded before finally sitting down at my favourite spot.
"Come sit down over here," I said, gesturing her to sit beside me. She gave me a loving look and obliged.
The two of us sat down and sighed deeply as the water lapped across the rocks in playful whispers, the area shady. And for the first time since I'd been to the place, I was distracted. Distracted not because the nature distracted me, but because I didn't know who to admire more - the nature or Ishaani. The two of us sat silently for the next couple of hours, her head upon my shoulder as our fingers interlocked. This is was the longest that we'd ever remained this silent for, but I didn't mind it.
We were communicating through nature.
Ishaani looked drunk with tranquility as she kept sighed every five minutes, her eyes taking in everything around her - the gorgeous pillars of trees that gave an exceptional palace like feeling (And why wouldn't it? - Only the richest of richest people in terms of deeds would ever have access here!), the birds that made flight around every once in a while, showing off their freedom in the cool, February skies, and the foamy water lapping warmly against the well-formed rocks over the years. Everything was perfect.
This was the fairytale she always wanted.
More often than not when our eyes had greedily consumed all of the beauty that we were surrounded with (but it still didn't suffice), we took to staring at each other, a strange intoxication in the air suddenly. There was a bask of beauty that I didn't even realize was missing from the place until Ishaani sat beside me, her eyes staring at me with something so pure. So... passionate. I'm afraid to call it love because she doesn't love me. I know that and I've accepted that. But then again, she always knows how to throw the unexpected at me.
During one such interlude of staring at each other, she lifted her head up so that we could stare at each other more comfortably. I couldn't help but smile lazily, shutting my eyes for that one moment as I let the calm thrill of the moment burst into my heart like a euphoric explosion.
"Do you remember once asking me whether I would love you for who you truly are and marry you if you ever fell in love with me and told me that you loved me?"
I opened my eyes to stare at Ishaani, who in turn was already looking at me, her eyes ablaze with an emotion I could not place. I nodded my head at her uncertainly as I remembered about the conversation in question. It was our last conversation on the day of my accident four years ago. The memory brought an unpleasant squirm in my heart, but somehow, her smile managed to dissipate the unwanted memories quickly.
"I may never love you that way, Ranveer, but I do want to tell you one thing," she began, and I did feel a brick fall into my stomach. She could never see me that way. I knew the fact, but that didn't mean that it wouldn't hurt. Was there anything else left to be heard, really? However, Ishaani looked at me sweetly, her grip on my hand growing stronger.
"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you," she added softly, her voice dissolving into my heart like the sprays of the foamy waters. I think I did stop breathing in that moment, again. Or was it my heart that forgot to beat? She ploughed on.
"If there ever came the moment where we fall in love with each other truly, I would be the stupidest girl alive if I ever told you no."
There was only a stunned silence as I stared at her stupidly, as though any moment she was going to pinch me out of my reverie. But this was no reverie, we both knew. This was a day out of a fairytale. For once, the servant could hope that someday, the princess would be his. For once, the moon could be attracted to the mortal man as well. For once, he could let himself slip into believing a fantasy. Practicality was only appreciated when fantasy had no better tale to spin. This was the tale of his life... It had not been any less than a fantasy so far.
Letting the next few minutes pass with comfortable silence, the two of us simply smiled at each other before I got up and pulled her up as well. It was already three, and I was hoping that we would manage to escape all the rush before the peak hours began. Our journey back was once again filled with Ishaani constantly talking about something or the other, while I was the mute listener who wasn't allowed to speak in anything more than a monosyllabic answer. Well, since she was the birthday girl, I let her get away with me.
Oh well, who am I kidding? I always let her get away with it.
We returned back home with ten minutes to spare before the deadline. I headed back out to complete all the preparations for the party, while Ishaani headed to her room for a nap. By the time she woke up, the house was back into the glorious decorations that were an intricate aspect for any blockbuster Parekh party to be a success. By seven, all of the guests had arrived, while the big cake-cutting ceremony happened. If I am to be honest, it was a very decent party but quite boring according to Baa and Chaitali Kaki's standard, because they were just on the wait for someone to mess up at the party.
No one did.
Baa remained oddly well-behaved as she mingled around with the crowd good-naturedly. Several of Mota Babuji's and Falguni Maa's friends were also present with their respective families, so there was no scope for trying any tricks. Ishaani also had quite a good time herself. For the most part of it, she was engaged in a conversation with different classmates, a simple smile on her face. It was genuine. Curiously enough, Ishaani was the center of attraction for a lot of boys as well tonight.
I don't know what it was about her tonight, but she must have received around 35-40 roses easily. Oh yes, so many of them asked her out to the dance floor once the music began, but she only agreed to dance with one, because he seemed kind enough. It was a masquerade theme so all of them had masks upon their faces. But there was something very... strange, about that boy. Something that I haven't been able to pinpoint till now.
I was leaning by the pillar, watching everyone dance when their masquerade round finally came to an end. Ishaani was dancing with her partner right beside the pillar, and the moment the music stopped, she let go of him and came to stand beside me, a small smile on her face. I don't know what happened, but the next song that played, (Tere Liye from Veer Zaara, to be more exact) we just... stared at each other, something very unexpected yet... stirring, passing through her eyes and I'm sure mine as well.
I don't know what exactly it was, but it felt as though something just... clicked. We've always bonded over songs, even the romantic ones, but this one was... different, today. I don't even know when the song came to an end. I think it was once the lights went on that both Ishaani and I snapped out from the reverie, still looking at each other, a little lost.
Before either of us could understand what just happened, the boy who she danced with popped up between us, handing Ishaani a flower. She accepted the flower before pulling him to the side, staring at me with her mind still stuck to what happened between the two of us in that moment. But now that the boy had interrupted, my concentration had broken off.
The boy gave the two of us a very docile smile, but there was something very... strange, about his eyes. A deranged fire that mismatched his easy features. He still had a mask upon his face, so making out his features were hard, but he did look extremely handsome from what I could make out. But there was something about the atmosphere that just felt wrong... cold. It was as though an omen had descended, my heart suddenly getting a vibe that was nowhere positive.
There was something totally misplaced about the way he was staring at the two us as though... scrutinizing us with a look that was... strange. Like we were case studies of some kind. And just out of nowhere, one phrase crossed my mind - the art of manipulation. I don't know why it did, but it just did. Maybe I'm thinking too much, I'm being stupid. Ishaani is right, I've got to stop being so... paranoid, especially when it comes to her. If only Ishaani would stop ogling at me so stupidly.
"Ishaani, you're being rude," I remarked, embarrassed and hoping that she'd take the cue that we did have company.
"Oh sorry... It was nice dancing with you," she told the other boy as he eyes her keenly. I suddenly felt a monster erupt in my chest that wanted to claw his eyes out for staring at Ishaani like a curious bystander.
"The pleasure is all mine. You are a very special girl," he complimented. She gave him a gracious look before turning to look at me again with that same enigmatic look. I, however, now felt the monster in my chest roar a little louder, urging me to break some of his bones as well. The boy, however, noticed Ishaani's undivided attention upon me and looked bemused.
"And your friend here is very lucky as well... All the boys in this party could sell an arm and a leg to dance with you, but you only have eyes for him," he remarked, snapping Ishaani out from her thoughts.
The two of us gave each other a flustered look before Ishaani turned to look at the boy apologetically.
"I'm sorry, who are you again?" she questioned, not meeting his gaze in evident embarrassment. But before he could answer, he was taken away by some other girl and that was the last we saw of him.
It was so weird that Ishaani and I were left speechless for a minute before we had to separate again. That's the last I saw her tonight, since post that again I had to go and manage the cars and the parking. By the time I was done with my duties for the night, Baba told me that Ishaani had already left with Mota Babuji, Falguni Maa and Disha for a late dinner, as he had promised. She wanted to take me along as well, but Baba was smart enough to excuse me out from it.
So here I am, sitting in my room feeling like the luckiest person in the world. I think if I'd have gotten anything that I'd have asked for today. I don't really know whether wishes ever come true, but what happened in the forest was proof. There was always hope against hope. And as long as that hope was alive, I'd never give up on it. There is something about today that I cannot explain... Be it that strange boy or what transpired in the forest or even during that song in the party... it's exactly a day out of a fairytale. But I'm only certain about one thing.
Something has changed tonight - whether for the better or for the worst though, only time will tell.
Ranveer sighed deeply as he flipped back to the entry he was writing, his thoughts now gathered.
13th March, 2005:
Oh yes, it was the forest that worked its charm, not just upon her but upon the two of us on the whole. I don't know what it is, really. I know that Ishaani is simply not capable of loving me the way I love her, not because of anything else, but because she only sees me as her best friend. She thinks it's a breach of confidence when either of a best friend gets feelings for the other, and an unreciprocated love always ends in disaster. It's not something I'm assuming either, it's something she's confessed to me several times.
I do agree to her, but I also believe that we are different. I've never loved her just so that I could make her my own. Oh no, say what she might, I haven't forgotten that at the end of the day, I'm still a servant. To even imagine her to share the rest of her life with me or to even make the blunder of thinking that she would ever love the likes of me is stupid.
But then, isn't the heart meant to be stupid?
It always wants and yearns for what it cannot have. She's my moon... Somebody who I just want to love and love. Love until my last breath, just like the way my breath hitched the first time I ever saw her. I haven't let go of the breath still. To think of seeing her beside me or to even acquire like a possession is... abominable and an insult for the way I love her.
But there are times, oh yes. There are times when I feel that it isn't even that impossible. She loves me and cares for me like I am an equal to her, sometimes even more than that. She's the only one who never considers me or even treats me like a servant. She loves me like her own; not just sympathy on a servant. And that's the only thing that keeps me going. I think my heart would break into a million pieces if she ever saw or considered me as a servant, no matter what I say. I won't be able to take it from her.
I may joke about it and may laugh it off, but I can never truly let her know how dependent I am upon her. How dependent my existence is upon her. I've always believed this and this faith only keep growing stronger that the day she leaves my life forever... that day, life will also abandon me as well. I cannot even begin to tell you how I dread the happy moments between us at times. It's as though we've stolen it away from someone else's life and it will all be stolen away ruthlessly one day.
I'm trying to be strong and be practical, but I can't... I cannot stop the train of thoughts that cross my mind at times. What if she pushes me away when the time comes for her to leave? I'd never be the same again. I don't think I'll be able to take the heartbreak. I'd die. Yes... that's why I'm certain that the day she leaves me, I'll die. In case I don't, I'm as good as dead anyway. Hollow, lifeless... blank.
The unsaid fears of one-sided love are always irrational.
Oh God, I'm doing it again. I'm talking about something that's probably not even going to happen. Mota Babuji always says that it's important to live in the present rather than ponder upon the future. He's right and I'm just being stupid again. Ishaani can never know that I'm capable of being this paranoid or else she'll again start with her 'you love too intensely' speech. That girl can even beat me in philosophy at times, the worst thing being that she's right because she's practical. Yeah, I'm never going to tell her that, or else she's going to have a field that with that 'Mr. Prefect Perfect' sing-song of hers.
Oh great, I can hear Ishaani yelling out for me now. Shucks, it's six already! I need to coach her up on the last-minute revision for her Maths paper tomorrow. Handling both the loves of my life together is quite a handful, but even Maths knows that I prefer her over it. And unfortunately, I'll need to bash the subject a bit grudgingly to boost her morale.
I just hope that it's easier to patch up Maths than it is with her.Constructive criticism will be more than welcome and sorry for any typos. :D :D
Next chapter:
Epistle 56
Book Talk
Cricket
